Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
(In 15 minutes)
Water-Deprived England
The WB sign: -is ominous-
The grass: -is yellow-
Harry: I'm so utterly alone in this world.
Fans: You've just realized this now?
Dudley: DUDE! My absence in movie 4 has turned me all gangster and what-not!
Fans: Aw look, he acquired friends too.
Ominous clouds: -swirl ominously-
Foreshadowing: -looms-
Harry: Quick! Lets go hide in the conveniently located underpass! Nothing evil or scary can find us in there!
Dementor: I'm evil and scary.. And I've found you.
Harry: -gurgle-
Wand: I BANISH YE, HEATHEN!
Patronus: -delivers magicalish beatdown-
Dementors: -are propelled out of the underpass-
Dudley: -mutters incoherently-
Ms. Figg: Please excuse my abrupt appearance, but I have to escort you home so nothing evil and scary can find you again.
First-timers: WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?! WE DON'T REMEMBER YOU FROM THE LAST FOUR MOVIES!!
Fans: -eyeroll-
Ms. Figg: Go in your house and act like nothing's wrong, mmk?
Harry: Wha-?
Number 4, Privet Drive
Aunt Petunia: OMG WTF, MY BABY!!
Uncle Vernon: -has the coolest socks this side of England-
Dudley: He did it.
Harry: Why is it always me?!
Owl: -smashes into ceiling- I feel like this is an ongoing pun from movie to movie...
Letter: Busting the asses of underprivileged students since 1705.
Fans: OMG, WTF, THAT'S NOT A HOWLER!! ONLY HOWLERS CAN TALK!!
First-timers: -eyeroll-
Harry: -unleashes the poundage of post-expulsion teenage angst-
Harry's dream: Ok everyone! You can break out the tissues now!!
Dream Cedric: -is sex on legs-
Girl fans: -FANGIRLSHRIEK-
Mysterious Ticking Noise: -comes from downstairs-
Puppet Pals: "Singing our song, all day lo-"
Audience: SHHH!
Moodey: Here I am to save the day. Again.
First timers: B-but, you were - with the box -?
Kingsley: -is shrouded in coolness-
Moodey: Precautions, precautions, precautions!
Tonks: Psh, my hair is too good for this movie.
Brooms: -appear out of nowhere-
The flying scene: -is awesome-
Grimmauld Place
Moody: So here we are, at the secret headquarters to our secret order, which is too top-secret to discuss. We're all going to secretly magician ourselves into the house via my obscenely cool walking stick.
Harry: So... what about -?
Moodey: SHHH!!
Grimmauld Place: -magically grows out of no where-
Kingsley: In you go, Harry.
Muffled voices: -mumbleFORSHADOWINGmumble-
Mrs. Weasley: Harry! Hug!
Harry: Who's in the kitchen?
Mrs. Weasley: NO time for chat! Go upstairs, now!
Kreature: I'm waaaaaay cooler than Dobby.
Hermione: -BESTFRIENDHUG-
Hr/H Shippers: YAY!!
Hermione: As the brainiac heroine of the series, I already know everything you went through, Harry.
Ron: And I'm just here to look pretty and innocent.
Harry: -BROODSORROWANGST-
Fred and George: -pop out of nowhere-
Girl fans: THE SEXINESS HAS LANDED!
Fred: As always, we will provide the comic relief and the diabolical scheming of this movie -
George: - as well as the perfected knack of finishing each other's sentences!
Fred: Oh yeah, and we invented stuff too.
The Spindly Staircase
Extendible Ear: -is actually in this movie-
Mrs. Weasley and Sirius: -bickerHarryswellbeingbicker-
Ginny: -is not a little girl anymore-
Male fans: DAAAAMMNNNNNNNN, SHE FINNEEEEEEE!!
Girl fans: -mumblegrumble-
Crookshanks: Forget human-rats, I'm into human ears now!
George: Damn you devil!
Mrs. Weasley: Get into the kitchen before I keel over and die of a heart attack from all you kids.
Sirius: -gives Harry a fatherly hug-
Audience: AWWWW!!
The Spindly Kitchen
Crookshanks: -licks lips-
Fred: -grumblegrumble-
Newspaper: Suck it Potter.
Lupin: BlahBlahBackstory.
Sirius: BlahBlahForeshadowing.
Harry: Wait, so there's an anti-Voldemort group? Sign me up!!
Mrs. Weasley: Sorry, Harry, you're too young to give Voldemort the beatdown.
JK Rowling: Mwahahaa!! I'm the KING of ironic foreshadowing. Erm... I mean QUEEN.
London Underground
Mr. Weasley: Trains! Escalators! Underground! Ingenious!
Harry: -exasperated sigh-
Fans: Hey, it's better than the rubber duck line in Movie 2..
