By Tricki…
I Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You
Summary: Ten moments in your life when you couldn't tear your eyes away from her…
AN: Hello gorgeous people! I got this idea when I was listening to 'The Blower's Daughter' by Damien Rice (go listen to it, it's an amazing song!)
I just want to warn you, this portrays Claire in a very different light to normal - as Becs would say, she's no Mary Sue in this. This is a different take on Mac and Claire's marriage.
Although there is a Mac/Stella/Claire triangle, Mac is faithful to Claire so don't get your knickers in a knot over that! Lol.
Love to Mandi, Becs (thanks for the betaing), Angie, Sammie, El, Kitty, Steeldust, Space Ape, and everyone who reads and reviews (hint hint!).
Love you all and enjoy,
Tricki :0D xoxox
PS: Sorry for not updating ELS, I've got serious writers block on it and I'm also trying to get some coherent Huddy fic out of my brain! Rest assured, chapter 4 is being written as we speak - or should I say read?
I can't take my eyes off of you
You couldn't take your eyes off of her the first time you saw her, walking around with your boss (who would only be there for another seven months and three weeks), chatting about the lab while he tried to explain machines that he barely knew the name of and she nodded as if he was actually telling her something that she didn't already know.
You did everything you possibly could to occasionally train your gaze away from her when your supervisor assembled you all in the break room to meet her, so you didn't look like you were staring (So you didn't look like you were in love, which, you now realise, you already were). You didn't succeed at not staring at her, not by any stretch of the imagination...
Your eyes still didn't stray from her for a second when she smiled at you and you saw for the first magical time her eyes sparkle like expertly cut 12 karat emeralds.
Thank God for total internal reflection and emeralds… You thought at the time, because what else could you associate with those eyes but the way light bounces off an internal surface, in this case of a precious stone, and causes it to glitter? What else could you compare those eyes to but something so naturally perfect and something so scientific and logical?
"How's your first day been?" You asked her, trying to memorise every detail of her face and every bouncing curl. You knew from the first moment she looked at you that above all you would never forget those bright, sparkling green eyes.
"I was kind of hoping for a chance to eat sometime today." She laughed (There isn't a sound in the world you love more than her laugh).
"First rule," You said, pulling a protein bar out of a glass jar on the bench, "Protein bars and coffee are the only way you'll survive this job. Second rule don't drink that coffee" You lowered your voice and gestured surreptitiously to the percolator.
"Why?" She snickered, her lips curling up at the corners ever so slightly.
"The filter hasn't been replaced since Barry's first day." You said, now gesturing to the sixty two year old janitor who was sleeping in the corner.
"Which would be…?"
"Before my time. The last boss said his boss couldn't remember." Her eyes widened and she nodded, (making a mental note, you realised later).
"So where do you get coffee then?"
"There's a little coffee shop two doors down." You jabbed a thumb in the general direction.
"Oh thank God." She sighed, relief flooding her face. "I thought I was going to have to drink instant."
"Most people do." You laughed, "But I hate the stuff."
"Me too." After a minute contemplating each other you finally said,
"Do you want to grab a cup?"
"I'd love to." She grinned back at you.
You haven't been able to take your eyes off her since that day.
I can't take my eyes off you
You couldn't take your eyes off her when you were teaching her to play poker in your flat, the way she shuffled the cards in her fingers gracefully to see if she had a decent hand that she could play, the way her brow furrowed and her lips pursed in deep thought, the way she nibbled her lip when she had no idea at all what she could do (and eventually put down four out of five cards to be replaced - only keeping the one she kept for good measure), the way her left eyebrow rose and the corners of her mouth curled up when she won the four out of twenty one hands which she won.
You couldn't take your eyes off her when she finished her own beer and plucked yours from your grip, you still remember the way she sipped it and passed it back to you with that impish look on her face. You took a sip right after she did, thinking that might be the closest you ever came to kissing her.
