"Charity? Coffee? Please?" Charity who is perfectly content with Vanessa wrapped in her arms, groans. She doesn't reply. Instead, she pulls Vanessa impossibly closer and nuzzles her face into the crook of her neck.
"Your nose is freezing." The smaller blonde gasps when said nose touched her skin. In response, Charity pressed her nose closer to her and began breathing through her mouth. Ness giggles. "You're adorable. But we have to get up. I don't want Ryan's voice to rip my ears off before I have time to listen to Christmas songs."
"Mmmm." Charity hums, too comfortable to move. Vanessa smiles, her eyes closed. She gives it a few minutes before turning around in her best friend's arms. Charity had never been a morning person but Vanessa always found it incredibly amusing to wake her up.
Looking at the digital clock behind Charity, the blonde sighs. Time to get up. Like now.
So she presses her lips unto Charity's ice cold nose and smiles when it scrunches up. That would prompt her to move from sleepy to less sleepy. But it isn't enough to wake her up. So the vet moves to the next step. She rubs her hand against Charity's sides where she's most ticklish. Charity groans like she always does. But there's also the smile that always told Vanessa that she won't be grumpy like she normally is when it's the alarm clock that wakes her up with its "loud, fucking siren" noise (Charity's exact words).
For the last step, Vanessa almost regretfully pulls away from Charity's arms.
"Babe…" Charity says, her voice hoarse with sleep. She grasps Vanessa's one arm, trying to keep her in place.
"Come on, sleepy head." She says, gently. And then she bends down and kisses Charity's cheek. That would appease her for when Vanessa gets up and walks to the kitchen despite her protests.
Charity, for her part, misses her warmth almost instantly and her eyes open. Vanessa is already out the door. The blonde remains in bed for five more minutes, smiling at how perfect everything is just like it always is when she wakes up to Vanessas scent.
It's almost perfect. Except for the fact that Ness has this boyfriend.
But Charity still smiles. Because last night, Vanessa was in her arms not his. The thought makes up for a lot of things, especially the fact that she's awake at six in the morning on a Monday no less.
Charity drags herself out of the warmth that is Vanessa's bed and proceeded to follow the blonde. She can already smell the eggs and bacon and her stomach grumbles in approval.
Jonny is on the couch watching some kiddy show. He looks up and grins at Charity.
"'Morning, Jonnybobs"Charity says.
"'Morning Chatty" Jonny waves, using his nickname for the barmaid.
She walked into the kitchen, waving her hand as she went.
The sight of Vanessa cooking breakfast with an apron will never get old for Charity. She leans on the doorframe watching as the blonde moved like she's dancing. She finishes with the eggs and sets the steaming pan in the sink and begins washing it as she hums a tune.
Charity hugs her from behind and Vanessa doesn't complain. Instead, she leans back to her best friend, perfectly content.
"Chatty! Juice!" Jonny breaks the moment and Charity almost wanted to go to the living room and slap the back of his head lightly. But then Vanessa giggles and that's all it takes for her annoyance to dissipate.
Everybody knows that Charity makes the best juice for Jonny. Some days like this, she wishes that she doesn't know how to even touch a cup. But she doesn't complain.
An hour later, the two blondes are well fed and awake and dressed for work. Jonny was dropped off at nursery right after breakfast. Right when they entered the car, Vanessa's phone rang and Charity feels the dread.
"Kirin!" The blonde sounded genuinely happy and the smile on her face makes Charity feel sick. She thought that she had dealt with this. Then why, why does it still hurt when she said his name?
Suddenly, the perfect morning haze dissipates and she comes crashing down to reality. Charity taps Vanessa's shoulder and waves goodbye. Green eyes are carefully guarded and Vanessa instantly knows that something's wrong. However, Charity turned away too fast as the girl tries to open the car door, completely forgetting that it was locked.
"I'm okay. I'm about to head to work. You?" Vanessa manages to grab Charity's arm stopping her from stepping out of the car. She doesn't turn around.
"Mmhmm. Yes, I'm eating well. In fact, I might be eating a little too much." Vanessa chuckles about something Kirin said while at the same time, she tugs Charity's arm. She turns to shoot Vanessa a smile that's about as real as Chas' boobs and Vanessa sees right through it.
"Hey listen. I'm going to be late. I'm sorry. But stay safe, okay?" Vanessa pauses, tightening her grip on Charity's arm when she felt her pull away. "Yeah, okay. Bye. I love you."
Charity closes her eyes when she hears Vanessa say it. She takes in a deep breath.
Get a hold of yourself, Dingle. She's your bestfriend. Act like one. She thinks to herself.
"What are you doing?" Charity thought she heard fear somewhere but she quickly brushes it off; it was too much to hope for. She already had her fair share of disappointments and hell if she lets this one be another one.
So she turns and swallows the heartbreak. She smiles.
"I was going to just take my car."
"Why?"
"Err, you were talking to him and I didn't want to be rude." There's a flash of disappointment in blue eyes and Charity thinks she's just being delusional. It was gone and instead Vanessa surprises her by throwing her head back and laughing.
"Since when was that ever an issue between us?" Since I fell in love with you. Charity giggles instead and Vanessa reaches over to pull her in her arms. Charity doesn't respond.
