Rainy Day Dreams
* Daddy's Little Girl *
Jessie bit down on her lower lip hard as she clenched her eyes shut, wishing she could be deaf as well. They were fighting again, in loud, angry voices that sent frightened shivers up her spine, they always sounded so mean when they fought like that. She missed the carefree days they used to spend together, like the family they were, days when papa would give her a piggy-back ride to the end of the earth if she wanted, and momma would rock her to sleep and comfort her if she woke from a nightmare. She missed it when her parents loved each other and she missed being happy. Tears coursed unbidden down her cherubic cheeks from behind closed eyes as she buried herself deeper into her comforter of goose-down, clutching her stuffed rabbit close to her chest. Momma was crying too.
At that moment, she came as close to hating her father, her mother and life in general as she'd ever come. Always before, she'd been able to paste a smile on her face and force an unfelt bounce into her step, always before she'd been able to banish her worst fears with the nice memories of playing with her friends, but this time there was nothing. Nothing to keep her warm as the frigid air of the house cut through her defenses and she sobbed into her pillow, shaking like a leaf. She was so sick of the fighting, so sick of the feigned cheery tones her parents used around her, so sick of being told that everything was fine and nothing was wrong …she was so sick of being lied to and being shrugged off as a little girl that should been seen and not heard. She was sick of seeing and hearing …and she just wanted to go to sleep and to wake up and find that this had all been a nightmare. That her parents would both be there, in love with each other and loving her …and she wished that dreams could come true.
And the rain fell on outside, a terrible symphony of soft melancholy pitter-patters against the windows, falling in streaks remarkably similar to those upon her cheeks left by the bitter tears. She couldn't hear the yelling anymore as she peeked her face up from the thick blankets, fixing her gaze on the sad window panes, watching the rain drops roll down the clear, glossy surface, listening to the distant rumble of thunder and making a wish on each jagged flash of lightning on the horizon. She had long ago given up wishing on a star, but the brilliant flares of lightning offered a promise that her heart refused to give up …even though in her six-year-old mind she had already accepted the inevitable. And so she whispered a heart-felt little wish upon every luminescent streak and she let the gentle roar of the thunder carry her off to magical places her imagination still retained, letting the harsh reality of life slip away as she closed her eyes and fell into an uneasy sleep, knowing and hating that her father was leaving …and her mother still cried …
* Little Boy Blue *
Jonathan Benton Quest longed for sleep …longed to close his eyes and just forget everything …he longed to immerse himself in the wonders of Nod. He hugged himself tight, his stuffed tiger, Tommy, damp from tears. It just wasn't fair, it wasn't fair that his mother left without saying good-bye …it wasn't fair that his father couldn't look at him without getting tears in his eyes. It wasn't fair that his mommy could never come home again, to wrap him up in a loving embrace and bake golden-brown cookies to warm him inside and out. It wasn't fair that he never had a chance to tell her how much he loved her and how much he wished she would never go …but it was too late for wishes. His mother was gone away and nothing he said or did would ever bring her back …but he wished that he could make his father come back at least.
It hurt inside when his daddy got sad just by looking at him, but at least then daddy was there. Lately, daddy had been coped up inside his workshop …barely sleeping and hardly eating and as good as dead to his son. Dead …like mommy. He remembered how bright mommy's eyes had been when she kissed his nose and ruffled his hair …the same blond shade as hers …his eyes were the same stormy blue …and his heart as giving. He had heard from somewhere that another person was coming to live with them, some man to watch over his father like a protector-type person …a guard …and he was supposed to make sure Jonny stayed safe too. But Jonny didn't want a guardian …he wanted his daddy and his mommy …and he felt his heart shatter again as he remembered the last time he had seen his mother alive …when he had grudgingly kissed her cheek before running off to pout in a corner …he had purposely gotten his best clothes dirty and had been acting cranky all day, and then it was just too late to apologize …too late to give his mother all the hugs and kisses she'd asked for, but which he'd been too selfish to give.
