I don't own anybody… yadayadayada…. Blah blah blah… I own Jessie, but you can steal her as long as you email me at t__elliott@hotmail.com first. Uhhh…. I hope you enjoy, but if you feel the excessive need to flame my horridness, go ahead.
I let the light wind of the paper fan dash across my face as I sat silently in the window of my second story apartment. The old run down building was home to runaways and orphans alike. They lived in peace most of the time until the police make random checks and throw the kids they can catch in the refuge. I closed my eyes and sighed in the hot sun. Most of the people who lived here were out of work and trying to scrap money anyway they could. I opened one eye and looked over at my cot.
"Alex, Touch dat pouch an' I will personally kick your ass ta Harlem." I glared.
Alex, a younger boy of about nine, rose from the other side of the bunk with his hands raised. "I'se wasn't gonna touch nuttin'! I swear!"
"Yeah. Right. Now go find henry or something, but stay outta me stuff!" I ordered.
"Alright miss Jessie." Alex scuffled out of the room.
I relaxed back against the frame of my perch and was close to sleeping when something landed in my lap. I plucked the rubber ball out and leaned out the window, using one hand on the frame to keep me from falling out.
"Is this yours?" I shouted down at three boys. The shortest, Italian looking one was looking up at me, while the tallest one held a large held a large stick in one hand, and the third, donning an eye patch, was searching the dumpster below.
"Yeah!" the shortest one replied. The other two looked up.
"Will ya throw it down?" The boy with the patch yelled.
"Wadd'll you'se give me?" I asked with a large grin. I have to say I was extremely bored and three friendly looking boys standing in the street below, made me think there may be a way to get out of this endless torture by the name of boredom.
All three pondered for a moment.
"You'se wannah come play wid us?" The curly haired boy asked so innocently. The boy with the eye patch nudged him with his elbow.
"Sure." I couldn't help but grin. "Be down in a moment." I retracted my head from the window and picked up my pouch only to drop it in my skirts. The bag was all I had and concealed my prized belongings.
Outside I could hear the short, dark haired, Italian say something about 'goin' easy on da goil' and 'lettin' 'er win'.
I jutted my head out the window again "Don't go easy on me. I may be female, but I ain't no sissy!"
I heard the other two laugh as I rushed down the rickety old steps into the street. I tossed the ball to the Italian.
"T'anks. Me name's Race, Dat's Kid Blink, an' dat's Mush." He jerked a thumb at the two of his friends. "Mush'll hit da ball an' if ya catch it in da air ya get a penny from each of us, nobody catches it, Mush wins."
"I don't got any money." I said.
"Well uh… Ya can give kisses 'stead." Blink suggested.
"Ahh… Sure." I smiled. "Long as ya give 'em back.
"Sounds faih." Mush grinned.
"Deal." I smiled.
The three boys spread out and I found myself standing down the alley aways. Mush raised his hand in the air and tossed the rubber ball up. There was almost a cartoonish *boing* to the way the stick came in contact with the ball. It (The ball) soared through the air and landed neatly in the hands of Race.
"Eh! Mush, dat was easy! C'mon." Race chortled. "Pay up."
Blink and Mush both chucked pennies at Race as I trotted over and peaked him on the cheek. My lips gave a slight spark when we touched, making us both blush. I shook my head clear as I scampered back to my place. We played a few rounds where Mush won; the next few it seemed Blink and Race alternated winning.
"Last round!" Mush announced as we spread out across the alleyway. The ball flew high and true. It also placed itself neatly in my hands.
"I win. Pay up boys." I smiled. Blink peaked my on the forehead, while Mush trotted up and gave me one on the cheek. There was a loud whistle that I heard next. "Cheese it! It's da bulls!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. Kids of all ages started to pour out of every nook and cranny to run. I did the same. It was a surprise raid. I sighed turning a corner to get off the main street. The police ran by without a glance.
I was always one of those people who sat and analyzed their life every time something big happened. I sat for quite awhile thinking whether or not it would be safe to go back to my place of refuge. I hoped Alex had gotten out in time. He was such a cute little kid. I don't even want to think about what the refuge would do to him. I thought putting my face in my hands and rubbing my eyes lightly. It was getting dark. My stomach growled at me loudly. I glared down at it "Shuddup. I ain't got no food!" I grumbled at it. It was polite enough to reply a second time, but louder. I sighed. "Fine. I'll get you… something." I agreed with it before shaking my head and looking to the heavens. "Why do I even try?" I pondered under my breath. I brought myself to my feet and threw the lid off the closest trashcan and stuck my head inside. "Wonderful. Smells like Snyder." I had to smirk at my joke. I came up with the only thing I deemed edible. It was a small chunk of bread that was molding slightly on one side. It was some of the best food I'd seen in at least a day. Maybe more. It made me think of the days where food was even more scarce back in Owensboro Kentucky, the most horrible place in my mind. Except for my best friend Alison, but she was long gone. I shook the thoughts of home and family from my head and broke the moldy rock hard bread in my mouth. It took a while to break, but I choked it down and could feel it hit the bottom of my stomach. "Happy now?" I asked it, deciding it probably wasn't safe to go back to my rundown hideaway.