"You know what's rude? The fact that I'm hugging you and you aren't hugging back." Vanessa says. On her defense, her freaking essence made it impossible for any thought or action to make an actual sense in Charity's mind. However, she snaps out of it. She returns the hug, tightening her hold until Ness laughs again.
"Are you trying to kill me?" Charity lets her go and she fakes a horrified gasp.
"I would never do that." The vet slaps her arm.
Charity can't help it. She stares at Vanessa as the other drives and sings to a song Charity can't hear. Her heart aches at the beauty in front of her and she understands how someone can be so near yet so far. It's her own fault, she thinks. At first, she decided to stay away from the blonde before she got into deep shit. But Vanessa wouldn't let her and pretty soon, she decided "to hell with it." She promised herself that she's not going to ask for anything more than the blonde was offering and if it's only until the bestest friends there is, then she would be perfectly happy. But it's times like this that she wishes with everything she has.
Vanessa notices her staring and she blushes in embarrassment.
"What?"
"Nothing."
"Charity."
"I just…" Charity almost hates her pounding heart. "I…" Damn it. How hard can it be? "I… You're beautiful." Charity wants to kick herself. Vanessa blushes though and giggles.
"Look who's talking."
"I know right?" Charity says, in an attempt to hide her current inner dilemma.
"This is why I love you." Her heart stops beating. She's torn between crying and laughing. Crying because she knows that Vanessa doesn't mean it in the way Charity wants her to. Laughing because she said it like it was so natural and yet Charity can't say it without choking. She chooses to smile.
"I love you too." And Charity knows when Vanessa turns to wink at her, that the blonde has no idea just how much she actually meant it.
"Hello?" Chas answers the phone. It was a little late and she wanted nothing more than to hit the sack. She and Paddy just came from work. The older man had fallen asleep while Chas drove and the tiny brunette had taken it upon herself to carry him/ drag him to their bed. Paddy fell asleep again as soon as Chas took her heels off.
For a moment she doesn't hear anything from the other line and she thought that maybe Charity had pocket-dialed her. But then she hears the faint sounds of sniffling.
"Charity?"
"Chas…" Uh-oh.
"Hold on, okay? I'll be there in 15." Her statement is immediately followed by a whimper.
"Thanks." Chas hangs up and sighs as she runs a hand through her curly black hair.
She really did want to sleep. But Charity's almost like her sister and she just can't bear to leave her like this. So she rummages in her bag for a pen and paper to leave a note just in case Paddy wakes up and she's not there.
She sticks the note on Paddy's phone knowing that it's the first thing she'll grab when she wakes up. Paddy is snoring lightly which rarely happens. Chas loves every moment of it though. She does no effort to restrain herself as she bends over to the sleeping Paddy and kisses his cheek. She smiles when the sleeping manchilds nose scrunches.
"Bye." She whispers. She stands up and gets ready to leave. But before she could, Paddy's hand shoots out almost as soon as she turns away and heads to the door. His grasp on Chas' wrist is weak but when hazel eyes meet brown ones, she hears the question that Paddy doesn't need to voice out.
"Hey Paddy. Charity's broken again."
"Ness?" Paddy croaks out.
"Probably. God knows she's the only person who can put Charity in such a state. Seriously. That woman needs to stop being blind." Paddy chuckles softly and Chas smiles at him. "So anyway, I promised I'm going to be at hers in a few minutes, so I gotta go and play Superman, okay?" Chas doesn't miss the way Paddy's eyes drop.
"Hey." Chas says as she crouches down to meet Paddy's eyes.
"Hi." Paddy says in reply, a smile tugging on his lips.
"I'll be back by morning, okay?" This time, the man stays quiet. His smile fades slowly and his eyes cloud with uncertainty. Chas attempts to comfort her by placing a gentle hand on her warm cheek. That seems to help Paddy decide.
"Can I come with?" He asks so softly that chas almost misses it. But she does and her answering smile is so bright that Paddy can't help but return it.
"Well, you better drag your skinny butt out of bed. I am so not carrying you again." Paddy chuckles. He throws the cover off her and she manages to stand up although hes wobbly. It's okay though. Chas' there to catch him.
"Thanks, my Lady." He says and Chas replies by tightening her hold on around his waist.
The silence in the car is content as Paddy does his best to keep himself from sleeping. Chas' scent is comforting and really it's not helping his current battle with his eyelids. Paddy reaches over to take her hand form the wheel and the girl complies willingly. Chas can figure out how to drive with one hand.
"Keep your eyes open Pad. We're almost there. And then you can crash in Charity's guestroom while we go fatten ourselves with ice cream."
"Chas, you never get fat." Paddy says flatly to which Chas laughs heartily.
"Well, I'm sorry for that."
They pull up on Charity's driveway and it kinda scares the both of them when the normally lit up house is dark.
"Chas…"
"I know."
Paddy forgets the sleep because even though Charity's closer to Chas, the girl is still one of his close friends. He's witnessed these moments with Chas for a couple of times and those times are enough to make her say she was actually scared that Charity might break in his lady's arms.
"Grab the ice cream and lock the car. I'm gonna go see if Charity's still alive." Paddy nods his head.
Chas doesn't even bother knocking. She barges in knowing that the door will be open for her. She's met with darkness. Her heart pounds as she worries.