But he would kiss his daddy goodnight and hug him every day if he would just be daddy again. He didn't want the other person to come here, but he would behave like his mother would have wanted, and he might come to appreciate and care for this new person …but he could never be daddy and he could never fill the void in his heart that mommy filled. But Jonny wouldn't hate the man, nor would he be spiteful. His mommy was surely watching him from somewhere, and he couldn't be nasty just because he was sad and because he wanted someone who could never return. And so he turned to the windows and watched as the rain spilled down the glass …tears from heaven, his mother had said. Watching the angels crying, he whispered a prayer to his mommy and his daddy and closed his eyes, almost smiling as the thunder rumbled in reassurance and lightning danced in his mind's eye as he fell into a troubled slumber …
* Sim Sim Salabim *
Hadji shivered as he huddled close to a young woman in her early twenties with shoulder-length midnight-black hair and jade-green eyes, both getting thoroughly soaked. He didn't know who the woman was, but he was cold and alone and Pasha apparently trusted this woman …Pasha. Pasha had left him here in the care of this stranger while he had hurried off to do …to do what? Hadji wasn't sure, but he had bad feelings about it. The woman was muttering under her breath, jade eyes luminous in the growing dark, saying something along the lines of, "Jezebel Jade …watching a kid …never live it down …feel sorry for him," Hadji wasn't sure what she meant but he was reasonably sure that she was talking to herself and not him.
He thought the woman was very beautiful, as beautiful as he imagined his mother to be. For some reason, young Hadji could not recall his parents, not their names or appearance or how they acted towards him. There was Pasha, but Pasha wasn't his father and this woman was not his mother. Oh, but mother would be beautiful and smart with a strong will, and father, he would be handsome and brilliant and he would never back down if his son or wife were in any sort of danger. They would be the sort of parents that any kid would love to have, nice and affectionate and they would love him and they would all be a family together, somewhere far away from the back alleys and the bad people. Father would carry him when he was too tired to walk and mother would be right there at his side, singing a soft lullaby to put him at ease. Sometimes, when Hadji slept, the images and hopes his mind conjured would be so real and so special that when he woke up, he was certain that this was a nightmare and he was dreaming this real world. Surely, his life could not really be so confusing …surely he had just been with his kind and wonderful parents in a place that was safe and warm always. And then he would start to cry because none of that was real, and his parents were dead or missing or maybe they just hadn't wanted a son.
A loud crash of thunder made the woman pressed up against him jolt and he heard her exhale with relief as she calmed down again. Lightning blazed across the sky, bright and proud and all-powerful, the king of the skies with the thunder as his challenging bride. Yes, that was it, Lightning was King and Thunder Queen and he was their son, a Prince of Dreams. The woman didn't understand the storm, she wasn't caught up in the wonder of it all, brought from this dismal place to a world of new things and good people, where everyone had a mother and father and no one went hunger for days, being chased down dark streets by frightening men and spoken to by spiteful women. She wasn't soothed by the majesty, but he was. Lightning and Thunder held all the power, they were the rulers of all on the earth and they could grant special wishes. Hadji trusted them wholly and closed his eyes, wishing with all he had for a family.
* Stormy Weather *
The rain was falling lightly outside, the clouds painted a stark grey as lightning seared the overcast sky, blazing in a streak of glory to battle with the thunder in a never-ending dance, each countering the other as the rain fell quietly in a faded contrast of the meeting ground. The ground was soaked, grass and leaves a vibrant green against the rich earthy browns in the dim light, somehow as soothing to the eye as the war above. Sheltered safely within the den of the expansive Quest Compound of Maine, two teens sat in a comfortable silence upon the couch, steaming mugs of hot cocoa sitting nearby, courtesy of Mrs. Evans as Bandit – a black and white pup fond of danger – snored softly before the smoldering ashes in the fireplace and a third teen sat cross-legged in the great armchair before the bookcase. Jessica Bannon had her eyes closed in melancholy remembrance of so many days long ago …nightmares of the past chasing each other around in her mind as she sought inner calm in a technique Hadji Singh – adoptive brother of Jonny Quest – had taught her.
Jonny sat nearby, leaning back into the cushy couch, a deep, heavy sigh escaping from his lips as he blinked back stinging tears. Hadji too was being affected by the weather, leaning forward so that his elbows were resting on his knees, his chin cupped in his hands. Sharp, painful memories resurfaced in the trio as they rested quietly in varying degrees of remorse in the den room. Hadji rose languidly and entered the nearby kitchen, returning with a mug of hot cocoa nestled between his palms. He smiled sorrowfully at the snoozing dog on the rug and stood before the crackling flames, watching the peaceful fire thoughtfully, his brow wrinkled as he sought to subdue his errant thoughts that continually led to that night huddled with the woman under the downpour of chilling rain.
