Author's Note: So, I've had fandom-block for a really long time now. I haven't been inspired to write much of anything since NaNo this past November. I guess I got a lot of it out of my system. Anyway, a fandom I've always been a part of but kind of a recluse in is Twilight. I don't post much of my stuff anywhere because, frankly, I don't agree with much of fandom. I don't agree with SMeyer a lot, either, but I do like to play with her characters. So, this is my first Twilight fic. Let me know what you think
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, Jacob, Bella, or the color topaz. I am only responsible for their fictional corruption
I.
"Dad," Jacob complains as he hops down the front porch steps carrying two fishing poles over his shoulder and a tackle box in one hand. "Why do I have to go fishing with you and Charlie anyway?" His lips purse into a dull frown as he looks off toward the forest. The sounds of high-pitched laughter catch his ears and Jacob hunches his shoulders, a huff of annoyance escaping his lips. Paul and Jared are playing medieval kingdom in the woods. He was supposed to be the knight and slay the dragon. Now Paul is off saving the girl and Jacob isn't pleased. "It's so boring."
Billy simply smiles as he walks along the dirt path leading to the beach. "Don't worry, Jake. You'll have fun. I promise."
Jacob simply grumbles and searches his pockets for his Gameboy. It's still there. At least he'll have something to keep him occupied while the men reminisce about the good old days and don't catch any fish. "Hey!" Jacob's eyes brighten a bit as they reach the beach. Embry is down by the tide pools with Quil. The prospect of playing with them instead of going fishing instantly sparks his interest. Jacob grins.
"I'll be right back, Dad!" Jacob chirps, handing off the fishing supplies and taking off down the beach. The wind tousles his growing hair, and he spreads out his arms as wings as he goes. "Hey, guys!" Embry looks up from his tide pool and nods silently, turning his attention back to the tiny fish stuck in the pool. Quil finds his presence more interesting and grins back, waving.
"Hi, Jake." Quil strolls around the tide pool to meet Jacob and nods his head in the direction of the fire pit. "Do you know who that is?" Jacob lets his gaze follow Quil's toward the dying embers of last night's bonfire. For the first time, he notices the girl sitting on a log with her nose buried in a book. She looks a few years older than them, and a grin lights up his features, dimples poking out. Quil seems to know everything; the change to reveal that he knows something he doesn't intrigues Jacob.
"Sure, sure. That's Bella Swan, the police chief's daughter."
Quil surveys the girl with mild interest and leans back on his heels. "You know her?" Jacob shrugs his shoulders in a nonchalant sort of way. Bella's been coming to Forks for the past few summers to visit her father, Charlie. He usually brings her down here once or twice each year. This year, Jacob notices, they don't try to lump her in with Rachel and Rebecca. Bella's closer to his sisters' age, but they don't get along very well. They're too different. While Rachel and Rebecca spent their time fighting over who got to be Barbie and who got to play Ken, Bella was always reading. She used to read to him, actually, until he'd learned how. He was going into the second grade now, and he could read stories himself.
"Hell-o? Earth to Jacob." Both Embry and Quil are staring at him. Jacob glances up, watching as the two exchange wry smiles. Quil nudges Embry. "Jacob has a girlfriend!" He coos, breaking off into light laughter. Embry takes a step sideways to avoid Quil's arms as he points from Jacob to Bella and back again.
"I do not!" Jacob mumbles, lips forming a thin line. "We're just friends, that's all. I like Bella. She's not annoying, like you are."
"If you like her so much, why don't you marry her?" Embry murmurs, on cue. Quil smirks between the two.
"No, how about you just kiss her, then." Both fall into uncontrollable laughter.
Jacob digs his heels into the sand and glances between the two, forehead wrinkling in a frown. "Shut up. At least she doesn't laugh at me." He turns on his heel and stalks away from them, his hands buried in his pockets. Before he realizes where he's going, his feet lead him to the bonfire pit. He glances up from his shoes. Bella is so immersed in her book that she doesn't notice him. He tilts his head to one side, a smile curling upon his lips for some reason he can't explain. Jacob sneaks behind her and peers down at the words on the page. They're big and he can't really understand much of what's there, but he reads over her shoulder for a moment more before prodding her in the back.