"Charity?" She calls out, hoping for a response. The silence answers her back.
"Charity?" She tries again. This time she hears a sniff. She turns her head to the direction and she sees Charity come towards her. She's in a tight black dress and she looked absolutely breathtaking except her makeup is running with her tears.
"Oh, Charity Dingle." She hears Paddy say beside her. Paddy pushes Chas into action and pretty soon, Charity's in her arms, sobbing her heart out. And Paddy thinks that no matter how many times she sees this, it will never fail to scare her. After all, it's not every day that you witness a strong person like Charity fall apart. And Charity was the strongest person he knew.
"She… She…"
"Shh. It's okay. Cry it out." Paddy doesn't need to be told what to do. He goes straight to the kitchen and grabs three bowls. Looks like he's not going to get much sleep tonight. And honestly right now, he could care less.
It takes half an hour but eventually Charity's sobs turn into quiet tears and though she's far from okay, Chas and Paddy are relieved.
"Hey. Sorry I'm crashing this party." Paddy says as soon as the three of them is settled in the couch. Charity's head is on Chas' lap and Paddy is on the floor so she's in Charity's eye level.
"It's okay. Actually, thank you. To both of you." Charity attempts a smile and it comes out a little too sad but Chas and Paddy doesn't mind. Because then, at least she's trying.
Charity sits up when Paddy hands her her ice cream. Chas enthusiastically jumps up and grabs the remote.
"Rugrats!" She exclaims. Charity giggles and Padddy looks at her softly and she blushes. "You guys are mean."
"And you're addicted." Paddy says.
"It's not my fault Reptar's cute." Paddy shakes her head but smiles at how adorable Chas' being.
Two hours later and more than a couple refills of ice cream, Charity is back on Chas' lap and Paddy is still on the floor, leaning against her lady's legs. It's 12am when Charity decides to talk.
"Yesterday marks that day three years ago when Vanessa first walked into the pub. Yesterday marks that day when we became friends. Yesterday marks that day when I fell in love with her." Chas mutes Rugrats. Paddy doesn't turn but he reaches behind her to take Charity's cold hand in his.
They knew, of course. Actually, almost everybody knew except for the one person that matters. It wasn't hard to see when Charity looked at Vanessa like she's the only person she sees. It wasn't hard to see when Charity looks longingly at Vanessa when the blonde goes off to answer Kirins call.
"I told her to keep yesterday free and she agreed. I was going to tell her." Chas flinches. "I waited for her. She was already three hours late but I kept waiting for her until I couldn't anymore. And then she texted me. Kirin came for a surprise visit."
"And that's when you called me." Chas continues for her. Charity takes in a shaky breath attempting to push back the tears as she nods. She's so tired of sobbing her eyes out that it takes only a bit of willpower not to breakdown. Instead, she grips Paddy's hand and is grateful when the bald man squeezes back.
"I was going to tell her. I was going to tell her just how much I actually love her."
"I'm so sorry, Charity." Chas says as she feels the heartbreak. It may not even a half of what Charity must feeling and that makes the brunette hurt a little more.
"Not as much as I am."
"But you'll still love her." Paddy says, gently. He wasn't accusing her. He's simply stating a fact. Charity closes her eyes.
"Yes. I'll still love her." And then she breaks and the shaking turns into convulsions. "Oh God. Oh God. I love her. What have I done?"
"Shh, Charity." Paddy says as she turns to face him. "You didn't do anything bad. In fact, what you're doing is something true and pure and brave. You hear me, Dingle? You didn't do anything wrong. And we're proud of you. We're proud that you had the courage to tell us and the courage to almost tell her." A sob escapes Charity.
"Hey. Listen, it'll be okay. I know it doesn't seem like it right now but you have to hold on. We're here and you're not in this alone. But you have to believe that everything's going to be okay. Because it will be. I swear on Reptar's head that it will be." Charity sniffs, letting a smile show. Chas is quick to return it.
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because Charity, you love her don't you? And I know that you're completely and truly in love with her. Have faith in that."
Another hour later, Charity falls into a dreamless sleep. But she looks much better than she did three hours ago and that's enough for them. Now, Chas and Paddy are snuggled up in the guestroom.
"Chas?" Paddy whispers. Chas squeezes his waist in reply. "I love you." Green eyes open. When the smaller woman turns in his arms, he notices the sparkle in Chas' eyes and he breathes a sigh of relief.
"I'm in love with you." Paddy says just in case Chas doesn't get it. This time, the brunette smiles softly at him.
"Pad, you should know by now that I love you too." In response, the man snuggles into Chas' warmth.
"I know. I just… It scares me you know? Not being able to tell the person you love. I mean, what if you die tomorrow? I'll never get to tell you and I'll regret that forever." Paddy feels her lady press her further into him to which he complies willingly.
"Sleep. Don't worry about Charity. She's strong. And Ness isn't dumb." She sighs contentedly as she lets her eyelids fall.
"You'll be here when I wake up?"
"Promise."
"Dingle."
"Chas. Marlon." Charity greets her two friends with the bravest smile she can put on but as usual they see right through it.
"What's with the nerves?" Chas asks, a grin on her face that let's Charity know that she knows exactly what's about to happen.