I slept in a dumpster that night. My dreams were of the usual, things that made me happy in the past. Tonight's was of the ball game I played with the Italian and his friends. What were their names? Race, Blink and Mush was it? Yes, I believe so. My mind talked in my dream. Recalling the day. Then images of the bulls coming, only this time I was caught and thrown in the Refuge where a burly Kid started to beat me up. Just like the one had when I was first placed there.
I awoke in a cold sweat to find it was dawning. I slowly arose from the dumpster and climbed out. It seemed to me as if today would be yet another day of searching for a job. But not many places would hire girls, and they'd tell me to "go sell some doilies" or "go back home to my family and cook". It was always the same. An employer would take one look at me, see I hadn't bathed in awhile and that I was female and have me escorted outside, so I could "go play with my dolls where I wouldn't be a bother." I kicked at a wooden crate that tipped over, making some noise. A woman opened her window and leaned out.
"Be quiet down there! People are trying to sleep!" she hissed at me.
I grumbled at her and gave the best piercing stare I could. It must have worked because she closed her window and drew the blinds down. I snorted "serves her right." I grumbled.
"Serves who right?" I heard from behind me, I turned slowly to see Blink standing there with a stack of papers on his shoulder. He's so lucky to have a job, but only boys can be newsies. I thought.
"Um… No one." I stammered out.
"You'se look like you'se slept in a dumpster, you'se ok?" He asked me.
He's being really friendly for meeting me only once. Thought raced through my minds. "I did. I'm fine." I shrugged; instinctively my hand lingered over my pouch making sure it was still there.
"What'cha doin'?" he asked.
"hmm?" I realized I must look rather idiotic because my hand was clutching my pouch. "Oh… nothing… I have to go." I turned on my heel and started to walk away. Friends become enemies, friends become enemies. The words of the only thing I had learned in the refuge repeated in my head.
"Wait. Wassyer name?" He called after me.
I thought about saying something like 'Chloe' or 'Beatrice' But they wouldn't expel themselves from my mouth. All I could say was "Jessie, Jessie Celeste." I called over my shoulder, still walking away. Friends become enemies.
I found my way to a street by the name of Broadway, there were a few theaters on this street. I shrugged, Maybe I'll try my hand at acting, or maybe they'll need a stagehand. I walked up the steps and knocked on the backstage door. A dark looking graying man answered.
"What do you want?" He seemed very menacing.
"Well… Ah… Sir…" I stammered. His first impression had startled me.
A deep laugh came from his throat. "Come in', Come in." He said ushering me inside. "Take a seat." He told me as he sat behind his desk. I took the offered seat quickly. "Now what is it you wanted to talk to me about?"
"Well, sir, I was wondering if you had any job openings…" I explained to him.
"What's your name?" He asked.
"Jessie, Jessie Celeste."
He seemed to ponder this thought for awhile, lightly stroking his dark mustache with his fingers. After a few tense moments he spoke. "We do need a stage hand…" He started.
I perked up immediately. "I'll do anything."
He eyed me questioningly. "Are you strong? Can you lift boxes? Paint sets? The pay isn't much. Will you work long hours?"
I nodded eagerly. I was happy enough to be considered, Then he asked the worst questions.
"Do you have a family? work references?"
"My family's in Kentucky, sir. All my references are there." I told him. I wouldn't… Couldn't lie. It just wasn't in my system. I could steal and I could run and I could hide, but when confronted I couldn't lie.
"Hmmm… I see, I see." He said, stroking his mustache again. I gulped, I knew my interview was going down the drain, fast too. He sighed. "Can you read? And write?" He asked me. If he had only skipped that horrid question.
I shook my head. "No sir." I stared into my heads.
"I'm sorry, I can't hire someone who's illiterate." He sighed. "You see, I need someone who can read the stage directions and scripts. I hope you understand." I nodded with a sigh myself. He escorted me to the door and I let it shut quietly behind me. I sulkily climbed down the stairs and scuffled down the street as the thought of food protruded my mind.
"Hey Jessie!" I heard someone yell from behind me. I turned to see Kid Blink trotting up. "Whaddya thinkin' 'bout?"
"Food." Why can't he just leave me be? Doesn't he know that friends are not something I can live with? That all my friends… well… with the exception of Allison,.. have turned on my at one point or another? I asked myself.
He looked over my frail frame and frowned. "Do you want me ta buy ya somet'in?"
I shook my head. "No, I'm fine."
"You sure? You'se skinnier dan Skittery." He said. I could see in his single sparkling blue eye that he was genuinely worried, thought I couldn't understand the motive for his kindness.
"I'm fine, really." I told him as we walked.
"Let me buy ya somet'in, please?" He asked again.
I stopped and turned to him "Why are you doing this?" He shrugged "Why be so kind to someone you merely played ball with?"
"You'se look like you ain't eatin' in weeks, an' I'se like ta help people." He explained.