"What's 'contemplative' mean?" He mispronounces it, but Bella doesn't notice. She jumps about a foot in the air in surprise and utters a breathless 'God'.
Bella turns in her seat to face him, head tilted to one side. "Jacob?"
He inclines his head a bit and blushes at the smile that lights up her features. Glancing off to the side, Jacob notices Quil and Embry ogling at them from the shoreline. A burst of boldness erupts within him and he leans down to press his lips to her cheek in a sloppy sort of kiss. "Hey, Bells. Nice to see you, too."
She blushes.
Quil and Embry tell him about cooties later that day. Jacob doesn't kiss Bella Swan (or any other girl) for a few years after that.
II.
"I'm sorry, Bella," Jacob murmurs once they're in the car. "Billy insisted." A forced sort of smile has formed upon his lips as he shrugs his shoulders. He pulls the tie off and tosses it behind him. Jacob is pointedly keeping his gaze upon the road. "I know you have better things to do than go to my freshman dances."
Bella shrugs her shoulders in response. "Really, Jake, it wasn't as bad as you make it out to be." An easy smile is upon her lips. Jacob wonders how she can be so calm when he's so tense. His muscles are tight and he's fighting a blush. This is so stupid. They've known each other since they were in diapers. And Bella has a boyfriend. "You make it sound like we were both forced into this."
Jacob glances over to her. She's driving the truck, which is chugging along at a steady twenty-five miles an hour. "Well, we kind of were." They share a knowing smile. Billy and Charlie have been trying to set them up since the time he was born. They're both used to it by now.
"Sure, sure," she murmurs and he grins. "It's not like we couldn't have gotten out of it anyway. If you really didn't want to go, all you had to do was say so." Bella shoots him a sideways glance and a smile as she says this. What she is really saying is you wanted to go, Jacob. Even now, he can read her easily, and the unspoken comment makes him look away briefly. He glances out the window before pulling his gaze back to her.
"If you didn't want to go, you could've said so." Jacob raises his eyebrows at her pointedly. His implication is the same, but when she doesn't challenge him otherwise, Jacob's smile grows. That little shred of hope that she'll eventually break up with her boyfriend is just blooming, but it flutters feebly at her silence.
Bella maneuvers the truck from the highway onto the dirt road that leads to Jacob's house. The lights are on indicating that Billy's home, and probably watching them. Jacob sighs a bit as the truck rolls to a halt. "Thanks for everything, Bells." He pauses before opening the door, arching his eyebrows in question. "If we're playing date, aren't you going to walk me to the door?" A cheeky smile plays about his lips. Bella rolls her eyes at him, but after a glance at the house, she complies, following him out of the truck and up the front porch steps.
Jacob leans back on his heels as they stand at the front door. She's looking in the window as if expecting Billy to burst out at any moment. He's kind of waiting for that, too, but he focuses on her face, how the moonlight frames her features. "You look beautiful, Bella," he murmurs, shrugging his shoulders lamely. "And, thanks again."
She blushes under the moonlight and Jacob's grin widens. "No problem. Anytime, Jacob, anything."
"Anything?" He smirks a bit as he takes a step forward. He feels her breath catch as he brushes a flyaway strand of hair away from her face. His lips are inches from hers, but he doesn't move, just whispers. "You know, this is usually the part where you give me a goodnight kiss." He leans forward just enough so that his lips brush hers. She's still, but as he draws away he feels her kiss back. It's hesitant, it's fleeting, but it's there. When he takes a step back, Bella is still standing with her eyes closed and her lips slightly parted. Jacob grins at her.
"Night, Bells." He disappears inside the house and Bella returns to her truck.
Amidst the trees, a pair of topaz eyes narrows.
III.
Bella is outside.
It's raining as if always does in Forks, and Jacob can see Bella Swan walking toward the beach, her arms wrapped around herself. He hesitates only a moment to grab a jacket before taking off after her. He can tell something is wrong. He can always tell. Granted, things had been 'wrong' with Bella ever since the Cullens had left, but she'd slowly been getting better. She'd been healing. He'd thought she was making progress. He thought they were making progress.
