They told me I was sick.
I was confined to a bed. My legs wouldn't move. My vision was blurry, and my throat couldn't speak. They told me - told me that I didn't have long to live. They told me that I was dying. If I die, will anyone remember me? Of course not. They didn't remember Grandpa when he died, either. They cried for a while, I remembered. But then the days passed, one at a time, and they forgot about him.
If I died, will anyone remember me? No - does anyone still remember me? Every anguished, aching day I waited, waited for someone to come. The doctor would come. He'll tell me that I was dying. Then he'd leave. My parents no longer visit. They've all forgotten about me, after all. No - they were deluding themselves. They probably thought that if they just stayed at home, they could delude themselves into thinking that I am getting better. They were just feeding themselves lies. Telling themselves that I would be fine, forgetting about me.
And slowly, faintly, I was forgetting my own identity, too.
One cold night, something called out to me. I closed my eyes, and focused. In my mind's eye, I could see a cold stone tablet - floating in oblivion, where I was standing on. With a trembling finger, I reached out and touched it. It was cold.
Do you desire power?
That voice spoke, directly into my mind. Every syllable drilled its way into my head, and I struggled to breathe. It hurt.
Does it hurt?
"It hurts," I wanted to cry out. "Stop this, please!" But my voice wasn't there. That echoing, grinning tablet continued to mock me, sending chill after chill down my spine. I wanted to die.
They say you're going to die. Do you accept it?
Of course not! "I don't want to die," I managed my footing in this dank oblivion, gritting my teeth. "But I don't have a choice, do I?"
You do have a choice. I can give you power. I can heal your sickness. You won't have to die.
When I woke up, everything was cold. I faced it yet again – the white walls of the hospital room, my right hand outstretched. My five fingers were there.
"You're awake?" A gentle voice floated over me, and I swallowed. It was just a dream, after all. In the real world, I could not speak. I could not help but feel irritated by this newcomer. What's the point of asking me a question, if I could not reply?
"Good morning. Here, I brought you a book. Do you want me to read it for you?"
I opened my eyes and stared at that person whom I could not recognise. Perhaps, I once did recognise that person, but my memory was failing me. Maybe it's my friend. A relative. I didn't know anymore.
"… Once, there was this kingdom far, far away. Ruling at the apex was this kind and wise king…"
I am not a child, I wanted to yell. But of course, I couldn't speak. They decided everything for me. Treating me like this, making me suffer – because I was going to die, none of that mattered. Because I couldn't protest, nobody thought about what I felt.
"… Then, one day, there was this evil kitsune spirit who wanted to usurp the king…"
Ah, the pointless dramas of life. I wasn't listening. I didn't want to listen. I wish people stopped tossing me around. I wish I could cry. I wish I didn't have to die. I wish, I wish, I wish…
"… He took over many human bodies…"
I tensed. If only I could do that. If only I could do that, I wouldn't have to die then, would I?
ooo
You're so demanding, the tablet told me.
"Oh, really?" I spat. "Maybe one day, you'll get to experience what it's like to be on Death's door, and tell me if you'll be demanding."
Tell me, what do you really want?
"I want to be a King!" I screamed. "I don't want to die. I want power. I want to pay them back for what they've done. I don't want to suffer anymore, so please!"
The Dresden Slates. The tablet.
It chose the King.
And I was the King. The Colourless King.
ooo
When I looked into his eyes, he was taken by surprise, I believe. The next moment, I have stolen his body, and he was thrashing around, making inhuman noises in mine. The doctors pushed me out of the room, and sedated him. Me. My old, dying body – no, that's not me anymore.
I was free. For the first time in my life, I wanted to laugh, to laugh so hard. Here, in this body that no longer pained, no longer hurt, I was free! I danced. I chortled. I wove my magic.
For I was the King!
But this body didn't make me happy, either. For it dawned on me, that this boy had a life too. Even though her life was much, much better than mine, I didn't like it. I didn't like having to do his job, having to live his life. I didn't like this Ashinaka High School.
And so, I started using my powers more and more. I moved to another body, and another, and another. It became a daily occurrence.
I forgot who I was anymore.
But it didn't matter. All I had to keep in mind was that I was the King.
ooo
I became a wanderer. It was lonely. I started talking to myself – if other Kings had clansmen, then I should have mine, too. They should be my friends.
Because the King should have friends too. And I was the King.
ooo
I was the King, right?
Then why were there other Kings?
Why were they all sitting around, chatting so happily?
Why did their powers exceed mine?
There's no way that can be right. Because I was the King. Nobody else was the King.
ooo
Even then, I wouldn't live forever.
If the Silver King could live forever, then why can't I?
Haha.
Don't be silly.
I can live forever, too.
I just have to become the Silver King.
… Because I didn't want to die.
ooo
That night was a beautiful night.
A beautiful night, just like back then.
Back then, when I got into that accident that landed me in the hospital-
I wanted so hard to laugh.
I laughed, and laughed, and laughed.
Hahaha. Hahahahahahaa!
Back then, I wasn't the King. But it's different now.
The man behind me knows nothing.
He doesn't know.
He doesn't know that I am the King.
I'll tell him.
ooo
But it's alright.
I can do this.
We can do this, because
I am the King
ooo
Crush
Kill
Destroy
For I am the King!
I am the King I am the King I am the King hahahahhahahah I am the King I am Iamthekinghahahahahahahaha ha ha ha ha
A/N: I wish they explored more of the Colorless King's character. I really love it when they further explore a villain's psyche, and unfortunately they didn't do so with the Colorless King in K. In my personal headcanon I'd like to think that the "Help me" at the end of Episode 12 wasn't from Kukuri, but from the Colorless King. That's why I decided to start on this fic.
Yep the Colorless King's backstory here was inspired by Ellen from The Witch's House. It's such a great horror game.