Race Bannon's spirited daughter opened her mouth as if to say something as her eyes fluttered open, but instead she slipped quickly and quietly from the room, bounding up the stairs in twos and threes without making a sound before entering her room. Jonny glanced after the fiery-haired girl and licked his lips hesitantly, building towards saying something as he turned back to face the fire from afar, catching Hadji's eye momentarily. The golden-haired boy sighed again and closed his eyes wearily, listening as the gentle rainfall grew to a torrent and the thunder rolled heavily, rushing through him with a fervor as his mind summoned faded recollections of his mother, his father and himself when he was much, much younger, and then the fresher memories of Hadji and Jessie and he, along with his father, Jessie's and Hadji's mother Neela Singh, in Bangalore to attend the wedding of Pasha. He felt a brief flare of jealousy towards his two closest friends, for Hadji because he had a mother and for Jessie because both of her parents loved her, if not each other. But that irrational emotion flickered out quickly, a candle snuffed in the wind, a dull flame lost amidst the burning surges of lightning without the house.
Something soft and worn was suddenly placed in his arms and he blinked to awareness to see Jessie's dazzling emerald-green eyes before him, glittering playfully as she smiled a bit and glanced down at his lap. Jonny followed her gaze and gasped as he recognized his furred friend from years before, a stuffed tiger named Tommy that he had given to Jessie when she left the Quest house in Palm Key, Florida to live with her mother for a time. Beaming, he caught her in an awkward hug, with Tommy between them and Jessie partially bent above him. She laughed then, a rich golden peal of mirth and happiness, tinged with sadness.
"I didn't even know you still had him …you've held onto this thing for that long?" He asked, stunned still.
"He still has a name, Jonny Quest," Jessie retorted flippantly. "Yes, I've had Tommy somewhere close since the day you gave him to me. He's a cherished member of this family just as much as you or me or Hadji or Bandit."
"Yeah, he is," Jonny admitted softly. "Mom gave him to me for my sixth birthday …right before …well, you know." He almost sighed again, but stopped himself and turned it into a forced chuckle. "Man, weather like this …it always makes me think, you know? I remember once, right after she died and before your dad came here, Jess, I was lying awake in my room during a thunderstorm and thinking about her and how much I missed her. We used to always sit up through thunderstorms while pop tinkered away on something or other, just me and mom drinking cocoa and playing Candy Land and stuff and then pop would finally come over after finishing for one night and we'd all hang out together. I miss her so much …but, even when thunderstorms come along and bring back the memories so strong, even then I can't remember as clear as I used to. Is that a bad thing, guys?" He was speaking in a low, vulnerable voice edged with tears, his throat threatening to close up as he looked to his oldest friends for guidance.
Jessie smiled kindly and sat down beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders as she tucked her feet beneath her and leaned up against him, her wealth of fiery hair falling across his back like a blanket as she rested her head on his shoulder. "No, Jonny, just sad …" She started to say something more but paused and nibbled on her lower lip for a time before summoning the strength to speak again. "There is something about the rain and the thunder and lightning …mom and dad used to always fight real bad on nights like this, around midnight when they assumed I was asleep …I would be awake in my bed, holding my stuffed rabbit close while mom cried in the other room and dad started talking low, right before he would leave for another night. It hurt so bad, thinking that I had done something to upset my parents …things were always so strained right up towards the end when I was there because they didn't want to scare me by screaming and arguing, but I think the way they kept everything hidden scared me more. I was so afraid that I would loose both of them when dad left, and then I did loose mom for a while, when she sent me to live with Grammy and Grampa Bannon. Things still aren't all peaches and cream between them, but I think at least it's getting to the point where they can carry on a civilized conversation again." She took a deep breath then and stared hard at the fire before her brilliant emerald gaze shifted to the Victorian-style windows and both Jonny and Hadji saw the pain reflected in her gaze, unshed tears falling like the rain was outside. "I used to wish with every fiber of my being that mom and dad would love each other again, that we could go back to being a family and that everything would be …I …I don't even know anymore," She tried to shrug, but she was trembled too much. "I think I'm started to accept that things won't ever be the same as they were when I was just a little girl. Frankly, I don't see how mom and dad kept it together for as long as they did. I want to see them both happy, but that doesn't mean that they can't be happy with other people. I just want them to be happy …" She drew a ragged breath and sighed tearfully as Jonny put his arm around her shoulders and hugged her close. Hadji walked over from the fire and sat down on her other side, a little stuffed bunny in his hands.