"It's a secret." She banters back, riding along. Marlon observes the exchange and scowls.
"Helloooo? Who'd be nice enough to enlighten me?" He says. Charity giggles.
"Sorry, Marlon. I was… umm…" He raises an eyebrow at the now stuttering and nervous blonde. Chas rolls her eyes and punches her shoulder.
"What Charity is trying, and failing, to say here is that she's going to confess her undying and eternallove for a certain Vanessa Woodfeild whether Woodfeild likes it or not." Charity's redder than an apple especially when Marlon gasps dramatically and claps his hand together and then jumps into Charity's arms.
"Oh, I'm so glad for you! Finally! I was wondering if my gaydar's failing me but apparently not."
"Good luck girl though I'm sure you don't need it." Liv who suddenly materializes beside Chas says with a knowing smile. Charity's mouth drops open and then she scowls.
"You know?"
"Of course I know. Gossip's my thang!" Charity shakes her head. "And you're not really that subtle, you know. I think everybody knows." Liv laughs at Charity's priceless face before the girl shakes her head, a small smile tugging on her lips.
"Except the person that matters."
"Yes, but you're about to do something about that now, right? Don't you dare, chicken out or I swear to God, I'm never going to let you hear the end of it." Paddy, who suddenly appears beside Chas, says. Charity, who's now in Livs arms, face palms.
"Who else heard?"
"Just us." Paddy replies. "My lady doesn't have such a quiet and secretive voice you know." Chas blushes. Liv rolls her eyes, Marlons' eyes are shining, and Charity smiles, genuinely happy for the two of them.
It's been a month since Vanessa ditched her and the blonde had profusely apologized the next day. Of course, Charity can never resist her and she ended up letting her take her out for dinner and movies. It wasn't a date though but for Charity it was enough.
"Hey! Why are we hugging my Charity?" Speaking of the devil, Charity thinks. Ness bounds and Liv abruptly steps away from the blonde and lets the smaller girl hug Charity the only way they know how. They fit perfectly, Charity marvels at the thought, her heart immediately responding to the girl's scent. chas is snickering at her and Marlon looks like a fan boy. But she ceases to care. She's where she belongs.
"Hey." She says, all teeth and it as to be the cutest thing Charity has ever seen. She returns the smile full force, momentarily forgetting everyone else.
"Hey back. I have something to tell you. After our scene." Ness looks immediately excited. She loves surprises. Especially good ones.
"Okay, but I have to tell you guys something first. Actually, I'd like everyone to meet at the woolpack. Like now."
"Geez, demanding much?" Charity chuckles.
"Oh you know you like it."
"I don't. I love it."
"Okay, okay. Mellow down you two. Vanessa, we texted everybody and they'll be there in five. So let's go?" Paddy says. The vet laughs at how fast information gets around. Charity's too busy melting to the wonderful sound to care about anything else.
Yep, later. Whatever happens, she's going to tell her.
Five minutes later, just as Paddy said, everybody's waiting for the fidgeting Vanessa to speak up. Charity raises an eyebrow but smiles when Vanessa shoots her a look, asking for confidence. Ness takes a deep breath.
"I'm getting married." Vanessa says bluntly. She raises her left hand and sure enough a simple diamond ring is shining.
It takes the room a minute to process the unexpected information. And then suddenly Vanessa is engulfed into hugs. Liv is first to reach her. The woman doesn't say anything but she pulls her into a hug. If she had known better, Vanessa would have thought twice as to why the normally loud girl was being so quiet. If she had taken the time to study each of her friends' faces, she would have noticed the way how Chas automatically reached out for Charity, how Paddy looked like he was going to cry for the same girl, or how Marlon pushed Liv to Ness so he can grip Charity's shaking shoulders in an attempt to pacify the heartbreak. She would have noticed how Charity looked so much older in the span of a minute or how her eyes showed complete and utter heartbreak. She would have noticed how the smile died and faded into nothing. She would have noticed how Charity seemed to stop breathing.
But Vanessa is lost in the dozens and dozens of "I'm happy for you" and "Congratulations." She might have felt an empty feeling inside her but she shrugs it off. After all, she's getting married. She's supposed to be happy.
"Babe? Hold on in there. Let's get out of here, okay? Charity?" She felt unstable, immobilized by the pain alone. She's sick to her stomach and the heartbreak is too much for her to handle. She's being ripped apart from the inside and she can't do anything to stop it.
"Oh, God." She manages to choke out through it all. It felt someone decided to just take her beating and light it up. She vaguely registers Chas and Marlon supporting her out. She can't feel anything beyond the unimaginable agony. The tears don't take any effort. They fall on their own as if every part of her is grieving.
She just lost her.
Life ceases to make sense and just like that, with only one sentence, her entire being falls apart. The morning seemed like a distant memory. The way Ness held her seemed unreal as if she was dreaming and now she's being snapped awake in the most horrible way possible. Her heart staggers as if it forgot how to beat.
As if everything crashed down on her, she snaps out of her shock and she races to the toilet. Her breakfast pushes out of her, ripping her insides apart as it did. Chas is instantly there, holding her hair back and rubbing her back.