"Bella!" Jacob yells as he throws the screen door open. The wind carries his voice away. She doesn't look back. Jacob sets off after her, not bothering to put on the jacket. He hasn't brought it for him, anyway. A few quick strides and he's caught up with her and drapes the jacket over her shoulders. She jumps in surprise at first, but upon recognizing the scent of fresh rain and pine trees and fresh cut grass that the sweatshirt contains, she relaxes. Jacob watches her inhale the scent before falling into step with her. "Bella, what's wrong?" He doesn't ask are you okay? Because that would be the wrong question. And it would only waste time.
Bella glances toward the sky, toward her shoes, to the side. She just glances away from him. They both know that he can read her mind better than Edward ever could. It makes her feel less vulnerable if he can't look into her eyes and read her like a book. "Bells…" He reaches forward to take her hand. The warmth of it compared to the cold around them startles her, and she almost pulls away, but his fingers close around hers. Bella is stubbornly silent, hollow eyes focused on the cliffs ahead of them. "Talk to me. Please."
His voice is soft, and if they weren't walking so close she wouldn't have been able to hear him. She pulls her gaze up from her sneakers and meets his eyes. Jacob notices that they're red and puffy, probably from crying. He forces the growl forming in his throat away. He can do nothing to Edward Cullen now, but he can comfort Bella if she'll let him. "I saw the Volvo. I don't know if it was his or just one that looked like it but…" She trails off lamely and glances away, ashamed.
"Bella, honey, it's okay to feel bad about it. But he's not coming back." Jacob was careful to keep the spiteful tones out of his voice. He speaks gently, squeezing her hand a bit. "You don't have to worry about feeling like that again. I'm here and I won't let it happen. Okay?" Bella is silent. Her hand feels limp in his. Jacob strokes her palm with his thumb. "Bella? Are you gonna be okay?" She only answers him with a shiver, and he reaches out to pull her into a hug. His warmth is enough for both of them.
But she's not shuddering from the cold. Her face is resting against his chest and he feels her tears soaking through the material of his t-shirt. The hole in her chest must be back, then, and seeing her like this makes the hole in his chest bigger. "Come on, don't cry, Bella." His voice is strangled now, too, though her sobs don't subside. "Don't cry. Please." Desperation laces his words. He'd do anything to stop her from crying. But her sobs wrack her body making them both shake because he's got her wrapped up in his arms, a desperate attempt at making her see that she can still feel even if what she feels now is fire licking up her ribs rather than snow, or cold, or winter.
He's not sure what makes him do it, but he covers her mouth with his in a desperate attempt at stopping her crying. For a moment, it works. She's so caught off guard that his lips against hers provide just the jolt she needs to feel again. And what she feels isn't hard as carved ice but burning like flames licking the sky at the bonfire last night. Her eyes are wide and this time, she doesn't kiss back. He pulls away once he's sure she's stopped crying and tries to take a step away from her. She'll be mad, he knows. It's too soon, far too soon.
Bella reaches for Jacob's hand with a blank expression on her face, holding it in hers firmly as she starts to walk. He follows silently. They don't talk about this kiss. She likes to prefer it never happened.
He likes to remember that her tears stopped when he kissed her.
IV.
Edward got her on Christmas. Jacob gets her on New Year's.
This arrangement is so sick and wrong on so many levels. He and Edward aren't divorced parents and Bella is in no way their child. But he can't help but grin as he thinks of Edward Cullen sitting in his mansion with his family right now while he's at Sam Uley's New Year's Eve party with Bella. Although, right now, Bella is nowhere to be found. Even though he, Bella, Billy, and Charlie spent last Christmas in the traditional way he always thought should have happened every year and even though she'd skipped out early this year to see Edward, Jacob was glad he got New Year's.
He still had his Christmas present for Bella in his pocket. It'd do just as good now.
And, besides that, there are traditions to consider. Jacob automatically glances around for a clock. Large, green numbers on the refrigerator proclaim 11:53. He has seven minutes to find her before Quil ends up with his New Year's kiss. Dark eyes search the living room for her, but he has no luck. Panic settles within his stomach. Where could she have gone? Taking a quick sip from the plastic cup he's holding and setting it on the counter, he makes a beeline for the door. If he had to guess, she was outside, maybe on the phone with one of the bloodsuckers.