"When you gave me Tommy, Jonny," Jessie started, "I think I grew out of Jasper. The next time I saw you, Hadji was there too, and I had Jasper with me, but I had Tommy too and then one night I just decided to give him to Hadji because he needed a friend right then too." She rubbed the rabbit's velvet ear with great care and smiled as she swallowed her tears and scrapped up her courage. "I saw the Velveteen Rabbit when I was very young and I wanted one of those bunnies so badly, …" She laughed again. "Dad came back from one of his missions one day like usual and he started to tease me merciless, saying he brought me a souvenir and that he wouldn't let me have it until I proved to him that I missed him while he was gone. He just would not accept my word …well, he finally relented and handed me that bunny right there that Hadji has, an exact replica of the Velveteen Rabbit. I named him Jasper, and I loved that little rabbit. He was my link to dad when dad was away. But then when I got my dad back, at least partially, I didn't really need him anymore, but I did need something to tie me to Jonny. And then I wanted something that Hadji could have that had been mine, because he was my friend then too, my second friend ever. Besides Jasper and Tommy."
"Jasper has always been a dutiful little companion," Hadji stated with pride. "He's quiet and a good listener and a very fine pillow. I just wish I had had him before I had the two of you for friends." He smiled wistfully. "I cannot remember very much of my early past, though at least I have a link to that past now, a more reliable link than Pasha anyway." They all laughed at that and Hadji shook his head slightly. "When I was very young, before I met you Jonny, when Pasha and I were traveling all over, never with much money and hardly ever with a dry and clean place to sleep …sometimes, Pasha would trust me over to a friend or the like while he …" Hadji paused and frowned. "You know, I'm still not entirely certain what he did at those times, but we always had a good meal and a nice bed for a little while afterward. But, the people he placed me with then were strangers to me, and even Pasha wasn't family then, I knew he wasn't my father and I used to entertain thoughts about the parents I could not remember. I was with a woman once, someone I know better know, though whether that is necessarily a good thing or not …but, that time, it was raining and we were outside, cold and wet and alone when it started to thunder and lightning. I remember thinking of how grand it would be to have the lightning as my father and the thunder as my mother, I would be the son of two very powerful forces in the world." He looked to the windows and grinned as lightning torn a jagged path outside. "I used to wish on the bolts of thunder, I wished for my secret dreams to come true, and they did. I wished for a family and I have my family right here and in Bangalore and wherever Pasha is now. You two and your fathers are my family, and Estella as well. I wished for a family, and though I was imagining having a father and mother to care for me and for me to love, the thunder heard my wish and the lightning granted it."
"I did that too, Hadj," Jonny exclaimed. "I wished for my pop to love me again …I wished that I could have my pop again. After mom died, pop locked himself up in the lab for days on end. He barely remember to eat and sleep …I was just starting to accept my mom being gone, but my pop too?" He shivered though it was toasty warm in the room.
"Yeah, I remember dreaming that my wishes could come true. When I was very little I wished on stars, but then I decided that all the stars must have been burnt out, because none of my wishes came true for mom and dad to love each other again the way they used to. One night, I was sitting up and watching the thunderstorm when I realized that while the stars may be burned out, lightning and thunder was still relatively new. I wished without actually putting anything in words, just a feeling that was so strong within me that I couldn't describe it, and I've always wished on the storms since then."
"There is something very magic and very powerful about nature," Hadji noted, smiling down at Jasper. "But there is something equally enchanting about the ability of humans to dream and to believe. Faith is a strong thing, faith in gods or faith in government or faith in oneself. For any good to be achieved, there must be faith that good will come."
Jonny laughed as Bandit stirred awake and waddled sleepily to the couch, jumping into Jessie's lap and curling into a ball, soon asleep again. "That is true, Hadj, but I prefer not to analyze stuff like that, not even faith of the heart. Thunder and lightning and rain, the stars of wishful dreams."