You couldn't take your eyes off her when she waked to your record player and examined your record collection as thoroughly as she would a crime scene and finally settled on Jackson Browne 'Rock Me On The Water', then pressed repeat and you especially couldn't take your eyes off her when she began to swing her hips and dance around your flat, making the odd comment about her four years of ballet or her five years of Jazz or her seven and a half months of tap ("That was dumb idea!" She laughed and pirouetted slowly.)
"So teach me something, genius." You said when the song was nearly three time through. "Alright" She said and dragged you off the couch by your hand (Making you fall in love with her all over again). You remained captivated while she looked you up and down, assessing what she had to work with, "Alright, let's start with something easy," She said finally. "Shoulder roll" and then demonstrated the movement. You copied her and repeated the words "Shoulder roll" slightly uncertainly. "Good!" She said in a tone that you still can't place as anything but delight.
"You'll be doing pliés and jetés before you know it."
"Dance with me?" You asked quietly after god knows how long laughing and being taught jazz moves by the most fascinating person you've ever met.
"I can do steps, I can't actually…dance with somebody." She told you, choosing her words carefully and gesturing between your bodies. You smiled and said, "Well I'll teach you everything I know." She looked at you interestedly (Or was it expectantly?) as you took her hand and rested your other one on her waist. You saw the anticipation of what you were about to teach her, she was expecting something along the lines of "Slow, quick, quick, slow, quick, quick, slow,", "One, two, three, four," or even "One, two, three," but instead you spun her away from yourself, then paused, arms outstretched and declared "New Yorker," She laughed that delicious tinkling laugh and gave you a quizzical look before you gently pulled her back into your arms and dipped her. After a moment balancing her, swimming in her eyes while she grinned at you, you said "And dip."
She gazed up at you with those magical eyes and somewhere in there, there was a silent communication of 'You have all the control here…'
You thought about it, you could kill her or kiss or kill her by not kissing her right now and she couldn't do a thing to stop you. You've always known that she's an incredibly strong person and you knew that her allowing herself to be known, to be this vulnerable meant that you had her complete trust.
"So, let's review." You said when you finally brought her back into a standing position. She spun away from you, held the pose and announced "New Yorker" then turned elegantly back into your arms, waiting for you to dip her. You dipped her quickly that time, not allowing time for contemplation of your proximity or your position of power, and when you brought her to her feet again she said "and dip…"
You smiled at her in adoration and almost whispered "You're a fast learner…" She grinned back at you slyly and said "That's what my jazz teacher said, but the exact opposite of what my tap teacher said." And then, as the song started again for what you supposed was excess of the fifth time, you realised your arms were wrapped around her waist and hers were around your neck, your bodies not quite touching, considering that more intimate than the way your foreheads were resting against one another, your noses touching, your hips swaying in time to the song and not even bothering to try and move your feet, knowing that would ruin the moment.
You couldn't take your eyes off her while you swayed back and forth whilst the song played at least fifteen more times, the silence between you only broken after Jackson Browne sang the words 'Now everyone must have some thought that's gonna pull them through…' and she said to you "What's the thought that pulls you through?" and you replied softly, without hesitation "You'll be there when I need you…"
Satisfied with your answer she shut her eyes and you continued to 'dance' your own brand of dancing that would always be special to the two of you until the record player overheated and refused to work for the rest of the night.
Never since then has she missed an opportunity to tell you that she thinks it's a piece of crap but you still have it today and she's finally stopped telling you that she's going to buy you "Something that works" because she knows that you love that thing (Despite all the times that it's let you down) and she loves you too much to take that away from you.
You never have been able to take your eyes off her while you were doing your special pas de deux.
I can't take my eyes off of you
You couldn't take your eyes off her when she stormed away from you, furious and heartbroken, swearing under her breath in English and even some Italian for good measure. "You absolute shit head! Figlio di punatta! Why the fuck did I have to trust you? Why did I fucking have to care?" You couldn't take your eyes off her when she spun on her heel and addressed her next question to your face "Why…?" She gave up trying to ask you why you were destroying her from the inside out. Why you didn't understand what she expected of you.