I had to get him out of my hair so that I could get on with my life… you know… the friendless one? Yeah. That life. Friends were such a bother. "I ate last night, for your information, and I don't need your, or anyone else's help." I started to walk away, I could feel him watching me as I went and so I didn't look back until I was sure he was gone.
That night I went to Bernie's, my favorite restaurant, and used the sinks in the lavatory, after the restaurant was closed, to clean up. I washed the dirt from my hair and clothes the best I could and left the sink with a dark ring in it. I sighed and looked up in the mirror to see my grime covered face. I rubbed a smudge from my face before rinsing it with water. The image I saw in the mirror wasn't me. The me I remembered from Kentucky was clean but almost chunky with a lively face. The me I saw now was skinny and frail, with bright but sunken green eyes, and flat oily black hair.
Awhile later I changed back into my damp clothes and snuck out the back door. I positioned myself in the doorway of a store across Manhattan.
I awoke as I was being shaken lightly by the shoulder.
"I can't have you sleepin' on the door step while we're open." AN older man told me as I awoke.
"What?" I asked, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
"Move!" He ordered me.
I got up and kicked at the dirt as I walked toward the theaters. "Wonder what's up his ass." I grumbled.
"Who's Ass?" Someone asked behind me. I turned slowly to see Blink coming up.
"Are you followin' me?" I asked.
"Naw, I'se jist sell 'ere." He informed me.
"Oh." Was all I could say.
"Hey, Jessie?" He called after me.
"Yeah?" I really wanted to be left alone so I could do my job hunting, but his query had made me curious.
"I told da guys I'se saw ya an' dey were wonderin' if ya would come ta Tibby's sometime." Blink said rather timidly.
"I'se kinda busy, Blink." I told him, It wasn't a lie really, I had no Idea how much time my job hunting would take up.
"Oh, well, Race was woied you'se wasn't eatin' 'er somet'in." Blink told me. "You soir you aint commin'?"
"Maybe I'se'll show up sometime. Race still owes me a kiss ya know." I had no idea why I said that, it was really just jeopardizing my friendless life by letting someone get to know me a bit.
"see ya dere!" He yelled after me as I ran down the street.
The day was full of rejection, and I had completely given up on Broadway when I decided it was hopeless. I'm goin' ta be street trash forever, slime, filth, nothing more than a…
"Jessie!" Nothing more than a Jessie? Where'd that come from? "Jessie!"
"Hmm?" I turned to see (guess who?) Blink.
"Da guys saw ya out da window , you commin'?" He asked me, flashing a smile
I stuck my hands in my pockets. "I don't got no money"
"It's on da house." He told me, though I could tell he was lying. I realized we must have been standing outside Tibby's. There was a group of rowdy boys inside that I figured must have been the rest of the Manhattan Newsy force.
"I can't take yer money Blink." I sighed, looking at the ground. I felt an arm on my shoulders and I was ushered inside. It took a few moments to realize that it wasn't Blink's arm, He was walking in front of me. I looked up to see a brown-haired (brown?)-eyed boy with a cowboy hat hanging from his neck.
Blink directed me to a booth in the corner as the rowdy bunch greeted me. I was put in a seat across from Mush and Race who were grinning broadly as they greeted me. Blink closed me in while the cowboy had a seat on the end with a snow-blonde nest to him. A girl with lightning blue eyes and reddish tinted hair was sitting on the snow-blonde's lap. A large tray of food was put in Front of me. Lesser trays were placed in front of each of the newsies, except for the redhead who was nitpicking everyone else's food. The redhead dug her fork into some of Blink's potatoes.
"Meg!" He glared at her.
The redhead grinned and put the bite in her mouth. "Oh, You know ya don't care." She looked over at me. "You're Jessie. Right?"
I nodded. "I take it you'se Meg." She nodded.
"Me name's Kelly, Jack Kelly." The cowboy held out his hand to me. I went to shake it but he turned his hand as he grabbed mine and kissed it. "I don't believe we've met."
I blushed. Dramatically. "Me name's Jessie." I grinned as the redhead hit Jack upside the head.
"You'se makin' her blush!" Meg exclaimed. Any newsy in hearing distance laughed heartily at this. I stole a look over at Race who quickly diverted his glance from me. I thought it was odd, but ignored it. The snow blonde introduced himself as "Dutchy" and explained that his lap ornament wasn't really his, but instead had no where else to sit. I kept stealing quick glances at Race, who was quiet throughout most of the night.
Most stayed late that night until we were kicked out by Tibby himself. Jack and Blink complained the entire way out the door. And so there we were. All seven of us. Standing under the street lamp. Not a single person seemed to notice I hadn't touched the tray that had been in front of me all night.
Meg left after awhile and Dutchy made some halfhearted excuse to follow here. Jack made a comment about the two making the mood light. After a bit I told them I had to be going. Race grinned that grin of his and told the others he'' escort me. I don'' know why I didn'' protest, I wasn'' necessarily going 'home' and we walked around the corner.
"So, why didn't ya take da food, Jess?"
It struck my oddly that he would call me Jess, But I ignored it. "I don't take Charity Race, I'se told Blink I couldn't take any'o you'se money."