The Ministry Of Magic
- Mr. Weasley and Harry take a shuttle telephone booth into the Ministry of Magic and are whisked away by the crowd -
Fudge's portrait: -is the spawn of Napoleon and Hitler-
Mr. Weasley: Well, we're screwed, they've conveniently changed the time of you hearing, Harry.
Department of Mysteries: Remember me, audience members, I'm important to the plot!
Lucious Malfoy: And that me and Fudge are buddy-buddy, that's important too.
The Hearing
Random Juror: So... is anyone going to explain why half of us are wearing black and the other half are wearing maroon?
Fudge: Harry, we will be -cough GUILTY cough- giving you a -cough GUILTY cough- fair trial.
Dumbledore: Fear me, ingrates!
Fudge: Ptptpt.. Ok, whatever, he's still guilty.
Harry: But-but-but - It was self-defense!
Fudge: So? You don't have a witness, so your story can't be true.
Dumbledore: Funny you should mention that..
Ms. Figg: -waves-
First-timers: Aha! She's good for something!!
Ms. Figg: Blast me and my simple-minded stupidity!
First-timers: -face-palm-
Umbridge: My cough is legend!
Dumbledore: Damn the incrimination of underprivileged students!
Fudge: Voldemort's not back - get over it.
Dumbledore: Yes he is - get over it.
Fudge: I'M THE CREATOR OF THE LAWS, WHAT I SAY GOES!
Dumbledore: Time for some major guilt smackdown!
Jurors: We cannot withstand the power of guilt!
Fudge: GUILTY, GUILTY, GUILTY!!
Everyone else: OVERRULED!
Audience and Harry: YAY!
Dumbledore: -totally gives Harry the cold shoulder-
Harry: Ack! Dumbledore doesn't love me any more! -broodsorrowbrood-
King's Cross Station
Sirius: Screw being locked away in some spindly old house! I'm going to see my godson off to school if it's the last thing I do!
Moody: Everyone knows you can turn into a big black dog, you idiot.
Tonks: -huffhuff- My outfit is too good for this movie.
Sirius: -magicalishtransform-
Harry: YO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! DO YOU WANT TO GET CAUGHT?! ARE YOU STUPID?!
Sirius: Chill son, it's all good.
Harry: But I don't wanna lose the only family I have..
Fans: -cry-
Sirius: Eh, I'll risk your sanity - anyways, I have something cool to show you.
Harry: This couldn't wait 'till Christmas?
Sirius: Nah, it's important to the plot!
Picture: -losta smiles-
Sirius: So yeah, most of the people in this picture are either dead, crazy or burdened.
Harry: Um, is there foreshadowing embedded somewhere in this conversation?
Sirius: Nope! Not at all!
JKR: -diabolical laughter-
Harry: Well that's just great, another thing I can add to my growing list of things to brood about.
Voldemort: Don't forget meeeee!
Harry: Damn you! Stay out of my dreams!
Some Shadowy Glade That Hasn't Been In The Last 4 Movies
Malfoy: This is my only real line in the movie!
Harry: -major flip-out #1-
Ron: -comes to the rescue-
Cho: HARRY! -fangirlshriek-
Girl Fans: -grumblemenacingly-
Harry: Hm, maybe teenage hormones are something to live for...
Neville: -has finally gone through puberty-
Cactus thing: -twitches-
Thestril: -evilsnort-
Harry: ACK! THE BLACK APOCALYPSE HORSE! THIS MUST BE THE END OF THE WORLD!
Hermione: That's it, he's finally cracked.
Thestril: Only special people can see me.
Luna: FYI to all you fans - I'm not acting at all.
Hermione: Please allow me to make a total ass of myself and insult you to your face.
Luna: -blankstare- Who are you?
Ron: -is uncomfortable-
Luna: Hmm.. Pudding...
Harry: She may be all sorts of freaky, but Confucius says she's going to be the only one who understands me in this movie!
David Yates: Not that I'm going to make a point of it or anything..
Scrumptious Looking Feast
Luna: PUDDING!
Seamus: Harry has cooties!
Dumbledore: Apparently I have only one costume throughout this film.
Umbridge: -death by massive amounts of pink-
Snape: Ack! It burns!
Dumbledore: So anywa -
Umbridge: -RUDEINTERUPTION-
Hermione: What a bitch.
Umbridge: -FORESHADOWPLOTLINE-
Students: ...
Umbridge: -BABBLEINTERFIERINGBABBLE-
Students: ...
Umbridge: -UTTERNONSENCE-
Students: ...
Ron: Is that hat really necessary?
Harry: Right?!
Hermione: You idiots, didn't you listen to the hidden message behind all of that pink?
Ron and Harry: ...
Hermione: Imbecils..