But when he throws open the door, he finds Bella sitting with Leah on the front porch. Leah's smoking a cigarette and Bella is looking out at the rare, cloudless night sky. Both of them fall silent when he steps outside. He raises his eyebrows at them, first at Bella and then at Leah. They're way too different to be getting along. But Leah shoots Bella wry smirk as she leaves and mutters, "Later, Swan."
"Bye." Silence follows, and Jacob sinks to a seated position next to her on the porch steps, sprawling his legs out across the next two stairs. Bella looks at him from out of the corner of her eye and grins. He instantly smiles back. "Hey, Jake. What's up?" There's an easy smile on her face and Jacob can't help but think that she belongs here, on this side of the treaty line. If she can get along with Leah, then she should be here.
He shakes these thoughts from his head and sighs, running his hand roughly through his hair. "Nothing, really. I just figured I should give you this." Jacob pulls a small box out of his pocket. Her eyes light up as she realizes what it is, and she takes it in her hands. Jacob watches from behind half-lidded eyes as she opens it.
"Wow." The silver chain ends in a heart-shaped locket. But what Bella notices is the engraving on the back. Her initials are carved there, almost perfectly. She'd seen him working on knife-work in the garage when she visited, and he was always quick to hide it when she arrived. "Did you do this?"
Jacob shrugs easily, sliding his hands into his pockets to hide the healing scars he'd gotten by cutting himself with the knife. "Yeah." She flicks the locket open and one side of her mouth quirks up in a grin. "You can…replace that if you want." Again, he runs his hand roughly through his hair. She leans forward to punch him playfully on the arm.
"Why would I replace a picture of me and you, Jake?" She holds the locket out to him and pulls her hair back as he snaps it securely around her neck. She grins down at the photo before closing the locket once more. For a moment, they sit in silence. Bella reaches out for his hand. "Thank you."
"Sure, sure." It's quiet until the countdown begins from inside. Several voices start at 'ten'. Jacob turns toward her and Bella turns her head a bit, a light blush creeping upon her cheeks. "It's only tradition, Bella," he whispers as he leans forward. Bella's eyes close as he presses his lips to hers. Her mouth opens and closes over his for a moment, and the cheers echo from inside. They linger for a while longer, lips brushing softly.
Only when Quil bursts out of the house with the champagne do they break apart. Taking a glass, Jacob toasts Bella.
"Happy New Year, Bells."
V.
They agree to meet at the treaty line.
He promises not to run away. She promises not to bring the bloodsucker.
Jacob stands on the invisible line dividing La Push from the rest of Washington. This is the boundary that separates the wolves from the vampires, the life from the death. This line (he digs his heels into the earth as he watches for her truck in the distance) separates him from her. It's not even existent, not really. But the wolves all know when their territory ends and begins. The Cullens know, too. Jacob paces the treaty line silently. Sam had told him not to go, that it would only end up hurting him more. He'd just gotten back from a long stint in Alaska, and the pack didn't want to lose him again. But when she'd called, that desperate, high-pitched "Jake, I need you," had made up his mind for him. As much as he'd like to, there was no going back. He was still in love with Bella Swan.
And she was still in love with Edward Cullen. She'd been sure to mention that over the phone, as if he'd refuse to meet with her because of that. He wishes he could have. It would have made things easier, for both of them. They could've had a clean break. But, in her desperation, Bella had murmured a quiet, but distinct, "I love you, too, Jacob. You know that." He couldn't say no to that. She loved him, too.
Just not enough. Never enough.
He hears her truck sputtering up the road before he turns around to see it. She's alone, which is a surprise. He'd only specified that Edward couldn't come. Jacob had been almost positive that the vampire would send her with an escort, just in case he lost control. Jacob sneers in response to that thought; he would never hurt Bella, not like Edward had when he left. She parks her truck on the other side of the invisible line. For a moment, they stare at each other over the hood of her truck. Heavy silence settles over them and Jacob feels like there's something much thicker than her windshield separating them now.