"But you'se till need da food." He looked over my frail frame.
"I'se can get me own food." I snuffed.
"You must be da most difficult goil I'se eveh met."
I smiled. "Yeah, well, it's in me job description."
He chortled. "You'se really feel dat strongly 'bout not takin' da food?" He asked more seriously.
"Yeah, I'se do. I'se didn't come ta dis god forsaken city ta be babied." This had been a very big reason for half my actions.
"Whad was wid da Bulls, da odder day?" He asked.
"Don' Tell me ya neveh hoid of dat place?" He shook his head. "It's where all of da orphans an' runaways wid no money go. Da Bulls make random checks and throw anyone dey catch in da refuge." I explained.
"Do you'se got a job?" He wondered.
"Do you'se always ask dis many questions?" I grinned, he grinned, we all grinned. We talked for a very long time as we made our way back to my refuge of a home. At last we reached the building. We went up the steps and I smiled.
"I had a good toim t'night Race." I said, and yes I understand it's cheesy, just live with it.
He smiled. "Good ta know."
I rolled my eyes. "You'se neveh stop bein a smart ass do ya?"
"Naw, It's in me Job description." He grinned. I swear my heart exploded with the look in his eyes. Calm down Jessie. Deep breathes. I had to tell myself. "You gonna come ta Tibby's t'marrah?"
"Maybe." I shrugged, I know I shouldn't've but who could say a definite 'no' to those eyes. He turned and started to take a step down. It was then and there I decided, well it wasn't a decision, more of an impulse, to do something about the situation. My main fear was that he wasn't going to go for my idea.
I reached out and hooked my fingers in his collar and dragged him back towards me. I placed my lips squarely on his and closed my eyes. It took a moment for him to react to my touch, which bothered me at first, but I figured it was just the shock. The kiss was soft and firm as he placed his hands on my hips and drew me closer. I twisted my fingers in the short hair on the back of his neck. He put more pressure on my lips as he lightly stroked the small of my back with his thumbs. I strangely felt safe there, like I would never worry again if I stayed exactly where I was, standing on the stoop with Race. But as soon as it began it seemed to come to an end, as I had to break from his firm embrace.
"Meet ya at Tibby's tomarrah." I whispered before creaking open the door and slipping through. I stole a quick glance out one of the windows I passed. He was still standing on the steps grinning like an idiot. I rolled my eyes. "Boys." I sighed and made it up the flight of stairs to my second story room. I found my make shift cot still there and curled up. Perfect, no?
The next day I sat on the steps of an apartment, rubbing my foot. I had just been refused a job because of my illiteracy and I kicked a pole.
"You ok?" I looked up to see Blink standing there. "What happened?"
"I kicked a pole." I grumbled.
He raised an eyebrow. "Why?"
"It got in my way." I sighed, the pain in my foot was slowly going away.
"Oh." He didn't seem to have a response to my problem and he started to turn away.
"Hey Blink?"
"Yeah?"
"Do ya know where I can get a job?" I asked. He thought about it for a moment.
"I'se t'ink da a t'eater down on Broadway needs a stagehand…" Blink shrugged. "Y'know, changin' sets, promptin' an' stuff."
I sighed. "Already tried there, dey won' hire me."
"Why not?" He climbed the steps and sat next to me.
I buried my face in my hands as I thought and pulled my dark hair from my face. "Dey won't hire me cuz I can't… I can't read, Blink, None o' these damn places'll hire a rat like me, specially one dat can't read." I blurted.
Blink sat in surprise for a moment, starring at me as If I was crazy. "Foist, you ain't a street rat, an' second, I'se can teach ya ta read."
I perked up immediately. "Will you?" My heart exploded for the second time in twenty-four hours.
He shrugged. "Eh, why not." I threw my arms around him in glee.
"You'se da best." I could feel his awkwardness and let him go. "When can I start?" I bounced in my seat. I couldn't believe what he had just offered me.
"When I'se sell all me papes, Meet ya at Tibby's fer dinneh." He stood and shouted a headline at the top of his lungs as he walked away.
I was so over come with excitement I ran through the streets almost shrieking. That night I pulled my hair back with a piece of string and made my way to Tibby's I was greeted by the rowdy group of guys as I entered. I placed myself in the same seat as the night before, across from Race and Mush and closed in by Blink. Jack sat at the end of the table. The only people who were missing were Dutchy and Meg who were sitting at completely different tables, and it seemed Dutchy a blackening eye.
It felt weird to be one of the only two girls in the restaurant, especially because Meg seemed to be flirting with every newsy she came in touch with.
"So, Den I'se said, 'Ya bum! I'll soak ya!" Mush said as the others erupted in laughter. He was telling some story about his day. I smiled because I wasn't really listening. Race then said something about his great day at the tracks and how Starry Malone was sure to win the next day as well. I tried to listen contently, but my mind was on other things.
When almost all of them left, the only people around were Mush, Race, and Blink who apparently all knew. Blink placed a paper in front of me. I stared blankly down at the words on the page.
"What's this fer?" I asked a bit bemused. I'm an idiot sometimes.
