She was riding down the street when he called her name.
"Emma!" She turned to look, and her heart nearly stopped when she saw none other than Leo Roth, jogging down the sidewalk in the opposite direction. She couldn't help but stare in shock, until she ran right into a tree and fell over sideways. Leo was by her side, offering a hand to help her up.
"Oh gosh, Emma, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"I'm fine, I'm fine," she said, with a nervous laugh. The fall was nothing compared to this surprise. The Leo Roth, living and breathing in front of her. How long had it been?
"What are you doing here?" she asked, wide-eyed. She had never seen him around New Haven before, and she couldn't imagine what had brought him here now.
Leo looked sheepish. "I uh, I go to NYU actually. I'm on the club soccer team and we're up here for a tournament this weekend. What are you doing here?"
"I go to school here. To Yale, I mean."
Leo raised his eyebrows. "Yale? Really? Wow. I mean- I knew that was your dream school but I never knew…" he trailed off.
Emma bit back the urge to ask if he thought she'd never have gotten in. That wasn't what he meant. And it wasn't his fault he didn't know. After all, they'd lost touch years ago.
"NYU though? That's really cool," she said instead.
Leo laughed. "Yeah, they offered me a near full ride."
"Leo, that's awesome. Congratulations." He shrugged. They stood there for a moment, shuffling their feet in the silence.
"Do you wanna go somewhere?" Leo asked finally. Did she want to go somewhere? Did she want to go somewhere and catch up with the boy she once thought the world of, the boy who had once broken her heart, and the boy whose hand she had held as his own world broke around him?
"That sounds… great." And when she smiled at him, she meant it.
They made their way to a small coffee shop off Third Street. It was cozy without being cramped, with big windows and soft painted walls and chairs. It smelled of deep, sweet coffee and herbal tea.
They sat at table in the corner with a view of the people passing by, though both were far more interested in the person sitting across from them than anything outside the window.
"It's crazy, running into you like this," Leo said. It was. The last time they had spoken was nearly three years ago.
After they both returned to the hospital, they decided it was best to remain friends for the time being. They were good friends too- she helped him study, and he joined her at breakfast to keep her company. Some nights they'd gather the other patients together, their fellow Red Banders, and they'd watch movies on the roof, or Jordi would bring up his guitar and they'd dance under twinkling lights that had been strung up across the poles. Leo finally got to use his Wish. The whole gang had spent an incredible week sightseeing in California- visiting DisneyLand, touring Hollywood, and concluding with a camp out on a beach in SoCal. All the original Red Banders were back- Kara, Jordi, Emma, Dash. Mae came, and Charlie even made the drive to join in on the fun. Leo had even made certain that their favorite staff- Nurse Jackson, Doctor McAndrews, Kenji, and Brittany got a break. They hadn't been able to take the whole week off, but they'd shown up for a day at Disney and were treated to a nice cottage on the beach the last night. But eventually, Emma had gotten well enough to leave inpatient.
Emma sat on the end of her bed, Leo in the chair across from her.
"So I guess this is it," she said quietly.
"Yeah, I guess so." Leo fiddled with the bands on his wrist. "It won't be the same around here without you."
"I'll miss you too," Emma said. She looked at him, her brown eyes finding his. They said nothing out loud for a few seconds. "It wouldn't have worked with us, would it?" Emma asked.
"No," said Leo, smiling sadly. "Not like this at least. Not here."
Emma nodded. "Still, I'm glad I got to be friends with you."
"Me too," he echoed. Another long pause. It was so uncomfortable, saying goodbye. So awkward. Neither was ready for this abrupt ending, this wide and unknown new thing.
"I don't think we should see each other anymore," Leo said suddenly.
"I was thinking the same thing," Emma admitted. She understood what he meant. They weren't dating, that wasn't what was ending. But their relationship, no matter what it was, had been defined by the hospital, by sickness and illness. They both needed time to heal now. To recover.
"I'm going to be working hard to get better," she said. "To stay better. And you've got all your PT and treatments and trials. We're both going to be so busy. And I need to…" Emma stopped, frowning. But Leo didn't miss a beat.
"No, you're right. You need to focus on yourself. You deserve that. And I need to focus on myself too. All my energy has to be spent fighting this. We won't be able to see each other that often anyways. But, yeah. I'll miss you, Emma."
She gave him a small smile. Leaned over, and kissed his cheek. Just once. And that was the last time they spoke.
Emma left Ocean Park minutes later. Her therapist was there to see her off, Nurse Jackson gave her a wide smile, and Brittany couldn't help but hug her. They were proud of her. She was proud of her. Jordi promised to email her, Dash high-fived her, and Kara rolled her eyes and gave her a quick hug, though they'd become better friends than either would admit.
From time to time, she would come back for an outpatient visit- checking in with her physician, weighing-in and updating her meal plans, and seeing her therapist when Dr. Taylor was too busy to come out to the branch clinics. Those offices were far from the inpatient wards though. She thought about it sometimes, going up and seeing Leo. Once she'd even made her way up to the ward, and paused outside his room. Emma could see him through the painted windows. He was there, with Dash and Jordi, and a few other patients she didn't recognize. They were laughing loudly, and Leo had a huge grin on his face. He looked happy. He looked whole. And so, with a lump in her throat, she turned around and took the elevator back down.
"So," Emma began now, stirring her green tea. "Are you uh, doing better now?" She had made the choice to not look up Leo on social media, deciding that it was best if they went their separate ways. They had needed space to be themselves, to learn to like themselves and know themselves.