Gryffindor Tower
-The Gryffindor Tower has been turned into the "We Hate Harry Potter Committee"-
Harry: Goddammit..
Seamus: It is YOUR FAULT that my mum is a nutcase!
Harry: Whatever, I never liked you anyway.
Ron: -comes to the rescue again-
Harry: Leave me alone to my torturous dreams!
Ron: Fine, whatever.
Harry: You know, Ron, the sight of you watching me while I sleep is somehow scarier than the dream itself.
Umbridge's Classroom of Doom
Origami bird: -flutters happily-
Umbridge: THERE WILL BE NO HAPPINESS IN THIS CLASS!
Origami bird: -dies-
Patil twins: Yo, what gives?!
Umbridge: Hello cronies - I mean children. Are you ready to be victims of mindless brainwashing?
Hermione: Excuse me, but you are so not going to interfere with my ever-growing IQ.
Harry: Yeah, and I have a date with some evil psycho at the end of this movie, so I need some knowledge in my brain.
Umbridge: I WILL remain the sole dictator of this joint!
Harry: Your methods of teaching are wack.
Umbridge: Your lies of some demented murderer coming back to kill us all are wack!
Harry: Um.. I have evidence and a witness.
Umbridge: LIES!
Audience: We'll testify for you, Harry!
Umbridge: SCREW YOU ALL!
Audience: BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Harry: I think all that pink you're wearing has messed with your brain.
Umbridge: HOW DARE YOU DEFILE MY FASHION SENSE! I SENTENCE YOU TO DETENTION!
Harry: - glowerglare -
Umbridge's Sickeningly Pink Office Of Doom
Kitten #1: We are cute and cuddly.
Kitten #2: Don't be fooled, we're actually somewhat relative to the climax.
Umbridge: Hm.. My tea needs more pink..
Harry: Your office scares me.
Umbridge: Just for that, I'll be sure to give you an extra 10 minutes of lines.
Harry: Lines?! Pshh, I've faced worse.
Quill: I CUT-ITH YOU!
Harry: You're effing sick.
Umbridge; - innocent smile -
Audience: We just wanna smack the pink out of her.
Gryffindor Tower
- Has been turned into a British teenage haven-
Fred: As part of our wild and scheming trouble-making -
George: - we've invented these Skiving Snackboxes -
Fred: - candy that makes you too sick for class!
George: It includes the greatest of illnesses and symptoms -
Fred: -such as nosebleeds!
George: Fever!
Fred: Measles!
George: Vomiting!
Fred: Fainting!
George: And the ever popular toothache!
Sick kid: Um, can I leave now?
Ron: Pretty pleeeeeaaaassseeeeeee help me, Hermione? I promise I won't ask you for anything in the next five minutes!
Hermione: Aw, your lost puppy-dog look is too cute to resist.
Girl Fans: ISN'T IT?
Harry: -angstmoodybrood-
- Hermione asks Harry what's wrong with his hand and he stomps away in a hormonal tirade -
Hermione: Fine, whatever bitch, we hate you too.
Hagrid's Deserted Hut
Harry: Goddam it, Hagrid! Why aren't you home yet?!
- Harry sees a Thestril flying happily over yonder and follows to where it lands -
Luna: Hm.. Pudding..
Harry: Dude, it's like negative 30 degrees out here and you're not wearing shoes or socks?
Luna: Methinks the Nargles took them and hid them from me.
Harry: -blankstare-
Baby Thestril: I'm actually kinda cute.
Luna: Well, he doesn't like the apple, think he'll want some pudding?
Harry: Something tells me not.
Baby Thestril: FOOD! -gobblegobble-
Luna: You'll soon learn that my abrupt babbling actually makes a heck of a lot of sense.
Harry: Wait.. Is this the part where you become my only friend while everyone else turns against me?
Luna: No, that was the last movie, darling.
Harry: Oh shit..
Luna: Here, have some pudding.
The Great Hall
Hermione: Do you ever stop eating?
Ron: I'm hungry!
Nothing: -is funnier than that-
Harry: -awkward apologetic stare-
Hermione: Aw, you're awkward apologies are just too cute to say no too.
Girl Fans: Right?!
McGonagall: Wow, we're so pissed at each other that we're on a first name basis.
Umbridge: YOU SHALL NOT DEFY ME!
- Random newspaper clippings show Umbridge as the reincarnation of Hitler -
Students: We hate her.
Fred and George: And when we hate someone, you KNOW something's up.
Trealawny: She makes me uncomfortable.
Umbridge: Methinks it's time for you to leave then, dearie.
Dumbledore: Methinks not.
Umbridge: That's ok, I'm granted all the power by the beginning of the climax anyway.