"She…" Charity tries and fails to form a sentence. She's drowning in her tears and breathing is becoming an issue. Marlon comes with a towel and a bottle of water. They help her through the physical pain without a word. Marlon keeps her hydrated and Chas' cleaning her up. Charity almost swallows the mouthwash but Chas is there walk her through the process. It's as if she forgot how to function.
Paddy comes in half an hour later, exhausted from trying to distract Vanessa from the fact that her best friend did not even congratulate her. She had told her that Charity had to answer an important call. Vanessa understood.
Charity's there, in Marlons' arms and Chas looks almost devastated as she is. Paddy can't see her face but Charity's shoulder are shaking horribly. Chas looks up to him. Her hazel eyes tear and the man rushes to her side. He laces their fingers together, offering the comfort that can't reach Charity. They're all aching for her but they also know that what they are feeling doesn't even come close to the real thing.
"Goddammit." Charity whispers with such intensity.
"Shhh…" Marlon says, trying to pacify the uncontrollable quakes wracking her body.
"This hurts." She Pulls away from Marlons' neck to look at Chas. "Chas, this fucking hurts." The brunette grips Paddy's hands, needing something to ground her to her reality, needing the reassurance that she's never going to go through anything like Charity's pain. Paddy squeezes back, understanding. With the strength that was given to her, Chas reaches her other hand to Charity. She doesn't say anything because she knows that words can do nothing. Words seems inadequate and the landlady gives up on trying to describe what she's feeling.
Her head is throbbing from crying and before she knows it, she can barely register Marlons' warmth or Chas' hand or Paddy's silent comfort. All that she knows is she's falling into an abyss. She passes out.
"I'd like to know just how you were able to deal with that." Marlon says as soon as they pull a blanket on Charity. "It's like someone died."
"This is the worst we've ever seen her." Paddy says, her arm wrapped protectively around Chas. "She died, Marlon. Her heart stopped beating when Vanessa…"
"I know." And the he gazes at Charity who's face looked anything but peaceful.
"Actually, we don't. And hopefully, I'll die without knowing." Chas says and really, they can't argue with that.
A knock on the door startles the hell out of the three friends and Marlon narrows his eyes at the door having a pretty good idea as to who exactly is on the other side.
"Paddy? Where's Ness?" he asks.
"She's supposed to be on a call. But…"
"Oh dear." Without the word, Chas squeezes Paddy's thigh and moves toward the door. She opens it just enough to make her body visible. Vanessa looks unsure and a little hurt but it was nothing like how Charity's hurting.
"Hey, Ness."
"Hey. Is – Is Charity there?"
"Yeah." Chas says but doesn't move out of the way.
"Uh, can I see her?" The brunette sighs and steps out and closes the door behind her. Vanessa looks like a kicked puppy.
"Not now, V."
"What did I do?" The way Chas' eyes grew would have been comical. And then she remembers that Vanessa isn't dumb.
"You know what you did. Please don't play dumb because you aren't. She can't handle anymore, Ness. And you know that. And I don't think I can handle letting her shatter in my arms again and again." Chas sees a flash of distress in Vanessa's stormy blue. "She needs time to glue herself back. Don't worry. She'll be there by the time you are in the Wooly later." And with that, Chas retreats back into the house, not wanting to witness another heart break. She'd witnessed more than her fair share and frankly, it kills her every single time.
Paddy understands the look on Chas' face and he rushes over to take the smaller girl in his arms.
"I'm not going anywhere." He whispers to her. Chas closes her eyes and holds the bald man tighter.
Marlon stands up, making his way out.
"Where are you going?"
"Ness in pain too you know. Maybe not as much as all this is hurting Charity. Maybe more. We're they're friends. I can't leave her alone. Charity wouldn't want that. Even now." He gazes at Charity who seems restless in her sleep. Chas and Paddy nod their heads.
Two hours later, Dianne texts them and tells them to get Charity's butt to the pub for her shift. Almost regretfully, they rouse her. It almost makes them cry how her eyes were suddenly on guard and lifeless. But they don't say anything as they help her to look like a human being who didn't get her heart ripped and stamped on. Dianne doesn't say anything about her puffy eyes. She just offers her a pat on the back and works to make her shift bearable.
Vanessa watches Charity go about from her corner booth, and she would approach her but Chas seems glued to her side. Marlon had talked to her earlier and right now she doesn't know what to think. She doesn't know what to feel or if she has any right at all to feel. Charity's purposefully ignoring her and whenever she was about to come closer, her eyes would tear and Chas and Dianne would subtly glare at her. Well actually Chas looked at her apologetically and is silently begging her to stay away for now.
"Hey."
"Hey." Charity responds to Chas weakly. She offers a smile but even that hurt too much.
"Are you sure you can do this? I can ask Dianne to just leave it till tomorrow." Charity shakes her head.
"I want to get this over with while I still have the courage." Chas doesn't push it.
Inside, Charity is a wreck. She has no idea how she's going to do it but she knows that she has to because this is the only chance that she's ever going to allow herself to let Vanessa see but she's been hiding since they met. She can feel her hands shake and she knows that she can't do anything about it.
Finally it was time. It was more painful now. Charity's so close to her and she doesn't know if she can handle it. She takes Vanessa's hand a leads her to a chair, through the back. She stands in front of her and the turmoil in Charity has never been so strong. She can bail. Chas' just there and she knows that the girl will take care of it. On the other hand, she can do this and finally, finally reveal her heart.