"We'se gonna teach ya ta read." Mush grinned. And so they did, kind of. I knew my ABC's which helped and by midnight I had gotten past the first few sentences on the page. It was a long slow process; it was frustrating and tedious for the weeks to follow as well. The three never gave up on me, especially Race.
On Tuesday, which Tuesday I don't know, but it was a Tuesday. It rained heavily that night as I sat in my room sounding out the words on my paper and copying some of them in the dust on the floor. The rain pelted hard against the building as a loud clink came from the window, making me jump. I got up and walked to the window to see what was making the noise. I looked down to see Race standing in the street below, soaking wet.
I turned and Jetted down the hall to the steps to the front door which I threw open. "Race! What are you doing in this storm?" I asked as he dripped on the floor.
"T'anks, I'se came ta keep ya company." He told me.
"You shouldn't be out in dis weddah Race. What'll happen if you'se get pneumonia?" I said grabbing a blanket from a vacated room and tossing it to him.
He shrugged as I hustled him up stairs and he scuffled inside the room. He looked at the paper scattered on the floor and the words in the dust. "Readin'?" He asked.
"Tryin' to." I replied gathering the paper up and tossing it in a corner. I told him to sit down and warm up. We talked for a long time as he dried of in the seat next to me. After awhile he pulled out a deck of cards, and we played a round of poker.
"I'se win." He said holding out his full house, which beat my two pair. I pushed my bid of toothpicks at him.
"There." I only had a few left.
"Hey Jess?" He asked shuffling the cards, and calling me Jess. He was the only person who had ever called me Jess.
"Yeah?" I asked picking up one of the toothpicks and sticking it in my mouth.
"I'se was wonderin' if… if ya'd be me goil." He was timid at first, but spit the second part out so fast I could barely hear him.
"I…" I was cut off by the nervous Race.
"I'se'll play ya fer it. I'se win ya be me goil, you'se win We'se go on like I'se neveh asked."
"I…" I tried to start again, but he started to deal.
I hope he wins. I thought, picking up my cards to see face cards galore. I traded my pair of kings for a pair of twos to match my third.
"Three of a kind." I said throwing the cards in front of me.
He stared at them silently for a moment laying his cards down. "Two pair."
I sighed, he had lost. "Can I'se still be yer goil?" I asked.
He perked up. "Yer askin' me, now?"
"Yeah, I'm askin' you, whatcha gonna do 'bout it?"
"I'se gonna say yes." He grinned widely. We started to talk again and the rain started to fly even harder against the side of the building. He pulled out the paper and helped me read into the old articles.
"L…ligh…" I sounded out the word like a four year old. He nodded in encouragement. "LIGHTNING!" I yelled as a loud crash of thunder boomed above us making me jump into Race, who seemed happy enough to catch me. "I hate thunder." I grumbled. "Scares da shit outta me."
"You'se scared of thunder?" He chortled as if it were unbelievable.
I poked him in the side playfully. "You'se got a problem wid dat, Smart ass?"
He started to tickle me despite my protests as I squealed in laughter. I don't think I'd been tickled since I was back in Kentucky, and almost forgot how it felt to have no cares for those few moments in time. I squirmed away from him and got to my feet.
"Ha, HA!" I said challengingly. He rose to his feet slowly and chased me across the room where he caught up with me. I grinned as he had me cornered. We stood ready to move at any moment for a few seconds before he relaxed and held out his arms for a hug. I went forward to embrace him in a truce and as we came together he poked me in the side, making me jump.
"Race!" I held my sides for protection. He just laughed and came after me again. I had barely moved when he grabbed me around the waist and pecked me on the cheek. I smiled turning around in his arms as we started to kiss. Like the first time he pulled me in as close to himself as possible, as my hands held the back of his neck and he tangled one hand in my long hair.
The rain slowed and finally stopped later in the night where Race said he had to leave, against my complaints. The next few months were bliss. I really like that word… Bliss… well, anyway, Race and I grew closer and closer. It was fun, sappy, but fun. Late nights on the roof, days keeping him company, distracting him more or less, while he sold. Some days were spent at the docks where such things as "the Leon incident" (please read 'The Disappearance' by Lizzie) which left me very wet and with a very confused boyfriend and not to mention the newsy forces of Brooklyn and Manhattan).
After a particularly wild and rowdy night at Tibby's, I personally think someone spiked the sarsaparilla, Race walked me back to the apartment. I could read better now, though some things still gave me trouble, and not to mention my horrendous spelling. I still didn't have a job, but I was working on that.
"Hey Race?" I asked as we walked down the street.
"Yes, My Italian Butterfly?"
I quirked an eyebrow. "Italian butterfly? Where'd ya get that?"
"Eh, jist somet'in I'se picked up." He joked.
"Down at da tracks I bet." I shrugged.
"I'se don' spend dat much toime down there." He was a bit defensive.
"I'se neveh said dat." I turned frowning, his attitude didn't seem right to me.
"Yes you'se did. You'se t'ink I'se spend too much toime at da tracks." He accused
"Race, yer drunk." I sighed.