Dumbledore: -cold-shoulder #2-
Harry: Oh whatever, I can always go and cut myself in some girl's haunted toilet if he doesn't wanna talk to me.
Gryffindor Tower
Hermione: I am officially flustered.
Ron: I've had four years experience with this girl to know when to keep my mouth shut when she's on a tirade.
Radio: And for all of you Hogwarts's students - an update: we're blaming the non-existent war on Sirius Black. Gasps, horrors and shock.
Fiery Sirius: Speak of the devil.
Harry: WTF?!
Fiery Sirius: So anyways, the Minister is extremely self-conscious and believes you're all out to get him and Voldemort is still out to get you, Harry.
Harry: Surprise, surprise, now can you tell us something really important about the war? Like WHAT THE HELL WE SHOULD DO?!
Fiery Sirius: Sorry! Gotta go!
Hermione: Now it's my turn to be all foreshadowy.
Ron: You know, in that light you look so pretty - I MEAN, you look like you're on the verge of a brilliant plan.
Hermione: Of course I am! Oh, Haaaaarrrrryyyyyyyyy!
Harry: I'm not gonna like it, am I?
Dingy Hogshead
Harry: Nope, I don't like it.
Ron: Well look on the bright side -
Harry: There is no bright side in my life, Ron.
Hermione: I guess now would be a bad time to mention I've got horrible people skills.
Ron: I got you're back, darling.
Kid: I'm just a selfish, skeptic, pig.
Harry: And I'm not going to waste my time on little snotrags like you when I could be off brooding.
Luna: My pudding had an extra dose of intelligence this morning!
Hermione: Bless her and her unusualness.
Luna: -blankstare- Who are you?
Neville and Dean: We love Harry too!
Ginny: And I - well, never mind..
Harry: Gah! I'm not used to all this kindness!
Cho: Don't worry, Harry, it won't last long.
Snowey Bridge
Harry: Well, we have supporters - get me a place to put them in and I may go for it.
Hermione: Yay! Breaking the rules is fun!
Ron: Marry me.
Hr/R Shippers: YAY!!
Hermione: And I foresee love in Mr. Potter's future as well - not that I approve of fortune-telling or anything.
Ginny: -grumblegrumble-
Hogwarts
Neville: I'm so misunderstood..
Room of Requirement: Aw, I take pity on the unfortunate, come in here and cry you're little eyes out.
Hermione: Wow, Neville, you actually did something right!
Ron: No matter what the situation is, I'm always able to crack some sort of inappropriate or otherwise embarrassing joke.
Hermione: Ugh, you're such a pig.
Hr/R Shippers: Well, there goes the marriage plans..
Harry: Ok, you've convinced me, when do we start practicing?
Hermione: In the next frame!
Room of Requirement
Neville: Man, why do I have to be the first one to face the scarey wooden Death Eater?
Spell: -doesn't work-
Neville: -sigh- I'll never be as amazing as you, Harry.
Harry: That's not creepy at all..
- Meanwhile, Umbridge continues dictating, completely oblivious to the rebellion growing around her-
Hermione: You're ignorance toward magical learning has brought out the cheekiness in me, you magenta puff ball of sickening tweed!
-The D.A. finds clever means of escape and entrance into the Room of Requirement, all the while thwarting Filtch -
Harry: -is the best teacher ever-
Girl: Can we be taught next?!
Nigel: -has the power of ten Nigels, plus two-
Shorter fans: YAY FOR SHORT PEOPLE!
Filtch: -hatches his ultra-secret and ingenious plan-
Filtch: I am not leaving this spot in front of the invisible door until I catch a student!
Ron: A duel? With a girl? Pshhhhhh, easy-peasie.
Fred: I'm so sure Ron's going to win, I'm willing to bet on it.
Ron: Don't worry, my love! I shall do thee no -
Hermione: Oh shut it, you bloody twat.
Ron: -is owned-
George: Ha! I win!
Hermione: Don't ever underestimate the power of the braniac heroine!
Ron: -babbles embarrassingly-
The students: -continue thwarting Filtch-
Filtch: DAMN YOU ALL!
Umbridge: -sigh- Looks like I have to take matters into my own hands.
Cho: This isn't going to turn out good for me, is it?
-Umbridge begins to question the students while Harry still teaches, oblivious to Umbridge's attempts to dismantle the teenage rebellion -
Harry: -grabs Cho's hand-
Cho: -fangirl shriek-
Nigel: -falls on his face-
Harry: You're doing such a good job, Cho, props to you.
Girl fans: WE HATE YOU CHO CHANG!
Nigel: Yes. I'm perfectly FINE after falling on my FACE, thank you SO MUCH for asking!
- Filtch is such an easy target that Fred and George join in on the fun -
Filtch: -gasp- Candies?! For me?! YAY! SOMEONE DOES CARE!