She chooses the latter. She can see that Vanessa is also about to bolt so she offers her a small smile after all, you can't just stop caring for someone. The blonde looks relieved and she can't help but return the smile. The music is starting to play.
And Vanessa's heart is set on fire.
For you… There'll be no more crying.
She's bare. And her heart's on the line.
For you… The sun will be shining.
And I feel that when I'm with you,
It's all right. I know it's right.
It never felt wrong to Charity. None of it. And she didn't regret anything. Not her feelings, not their friendship. And certainly not the part that she gave her heart. The only thing that she did regret is that she didn't tell her soon enough. Then maybe, maybe Vanessa would have said yes to her.
The vet doesn't fight the smile. God has laid a hand. But then Charity turns serious and vulnerable and she gets it. It's not just Charity. It's her Charity.
And the songbirds are singing
Like they know the score
And I love you, I love you, I love you
Like never before.
She looks away as she say it, unable to let Vanessa see just how true and real it is. And then she remembers that she decided to do this. So she lifts her head to look straight into her eyes. The blonde is in tears, a small smile tugging on her lips. Ness is tempted to mouth I love you too but the way Charity's looking at her… It's scaring her. So she chooses to stay put and listen and hope that Charity's not saying what she thinks she's saying.
And I wish you all the love in the world
She takes a step forward. She needs Vanessa to hear this crystal clear. Her voice comes out stronger louder. She tries to minimize the impact and to keep herself in control by keeping her hands clasped together but it fights her. The words come out and her body responds with the weight of it all.
But most of all I wish it from myself.
Charity hands fist over her heart in a subconscious attempt to rip it out – to stop the pain. Vanessa is struck and her mind becomes unsure. She lets a small, nervous smile out but Charity can't find it in herself to return it.
And the song birds keep singing like they know the score.
Her knees buckle from the weight of what she's doing but she picks herself up.
And I love you, I love you, I love you…
Like never before.
She looks at her almost desperate and she can see that the smaller woman finally gets it. The smile on the blonde's lips falls suddenly.
Like never before.
A weight is lifted from Charity's shoulders and it causes her to smile the smile of someone who just risked it all.
"Beautiful." The words tumble out of Vanessa mouth before she can stop it and she can see how Charity's sob got stuck in her throat. She takes a second to compose herself as she wipes a tear that has managed to escape.
Before Vanessa can say anything, Charity's already bolting out the room. But she does hear the blonde call after her. It makes everything worse.
It scares her. She's not ready for what Vanessa has to say.
A couple of days later, Charity's still in her bed. Getting up when she has to go to the bathroom. She hasn't eaten properly and the only she's been able to do properly was to brush her teeth. That day paralyzed her. It got her lost. And now she can't find her way back to living the life she lived before she met the lively vet.
She had cut herself off from the world. She hasn't opened her laptop since two days ago. Her phone is buried somewhere in the mess at the foot of her bed. It's probably dead by now and Charity can't find it in herself to care. So it shouldn't come as a surprise that one Chas Dingle would barge into her house and into her room on third day.
"DINGLE! Open the goddamn door!" Charity would have dropped the box of chocolates she was munching on if it weren't for the fact she really liked Cadbury. She chooses to ignore the obviously fuming Dingle at the other side of the door. She continues to watch Grey's Anatomy and curses Owen under her breath.
"Charity. I'm serious. If you don't open the ducking door, I will burn it down along with the rest of your house. Now, open it." The venom in her words got Charity to set down her box of chocolates and pad quietly to the door. She doesn't want to open it. She's in a state where she doesn't want anyone to see. Her hand rests on the door knob as she leans her head to door.
"Hey, Chas." She says loud enough to she can hear. But her voice was hoarse and weak and she doubted if it was enough to appease her best friend. She paid a lot for this house.
"Dianne wants your head." Chas says as she releases a sigh of relief.
"Yeah? I can give it to him." Charity says, half-serious and that scares the hell out of Chas.
"Okay, Charity. Open the door. It's not funny anymore. Open the door, please."
"No." Chas bites her lip.
"Why not?" Charity sighs and her body slides down to the floor her back leaning against the door.
"Babe, I'm not the person you know. Shit, I'm not even the person I know."
"I know that. Isn't that why I'm here?"
"What can you possibly do? Don't get me wrong. I love you and all but I think I'm too far gone." Chas slides down on the other side and Charity can almost feel the warmth the brunette is trying to offer.
"Let's see. You're crazy. You like scaring people when they least expect it which you probably picked up from me. You can't live without coffee which would explain how you can make one like magic. You love the way Grey's Anatomy can make you cry and at the same time you hate it. You were an underdog when you were young but that didn't stop you from being who you are."
"What's the point of all this?" Chas ignores her.
"You believe in fairy tales and happy endings. You believe in how you can write your own story and turn everything in the way you want it no matter how impossible it may seem. You adore kids, that's why you have three."
"Chas…" Charity says with a sigh. On the other side, the brunette picks herself up from the floor and knocks gently.
