I sat on my rock solid bed. It was a horrific night. Lightening was electrocuting the sky, thunder was shaking the earth, the wind was howling and the rain plummeted on the cabin.
I shivered and pulled my knees closer to my bed. Thinking about my past sent shivers down my spine and makes the room feel like it has dropped 10degrees every time.
So many faces span round in my head. My vision blurred as silent tears erupted down my face. Out of all the faces, one kept reoccurring; Jacks face as she died. It was an expression of great pain and loss, when the lights left her eyes, when the blood from the bullet hole painted her tanned skin and blonde hair crimson red. I shuddered letting out a low moan. I cursed myself silently. I couldn't wake up the rest of the unit, because then they would see the tears and ask questions. And I wasn't ready to face them. Anyone.
I wanted to die.
Call me a coward, but I don't see the point in living any more. I have no future. My past is a secret to the world. MI6 own me and everyone I've ever trusted or loved has died. All thanks to me. I am a shell of what once was Alexander Jonathon Rider.
I am neither man nor boy.
Neither spy nor teenager.
I'm alone and no-one cares. They used to. But now there wasn't anyone left to care.
More faces flashed through my mind, faster and faster.
Sabina. Her parents. Tom. His parents. My parents. Ash. Ian. Jack. Tamara Knight. Paul Drevin. Everyone.
Faster and faster they flew and flew until I couldn't identify faces any more.
Then blackness.
I was alone. Truly terrified and very alone, floating off on a cracking ice berg, to drown in the sea and never return.
I was gone.