Fred and George: -snickersnicker-
Filtch: I thought you loved me, Umbridge poopsy - poo!
Umbridge: I will snap their necks like I snapped this wand.
-While Umbridge breaks things, Harry thrives with his new found talent -
Harry: Remind me to thank -
Airborn kid #1: ZOOM!
Harry: - Hermione for -
Airborn kid #2: ZING!
Harry: - talking me into this.
- Filtch and his new cronies follow Luna down the hall -
Luna: skippidy-skip
Filtch: WE GOT HER NOW!
Room of Requirement: Hey, you're not unfortunate students! -changes into a closet-
Mouse: Do you MIND?! I was TRYING to sleep before you came barging in!
- All the while the D.A. are beating up the wooden Death Eater, everyone but Neville of course -
Ginny: SHAZAM!
Wooden Death Eater: -explodes-
Ginny: Ha! Take THAT, Cho Chang!
G/H Shippers: YAY!!
- Soon the Room of Requirement reflects the rapidly approaching Christmas season, and Harry's still got it for Cho -
Ginny: Dammit!
Girl Fans: DAMMIT!
Neville: -finally disarms someone-
Everyone else: -gasps-
Neville: Oh. My. GOD.
The D.A.: YAY! He's good for something!
Harry: Sorry to cut this meeting short, but I have some snogging to attend to right about now.
The D.A.: But - but - but -!
Harry: Y'all scram. NOW!
- Everyone else leaves the room except for Cho and Harry, who have been conveniently left behind -
Cho: Is it wrong that I'm looking at my dead boyfriend's picture before I snog your lips off?
Girl fans: YES, DO DON'T DO IT!!
Harry: No, not at all. It's what he'd want you to do.
Cho: You're so cute.
Harry: -blush-
Cho: Oh just kiss me under the mistletoe before you go and make some corny joke.
Harry: Too late! -smoochiesmooch-
Girl Fans: ACK! IT BURNS!
The kiss: -doesn't stop-
Girl Fans: Jeeze, just eat his face off why don't you?!
Gryffindor Tower
Hermione: We knew what you were doing all along, Harry -
Ron: But don't leave out any details, mmk?
Harry: It was... wet?
Ron: Wet?! WHAT ELSE DID YOU DO?!
Hermione: -goes on a rant about the importance of feelings-
Ron and Harry: -blankstare-
Ron: It was just one kiss..
Hermione: Well you OBVIOUSLY don't have the mental capability to understand!
- The trio then breaks into hysterical, random laughter that was obviously used to heighten the already lifted mood -
Harry's Dream
Snake: Be vewy, vewy quiiieeett! I've been hunting Weasleys!
Mr. Weasley: Why was I given the night watch again?
JKR: Because you're the extra dosage of foreshadowing!
Harry: Like the way my veins pop out of my neck?
Dumbledore's Office
McGonagall: This had better be worth losing sleep over..
Dumbledore: -cold shoulder #s 4, 5 and 6-
Harry: -major flip-out #2-
Snape: Well, as a Christmas bonus, I get to torture Mr. Potter!
Harry: This is SO not how I wanted my Christmas to go.
Grimmauld Place
Muggle kid: YAY! SNOWBALL FIGHT! WHEE!!
Hermione: Apparently Santa does exist in the magical world.
Mrs. Weasley: But I still give the best presents!
Ron: -bites tongue-
Mr. Weasley: I make these bandages look uber-cool.
Harry: So much happiness -twitch-, I don't deserve any of it all.
Mrs. Weasley: HARRY! PRESENTS!
Mr. Weasley: HARRY! TOAST!
Harry: -twitch-
Family Tree Room
Ron: Humph! This sweater makes me look fat!
Hermione: -hysterical laughter-
Kreature: I effin' hate you, Harry Potter.
Sirius: And I effin' hate you, you filthy excuse for a servant.
Kreature: -mumblegrumble-
Sirius: My house and family sucks.
Harry: Wait, you lived here?
Sirius: You know Harry, we're more alike than you think.
Harry: Yeah, only my parents loved me and I never was selfish enough to run away from home.
Sirius: ...
Harry: See, I'm such a bad person.
Sirius: "You're not a bad person. You're a very good person, who bad things have happened to."
Harry: Yeah, yeah, I know..
Sirius: No matter what happens, I promise we'll be a family after the war.
JKR: -evil grin-
Some Correlation In The Halls Of Hogwarts
Harry: Apparently we're on a date?
Cho: You never got me anything for Christmas!
Hermione: OMFG HARRY!
Harry: What?
Hermione: HAGRID!
Harry: What?!
Hermione: HE'S BACK!
Harry: WHAT?!
Hermione: LETS GO!