"You're a weepy drunk mostly but there are times especially when Ness is involved that you turn into a sappy drunk." The door cracks open at 'Ness'. Charity looks awful. Her white tank top is smeared with chocolate and her hair is a nest or a shrub. Her eyes are dead but puffy and that's how Chas knows that she's been crying. She seems so thin, her shoulders sagging in the way a person who just gave up everything and yet didn't get anything in return would look like.
Chas pushes open the door.
"There's a lot of things about you that I don't know. And there's only one person who knows you more than anybody. And you're in love with that person and you're hurting right now because of her and because of you too. After all, if you hadn't fallen in love with her, you would be able to hug her and say congratulations when she announced that she's getting married to Kirin. But you can't help it because you guys are soulmates." Tears. Again. But Chas goes on and each word stabs her through.
"You're in love with Vanessa Woodfeild. You love her in a way that nobody else can."
Charity wipes her tears afterward, almost angry. She leaves the door open as she proceeds to throw her chocolate. She picks up her clothes one by one. She opens the curtains and pushes the window open letting the sun and the air hit her. It feels good, Charity decides. And though it still hurts it helps that she knows that someone can lift her pathetic ass off the ground. She finds her phone under her bed and plugs it. She takes a shower.
The hot water is way too hot but Charity doesn't mind. It's nothing. Her body is being sterilized and afterwards, the ice cold water feels good as it hits her heated skin. It almost felt like a bucket of cold water is being doused on her. Chas knocks on the door and Charity steps out of the shower just as she starts thinking how it feels like to drown.
Charity doesn't say anything aside from a thank you which makes Chas roll her eyes but smiles. She had 46 missed calls. 10 of them from Chas. 36 from Vanessa. She had 22 text messages. All from Vanessa. Charity doesn't bother opening them. She deletes everything.
Charity drives the both of them to set. And though she's dreading it, Paddy's instantly outside the car with a smile that tells her that he's also there for her. That helps Charity open the car door and step out.
"Finally get your heart on track?" Paddy asks. Charity smiles.
"Not really. But my head's at least out of my ass."
"Good to hear." A hand slips into Paddy's hand and he turns, a bright smile on his face. "My lady." Chas blushes and smiles back.
Vanessa surprisingly is not in the pub. Dianne did yell her head off and Charity accepted it. After that, she worked others shift that she missed last night. Even though there was a load, she didn't mind. At least, she was doing something other than trying to kill herself with sugar or crying her eyes out over Callie and Arizona.
She almost forgot about her heart. Almost.
Vanessa arrives on her last shift and Charity doesn't know. The shift is pretty short and easy. Charity just needs to clean tables in the corner. Dianne hasn't completely told her why and she wisely chooses to shut up and just follow what the woman says before she decided to really rip her head off.
She must be tired, Charity thinks. She's delusional because right now, she thinks she's seeing Vanessa come toward her, her pale face paler than normal yet determined. Charity laughs bitterly inside. Ness is out planning her wedding with Kirin's mom. There is no waythat the blonde can be here. So she closes her eyes waiting for Dianne to yell. When she opens her eyes V isn't in the pub anymore and she smiles sadly. Of course.
And then she nearly dies when she faces front and Vanessa's eyes consume hers. Words (if there were any), flew right out the window and she is struck speechless. She now becomes aware of the eerily quiet set and she looks around.
It's just the two of them.
Vanessa is standing in front of her, biting her lip the way she does when she's nervous.
"I'm getting married."
The memory brings strength to Charity and it surges in her veins. She gathers herself. Vanessa grimaces when brown eyes turn lifeless and guarded. Charity strides away from her, ready to bolt out the pub and already thinking about the ice cream in Chas and Paddy's refrigerator. Vanessa catches her just in time. Cold hands are tight around her wrist.
"Let go." She hisses without turning around to face the other blonde. She tugs on her arm but Vanessa refuses to budge.
"Babe…"
"Don't call me that!" The hand on her wrist tightens. Maybe it hurts but Charity knows no pain greater than the feeling of how she's being crushed inside.
"Please." Vanessa's voice breaks and she tugs on the taller woman's wrist, trying to get the girl to look at her.
"No!"
"Let me – …"
"No, Ness." The name burns her throat. And she turns around pissed at how much the blonde can hurt her in just a few words. Her eyes are on fire and she notices that Vanessa's are too. She notices the bags under her eyes and her chapped lips. She might have cared for a split second. Or not.
"I am NOT going to let you do anything. You've done enough. I don't need you to hurt me again. There are no words to be said. I think you made it pretty clear three days ago. I can't take it, Ness. I just can't." Vanessa's hand loosens for not more than a second. But that was enough for Charity to pull her wrist free. All she was able to take was two steps. Vanessa grabs for her and this time, Charity finds herself in the warmth that she had missed, the same warmth she has come to despise. Vanessa's arms are around her waist and Charity puts up a struggle.
"LET GO!"
"No." Vanessa whispers to her ear and as much as Charity hates it, she shivers. She tries pushing on ness' abs. She tries punching her shoulders. She makes a grab for Vanessa's neck but the blonde only pushes her own neck forward as willing to let herself be strangled.
"Please. Let go. You have no right to do this!" Charity almost yells to her ear. But her arms only tighten around her. Slowly, the pain is becoming too much to bear.