"I ain't drunk, you'se tipped yer lid!"
"I've tipped my lid?" I asked poking him in the chest. "I'se t'ink you'se need help."
"I'se need help? You'se da one who needs help. Ya don' have a job, ya can't read, ya can't write, and ya ain't even purddy enough ta get offers down on 34th street!" The words flew like daggers at my heart, ripping it to shreds. I had learned once that drunks either said nothing but the truth, or complete nonsense. I wasn't sure what this was.
I opened my mouth to talk, but nothing came out as my eyes filled with tears and the image in front of me blurred. I turned and ran until I got to the door and slammed it behind me. I jolted up the steps to my apartment where I collapsed in my bed. No job, can't read, can't write, not pretty. The words circled my head. I heard footsteps come into the room.
"Alex?" I asked, blinking as the image of the young boy formed in front of me. "whad are you'se doin' 'ere?"
"I'se got outta da refuge dis mornin'" he paused. "It's like you'se always said. Friends become enemies, right?"
I nodded slowly "Yeah, friends become enemies." I said quietly as it dawned on me. I was unaware of Alex leaving as I pondered. Friends become enemies, how could I be so blind? This entire time I was setting myself up for pain. For enemies. I'm such an idiot! I rubbed my face in my hands as I knew what I had to do. I used a piece of coal on newspaper to write my message:
I shold hav sen it befor
Freends becom enemys.
-Jesy
I'm going bak to Kentaky
I wasn't actually going home, but I didn't want Race or any of the others looking for me. Especially Blink though. He was a friend you could never hurt. I guess you could also say it was my first lie. I looked at the chicken scratch on the page and my eyes started to well with tears again. I wiped the orbs of water from my face before I neatly folded the paper. "I love you, Race." I whispered under my breath, Then in the dark of night, I walked down to the lodge house.
"Heyya Jessie." Mush said, bright as day.
"Heyya Mush." I replied quietly stepping up to the front desk.
"What can I do for ya Miss Jessie?" Kloppman asked.
I pushed the folded piece of paper at him. "Give this ta Race, will ya?" He nodded and looked wearily at the piece of paper. I turned and started to walk out.
"Bye Jessie." Mush said as if he knew everything that was happening.
"Bye Mush." I called silently over my shoulder. I didn't want to know how Race would react to the note I'd left him, but I couldn't help but imagine the possibilities. My first thought was that he'd smile and nod and find some prettier girl down on 34th that made me start to cry again as I hurried down the street. My second thought was more of a hope that he'd follow me out, but that would never happen. I went back to my apartment and shivered. It was getting colder as the days shortened in the fall. I grabbed my few things from my room, including the necklace Race had bought for me on our three-month anniversary. I clipped it around my neck and sighed. "One more night won't kill me." I curled up in the cot for the night.
I awoke the next morning to hear the birds chirping outside the window. I grumbled at them and after making sure I hadn't left anything I set off down the street. Turning the corner I stopped in my tracks. Standing with his back to me was Race and even worse, Blink was facing me. I turned quickly and dodged behind a stack of crates in hope they hadn't seen me. I heard them walk by after awhile and I decided I had to get out of Manhattan, or at least to the outer skirts of it.
I walked. I walked until I wasn't sure I was even in Manhattan anymore. It was the richer side of town I'd never seen before. There were larger theaters and shops. There was a shoe shiner stand outside the back door of a theater that looked rather comfortable for the night. But the key word there was 'Looked'. It wasn't. I quickly moved to the doorway after awhile.
*Thump* I opened my eyes and groaned as I picked myself up off the ground with the help of a redheaded, pink clad, woman who looked like she was in her late 30's early 40's.
"are you alright, dear?" She asked as I brushed myself off.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I said swiping my hair behind my ears.
"What's your name, girl?" The woman asked, tipping my face with to look at her.
"Jessie Celeste." I said timidly.
"Well, Jessie Celeste, May I ask what you were doing?" she asked.
"I was sleeping." I explained.
"In a doorway?"
I nodded. "it's betteh den da refuge."
She started to tsk. "A pretty girl like you has no place in the refuge."
"I thank you for your compliments ma'am." I said "But I should be leaving."
"Where are you going? I'll have Toby take you." She offered.
I shook my head. "no, that's fine, I'm not going anywhere in particular."
She nodded slowly. "I see, you're a runaway aren't you?"
I pondered this for a moment. "I guess you could put it that way…" I sighed.
"Do you need a job? Because I've got the perfect thing for you…" She asked slinging an arm around me and ushering me up the steps. She offered to let me waitress in her theater and sleep in an older cut off room on the second floor. I later found out her name was Medda Larkson, The Swedish Meadowlark. She was the kindest woman I'd ever met. She taught me everything I needed to know about flirting to get the men to buy more drinks and how to keep myself from going home with someone I hadn't meant to. There were other girls who lived in the old rooms, mostly runaways like myself. They were all welcoming and kind, and listened to my story when I had to spill something. It felt nice to belong, but I knew I couldn't be friends with them. It would just end up like all the others basically. They were the ones who taught me how to get the most sales and the quickest way to make even more money.