Harry: OMFG YAY!! -scampers off-
Cho: Oh no you DIDN'T. I WILL have my revenge!
Hargid's Not-Deserted-Anymore Hut
- The trio races happily down to Hagrid's complete with mega-happy music and all, where they notice an unwanted guest has beaten them to it -
Umbridge: Don't test me, I own you.
Hagrid: Oh please, I can sit on you and no one would know the difference.
Umbridge: Gah, fresh air - it's not good enough for my amazing coat. -sprays perfume-
Hagrid: Yeah, I'm happy to see you three too, but I got an amazing, top secret story to tell.
Hermione: OMG TELL US!
- Hagrid tells his amazing story of his escapades with the giants and nurses the bruises and cuts on his face with a steak for some odd reason -
Harry: ...so, what happened to your face?
Hagrid: NO IDEA what you're talking about.
Fang: If that's so, gimme the steak!
Wind: I'm here to warn you all that some drastic emergency is about to take place
Hagrid: While on my trip with the giants, I've turned into a sort of poet. I will now connect the war to the upcoming storm and actually make some sense with it. Shakespeare, eat your heart out.
Azkaban Prison
Azkaban: - is a high security prison that no one can ever break out of -
Sirius: Except for me.
12 Escapees: And us.
Wall: -is breached-
Bellatrix: SWEET FREEDOM!
Fudge: In order to cover our recent blunder, we're blaming the break out on Sirius Black because we don't know what else to do.
Sirius: Yeah, because everything is MY fault.
Bellatrix: Am I angry enough in this picture? I'm not sure.
Hogwarts
Neville: This breakout is going to affect me, I know it.
Hermione: I absolutely loathe immaturity, and Fudge is the most immature prat ever to walk the earth.
Seamus: You know Harry, I've been thinking that maybe you're not a crazy bad guy after all..
Harry: Really?
Seamus: Forgive me?
Harry: Awh, you're Irish accent is just too cute to say no to.
Audience: Erm.. No, not really.
Room Of Requirement
Neville: So yeah, my parents were tortured to death and stuff.
Harry: Oh, so that's why you flipped out during the spider experiment last year.
Neville: You know Harry, we're more alike than you think.
Harry: Why do people keep telling me that?!
Harry: -teaches the D.A. how to produce Patronuses-
Hermione: Didn't Lupin tell you that this kind of magic was too advanced for wizards of our age?
Ron: Yeah, but we're special.
Ginny: My patronus is a horse!
Hermione: Mine's an otter!
Ron: Mine's a bulldog!
Luna: Mine's a snarkakolous!
Everyone else: -blankstare-
Luna: Just kidding, it's a bunny.
Harry: Hey, speaking of animals in the Chinese New Year, where's Cho?
Room of Requirement Door: -SMASH-
Umbridge: Ratting you all out.
Girl fans: WE TOLD YOU SHE WAS NO GOOD, HARRY!
Dumbledore's Office
- Harry is hearded to Dumbledore's office along with Cho to try and talk his way out of this mess -
Umbridge: I LOVE being right.
Harry: It's not what you think!
Dumbledore: Oh, stop being so dramatic when I'm trying to save your ass, Harry.
Fudge: Ha! Haha! I am triumphant! I WIN!
Dumbledore: Not unless you can catch me!
Fawks and Dumbledore: -totally disappear-
Kingsley: I have the best line in the whole movie.
Fudge: -is at a point of mental combustion-
Umbridge's take - over
Umbridge: I love my job.
Filtch: I love my job.
Students: We hate her.
Fred and George: We hate her the most.
Cho: Harry! Please forgive me!
Harry: -total ignorance-
Girl fans: Good man, Harry, good man!
Foggy Bridge
Ron: Isn't it scarey that me and Hermione are starting to dress alike?
Hermione: Harry, don't beat yourself up, it's our fault everyone got in trouble.
Harry: So what's the moral here? That nothing good ever comes from doing good things?
Ron: Life's a bitch, dude.
Harry: Yeah, no shit.
Hagrid: Sorry to interrupt y'all and your brooding but I have something really important to show you.
The Forbidden Forest
Ron: I don't like it in here.. You better not be taking us to a big group of hungry spiders like you did in movie two.
Centaurs: We are angry. And when we're angry we stampede.
Hagrid: See this kind of stuff makes me nervous for him..
The Trio: For who?
Grawp: Hiya.
Ron: ACK! A MONSTER!
Hagrid: He's my kid brother!
The Trio: WTF?!
Hagrid: He's completely harmless!
Grawp: -scoops Hermione up-
Hermione: EEK!!
Ron: Don't worry my love, I'll save you!
Hr/ R fans: YAY!