"Please… Let me go…" The vet dies when she hears Charity voice waver with the weight of the desperation. She grips her like she's her lifeline, pulling her impossibly close.
"No…" Vanessa says as the girl in her arms stops fighting. "I can't." She adds as she feels Charity hands lock on the collar of her shirt. Her body starts shaking and Vanessa becomes her ground like she always has been.
"Why? Why do you like hurting me?" Hot tears are flowing unstoppably. Vanessa's breathing hitches and she lets out a quiet whimper.
"I don't. You can't hate me more than I hate myself right now." The grip on her collar tightens.
"I can't be your bridesmaid." Charity blurts out because she really can't. She feels Vanessa nod and that turns whatever's left of her into ashes.
"There's no wedding, sweetheart."
She freezes. Her grip on her collar loosens and her hands fall to her sides. Her ears are ringing and she's almost convinced that this is all just a dream.
"Babe?" Vanessa says when she feels her stop breathing. She pushes herself off of Charity in panic. Instead, she grips the girl's shoulders. The shock on her face would have been comical and something they both would have laughed about for hours. But not now. Vanessa smiles a small smile.
"Don't." Charity says, now glaring at her.
"Don't what?"
"Don't play with me."
"I'm not." Vanessa takes a step forward, her hands now cupping Charity's face. "Babe, there is no wedding. I'm not getting married. The engagement is off." The disbelief is still clear in her eyes and the blonde sighs as she caresses her face. "That day when I didn't show up for our friendship anniversary, I broke up with Kirin. I was hoping that he'd understand and let me go home to you but of course, he did the exact opposite. He got furious and he started yelling insults and we ended up fighting. That's why I wasn't able to go. I'm sorry I didn't text you. I couldn't. Kirin had my phone as he tried searching for evidence that I'm cheating. I really did want to go and I regret that I wasn't able to come at all."
"But – but he proposed to you!" Charity takes a step back as if she was afraid. Vanessa lets her because she knows that she needs her space.
"He did. I visited my mom during the weekend. And apparently, she invited him." Ness frowns. "Of course, he'd be happy to go. Over dinner, we were talking about everything when suddenly, the jerk asked me to marry him. My mom was there babe! And I know I should have said no because I really don't love him anymore but my mom was there. I couldn't disappoint her." Blue eyes turn indescribably sad and Charity takes a step forward by instinct. The girl smiles sadly at her.
"I broke it off cleanly yesterday. Kirin seemed to be in his right mind this time and he agreed. So – so now here I am."
"Why'd you break it off? It was your dream, right? To marry him and have family, have kids?" Vanessa shakes her head as she reaches out to tuck a stray strand of Charity's blonde hair behind her ear. And then her hand moves to cup a tan cheek.
"You are my dream. And I had you but I was stupid and I let you go. It's the biggest mistake I've ever made. And I'm sorry for hurting you." Her tears fall, the regret in her eyes so clear that Charity can't find it in herself to deny it. The hand on her cheek shakes and before she knows it, she finds her hand covering Vanessas in an instinctual attempt to comfort her.
"Do you mean it? Did you finally hear me?"
"I do. I did."
"V…" Her voice is laced with doubt.
"I love you, Charity Dingle. I've been in love with you since the day we met and I was stupid not to realize it any sooner. You got hurt. We both got hurt because by hurting you, I hurt myself too. I'm not perfect, Babe. You know that. And I'm most likely going to end up hurting you even when I don't want to. I can't promise you that I'll be the perfect girlfriend ever. I can't promise you that we won't fight. But I can promise you that I will give my entire life just to have you by my side. I will give my entire life just to prove to you that I love you. So much that not being able to wake up to your sleeping face for the past three days kills me. I love you and I'll say it over and over again until you believe. Until you choose to have me. Am I…" her eyes drop almost as if she's about to cry. "Am I too late?"
In response, Charity brings their hands down. Vanessa closes her eyes to hide how much it hurt. She feels Charity warm, steady hands around her neck and suddenly she feels herself being pulled toward her.
The feel of Charity's lips against hers is indescribable. Perfect cannot describe it. And right now, the only word that Ness can think of is right. She kisses back with fervor, responding to Charity's passion, desire, and love with the same amount and more. When tongue meets tongue, words cease to exist for the both of them. A couple of times they have to come up for air but Vanessa's mouth would follow her, unable to let her go.
Not now, not ever.
She's aware that it's been a few seconds of silence and that the girl in front of her is starting to worry. She squeezes her hand telling her to wait as she flashes back to every pain they had to go through apart, every drop of tear they both shed, every laugh they shared, every fight they went through, every bump, every joy. And she knows that this isn't just fate. This is her story and she's about to write a new chapter for it. One that will lead to a new beginning and eventually, to a happy ending.
Charity opens her mouth, her smile dazzling, her eyes glowing as she says, "I do."
Vanessa tears, the happiness too much to contain as she squeezes the hand in hers – the hand that has and will always be in hers.
Charity feels a squeeze on her shoulders and looks up into the brown eyes of Chas, she embraces her tightly. She couldn't have done this without her
Will do requests for Emmerdale and coronation street ( crossovers available), I prefer to write involving the characters: Carla Connor,
Michelle Connor,
Charity Dingle,
Chas Dingle,
Vanessa Woodfeild