"I don't see why you're so upset about this!" You said in a tone of desperation, cleverly disguised as anger.
That was definitely not the first time you saw her scream, but it was the first time you saw her scream at you.
You expected the first time she turned her demonic rage on you it would be for something a little more…understandable than the fact that you were going to propose to your girlfriend. Sure, you'd only been seeing her for a while but that still didn't explain 'Homicidal Fire - Breathing Stella'.
"I can't talk to you right now. I'm going home." She spat and stormed off.
I can't take my eyes off you
You couldn't take your eyes off her at your wedding (to someone else). You begged her to come even though she politely declined at least six times. You won her with two little words, "Best friend" even though her eyes silently begged 'Please don't make me do this…' over and over and over.
"I can't get through this without you. You're my best friend. Please come?"
"I really don't-"
"Please?" You whispered. She let out a staggered breath and said,
"Fine." You caught her hand and kissed it softly. She flinched. You've never seen her look so betrayed, so used. She eased her hand out of yours and dropped her head so that her curls hid her face. She lifted a hand to her eye and subtly brushed away a tear.
"Thank you." You said as she turned and walked away from you. She waved her hand dismissively but didn't speak.
You couldn't take your eyes off her when she bolted from the reception after only ten minutes and two glasses of champagne (you're fairly certain that without them she wouldn't have survived those few minutes she stayed)
"Wait! Will you just wait for a second?" You begged, running after her and trying to grab her arm.
"What do want from me!" She screamed at you and then grew quiet when she saw the look on your face. You didn't get it.
"What do you want from me?" She whispered and stared into your eyes while they silently asked "What have I done to hurt you? What do you want me to say to make it better? How could I have stopped it from hurting? What have I done that I shouldn't have done? What haven't I done that I should have done? How do you want me to do to fix it?"
"I just… I want you... I don't want to lose you."
"You'll never lose me." You said and rubbed her hand with your thumb.
"You know you're probably right… but maybe you're not." You knew she was referring to the tie around your neck (As long as you can remember you've hated the damn things) and the colour of the shirt you were wearing (Another thing you've hated for as long as you can remember) both of which were chosen by your new wife. You heard high heels clicking in the distance and knew that you didn't have much time before your wife found you with your best friend whom she was already jealous of, a situation which held no appeal whatsoever.
"We'll go to Sullivan's when I get back, okay?" She smiled weakly, you presumed at your innocence, your expectation that it would still be okay to go out with your gorgeous co worker despite your recent nuptials.
"I don't think she's gonna like that." She almost whispered, then looked behind you to your new wife. "What's going on?" Your wife asked.
"I was just saying goodbye." She answered and yanked her hand away as subtly as she could. "Have a good honeymoon." She said and forced a smile onto her face before bolting.
"Well what the hell was that about?" Your wife yelled at you accusatorily.
"Will you calm down? She's my best friend…" You heard her sobbing from the corridor and to this day you haven't forgiven yourself for not going after her…
I can't take my eyes off you
You couldn't take your eyes off her when she skipped into your office, champagne bottle in one hand and two glasses in the other.
"Congratulations!" She beamed as she bounced onto your brand new desk and passed the champagne bottle to you. You popped the bottle open and poured champagne into each of the glasses in her hand.
"Well this is a nice surprise." You said almost shyly.
"I'm very proud of you." She said quietly as she passed you one of the glasses and stood up.
"It's not a big deal."
"Yes it is! My best friend just got promoted to supervisor!" She said excitedly with her glass held up for a toast and pushed you into your new chair behind your new desk in your new office and cleared her throat theatrically.
"Stel," You said in a tone of voice that meant "Seriously, let's get over this."
"No arguments! Sit! I'm going to make a speech." You muttered something along the line of "Oh god" and leaned back in your chair.
"Yesterday you were my co worker, today you're my boss, but despite your job, I'm better for knowing you. So thank you, and congratulations." She said and you clinked your glasses together and each sipped the gold tinged fizzy liquid.
"That wasn't what you were expecting?" She asked, commenting on the amused look on your face, and sitting in the chair opposite you.
