He lingers on
I couldn't stop the cry that spilled from heart to my lips and beyond. I knew it's not the Jedi way to let go of feelings like that. But for that moment, just for that single short moment, I couldn't seem to care. For that second I threw all I had learned to the wind and did what my heart told me to do.
And yet as I did, I knew that it wouldn't be for just one single moment, I allowed the rage to settle in me, allowed myself to hate.
On account of that I fought as I had never fought before, and I didn't care that I could feel the dark side feeding me power as I cut the damned sith in two.
And it's only now, when I sit here with him, his head resting in my lap, that I feel the rage subside and the darkness leaving my mind.
It's only as tears roll down my cheeks that the hate leaves it's new resting place in my heart.
Because how can I hate when my is filled to the rim with my love for him.
Even his words can't dim the brightness of that affection. Even as he speaks only of the chosen one, making me promise to train the boy. Even as I wonder, why Anakin should have a place in our last conversation. Even then I simply love him too much to care.
And my heart swells as he reaches out a hand to gently touch my face. His touch is tender as he wordlessly tells me that he loves me, that I always made him proud, and that I always will. I sob as his reassuring touch vanishes from my face and from my mind. I nearly choke on my tears, trying desperately to tell myself that this is the will of the force. "There is no death, there is the force" my mind whispers to me, now if I could only convince my heart.
How can I go on without him? How can I train a child when I feel as if I'm the one who needs to be trained? How can keep my last promise to the one who always saw the best in me?
Trembling, I take a deep breath and release my grief to the force, letting its warmth wash over me, comfort me, as he taught me to do.
All I can do is hope beyond hope that somehow he lingers on.
The end