My first night there I didn't sell nearly enough drinks, but it didn't matter, the other girls had fancy silks to help them.
"Jessie!" Medda called from back stage after all had left. "What are you doing out of uniform?" She asked tugging at my stingy everyday wear.
"Whaddya mean? I ain't got nuttin' else." I frowned.
"we didn't get you a uniform? I can't believe it." She said in a rush as she bustled into a back room and then shoved a showy quarter-sleeve emerald green dress at me. "This should fit."
I nodded silently and went back to my room and tossed the dress on the back of a chair. Green had been Race's favorite color. I shook the thought from my head and flopped on my bead. "he's gone, Jessie, get over it." I said quietly rubbing my eyes and fell asleep.
The days got even shorter and the nights colder as a month passed, making it October. New York was slowly turning to an icy hell, and Medda's became busier and busier every day. I worked every night in the green dress that reminded me of Race. I tried to ignore it the best I could.
One night, I sold quite well, I think. It was one of the busiest nights in the week, Medda called me back stage while another section of the show was playing.
"I've got some friends in the back room, give 'em whatever they ask for, just dilute anything that may do harm." She told me. I knew not to question and took my tray that had quite a few glasses still on it and made my way back there, using a much lesser hallway.
"Would you'se shuddup? She ain't commin' back!" The recognizable voice of Blink seared through my ears and I stopped dead in my tracks, dropping my tray on the floor.
"Did you'se 'ear dat?" Race asked.
I bent over quickly, letting my dark hair fall in front of my face as I scrambled to gather the broken glasses. The door in front of me opened and Race stepped out.
He bent down to help. "Lemme Help you."
"It's Ok," I kept my head bent and tried to change my voice slightly. "I'm such a klutz." I put the last pieces on my tray and stood, keeping my head low.
I could tell he was looking at me strangely but I knew that if I looked up it'd blow my cover. "I should be going…" I said turning on my heal and walking quickly.
"Y'fergot ta take our oiders!" Jack called after me.
"I'll be back!" I called back.
"Wait, wassyer name?" Race sprang forward and grabbed my arm. Instinctively I looked up, catching his eyes in mine. "Jess!" He gasped.
I stared at him silently for a second before turning away again, I didn't want to look him in the eye. I sighed and started to walk away. A few moments later my way was blocked by Race.
"Stop Jess." He said putting his hands up. I propped the tray against my hip and tried to push by him. He stepped in front of me again.
"Look Race, I gots people ta soive." I said, placing my other hand on my hip.
"I'd like a sarsaparilla." He smiled at me.
"You don't stop do you?" I asked shaking my head. "Coming right up." I sighed as I walked away, taking deep breaths. One sarsaparilla." I told the bartender. "Don't spike it, it's fer da guests." I ordered from her. After she gave it to me I straightened up and strided into the back room. I placed the sarsaparilla in front of Race. "Anyt'in' else I can get you'se?" I asked, seeing Blink, Mush, Jack, and Dutchy in the room as well. The all ordered Sarsaparilla timidly. Race remained quiet though. "Do ya need somet'in?" I asked him. He looked up at me warily.
"I'se'd like an explanation." He said gripping his glass.
"I'm sorry, we don't serve explanations here, but I'm sure the 'purddier goils down on 34th'll be happy to help you." I retorted, turning on my heel and leaving the room, shutting the door behind me. I turned the corner of the back hallway and found myself a cumfterble place inside one of the unused closets to cry in. I couldn't believe I had just said what I'd said, and completely ruined ever being forgiven. I heard footsteps cross the hall twice before the door creaked open. I didn't even want to look up.
"he's hoitin' more den 'e shows." Blink tossed a handkerchief down at me as he leaned on the doorframe.
I wiped my eyes with the cloth and attempted to smile. "Thanks blink." I snuffed out. "Did he leave?"
"he left, far as I'se know." Blink shrugged. "Ya really hoit 'im. He t'ought someone was trickin' 'im till Mush said you'se came in." Blink sighed as he relayed everything that happened. "he's hoitin' Jess, ya can see it in 'is eyes."
I sniffed slightly. "He ain't da only one." I said wiping my eyes again. It was silent for a moment. "I can't take it no more, Blink, I'se an' idiot fer bein' me an' dere ain't no changin' it. I'se was stupid an' wrote da note an' stupid when I'se said dat. I dunno what's happenin' ta me." I spilled out faster than I think he could comprehend.
He blinked at me for a moment. "From whad I'se hear, you'se should tell dat ta Race."
I shook my head. "He wouldn't b'lieve me if I tried. Dere ain't no forgivin' fer Jessie Celeste." I sighed getting to my feet and holding out the handkerchief out to him and he put it in his pocket. "T'anks fer listenin', Blink, but you would be hatin' me, not helpin'." I said placing my hand on his shoulder before walking by him and down the hall.
"Don' run cuz yer scared, Jessie. He's hoitin' bad." Blink called after me as I turned the corner, a few minutes later I ran into Medda.
"Jessie! There you are. I was looking for you, you disappeared." She exclaimed.
