Hi all. Note that this won't make much sense to anyone out there. It's confusing and rather giant piece of crap of writing in my opinion but it's helping me deal with what has happened. Writing helps me get out of my system and I can start to feel better. Try and understand this if you can - Kat
This is from Aya's POV. I'm not sure who the other person he's talking to is. If you would like to make a suggestion as to who it is I would welcome the idea.
~~~~~~
"I don't like foolish things and I don't like looking like a fool."
"I know that Aya, but why do you keep insisting that what happened is foolish?"
"Because it was. For me to say what I said accomplished nothing. Things that accomplish nothing are foolish. Those who do foolish things are fools. Thus I am a fool for doing what I did and have accomplished nothing."
"Are you though? Are you really that foolish?"
"After what I did, I am."
"Why do you insist on that?"
"Because I am a fool. I am a fool for opening my mouth and saying what I did. I am a fool for believing that anything could come from it. I am a fool for feeling the way that I do."
"That shouldn't make you feel like a fool Aya."
"I know that but it does."
"It won't change anything between us."
*Snort* "That's what you think. Things can't help but change now. No matter how hard we try to not let them. They will change."
"They won't change if we don't let them."
"They will change though. Everything changes. Everything we ever say changes things. This *will* change things. How will it not? How will it not change things between me and two of my best friends? Even though only one of them knows the truth? Subconsciously things will change. It was something that I never should have said."
I leave the room before he can answer again. I run up the stairs to my room and close the door, locking it so I won't be bothered. What happened was foolish. I never could say no to you though.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Flashback to before the above conversation*
"I have a few things to think about. Not because of this but stuff from before."
You had just told me that you had liked me. You had liked me and I had been an ignorant ass to you. I had ignored your feelings those months and pushed you away. I wish now I hadn't. One thing had caused you to give up. And now, now you're with someone else. That's what makes all of this so wrong.
"Like what?" you ask.
"Like determining if what I feel is actually the truth or because I had something taken away from me to an extent and I've created this feeling as an explanation or reaction. I know that doesn't make much sense. It doesn't make much sense to me."
"No, I think it does is some way. What do you need to do to understand?"
"I need to talk to someone about it but I just don't know who. This is the one thing I can't talk to you about."
"I'm here. I'm listening."
"I know you are but this is one thing that I cannot talk to you about."
"Why not?"
"I want to know if what I'm feeling is the truth or not. If it's not the truth than I can understand why I feel it. But I just don't know if it is the truth or not. To talk about it would mean hurting some of those I love. It would mean changes, awkwardness, and withdrawal. I don't want that. I don't want the issues of what it would bring."
"I would rather you tell me. You've always told me everything Aya. What makes this so different?"
"I know I've told you everything and I want to say it but I can't. I'm terrified to say it. I'm scared of the change it would cause. I don't want to hurt anyone. I've never been able to bring myself to hurt someone, despite what all of you think."
"Don't be afraid. Look at what I've just told you, admitted to you. I think I deserve to be told what this is."
"You do deserve being told but to say what I want would cause too much disruption in your life. I don't want to do that. I don't want to disrupt what you have. You're finally happy and I don't have the right to disrupt that. Nothing can ever give me that right."
"I'm going to tell you this. I'd rather you punch me in the face than not tell me. If you're punching me in the face than you're being honest."
"That would be easier. If I say what I want too I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to look you in the face again. I'm going to want to run. Become more withdrawn than I already am. I'm going to hide. I'm going to hate myself for your reaction and the reactions of others if they were to find out. I don't want to cause any problems."
"Aya, just please tell me what it is."
"I'm sorry for anything this does. I'm sorry for anything this changes. I'll understand if you don't want to talk to me again. I think I might love you."
*End flashback*
Imagine, me. Fujimiya Ran, in love. How foolish the heart can be.