"It was perfect." You said quietly.
"You better not change." She said warningly, pointing an accusatory finger at you.
"You know I won't." You said reassuringly.
"Because you never have before." She said sarcastically, in a way that was almost betrayed.
"Don't go there again." You rolled your eyes and leaned back in your chair.
"Would you just be the you I first met? Just for tonight?" She almost pleaded.
"How would I do that?" A smile spread across her face as she set her champagne down on the desk and sprang out of her chair. She pushed your chair back slightly, sat on the desk in front of you and began to undo your tie, throwing it over her shoulder gaily and then undoing your top button.
"Now you're my Mac." She said softly and kissed the side of your head. You couldn't take your eyes off her, sitting on your desk, eyes shining brightly, claiming this you as her own. You heard high heels clicking rapidly and you tensed. She didn't seem to notice. She reached behind herself for her glass and sipped her champagne, still grinning.
"Honey I was so excited when you called! You're finally moving up the ladder!" You wife declared as she rushed into your office, stopping dead when she saw who was with you.
"Hello." She said tersely. "Am I interrupting something?"
"No." You said, setting down your champagne. "We were just having a celebratory drink."
"I can see that." Your wife said, stepping slowly into your office.
"I'll leave you two alone." Stella said, setting her glass down, standing up from you desk, stooping to your ear and whispering "I really am proud of you. Thank you for being my Mac for a little while." before leaving your new office.
Your wife glared at the back of her head as she walked out and sat in her now unoccupied chair.
"Do I get champagne?" She asked slightly darkly. You topped up your best friend's deserted glass and offered it to your wife.
"I will not drink from her glass!" She laughed in what you assumed was disbelief.
"Fine." You said and handed her your own glass, drinking from the other one yourself.
"Don't you think that's a little bit intimate?"
"What?"
"Sharing a glass with your co worker."
"Look, I've known her longer than I've known you. Can we not get into this now? Please? I just got promoted."
"You're right. Let's just enjoy it."
"Cheers." You said, repeating the glass tapping ritual much less elegantly than it had been performed only minutes earlier.
"Where's your tie?" She asked, looking at your collar, clearly unimpressed.
"I think you're sitting on it." You suppressed the laugh that was bubbling behind your lips and buried you face in your champagne.
You couldn't take your eyes off her while she made hilarious gestures and grinned impishly at you while your wife pulled your tie out from under herself.
You couldn't take your eyes off her when she skipped gleefully out of the building, leaving you to deal with The Wrath of The Wife.
I can't take my eyes off you
You couldn't take your eyes off her at the police ball when she was dancing with Hawkes in that stunning ball gown, being spun around the dance floor like a spinning top then flung around like a Frisbee and laughing gaily without an ounce of self-consciousness (Despite the fact that the two of them nearly cleaned up half the other officers on the floor).
The dress must have cost her a fortune considering what she earned, but she still never treats herself to this day and, if you had your way, she would definitely get her money's worth out of it. Funnily enough, you actually saw it in a shop once and thought how perfect it would look on her…
You couldn't take your eyes off her when the song ended and they stopped to catch their breath, laughing so hard they were nearly hiccoughing, or when you walked over and said "Hawkes, can I borrow her?" Just as a slow song came on, or when she blushed as you took her hand and said "You know I'm a terrible slow dancer." or when you replied without a second's hesitation or embarrassment "So am I. It'll be perfect." eliciting a soft smile's appearance on her face.
You couldn't keep the look of adoration from your face as you and the woman you're sure is the love of your life began to rotate around the floor, miraculously in time, her head on your shoulder and every now and then a giggle would escape her lips when the two of you would go opposite directions and she'd step on your foot…
"All this training you talk about and you step on my feet?" You joked. She blushed again and said (in the combative way you've always loved) "Everything I'm good at - dancing wise, everything I've been taught was impractical. Sure, I can do ballet moves but I can't dance with someone. This is as good as it's going to get." She looked up at you and smirked, her eyes saying 'But you already know that'.
