Written for: SPN Last Author Standing contest – Round 5

Assignment: First person POV (I chose Gary from Swap Meat)

Warnings: naughty language, masturbation, homoerotic thoughts

I belch, which allows me to re-enjoy the delicious artificial banana flavor from my daiquiri. This gets me to giggling uncontrollably as I weave my way towards the men's room. Stupid long legs—don't trip me now. I am a smokin' hot man on a mission.

Yeah, I'm a virgin. But I'm smart enough to know that my boner's not going to last more than 10 seconds with my new-found blonde friend. I'm going to have to rub one out now in order to build my stamina for the sexual romp to come. And—truth be told—I really just want to look at myself again.

I check myself out in the mirror over the sink. I am freakin' gorgeous! I smile disarmingly at Sam Winchester, and he smiles back at me. Twin dimples make a brief appearance. My dick comes to life inside my jeans, and that has nothing to do with Crystal the Cougar. What the hell? I am SO not gay! I remind myself. But still. How does this guy get through the day without fondling himself on a regular basis?

I check the men's room for stragglers, and when I find none, I lock the door from the inside. There's a full length mirror on the back of the door and it's perfect for what I have in mind. I start by slowly taking off the olive cargo jacket and laying it over the sink. I am biting my lip and my oh-so-carefree bangs keep falling into my eyes. I open the buttons on my plaid shirt, top to bottom, one at a time. My heart is beating so loudly they've gotta hear it in the bar.

I leave my shirt on, but open. Sam was wearing way too many layers when we tranked him, but I fixed that pretty quickly. And it's a damn good thing. Abs like these should not be hidden from the world. No, sir. I massage one of my biceps, then trail the hand down across my nipples. Looking in the mirror like this, it's easy to imagine Sam touching me. That's not too gay sounding now is it? Focus, dammit. Focus!

I run my fingers over every ridge of my stomach. Is it possible to have an eight-pack? Because this guy does. The muscles flutter in response. By now, my cock feels a yard long. Who knows? Maybe it is. I checked it out earlier when I had to pee and it was pretty impressive even then. I'm breathing hard now, and I almost hurt myself unzipping my jeans. I only need to push them down the slightest bit in order to reach in and—holy shit!

Well, I'm proportional. I smirk at myself. I lick the palm of my huge right hand and reach down. At this, I am a pro… even without Sam Winchester's good looks to help me. It isn't long until I'm there. My knees are shaking, so I lean against the mirror until my forehead is touching Sam's. It's so intense that I close my eyes. Big mistake. It's Dean I see now. A pair of piercing green eyes and a gruff, concerned voice around a shot glass. I'm coming harder than I've ever come, and all I see are those eyes.

Seconds later, there's a knock on the door.

"You OK in there, sweetie?" Crystal calls. Her voice is like honey.

I take a minute to pull myself together. I wash my hands, using the excess water to smooth down my skillfully tousled hair. I straighten up to my full height and give Sam a high five. "Oh yeah, baby. I'm on my way."