"Yeah." Was all I could say.
"Are you alright, dear? Did those boys do something stupid? They left in such a hurry." She was checking me over as if I was at the doctors.
"I'm fine… really… I just need to relax for awhile." I sighed. Medda made me sit down.
"What's wrong Hon? What happened?" Medda asked. That was the one thing I liked most about Medda, if she knew there was a problem with the girls she tried to fix it the best she could. I told her the entire story, the most important parts like Meeting Race, Learning to read, the night he asked me, and our horrible breakup to what had happened fifteen minutes prior. She pondered this thought for a few tense moments as I waited for the verdict. "I think you need to talk to him. If Blink's telling the truth, he's hurting just as much as you are, and he'd be glad to have you back."
I stared at my hands. "But what'll I say?"
"Tell him how you feel, take it from the heart." She paused a moment. "And no wise ass remarks or comments about the girls on 34th. They like being there just as much as you like being referred to as them." She stood and left the room, leaving me to think it over by myself. I knew what I had to do. I couldn't run or hide anymore.
I went back to my room and changed into my usual messy clothing. I checked myself in the mirror before headin' back down stairs. I got a few claps on the back and 'go get 'em's' from the other girls who had heard what had happened. I squared my shoulders and stepped into the cool air. I shivered and took a deep breath before walking down the street. Half way to the lodge house I saw Race sitting on a random doorstep, face buried in his hands.
I walked up as quietly as I could, but he still looked up at me. "Heyya race." I felt small and timid as I wrung my hands together nervously. He stared at me for a moment. He opened his mouth to talk but I put up my hand to stop him. "Look I'se sorry about what I did, I didn't mean to do it that way, and it hoits me too." I took a big breath and told him exactly how I felt. And there was no mention of the girls on 34th. "… an' I'se understand if ya neveh want ta speak ta me eveh again." I ended. He continued to stare at me blankly. I sighed and turned to walk away, shaking my head. "I knew this was a bad idea." I mumbled to myself.
"wait, Jess." He called, standing and making me turn around. "wait." He looked as if he were thinking about it really hard. "I… Look. Will ya help me wid a problem?" he asked.
"Shoot." I told him.
"Y'se, I'se got dis friend, an he's really in love wid dis goil, but da goil broke his heart an' ran away. Den da odder night he saw her again, an' she blew him off. He wants ta tell her he's sorry fer bein' a scab but he doesn't know how ta do it." He rattled off.
I thought about it for a moment. "How's 'bout sorry?" I suggested.
"Jess, I'se real sorry 'bout what I'se said, can ya foigive me?"
"I'se can try, if ya foigive me foist." I tried to smile in the moment as he tried to smile at me.
"S'long as you try real hard." He joked slightly, both of us always made jokes out of the serious things. "Not all friends become enemies, y'know." He said on a more serious note.
I sighed. "I ain't neveh hand many friends, till I met you an' Blink, dat is. And da ones I did have weren't all dat good." I attempted to explain what had happened with my friends at the refuge.
He cocked his head to the side, cutting me off practically. "Ya still wear it…" He pointed out as we stood in the street.
"Wear what?" I asked puzzled.
He reached out and touched the necklace dangling from my neck.
"oh, Dis?" I asked fingering it. "Don't eveh take it off. Someone special gave dis ta me."
"Someone special ya say?" He queried, smiling.
"Oh, Jist a witty, sweet, smart ass… You might know him. He's 'bout your height, dark hair, dark eyes… still owes me a kiss…" I blushed slightly. "very Italian."
"Hmm… I think I might know him. Owes ya a kiss ya say? Dats a shame." He smiled. We both stopped laughing after a few moments. I glanced up at him and our eyes locked in the moment. I was suddenly aware of my heart beating and how much I loved his eyes. He leaned in and brushed his lips on my, hesitantly. I could feel how nervous he was. I closed my eyes and pushed myself towards him. It was sweet as he wrapped his arms around my back, keeping my close to him. I felt weak in the knees as I tried to keep myself from exploding. After a few moments we broke apart and I smiled.
"I guess I'll take dat fer payment."
He buried his face in my hair. "Oh Jess."
I pulled back slightly, though still within his grip. "Hey, don' go all mushy on me now or I might have ta soak ya."
He grinned, "If ya could that is."
I stuck my tongue out at him. "I could soak ya here ta next Friday if I'se wanted ta." And so the first day of the rest of my life in New York began.
I can't tell you what became of Race and I though, because I don't really know what's going to happen to us. I still see him every day at Medda's right after he's sold his last paper. I still go down to Tibby's every few days and eat dinner with they guys and Meg. Blink's great, and I think you'll really like him, if you ever get the chance to visit me here in New York. And, Allison? Say 'hi' to Mom and pop for me. Least then they'll know I'm alive. But don't say anything about Race, I told you all the details like you asked, and Don't tell them about where I am either. You have to get over here as soon as possible, it's lonely without you! And weird to be one of the only girls not being passed around the Newsies like a Potato. Hope to see you soon!
Your Friend,
Jessie Celeste