Hello Everyone! I know it's been decades since I've posted anything, let alone anything in the Harry Potter Archive. However, I found this on my computer a few weeks ago, and today I decided that I should post it. I wrote this right after I read the seventh book, and that was right after is came out. This was basically my closure on Fred's death through George. Actually, after rereading this several times, I'm pretty sure this is how I imagine George feeling as well. I actually wrote it from his perspective, they just happened to agree with how I think I would feel if I ever lost someone that close to me. Of course, I don't have a twin, but my mother is a twin, and it's true. The bonds are unbreakable. It's a permanent best friend, and nobody really adds up to them. So please, read on and enjoy. I don't cry when I read it, so I don't think it's particularly sad, but I really hope you all enjoy it. I love all types of reviews, so don't hesitate! Thank you so much!
-Katie =]
Who Knew, Not I:
George's Closure
This letter was posted outside of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes and outside the front door of the Weasleys' Flat. It was for everyone, and anyone to read.
My friends,
I've written this letter in the hopes that you can understand why I haven't been present in your daily lives for the past few weeks. This is my only way for getting the knowlege as to why I have been in my flat since the most dreadful day of all of our lives, and also the happiest for some, to you. I am sad to say that I cannot see passed the dreadful part of that day, however, I know that what we all set out to do made our world, and all of the surrounding worlds a better place to live in. I sincerely hope by the end of this tell all, that you can understand my sorrow attitude and realize that it may be sometime before I return to work and to life.
Thank you,
George Weasley
It's not so much that he was the only person that I ever really could count on, because I knew somewhere inside, I could count on other people, but he was the only person that ever really understood everything the way I did. It's not as bad as I thought it would be at first, but it's just horrible when I'm alone. For me, it's not just losing a brother, it's losing a best friend. I feel like I've been tricked in some way, that this is all just a huge prank on me, but then reality starts in and it just makes this even harder. I'm not the only person that's suffering, but I do feel as if Fred's death has had the largest affect on me. Although we're rather identical in everything we do, we did have very different personalities. He was the outgoing, outspoken, ladies man. I was never really any of those things. I was more laid back and I didn't speak up as much, I'd just go along with whatever he said. And I was never really a ladies man. Fred had qualities I had always dreamed of having, and when we discussed it, he had always said he'd rather be laid back and not so outspoken. He never did want to get rid of his skills with the ladies. Fred was one of the wisest people I've ever know, and his wisdom was only seen by me and I intend to keep the little things that only we shared between us and I do hope that others don't shun me away for that. I don't ask for much, just those moments that I know nobody else would ever have known about.
Fred, very obviously, was my best friend. Sometimes, I guess, twins aren't best friends. I could never see that happening with me and Fred. We did everything together since birth. One of us never wanted more attention than the other. With our mum and dad having five others besides us, sometimes we'd have to entertain ourselves. We always did, and I think that's how our pranking got started. Of course Ron was our prime subject. Those were the days.
Whenever I think about all the good times Fred and I had, I don't really cry, I laugh more than ever. We played so many jokes on others, and thinking back on it now, there was never a single regret. Fred had no regrets and neither did I . We did everything together, so if one of us got into trouble or a quarry, we'd always have the other to help us out and get us through. Fred always joked that if we were ever sent to Azkaban, they'd have such a hard time with us. He said the dementors wouldn't want our souls because they couldn't handle us. So we'd break free of it and we'd be on the run. We had a lot of inside jokes and now that I think about it, I'll never forget any of them. Nobody could ever replace Fred, and I think almost anyone that was close to him would know that.
I remember before the Yule Ball, we'd discussed who we'd like to ask. Fred instantly said Angelina, but everyone knew he'd kind of had a thing for her for a long bit of time.
I remember telling him that I didn't know who I'd ask and of course, right away, he said Alicia. I'd always had a thing for her, well not always, but I did quite fancy her. Fred knew everything I was thinking without me actually saying it, and same goes the other way. I remember him knowing that I probably wasn't going to ask Alicia until it was already too late. So he did it for me the next day, but in return, I had to ask Angelina for him. Neither of them knew the difference at the time, but both girls figured it out a few years later. He had a great laugh with that.