"Well I think this is pretty good." You smiled. After a long moment considering each other she said "Well I may not be able to slow dance but I have picked up some pretty sexy wiggles."
You wondered if she was joking with you, teasing you, maybe even daring you to bite but you were too far gone to bite, you were so lost in her eyes, the thought of how close her lips were, how good she smelled, the way your hand was resting on her waist and her hair was tickling your neck, by then you didn't even remember your own name (It starts with an 'M', right?). You would have loved to be allowed to be that close to her…at the time you thought you never would be.
"I think it's funny that you can't slow dance," She interrupted your silent contemplation of her. "I thought you could do anything." Before you even realised you had said it, you'd said it: "I can't take my eyes off you." She pressed her lips to your ear and whispered sultrily "I've noticed…"
I can't take my eyes...
You scanned the hospital for her, wondering whether she'd been kicked out or if she hadn't been able to talk the nurses into letting her see you. After what seemed like an age she burst through the door, a nurse hot on her heels.
"Don't you ever do that to me again!" She said as she flung her arms around your neck.
"It wasn't exactly fun for me either." You joked, nuzzling into the side of her head slightly.
"Miss, visiting hours are over, I really must insist" The nurse began before you said,
"It's alright, she's family." You said, tuning your eyes back to her. She smiled, removed one arm from around your neck and traced the edge of the bandage on your side.
"Do you know how lucky you are that he couldn't aim to save his life?" You shivered as her fingers brushed softly over your bare skin, you didn't try and hide it, you'd been alone for years and you'd loved her for more years than that.
"Are you keeping him overnight?" She asked the nurse, turning to face her for a minute.
"Just to make sure it doesn't get infected. Precautionary protocol" The nurse replied. She nodded and buried her head in your neck again.
She finally released your neck and bent down in front of you, slowly peeling the bandage off of your bullet wound.
"Miss you can't-!" The nurse began. You looked up from her gorgeous curls and said to the nurse,
"It's okay…" You resumed watching her gently peeling the dressing off, careful not to pull the wound apart.
"Fine, what would I know? I only did six years of Med School." She hissed under her breath and stalked out.
"Well you pissed her off." She commented idly.
"I'm drugged, I can't be held accountable." You laughed and began to play with a handful of her hair.
"Point taken." She said and then breathed the words "Oh, baby…" She ran her fingers around the scrape tenderly.
"It's just a graze." You said dismissively.
"It could've been worse." She trailed her fingers over your abs gently and then proceeded to stick the dressing back over your wound.
"Will you be more careful?" She asked, emerald eyes large with angst. You started to form a joke in your head, something along the lines of "Where's the fun in this job if I don't get shot once in a while?" but decided against it. That look seemed far too desperate to make a joke out of the situation.
"I'll be more careful." You said and kissed her forehead softly.
"I can't lose you, Mac." She said and wrapped her arms around you neck again.
"You won't lose me, I couldn't do that to you." The two of you stayed like that for hours, she didn't leave until that same nurse came back and threatened her with being thrown out by hospital security. She kissed her finger, put it to your lips and said "I'll be back first thing in the morning to take you home."
She was back before you'd woken up…
I can't take my eyes off of you
You couldn't take your eyes off her when she burst into your apartment furiously.
"What's wrong?"
"The director suspended me!" She screamed and threw your door shut so hard you were scared it would drop off its hinges and come crashing to the ground.
"Because of today?"
"No, because of the shirt I wore last week! Of course because of today!" She snapped.
"Calm down." You said soothingly.
"Don't tell me to clam down! You're not on your third suspension!"
"Don't take this out on me, I was the only one standing up for you in there!" She thought about what you'd said and took a deep breath.
"You're right."
"Stay for dinner, we'll get dial in and watch something."
"That sounds good." She breathed, almost visibly steaming with fury. "I'm going to have a shower." She said finally, seeming much calmer.
"I'll put a towel in the dryer."