~Owari~
As I said at the beginning, this is confusing and probably didn't make much sense. I hope you were able to enjoy it if you could understand it. I don't expect any reviews for this. I just want to feel better by getting this out of my system.
This is from Aya's POV. I'm not sure who the other person he's talking to is. If you would like to make a suggestion as to who it is I would welcome the idea.
~~~~~~
"I don't like foolish things and I don't like looking like a fool."
"I know that Aya, but why do you keep insisting that what happened is foolish?"
"Because it was. For me to say what I said accomplished nothing. Things that accomplish nothing are foolish. Those who do foolish things are fools. Thus I am a fool for doing what I did and have accomplished nothing."
"Are you though? Are you really that foolish?"
"After what I did, I am."
"Why do you insist on that?"
"Because I am a fool. I am a fool for opening my mouth and saying what I did. I am a fool for believing that anything could come from it. I am a fool for feeling the way that I do."
"That shouldn't make you feel like a fool Aya."
"I know that but it does."
"It won't change anything between us."
*Snort* "That's what you think. Things can't help but change now. No matter how hard we try to not let them. They will change."
"They won't change if we don't let them."
"They will change though. Everything changes. Everything we ever say changes things. This *will* change things. How will it not? How will it not change things between me and two of my best friends? Even though only one of them knows the truth? Subconsciously things will change. It was something that I never should have said."
I leave the room before he can answer again. I run up the stairs to my room and close the door, locking it so I won't be bothered. What happened was foolish. I never could say no to you though.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*Flashback to before the above conversation*
"I have a few things to think about. Not because of this but stuff from before."
You had just told me that you had liked me. You had liked me and I had been an ignorant ass to you. I had ignored your feelings those months and pushed you away. I wish now I hadn't. One thing had caused you to give up. And now, now you're with someone else. That's what makes all of this so wrong.
"Like what?" you ask.
"Like determining if what I feel is actually the truth or because I had something taken away from me to an extent and I've created this feeling as an explanation or reaction. I know that doesn't make much sense. It doesn't make much sense to me."
"No, I think it does is some way. What do you need to do to understand?"
"I need to talk to someone about it but I just don't know who. This is the one thing I can't talk to you about."
"I'm here. I'm listening."
"I know you are but this is one thing that I cannot talk to you about."
"Why not?"
"I want to know if what I'm feeling is the truth or not. If it's not the truth than I can understand why I feel it. But I just don't know if it is the truth or not. To talk about it would mean hurting some of those I love. It would mean changes, awkwardness, and withdrawal. I don't want that. I don't want the issues of what it would bring."
"I would rather you tell me. You've always told me everything Aya. What makes this so different?"
"I know I've told you everything and I want to say it but I can't. I'm terrified to say it. I'm scared of the change it would cause. I don't want to hurt anyone. I've never been able to bring myself to hurt someone, despite what all of you think."
"Don't be afraid. Look at what I've just told you, admitted to you. I think I deserve to be told what this is."
"You do deserve being told but to say what I want would cause too much disruption in your life. I don't want to do that. I don't want to disrupt what you have. You're finally happy and I don't have the right to disrupt that. Nothing can ever give me that right."
"I'm going to tell you this. I'd rather you punch me in the face than not tell me. If you're punching me in the face than you're being honest."
"That would be easier. If I say what I want too I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to look you in the face again. I'm going to want to run. Become more withdrawn than I already am. I'm going to hide. I'm going to hate myself for your reaction and the reactions of others if they were to find out. I don't want to cause any problems."
"Aya, just please tell me what it is."
"I'm sorry for anything this does. I'm sorry for anything this changes. I'll understand if you don't want to talk to me again. I think I might love you."
*End flashback*
Imagine, me. Fujimiya Ran, in love. How foolish the heart can be.
~Owari~
As I said at the beginning, this is confusing and probably didn't make much sense. I hope you were able to enjoy it if you could understand it. I don't expect any reviews for this. I just want to feel better by getting this out of my system.