He thinks that she might just throw the truck back into drive and speed away. The expression on her face is one of torn loyalty. He knows it too well. When Bella is placed in a situation where she has to choose between Edward and Jacob, vampire and werewolf, life and death, she always chooses the other guy. Jacob knows this, and he still raises his eyebrows at her, the ghost of a smile forming upon his lips as he watches her indecision. After another moment, she's slamming the car door behind her and coming to meet him at the treaty line. He watches how she shifts her weight from one foot to the other, clearly on the other side of the line. Jacob's forehead wrinkles a bit.
It's like she knows that in a few days she won't be welcome here.
"Hey, Bells," he murmurs with his usual easiness, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly. "What did you want to talk to me about?"
Bella is staring blankly at her shoelaces, very blatantly not making eye contact with him. When she speaks, it's barely above a whisper and Jacob has to duck his head down to catch what she's said. "I wanted to talk to you about tomorrow." She chances a glance up at him from beneath her eyelashes. Jacob's face is unreadable, his brows furrowed. "I mean, Alice wanted to know if she should set a place for you at the reception or-" She trails off when she notices the stunned look on his face. She thinks there's a hint of anger there, too, and she backpedals immediately, retracting her statement. "Oh. O-okay, then." Her eyes fall back to the ground.
"I told him not to send it to you."
It's been a rule since Edward left that they wouldn't use his name. That and many other words (Cullen, vampire, Volvo, biology) were forbidden during those months of recovery. Jacob had learned new words that reminded her of Edward every day (lullaby, hunting, ballet). The rule had stayed even when the Cullens returned, this time for Jacob's sake. "You didn't really think I'd come to watch you give everything up, do you?" Jacob's voice is soft, but his teeth are gritted. His hands shake and he shoves them into his pocket, letting the anger wash off of him in waves. He shakes his head slowly. "I'm not going to watch you give up your humanity, Bella." That, among other things.
Bella nods her head silently. The quiet washes over them again, her looking at the ground and him staring at her, watching the way the cold makes her cheeks redden. This might be the last time he ever sees that. His heart aches and he takes a step back, deeper into La Push territory, deeper behind his side of the line. Bella looks up and Jacob looks away. "I guess this is goodbye, then."
His gaze snaps up. She's holding herself around the middle again, like she used to after Edward left her. It kills Jacob inside to know that he's the one doing it to her this time, but a voice in his head that sounds very much like Sam's tells him that she made this choice for herself. She could've had him if she wanted. "Don't say goodbye, Bella. That makes it sound so permanent."
She glances up at him again and he sees her eyes are brimming with unshed tears. "But it is, isn't it? This is goodbye forever." Her voice breaks on the last word and the tears spill over. That's all it takes for Jacob to move toward her, reaching out his arms and catching her as she falls into him. He takes a step back and now they're both on the La Push side of the line. His arms are wrapped around her and her face is buried into his chest. "Shh, Bells. It's okay. It'll be okay," he whispers into her hair. Her cries are silent, but he can feel her tears dampening his shirt.
"Jacob, I don't want to-"
"Bella, please." Jacob's voice is strained. "It's hard enough. Just don't say it, okay?" She nods her head numbly and rests her head back against his chest. He rocks them back and forth slowly, murmuring incoherently into her ear until her crying stops. He drops his arms from around her shoulders. Her arms stay locked around his waist, anchoring him there. All he wants to do is get her to let go. If this really is goodbye, he knows he needs to let go now before he can see her become the thing he hates most. But she won't let go, and he sighs in mild annoyance.
Jacob moves one hand to cup her cheek and then tilts her chin up toward him. As soon as he captures her lips with his, her hold around him weakens until she drops her arms completely, leaning up on her tiptoes to reach him. But he straightens up before she can really kiss back, and their height difference makes her let go. He takes a few steps backward and watches as she backtracks, too, back to her side of the line.
"I'll miss you."
"Me too." He waits a beat before "Love you, Bella," escapes his throat. Bella watches him for a moment before nodding and climbing into her truck.
"I love you, too."
Jacob smiles a broken smile that doesn't reach his eyes. "Just not enough." Never enough. The truck rumbles to life with a roar and slowly, Bella disappears from view. As soon as she vanishes, he lets the wolf overpower him. The others wonder what's wrong, their questions invading his mind fast and in unison.
