He fiddled with the control console of the Tardis, preparing to take Clara and the kids back home. Looking over his shoulder, The Doctor glanced at her. She was smiling and talking to Angie and Archie. Then she laughed, and he saw the apple of her cheeks show. He smiled to himself a little and unconsciously continued to look at her.

Clara noticed The Doctor had stopped working at the controls, and so she turned her attention to him. He quickly went back to looking at the console and pretended to be very busy with the levers and buttons. How embarrassing, he thought to himself. He was sure there must have been some sort of stupidly goofy expression on his face when he was looking. He wasn't very sure why, though.

But sometimes he felt like he did, and sometimes he would push the thought to the back of his mind.

So it wasn't so much that he wasn't so sure why; and maybe because he didn't want to accept the truth.

He'd always known River was there.

The Doctor saw her first at trenzalore, in front of her own grave. Except it hadn't been her grave, but turned out to be a smart escape route for him and Clara.

Clara and River had both thought that he couldn't see her, because he simply isn't supposed to. Because the mental link was shared only between the both of them, but he knew she was there.

She was always there to him.

And when River found out, she was distraught. "Why didn't you speak to me earlier?" He knew in his hearts that it would kill her if she found out that he could have always seen her, but then he remembers: she already was dead, so he let her know in the end.

And then he kissed his wife and didn't want to let her go, but at the same time he knew he had to.

He was sad that their time had run out.

Yet a part of him- this nagging sensation- was whispering to him the truth: He makes women fall in love with him and then breaks their hearts.

He didn't understand why they're attracted to him, but he noticed a pattern existed amongst women- not all of them, of course, but many seemed to be infatuated with him, which he found absurd sometimes. But, it wasn't really their fault. The Doctor admitted that he was pretty cool, and awesome, and brilliant…

Okay, so maybe he did know why, but many of them ended up hurt, and many of them were people he had cared deeply about, people he never returned feelings for.

There were a few that he did fancy. Some of them he had fallen completely head over heels for.

And after he kissed River, he finds himself realising- he loves River, but he was never really in love with her.

He found himself to be completely and utterly disgusting for that: for marrying her and never loving her as much as she loved him.

But he always had a hunch from the start- that River would be his wife.

His path was already set in front of him.

He let himself love her and he let himself marry her.

But he didn't regret his choices.

He is glad to have loved her in the first place.

The Doctor got it now- why his hearts would skip a beat when Clara would hug him, why when she did he would feel surprised and pleased, why his stomach would always have butterflies when she looked at him with those gorgeous brown eyes.

He knew this when he saved her in his timeline.

She was scared, and all he wanted to do was to pull her into his arms and tell her everything was alright. So he does, and that embrace was like a confirmation- he had started to fall in love with her a long time ago.

And weeks passed, months passed. He never did anything about it. He never told Clara, (of course he wouldn't, he never did) he even tried not to think about it.

He refused to fall in love.

Why?

There was something he never told River, something even till this day he hasn't forgotten. Something he can't forget.

Once, River had asked The Doctor why he had given her a variety of many, many flowers- from tulips to corsages- on their several dates when he would visit her when she was locked up in jail, yet never the simplest flower of them all- a rose.

The Doctor never did answer her question. He just smiled.

But he wasn't happy.

Rose was different from the rest.

She was different from Madam de Pompadour, she was different from Queen Elizabeth the first, she was most definitely different from River.

He felt that his relationships with all these women had seemed somewhat… naughty.

These women made him feel like he wanted something. But when he was with Rose, it wasn't like that. Rose just made him love being around her.

Every time she cracked a joke, every time she smiled, every time she laughed at The Doctor for being so ridiculous… he felt that she was all he ever needed in the world.

He didn't need or want anything when he was with her. He already had his whole world right in front of him.

And when she wasn't with him anymore, never there right next to him for him to grab her hand and run with anymore, he wasn't sure if he'd ever love anyone the same way he loved Rose. He wasn't sure he wanted to.

Then all of a sudden, he met Clara. The way she makes him feels is so similar to how he felt when he was with Rose.

But how could he fall in love with her?

He could never forget Rose. Not completely.

So he kept his mouth shut, he turned his brain's attention to other things, he made himself get distracted.

Because if he ever, for one moment, stopped what he was doing and kept to him and his mind…

He would fall in love with Clara Oswald even more.

She can't be.

But she is.

Rose stood right in front of him, next to the Meta- crisis Doctor.

She hadn't changed at all.

Well, of course she had gotten a bit older, and he noticed a ring on her fourth finger when he hugged her.

He took up her hand and looked at the ring.

It looked like the kind of ring he would buy for someone he wanted to get married to, if he had an ordinary life, so he knew what had happened.