That's another thing that Fred loved. He loved his Angelina. He always talked about having more than one girl, and how he was the man, but none of that was ever really true. Fred loved Angelina, and everyone knew. He wasn't good at hiding it. The entire quiddich team knew by our third year. Fred was just appalled that they let girls on the team, or that's what he constantly told Angelina, but he really thought she was a genius at the sport. I know the feeling was mutual too. I often wonder how she's handling the loss, but I've never actually owled her or showed up to talk to her. I really just can't.
I never even imagined that I'd lose my best friend. It was always just like he would always be there. I wish he was. Everything just isn't the same. I have no partner in crime, I have no best friend, I have no twin brother. I can't even imagine how I would have reacted if I were there, if I had seen him die, I don't know how I would have handled it.
I still wish I had been there though. I wish I had been there, I wish I had been the last person to talk to him, to make him laugh. Sounds rather corny, but it would have made me a lot happier than I am right now. I would feel a lot more content. It's like I didn't even get to say goodbye, I didn't get to tell him how much he meant to me. I didn't get to say all the things that I always imagined I'd say to him. I don't feel like he's gone, I try to wake up every morning and imagine he's here. Then the bitter reality kicks in, and I realize I'm alone.
Mum wanted me to move back to the Burrow, and I thought about it, but I just, I couldn't. The life that Fred and I had built together was in that flat that we shared, and the business we created was what I needed. It was always somewhat of a dream we had, to create our joke shop. It was perfect, it was dream come true. I like to wake up in the morning and just look at all the stuff Fred left behind. I love walking around at the shop and hearing something I know Fred would have found funny. It's a great comfort to me that I am able to do all of those things living at our flat. It would have been nice to move back to the Burrow and I sure would have had a hell of a lot more company, but it's just not the right place for me to be. Fred and I were always meant to be on our own, except it wouldn't have been on our own. Well, now it is.
Fred knew better than anyone that we would be separated at some point, someday. I was always against the fact and I never wanted to hear him talk about it. He'd always tell me that it was inevitable. Nobody spends every second of every single day together. We tried separating ourselves once. Literally after about fifteen seconds, something happened and I had to tell Fred. Coincidentally, Fred had witnessed that same event, and he'd rushed to tell me, which resulted in a crash. Still, I was unsure of the fact that I could actually do anything without my twin. I was convinced that we would be together forever. I sound more like first year girl than I do a grown man who's lost his twin, but that was always our thing. We'd always seem like we were younger than we were. Now, I suppose, it's just my thing.
When it all comes down to it, I need Fred. I need his friendship, I need his support, I need his comfort and I need his laughter. I can only imagine what Fred would have been like in my position. He was always stronger than I was. He was always more headstrong and ready to do whatever at any given moment. He would have been handling this a lot better, and he'd have wanted everyone else to handle it better too. He would have wanted people to celebrate, and not grieve. He knows that's what I would have wanted and I know that's what he would have wanted. I almost tried to tell Mum that his funeral should be a celebration of his life and not a grievance of his death, but I couldn't bring myself to even speak to her let alone help her plan my twin's funeral. It was all too much for me at the time. It was all too much for anyone.
I'm sitting here, attempting to lighten the mood in my own flat, writing out all of my thoughts about the death of my oldest friend, and I can't think of anything else to lighten the mood other than Fred's death was not epic enough for the Wizard and the person he was. Fred was so magically humorous and he brought intentional and unintentional joy to everyone he crossed. Fred was something else and nobody but me could rightfully understand him, and how happy it made him to watch other people laugh at his or our expense. I know he enjoyed when he, alone, made other people laugh, but I could tell you that there was a special smile for when we both made people laugh. Fred needed me just as much as I need him, still. There is no way Fred's death was epic enough for him. And I just know he'd be saying the same thing if he were here right now. "Bloody Hell. I work all my life building up my exhilarating, and wonderfully obscure life, and I can't even have an epic death? This is pure bollocks I tell ya!" That's what he'd say to me, almost, if not exactly that. No, no death would have been epic enough for my brother Fred, but it surely could have been more epic than the one he received. This whole paragraph probably sounds horrible, but if you could only understand half of Fred, you'd understand why that is imporant.