"Thanks." She smiled briefly at you, rubbed your cheek fondly and then headed into the bathroom, still sending off 'I might seem calm but I'm completely furious, don't cross me' vibes so strongly you could have bottled them and sold shots to the unassertive.
"Feeling any better?" You asked as you walked into the bathroom, watching her silhouette against the curtains.
"Your shampoo always makes me feel better." She said, her head peeking out from behind the shower curtain to look at you, her curls piled on top of her head, encased in thick white foam.
You couldn't take your eyes off her when she beckoned you over with a foamy finger. You walked over to her curiously. She swiped your nose, leaving you with a blob of foam sitting on the tip.
"Three guesses why." She grinned then slid back under the water.
"How much longer are you going to be?"
"Mmm… Ten minutes." She sighed thoughtfully.
"I'll bring you a towel."
"Thanks." You lifted your hand to your nose.
"Don't even THINK about wiping it off!" She said warningly. You laughed to yourself. She didn't even have to look…
"Yes boss."
"Are you gonna give me a towel or are you just going to watch?" She joked and poked her head out from behind the shower curtain.
"Just watch." You said deviously.
"Kinky." She said, pulling her head back in.
"Kinky." You agreed and leaned against the vanity, enjoying every movement of her body. She turned off the water, slid the curtain back and took the towel from you.
"Still warm." She said appreciatively as she wrapped it around herself.
"That was the idea." You smiled at the sight of the creamy towel hanging onto her.
"Thoughtful thing, aren't you?" She said almost cheekily.
"I have ulterior motives." You grinned.
"I bet you do." She raised her eyebrow and walked over to you, you assumed to kiss you, but instead she pushed you through the bathroom door.
"Fancy a game of poker later?" You asked.
"Still got the Jackson Browne record?"
"I'll fish it out."
"Good." She smiled and pecked your lips teasingly before closing the door.
After twelve hands of poker, a large Supreme pizza and 'Rock Me On The Water' until the record player overheated (She didn't say a word, even though you knew she wanted to), she was out of fury to run on and was falling asleep on you.
"I'll talk to the director tomorrow." You whispered and kissed the side of her head as she fell asleep on you. Her lips flicked into a grateful smile momentarily before she fell asleep completely.
You watched her all night, lying in your arms helplessly, every now and then whispering your name in her sleep, to which you would always respond with hers.
"I love you so much." You whispered after around four hours, when you were certain she was too deeply asleep to hear you. You were sure a smile crept over her lips even though she was asleep and had been for hours, she wriggled deeper into your arms and said softly
"I love you too"
I can't take my eyes off you
You couldn't help watching her talking to the new girl, an adoring smile passing over your face when you heard her say "Only way you'll survive this job is with protein bars and comfortable shoes"
You couldn't take your eyes off her when she magically appeared in your office after you finished talking to the new girl.
"I didn't hear you come in." You said, considering the smug way that she leaned against your filing cabinet with her arms crossed over her chest, her whole body language saying 'I'm not impressed'.
"I don't like the way she flirts with you." She said, ignoring what you'd said.
"She doesn't flirt with me!" You laughed.
"How can you not see that she's flirting with you?" She laughed.
"Maybe I only have eyes for…. Someone else." Her mouth twisted into a wry half smile and she uncrossed her arms.
"Do I know this someone?" She asked innocently. Your eyes followed her intently as she took two long steps to your desk and propped on the corner.
"You might. She's about five seven, gorgeous, half Italian half Greek - perfect blend, incredible curls, smart, funny and she has the most amazing eyes." You smiled as she bent over, made out like she was adjusting your collar, brushed your lips with hers, pulled away with a grin on her face and said,
"Let her flirt." With that she hopped off your desk and began to walk to the door.
"Meet you at my place?" She turned to you and winked in response.
You couldn't take your eyes off her as she sauntered out of your office, smiling contently and humming Jackson Browne to herself softly.
I can't take my eyes off you
You can't take your eyes off her when she said the words you'd always wanted to hear pass through her lips:
"I do." You smiled to yourself. You'd never have to make excuses for not being able to take your eyes off her again.