She pulled away and her face flushed with embarrassment.

Later on, the two of them told The Doctor and Clara about trouble back in the parallel universe.

He studied Rose. She was still as beautiful as he remembered her to be, and she still had that brilliant sparkle in her eyes and a way with her words that would just make The Doctor's voice falter and his hearts melt.

But then he looked at Clara beside of him, and it was different. Years had passed since he last saw Rose, and he admitted to himself that his feelings for her were not as strong as it was when he was in his previous incarnation.

The tenth doctor had been the must human of them all.

But when he looked at Clara he felt intrigued, and smitten, and filled with wonder.

The Doctor brought Rose and The Meta-Crisis to the Tardis.

"Oh, how long it's been since I last stepped in here!" Rose said excitedly. "How come it looks so different?"

"I changed the desktop theme. Actually, I changed it twice since the last time you were here. Decided to change the previous one too," He paused. "It kind of reminded me of some… things."

The Meta- Crisis hugged the console. "Did'ya miss me?" He shouted out to the Tardis. The Tardis made a whirling noise in response.

"That means yes." He whispered to Rose.

"Ah."

Clara grabbed The Doctor's hand and he turned around to face her.

"So that's how you used to look like?"

"Yes."

Clara looked at the Meta- Crisis. "He looks pretty impressive."

"Oi!" The Doctor huffed. "What's wrong with the way I look now?"

Clara smirked. "Nothing! You look…" She looked right into his eyes and her smile faded. "Good." She stated softly.

He could feel his face turn red at her compliment. "Thanks," He grinned. "I'd look even more handsome if I had a fez on. I think I can pull it off pretty well, if I do say so myself."

He got Rose and The Meta- Crisis a room in the Tardis.

Clara yawned. "It's getting late, Doctor," She stretched. "See you tomorrow morning." With that, she went back to her room.

The Doctor had a lot of things on his mind, which made it hard for him to fall asleep, so he went below to repair some of the gears.

"Doctor!" He heard someone whisper.

He spun around. "Rose?" He asked incredulously. "What are you doing here? I thought you were asleep."

"I wanted to talk to you."

He didn't say anything.

She smiled at him. "Your bowtie," She pointed at it. "I think you look pretty nice in it."

His face brightened up. "Yeah?" He touches the bow tie. "Bow ties are cools."

"They certainly are!" She laughed.

He laughed, too, because he forgot how funny she was.

"So how's things between the both of you? Oh, and your mother, Jackie! I haven't said her name for quite a while…" The Doctor asked.

"Oh, my mum's fine. Very happy, actually, but she still treats you like-"

Before she could even finish her sentence, The Doctor grabbed her face and pulled her lips to his.

She struggled a bit, before pushing him away and looking very cross. "Doctor!" She said angrily.

But the angered look on her face washed away soon enough, when she saw a tear or two stream down his face and drop to the ground.

He staggered back and sat down on the floor. He covered his face with his hands and apologized to her, "I'm sorry, I know, I'm so so stupid."

Rose's eyes started to tear up and she tried to blink the tears away. "No… don't say that," She went to sit next to him and put her head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Doctor. But I'm a married woman now, and I have a two year old boy in that parallel universe waiting for me to come home. You gave me a wonderful life with the Meta- Crisis," She breathed in. "I'm so sorry for loving you."

He rested his head against hers. "I know. It's been two hundred years for me, you know."

She sighed.

"I guess… I just wanted to know how it feels like again. You know, back when we had something. And I'm happy for you. The reason why I left you back at the parallel universe was so that you could be happy with "me". I don't regret what I did." He explained to her.

Rose faced him and looked into his eyes. "But it's been two hundred years. You must forget me, Doctor. You have to! Or all I'll be is someone who drags you away from the privilege of loving someone so completely."

He nodded.

Rose leaned back with her hands behind her and her palms facing downwards on the ground. "So… Clara."

"What about her?" He lied.

"She's rather pretty."

"Your point?"

"She's also very smart."

"So?" The Doctor lied again.

Rose rolled her eyes. "You know what I'm talking about. You just don't want to admit it!"

He didn't respond.

"I've seen the way you look at her." She teased.

"Y- You have?"

"Mm Hmm," She said casually. Then she looked at him seriously and said, "You like her, don't you? So why haven't you told her yet? I hope it's not because…" She let the sentence hang in the air.

"It is."

She frowned at him. "Don't let her slip away, Doctor. Please. For me," She cupped his face and continued, "Don't let her slip away like how I did."

She kissed him on his cheek and got up. "Night, Doctor."

He closed his eyes and rubbed his temple.

Clara Oswald…

He paused.

I love you.