What's wrong?
Where are you going?
Did something happen?
There's blissful silence for a moment as they all see his memories of the past few minutes. Then, as one, they answer.
Oh.
VI.
They agree to meet at the treaty line.
He promises not to run away. She promises not to bring the bloodsucker.
Jacob stands on the invisible line dividing La Push from the rest of Washington. This is the boundary that separates the wolves from the vampires, the life from the death. This line (he digs his heels into the earth as he watches for her truck in the distance) separates him from her. Again. He stares out at the road as he waits for her, his hands in his pockets. This time, it's not a beat up red pickup that rolls up to meet him. It's a sleek, black Porsche that would've made him ask to drive it in his younger days. Today, he simply whistles in approval and takes another step back as Bella gets out of the car. His breath catches in his throat.
She looks exactly the same. Sure, she's a lot paler and she isn't blushing as he gapes at her anymore, but she's still that eighteen year old girl he knew from years ago. He'd known that she'd look the same. He just hadn't thought it would startle him as much as it had. She hasn't aged a day since he'd last spoken to her.
Bella's staring at him, too, though her expression is even more surprised than he pictured his to be. Her mouth is hanging open slightly and her (topaz, not brown) eyes are wide. He would've laughed if he wasn't so sure she wouldn't laugh with him. She probably didn't find any of this funny at all. He leans back on his heels, an easy smile forming upon his lips, one she knows well.
"Hey, Bells. Long time, no see."
"Jacob…when did you…?" Her words fail her, and he sees her perfect forehead wrinkle. He shrugs his shoulders in response, blowing out a long breath as he thinks back.
"About three years after you left, I think." Jacob pauses, surveying her from behind half-lidded, tired eyes. He can see Bella mentally counting the years; they must go a lot faster for vampires. "That was fifty years ago, Bella. I turn sixty-six next month." An easy smile rests upon his lips, but Bella is speechless. He raises his eyebrows at her in a way reminiscent of the sixteen year old boy she remembers. Her Jacob. "You didn't think I was just going to sit around and wait for you, did you? You're immortal, Bella."
"And you're…not." She struggles with the words. Bella's staring at the ground again, back across the territory line, as if remembering days past. Jacob breaks her thoughts.
"No. I was never meant to live forever." He shrugs his shoulders lamely and runs a hand through his thin, graying hair. This strikes Bella hard. He always used to do that. But she knows his hair as thick and black. His face shouldn't have wrinkles. He shouldn't be walking with a cane. Why was he smiling?
"Are you happy, Bella?"
She's silent for a moment before speaking. "Are you?"
Jacob's smile only widens. "Yes. I have a wife who loves me, three kids that take care of me, and four beautiful grandchildren." He pauses to take out his wallet. Bella's silent heart clenches as she looks on at the four grandchildren, all with russet skin and dark hair. They look like the children she saw in her vision of her and Jacob's future together. This was supposed to be her life, too. A faraway look appears in Bella's eyes as she looks onward, past Jacob and into La Push. That was the life she'd given away in choosing immortality.
"Are you okay, Bella?" Concern laces his voice, but this time, he doesn't step forward to catch her in case she falls. He stays firmly on his side of the line. Bella pulls her gaze back to him and takes a bold step over the territory line. Jacob takes several steps back, holding up his hands the universal signal for 'stop'. "Bella, I think you should go." She'd called him. He would never have called such a meeting. He was happy now.
But when she'd called and said "Jake, I need you," in that same desperate voice he knew from so long ago, his mind was made up for him. Now, though, he'd decided for himself. "Jacob, I need you," she echoes. Jacob leans away when she reaches forward to take his hand. He shakes his head sadly, but when he speaks, his words are firm.
"Bella, you made that choice a long time ago." A few wolves howl in the background. Jacob glances over his shoulder. "You should go before my grandson comes to kick your vampire ass." He laughs his familiar bark-like laugh and Bella finds she can't take it. She jumps into her car and practically flies away. Jacob watches her until she disappears around the bend.
"Goodbye, Bella."