The minute of Gibbs' heartache and pride.
The minute Gibbs knew heartache but pride right along with it.
The liquid burned his throat, but he didn't care. He needed something to burn away the images and the heartache.
His wife and daughter looked so small on those tables, that he couldn't accept it. He couldn't accept that they were even there.
Jackson Gibbs had picked up the slack Gibbs had left behind when he drove home from the morgue and removed himself from the world around him.
He had heard Abby Sciuto-Gibbs crying to her adopted grandfather, and though a part of him yelled at him to go to his daughter's side, he drowned it out with more and more of the burning liquid.
He was a failure, and through his self pity, Gibbs knew they would take away Tony and Abby.
"Boy," Jackson called from beyond the door, and Gibbs wondered how long he had been down there. Then, realised he didn't care, because up there was just two empty holes that should have been filled.
"Dammit, this girl needs her father," Jackson yelled. But Gibbs ignored him because it was easier then the heartache he would have to feel.
Years could have flown by and he wouldn't care. In that big bed alone he knew nothing mattered more than the ripping feeling his heart was going through.
One rip for Shannon.
One rip for Kelly.
One rip for Tony.
One rip for Abby.
Not once did his heart rip for him, because he didn't matter. He didn't matter and he knew he should have been on that table instead of his wife and daughter.
Even his own father had stopped reaching out for him to do the things he was meant to do. Even Abby's pleas for her father had stopped.
Feeling his empty stomach protest the days without food, Gibbs knew, even in his hungover haze, that he needed food to help him drown away the heartache.
His legs felt foreign to him, and the world spun around him. His stomach would have thrown it's point up but without food there was nothing to offer.
With each shaky step, Gibbs knew he was becoming more of a failure and the whole world would see it now. There was no hiding now.
Reaching the bottom step, he heard the hushed crying and a part of his clouded mind knew he was worse then just a failure. He knew Shannon would be cursing him, and Kelly would look at him with disappointment.
"He doesn't love us, does he?" Abby's broken little voice rooted Gibbs to the spot and made him hate himself more then not being able to save Shannon and Kelly.
"Abbs," Tony's older voice seemed different from the young male he actually was. He didn't sound the same as he did when he spoke to the girls every night. "Of course dad loves us; he loves you." Gibbs shook his head trying to get his legs working so he didn't have to hear the heartbreak of his children.
"I'll have to go to somewhere else and you won't be there and dad won't come and see... I don't want to lose another family, Tony. I want mom and Kelly back," Abby cried before Tony soothed his baby sister. Gibbs felt the tears burn for their release, but he couldn't move; something inside him had broken and he couldn't move.
"You'll leave, too," Abby whispered and Gibbs waited with a feeling of dread that settled in his empty stomach as he waited for Tony's answer.
"Abbs... I might be at college, but nothing in this world would ever make me leave you. Do you understand that when mom and dad signed your adoption papers, it wasn't just them who made a legal promise?" Tony stated as Gibbs slumped against the stairs feeling his heartache grow bigger. "I legally agreed to be your big brother always and there is nothing that would ever make me break that promise. You will always have me, Abbs, and you have dad," Tony stated to a sniff before Gibbs heard movement and he knew that Abby was climbing on to her brother's lap.
"You know that dad is like his boats. It's not as hard as you think, but it does take time. It took time for me to accept him and it took time for you to call him dad. It's just going to take time for him to come through the other side of this and come back to us," Tony assured causing Gibbs to blink away the tears.
In that one minute Gibbs had felt his heartache at it's worse.
But he also felt pride that would last longer then a minute.
Edited by Xenascully.