Ron: -gets kicked over after using the most pathetic method of rescue known to man and wizard kind-
Hr/R fans: -face-palm-
Hermione: With the feministic powers vested in me, I DEMAND you release me this instant!
Grawp; -puts her down-
Ron: I could've done that..
Grawp: -gives Hermione tricycle handlebars-
Harry: Awh look he likes you.
Hermione: -rings bell-
Grawp: Yay!
Ron: -jealous glower-
Hagrid: See, he's not so bad once you get to know him. Wana take care of him?
Ron: NO!!
Harry and Hermione: YES!
Ron: -grumblegrumble-
Occulmency Lesson/Torture
- We find Snape breaking into Harry's mind yet again -
Mirror: -all smiles-
Snape: -ruins the picture-
Harry: I hate you.
Snape: Oh, but this is so much fun! Anyway, this is for your own good - torturing you is just a perk.
Harry: Stay out of my mind!
Snape: Make me!
- Harry does some spell that lets him see Snape' past and how horrible his dad really was-
Snape: Oh, the humanity...
Harry: Shit, he's gonna kill me.
Snape: Not unless you run really, really fast.
- Harry scurries away to find Fred and George comforting a little boy just coming out of Umbridge's detention -
Umbridge: He deserved it, he said I was ugly.
Fred: That's it, I've had enough.
George: She's getting it tomorrow.
Tomorrow (O.W.L.s)
Harry: There's nothing more distracting then a gigantic pendulum swinging back and forth while you're trying to take a test.
Hermione: I know exactly what I'm doing!
Ron: I have no clue what I'm doing..
Something: -bangs outside-
Umbridge: A ruckus during my test? I don't think so - whoever it is, is getting a detention.
Small Firework: Just try it, you old hag.
- Fred and George go whizzing by, causing mayhem and destruction while fireworks crackle around the room -
Fred: ANARCHY!!
George: REBELLION!!
Ron: Ooh, pretty sparkles..
Umbridge: - is completely flabbergasted -
Dragon Firework: Hm, you look tasty.
Umbridge: Eek!! Stay away from me! Don't make me unleash my kittens on you!
Firework: - CHOMP -
The firework's explosion: -somehow manages to destroy all Umbridge's decrees and they all tumble off the wall, dripping with symbolism in their wake-
Fred and George: Leave the classroom, kids, the real show is outside!
The overjoyed students: - rush outside and cheer on the twins for finally doing what they could only dream of -
Harry: This is all so very exciting! Nothing can bring me down now!
Voldemort: Ooohhh Harrrryyyyyyyy... Guess who didn't close their miiiiiiinnnnnnddddd?
Harry: Oh dash it all.
The vision: -shows Voldemort torturing Sirius-
Hermione: You ok, buddy?
Harry: HELL NO, I'M GOING TO KILL THAT BASTARD FOR TAKING THE ONLY FAMILY I'VE GOT LEFT!
The Grand Staircase
Hermione: Before we go bursting through the Ministry, let's think this whole thing through. There has to be a highly logical explanation to why you had this vision.
Harry: Yeah, duh, it's a warning.
Hermione: Well logically -
Harry: I don't care about being logical at the moment.
Hermione: So basically you're going to go balls first into certain danger without a plan or anything thought out?
Harry: Yeah, basically.
Ron: Bless him, he's doing it for love.
Umbridge's Sickeningly Pink Office of Doom
Ron: WHOA! How did we change clothes so fast?!
Hermione: HIGHLY illogical to use Umbridge's fire..
Kitten #1: OOOH!! I'M TELLING ON YOU!!
Ron: Ok, so who's going first?
Harry: I'M the only one going, it's too dangerous for the two of you.
Ron: Oh hell no, we did not just go through four years of adventures with you to be left out of this one.
Hermione: Yeah, you had all the fun alone in the Tournament last year.
Ron: You're stuck with us now.
Umbridge: HA! CAUGHT YOU!
Hermione: Oh unicorn turds.
- Members of the Inquisitorial Squad bring in Luna, Neville and Ginny, who were somehow knew exactly when to cause a distraction -
Umbridge: Time for good cop, bad cop.
Harry: Do I get a choice?
Umbridge: -major slapage-
Ginny: I will tear you to shreds, woman.
Snape: Aw man, you're having all the fun.
Umbridge: Would be more fun if you had some truth potion on you.
Snape: Sorry, fresh out remember? You used the last of it on Potter's snogging buddy.
Harry: Dammit..
Snape: I'll pay you to poison him though.
Harry: Screw you too, go deliver my cleverly coded message to the Order so they can come to the rescue during the climax, mmk?
Umbridge: Wha -?
Snape: NO IDEA what he's talking about. I'll be leaving now.
Ron: Nice going, dipshit.
Umbridge: I'm sick of this crap, it's time to do what I should have done a long time ago -
Ron: Get laid?
