Welcome one, welcome all to The Timeline Chronology!

Surprisingly, this story came about when I was procrastinating writing my other Legend of Zelda story, Remnants. Which, if you end up liking this story, I'd highly recommend you go check out. :)

Basically, the premise of this story is that I'm going to write a story for each of the Legend of Zelda games. (Note: The canon ones! Although I dabble in a few of the non-canon games...) They'll be humorous and pretty short, so if you're in for a quick read on your favorite Zelda games, read on!

We begin with The Legend of Zelda...

Hi, I'm here to file a complaint about the punk who stole my sword.

Yes, I know there's a lot of punks around here, but this one's the lead punk. The king punk. The punk-to-end-all-punks.

I am not getting off track! Sorry, let me continue with my tale of woe.

You might know my company from the commercials, office – you know, "It's Dangerous to Go Alone, try the Old Man Brand swords to fight off those pesky enemies!" With that stupid little jingle I thought would be catchy at the time and I regretted the moment it went on air. Yes, that one.

Well, our main venue is this little cave, that's where I started my craft. I tell you, officer, I'm a darned good swordsmith, I've been in this business for a while now, and I don't mess around. Only the best for the Old Man Brand, that's what my old man used to say. No pun intended, officer.

Okay, I'll get to the crime. I had just laid out a new sword for the pickings, hadn't even put on a price tag or anything. My swords are nice, but they ain't cheap, but I'm expecting a few customers that day, so I just leave it out there and I'll negotiate with the buyer.

Then the Punk walks in.

Can I ID him? Sure. Funny-looking fellow, crazy getup, with some tunic and boots and a strange windsock hat. The things kids will to do get attention these days are astounding. Made me stare a little as he walked in, just as you please, straight through the door.

I was so shocked by his strange appearance I didn't even launch into the whole "Welcome to Old Man Brand Swordsmithy, how may I help you?" spiel. Gaped at him a little bit to be honest, just stood there as he came in. He was wandering around the shop for a while too, and it's pretty bare besides a few torches to the side – mood lighting, officer. He walks right up to them and stands there, then when he realizes there aren't secret passages behind them or something he walks up to me, right in front of the sword.

And you know what that Punk does, officer?

He straight-up takes the sword in his hand and steals it!

Not like he was trying to conceal it or anything, held it over his head like an idiot, just in case I couldn't see him. Worst shoplifter ever. I guess it was my fault for not putting a price tag on it, but that doesn't mean it's free for the taking!

Yes, officer, I'll calm down.

After he puts the sword down – yes, he was holding it over his head, as I said before, then I barely manage to squeak out, "It's Dangerous to Go Alone, take this!" The company motto, you'll understand. Don't know what possessed me, but that's what you're supposed to say when a customer buys a product. So the Punk takes the sword!

No wallet, officer. Doubt he had a rupee on him. Looked like the slacker type, too. Who wears a hat like that, anyways?

Before I can stop him the Punk is walking to the door. The whole experience was so unreal I just watched him go, didn't even try to stop him as he left. In seconds he was out the door and gone.

No, I did not just let him go. I tried to chase him down, but nearby there are monsters and he had just taken my only weapon, mind you. So I'm stuck defenseless in my store, and there are customers coming soon.

Where do I think he is now? Wreaking havoc on other responsible salesmen, that's what. You'll find a trail of stolen goods and dead monsters in his wake. Little Punk. Kids these days, officer. Don't have any courtesy left in them. You know, he didn't even say a word to me during the whole ordeal. Just popped in, stole my sword, and waltzed out like the Hero of Time himself.

You want me to elaborate on him some more? How many weirdo Punks are there in this realm?

Fine. When he first came in I saw his tunic first – bright green, gaudy, if you ask me. I'm a more muted-colors guy. More businesslike, that's how I see it. Bet that Punk never worked a day in his life.

Hair? Brown, I think. It was hidden in his stupid little cap I told you about. The hat? Long, draped down over his head like this. Can I draw you a picture? Sure, like this. Sorry, I'm a swordsmith, not an artist. You'd recognize him in an instant with that ridiculous outfit.

Pants? Funnily enough, he was wearing these strange white leggings. I know, officer, crazy, right? No self-respecting young man goes out dressed like that! And the shoes? Boots, rose to about here on his leg. Yes, brown. How would I know to make a plaster cast of the shoeprint? No, I don't have plaster of paris in my shop.

You want to know what he looked like when he came in? Admittedly, a little spacey. Wandered around a little bit, and I wondered to myself if he wasn't playing with a full deck, you know? Especially when he went up to the torch and stared at it for a while. Odd. You don't have any escaped mentally ill patients with that ID? No?

He didn't steal anything else. My store is kind of small, more like a boutique, so unless he wanted to steal those torches he was so fascinated with there wasn't much else to swipe. No threats, no nothing. Like I said, didn't even speak.

Do you have a lineup of suspects? You haven't rounded up anyone yet? I know the law is doing the best they can, officer, but can't you pick up the pace? I have angry customers to appease and a Punk to catch?

Yes, I can go back to the shop. I'll keep you updated if the Punk comes back.

You'll contact me with any news? Thank you for your time, officer. Please, do Old Man Brand a solid and catch that Punk!

So, what do you think? Gives the old man in the cave a new perspective, huh?

Since I'm dual-posting today you might want to check out the next story for Zelda II. I think it's pretty cool... But go see for yourself!

By the way, type what you think so far in the review box! I love to hear from you!

Until next time! (Which, in this case, should be two seconds.)