A/N: Just to let you know, when Rose came up in Let's Kill Hitler I screamed and cried so loud my family (who watched it with me) thought I was hurt. It touched me and inspired me. Anyone who says he has moved on… obviously isn't a Rose Doctor shipper. Overall the episode… I… it was okay. I was confused how River/Melody is so very… OH LOOK I KILL PEOPLE (though the line about the gay gypsy's bar mitzvah made me and my Mum burst into uncontrollable laughter) to I CAN CHANGE AND START OVER. Still adore her though… guilty…Then there was the random Rose and it made the entire series worth it.
Disclaimer: I wouldn't want to own this Series of Doctor Who unless I could change it so that Rose returned and all the shippers out there sang songs of praise with my name in them. So there.
He was dying, and he knew that, and that was fine. Maybe he could get out of this one… maybe not. If not though, it was a good way to die. A kiss… oh he had done that before. Yet the first time was always the sweetest.
He still remembered that kiss. Fresh in his memory, actually, just not in hers. How ironic, he thought of her just as he was dying. Every single time since he met her, he thought about her in the moment of his death. The way she smiled, the sound of her laughter, her hand in his…. Made the whole death thing a bit more bearable.
He still remembered how scared she was that she had lost him and her almost confessions always stopped by his gentle oblivion. He resented that more than ever now. Now all he felt was guilt, and each time River kissed him he felt someone else.
Now he was dying. Suddenly he wondered; was there such thing as heaven? Would he see them all, all that he lost? Would they want to see him? What if she was there? With her pink and yellow self, her toothy smile lighting up his world. Such thoughts did make it hard to concentrate on not dying, didn't they?
"Voice interface, come on, emergency!" the Doctor managed to breath out, his breaths shallow and dying. The TARDIS showed a version of him, a hologram, standing silent and transparent. He managed a groan (always waste time to groan).
"Voice interface enabled," the hologram him said in a steely voice, the voice of something never quite alive.
"No no no, let it be someone I like," the real Doctor groaned, flailing his arms. Because really, the Doctor did not like himself very much….especially after those days on Bad Wolf Bay.
The hologram changed, and there she was. He felt his hearts slow, but not with the poison. The sight of her was a bittersweet thing indeed. Her hair was still that straightened blond, the hair that used to whip him in the face as they walked in the wind. She wore the costume she wore in his dreams, that blue jacket with those wonderful black jeans. Her eyes were so piercing and so very her that he almost forgot to breath.
His mind flew at a million miles a minute.
Rose, your Rose, not your Rose, his Rose now, she's gone you idiot, you left her behind, but she's happy isn't she, yes but are you? Oh the sight of her hurt more than the pain in his veins, yet it made him stronger. He had a lot to live for. She was one of them.
"Oh!" he cried, a slight smile contorting his face, "Thanks!"
He soaked up her image, but he knew he needed more. He needed more than just her to live for, because frankly she was gone.
"Give me guilt!" he begged. Maybe guilt would be another of her.
There was Martha, hand on her hips. The one he had ignored because he was too blindly in love with another. When his loss had overcome him, she had got the blunt end.
"That's good, MORE GUILT," he pleaded at the top of his lungs. Donna's figure shimmered in the air. His best friend, the one who had held his hand while he cried for… For her. The one who was so strong when he was so desolate. Donna, who had helped him get back to the one person he loved.
"EVEN MORE GUILT," he yelped. There had to be someone else. No one came, not a single image.
"Oh come on! There must be one person in this universe I haven't screwed up yet!" the Time Lord whimpered. He expected his Rose, his beautiful, wonderful, kind, clever, amazing Rose. She never came.
Later that day, he sat and thought. He thought about all he had lost and all that had lost him. It all came down to her, really. She had saved his humanity when anger threatened to destroy him. She had held his hand when the world was about to end. She had teased him and mocked him, called him a punk. She had kissed his cheek and smiled her cheeky smile. They were simple things, but they had made so much of a difference.
As he gazed into the night sky, he thought a thought. Several thoughts, actually. Mostly about her (why wouldn't they be, after all). Quietly, he spoke to himself, to the Ponds, to River, but mostly to her. The one thing he needed right now. The one thing he could never truly have.
"You saved me today," he murmured to the stars, "you saved me every day. Remember fish and chips? You loved your chips like I love my TARDIS. The end of the world and what did you want? Some nice, crispy chips. The first thing I said to you was run, and we ran. Held hands and ran, and we never, ever, stopped. Maybe we still are, somewhere in this immense universe. You and I, together, running away from danger."
He paused, listening intently to the nothingness that followed. The Medusa Cascade sank slowly out of sight as the Time Lord watched, sitting on the rim of the door.
"I think we ran away from everything sometimes. You from a life that you dubbed useless. Me from a past I couldn't hide. Together we ran away from it all, even running from the thought of being apart."
He closed his eyes, not knowing that the Ponds were standing fifty feet from him, watching him.
"You know, sometimes if I close my eyes you're still here," he told the nothingness, "and if I shut them hard enough I can still hear your voice. It hurts still," he smiled thoughtful, his hand brushing a piece of fabric, "A good type of hurt though."
The TARDIS began to play a tape, a girl's voice calling out, her words echoing through the halls and resounding in the rooms,
"Docta? Doctor, it's me. It's Rose," there was a laugh as the girl continued, "Mum says I should demand you to come over here, but I know that's not gonna happen. Listen, about that offer. The offer of forever? I think I may take that up. If you want," Rose added quickly, the voice fresh, as if she were there, "I'm still at the flat, pick me up will ya? It's been a few days here, holidays are over, I can come back now…." Rose's voice stopped, then resumed with a sigh, "I miss you like crazy. Oh God, did I actually say that?" a nervous laugh, "That is… I mean… oh never mind, get over here you skinny lump and don't laugh!"
The voice ended with a chime of laughter, and the Doctor opened his eyes with a chuckle,
"I wish I could," he responded, even though the tape was from so very long ago, "but I can't and I'm sorry. I miss you."
He raised a invisible glass with a smile, still sitting on the edge of his humming time machine,
"Here's to forever. Here's to those days we lived and loved. Here's to the rose petals in the rain," he whispered.
As the Medusa Cascade slipped out of view, the universe sang the world to sleep, a song that you can hear even now, if you listen hard enough,
An ending is only a sadder beginning,
But true love never fades.
A/N: That… was… so fluffy and angsty and wonderful. Writing it brought tears to my eyes (not as much as the actual scene though, holy crap I watched it twenty times after). I hope you enjoyed! REVIEW BECAUSE YOU KNOW YOU WISHED THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED. It did in my headcannon…..