"I am actually, yeah. In remission for two years strong now. Still got the leg though," he added, patting his knee, the spot where she knew his own skin and bone ran out and the rubber prosthesis began. "What about you? Are you… er… better?"
"Trying to be," she told him. "I mean, I'm a lot better than I was, but it kind of sticks around in a way. Like, I don't eat numbers anymore, and I'm learning to be okay with the way I look. I don't faint and I'm not starving, and I've gotten a bit stronger. But I still have to be careful when I exercise, and desserts still make me nervous, and I still haven't had a donut or potato chips in a long time. But, I'm doing better, thanks." Emma had made friends in recovery groups and even met some nice girls in the inpatient program. But of her friends who weren't suffering from eating disorders, Leo was one of those who worked the hardest to understand it, and she had always appreciated that.
Again, the silence settled awkwardly on them.
"Gosh, I'm not used to seeing you outside of a hospital," Leo said.
"I don't know what else to ask," Emma confessed. "Everything I knew about you, I knew when we were sick."
Leo's eyes grew wide suddenly. "Emma, do you remember that awful date I made you go on?" he asked. Emma thought for a moment, and then it rushed back to her, like a scene from a familiar movie.
"And you got that awful Chinese takeout?" She couldn't help but smile at the memory. "I don't think I ate a single bite."
"And then I made up that lame story about how we met," Leo interjected.
"And then your leg caught on fire!" Emma gasped, giggling.
"Only because you knocked that candle over!"
"Yeah, and then you tried to make up for it by bringing an girl with anorexia a box of chocolates!" At this point they were both trying to stifle their laughter so as not to disturb the other patrons. Emma wiped her eyes, shaking her head in disbelief. It all felt like so long ago, and yet it seemed like only yesterday.
"And then you broke up with me," Leo sighed, but the smile hadn't faded from his face.
"I'm pretty sure you broke up with me right after that," Emma smirked. Once it had been a painful memory, but they'd come a long way since then. They had both never mentioned the night Leo and Kara had spent together after that day- all three of them had moved on, and nobody really wanted to bring it up again. Too much guilt, too much regret. It was something best left in the past, as most sour things were. It was nice to have things to look back on though, memories that still tasted sweet, things that they could laugh about. They were problems of past selves, and both were grateful that they didn't have to deal with them in the present.
"Maybe we just weren't meant to meet outside of Ocean Park," Emma said wistfully. Leo seemed to be considering this, but then he smacked his hand on the table.
"You know what? No. I reject that wholeheartedly." Emma was taken aback by this, but he went on. "I just can't believe that I can only get to know someone as smart, and funny, and kind, and awesome as you when we're sick. I can do better than that. We're both better than that."
Emma could feel the pink creeping into her cheeks, but she straightened up and tried to look collected, calm. She did want to get to know him. How many times had she wondered what he was up to? Normally she tried to push the thought of him away, and when she was busy she usually succeeded, though there would always be those rare moments when the world slowed down and she remembered the boy with one leg and beautiful brown eyes, who held her hand on hospital rooftops.
"So," she said. "What is the new and improved Leo Roth like?"
Leo took a sip from his coffee, thinking. He seemed to have come up with a satisfactory response, because he began.
"Well, let's see. The new Leo Roth. He goes to NYU. And he's actually kind of smart, after someone taught him how to study. He listens to Mumford and Sons, and he actually did join the debate team. He read all of Thornton Wilder's plays. He's vice-captain of the club soccer team, and playing goalie. And he still can't cook."
"Hm," Emma said. "What's he studying?"
"He thought about PT, but that seemed to cliché. So he's majoring in political science. With a minor in sports psychology," Leo added.
"Of course," Emma laughed.
"Well, he couldn't give up on it completely. And what about the new Emma Chota?"
Emma stared down at her tea. The new Emma? So much about her had changed since her time at Ocean Park. She was so different now, so much happier.
"The new Emma Chota," she said slowly, "is at Yale. And she's still a pretty big nerd." She flashed Leo a smile. The new Emma was confident enough to make fun of herself. "She really, really likes the Beatles. She's pretty good at Mock Trial and she likes writing- poetry especially. It's relaxing. She spends way too much time watching Doctor Who. And once a month she helps out at the art therapy clinic at the Children's Hospital."
"Wow," said Leo, leaning back in his chair. "I'm impressed. But then again, you've always been pretty impressive." Again, she could feel herself blushing. "Are you back to saving the world? Studying how to end poverty?"
"Well, actually I'm double majoring in astrophysics and French."
Leo ran his hand through his hair- it had grown back, but he kept it cropped short. "Geez, Emma. I knew you were brilliant. Astrophysics. Wow. But French?" he raised an eyebrow, questioning.
"It has a certain… oh, je ne sais quoi," Emma teased.
Suddenly the distance between them all these years didn't feel so far. Leo wasn't the boy with cancer anymore, wasn't Superman. He was real and he was here. And she wasn't the lonely, starving girl anymore. She no longer hated herself, no longer blamed herself. The best parts of them were emerging. Emma had thought that Leo would be totally unrecognizable these days. But that wasn't true. In fact, he seemed more familiar than ever. As though she'd known him all this time and had been waiting to find him. And from the way he was looking at her, she was pretty sure he felt the same way.
"I missed you," Leo said.
"Me too," Emma replied.
All this time, I missed you. This you. This me. This us.