No matter what, nobody will ever replace Fred. He's been the only person in my life that I could fully trust with everything I have. I will never receive the thrill of making him laugh again. I never again will receive the thrill of making others laugh with my twin. If there was ever one thing Fred lived for, it was making others laugh and that is why I continue to run our shop. I will do it until the day my not so epic death comes along, and I will run our shop with pride. Pride for my brother, who left me way too early. I need Fred, still, and I'll need him everyday until I can be with him again. Honestly, I loved Fred more than I ever let on. There is nobody like him on our planet, or on any others, or any where and there never will be. Everyday I wake up Fred gives me the strength to go on without him, because I know that's what he would want. I know that's what he would have done had it been me who died and sometimes I wake up wishing it were me and trying to still make sense of this all. I can't stand the pain sometimes, and it's causing me to become a person I never thought I'd become and a person I know Fred wouldn't have liked. If someone would have told me years ago, that Fred would be gone, I would have punched them straight in the mouth. I would have been so offended and put off that I wouldn't have been able to contain myself. I would have obsessed over it for years and until that day came, I was unable to believe that Fred would ever be farther than a bedroom away from me.
I know I keep repeating myself over again, but it's now mostly me making sense of it all. Tonight I will go to bed and hope that this is all just a terribly bad dream, but tomorrow I'll wake up and realize that Fred isn't coming back. He's never coming back and until he does, I'm never going to be the same person. The night that I don't go to bed hoping this is all just a bad dream is the day that I will truly be able to go on with my life, and possibly get married and have children. I don't imagine that being anytime soon. I know that scares a lot of people away from me, but they don't understand. Losing a loved one is a bad, bad thing, but losing a part of you that's been there since birth is the most brutal feeling in the universe. It's literally torn my entire life apart and I wake up feeling sick and depressed and getting through the days becomes harder, not easier. I've already mentioned not wanting to wake up just so I can be with him, but that's not at all what he would have wanted. He'd want me to go on with my life and he'd want me to keep putting laughter into other people's lives. I will eventually, and I promise you right now Fred, that I will continue doing all of those things to the best of my ability, but you have to understand now, that I am in a fragile state and it's almost as if I'm just a walking, somewhat talking body, without a soul in sight, but some day, I will pull myself to be true to myself and true to you, Fred.
So, after all is said and done, Fred is gone at the end of the day. He's gone at the beginning of the day, and he'll never be able to return. There is hope though. That hope lies somewhere deep beneath the pain I feel for the loss of my truest friend and the person that I was never going to be ready to let go. Fred was, and still is, the most amazing person I've ever met and nobody will be able to even come close to him. My brother was my life and now that he's gone it may seem that I have nothing, but he lives on within me. He is the hope that resides underneath the pain, and he will surface one day and continue to make this world a better place through me. I know that no matter what I do, there will never be a way for me to completely get rid of the hurt, but I know that I will be able to do all of the things that Fred would have wanted me to do, and that he still wants me to do. Wherever Fred is, I know that he's happy and I know that he's watching over me and our family. I know he wants us all to be happy and to let go of the pain, but he knows that may be the hardest task any of us have ever been asked to do. Explaining all of this has been relatively easier than I would have ever thought it to be, but sharing it will prove to be easier. Others try to understand what I'm going through, and I hope now that they are fully aware of the things that keep me awake at night or inside of our flat during the day.
I know Fred would have wanted me to share this with you and I know he would have wanted you all to understand the difficult time I'm having, even months after his death. If you won't understand for me, understand for Fred because I know wherever he is he's watching me and everyone who reads this. He's watching out for me, because he knows that I'm not as strong as him, and he wants to help me be as strong as him. Maybe this was his way of doing that. It doesn't matter because whatever he is doing, and wherever he is, I know he misses me just as much as I miss him, and I know that he knows that my life will never been the same. He can't wait until the day we are able to reunite, and neither can I. He still needs me, even though he may not be able to feel that and he is still making others laugh.
There is no way Fred will ever be forgotten. There is no way I will ever let my brother, my friend, my twin, be forgotten. Fred lives on in everyday that I live on, because the bond between twins can't even be broken by something as strong as death.
I hope everyone enjoyed that! I tried to fix all of my errors and I hope I got them all! Please tell me what you think, good and bad! Please, please, please let me know. Writing is something I do in my spare time, but I want to make it my future someday, so please let me know what you think! Thank you so much!
- Katie =]