Umbridge: TORTURE!
Harry: ...erm, isn't that what you've been doing all year?
Hermione: Shut it, Harry, I'm having an ingenious brain wave that could possibly get us out of this mess!
Umbridge: Really?
Harry: Really?
Everyone else: Really?
Hermione: Follow us to the forest, professor!
Harry: Oh crap, she isn't..
The Forbidden Forest
Harry: Crap, she is.
Hermione: Don't worry, Harry! This is a completely brilliant plan! I've thought it through completely and thoroughly!
Umbridge: YOU TRICKED ME! THERE'S NOTING HERE! I SMITE YOU CHILDREN!
Centares: Not if we have anything to say about it!
Umbridge: ACK! DEMONS! I SMITE YOU!
Random Centare: -gurglechoke-
Centares: WE KEEL YOU DEAD, EVIL PINK PUFF!
Grawp: I heard a ruckus.
Centares: MONSTER! WE KEEL YOU TOO!
Hermione: NO! HE'S JUST A KID!
Harry: You see, this is what you get for thinking things through. Lets get out of here before you get us into deeper shit.
Not-Foggy-Or-Snowy-Anymore Bridge
Harry: We escaped!
Ron: We did too!
Hermione: How'd you manage that?
Ron: Ginny is pretty much amazing.
Ginny: And I'm so much prettier than Cho -nudgenudge-
Girl Fans: Don't make us hate you too.
Hermione: So how are we getting to London?
Harry: How many times do I have to say I'm going alone?
Ron: And how many times do we have to say get over it?
Hermione: We're all in this together, remember?
Ron: Now hurry up and lets go before Hermione breaks out into High School Musical.
Harry: But there's still the issue of GETTING to London.
Luna: I believe the answer is pudding.
Everyone else: -blankstare-
Luna: It told me we could fly on some of the Thestrils frolicking about the forest.
Everyone else: The who?
Harry: OMG YOU'RE A GENIUS!
- The kids fly to London on the Thestrils and make it to London by nightfall. From there, they manage to sneak past security into the Department of Mysteries -
Department Of Mysteries
David Yates: Due to the power and limits of cinamantography, we've cut out nearly 3/4 of the Department of Mysteries scene.
Fans: BOOO!! WE HATE YOU DAVID YATES !!
Harry: Either way, they did a splendid job creating the Hall of Prophecies.
Hermione: Speaking of that, aren't we here for some godfather of yours in mortal peril?
Harry: Oh yeah! -runs down to row 98-
Sirius: -is not there-
Harry: WTF?!
Hermione: I TOLD YOU IT WAS A SET UP!
Harry: Oh, I get it, I'm on Punked, right?
Neville: Well I don't know about that, but this here orb thingy has your name on it.
Prophecy: I'm just radiating with foreshadowing.
Lucious Malfoy: Knew you'd fall for it.
Harry: You!
Lucious: Yeah, you've been punked, but you're not meeting Kutcher and there's no hidden cameras.
Harry: Oh darn, I wanted to meet Ashton..
Lucious: Gimme the prophecy. Now
Harry: The what?
Bellatix: Peek-a-boo.
Neville: WENCH! I KILL YOU!
Bellatix: I'm barking mad, you don't want to mess with me.
Lucious: Besides, we don't wanna hurt the Prophecy.
Harry: What's this thing you keep mentioning?
Lucious: You're holding it, stupid.
Harry: Oh this glass thingy? Is it special?
Lucious: Nope, not at all. It just holds the secrets to your past and the possible outcome of your future, it's not special at all.
Harry: Really?
Lucious: Yeah, so gimme it.
Harry: No.
Lucious: Gimme!
Harry: No!
Lucious: GIMME!
Harry: NO!
Lucious: Ok, fine, we'll just forcibly take it from you.
Harry: Psh, yeah right, there are six of us and two of you.
Other Death Eaters: Not really.
Ron: Oh man, we're all going to die!
Harry: Not on my watch!
All the kids: -preform lotsa spells to dismantle their enemies-
Harry: Lets move it along, shall we?!
Hermione: Split up, we'll lose them faster!
Lucious: They've split up! We can kill them faster!
Death Eaters: I hate blondes. -punch-
Luna: You're not pudding! -twack-
Neville: -actually does a spell right-
Luna: Good job, you'll get some pudding later.
Death Eater: Haha! I can run faster than Harry Potter!
Harry: -stabs eyes out-
Ron: Fear not my love! I'll stop -
Hermione: -covers the Death Eaters in a shower of Prophecies-
Ron: That's the 3rd time in this movie that you've one-upped me!
Hermione: Really? Score! New record!
The kids: -collide-
Death Eaters: YOU!!
Ginny: SHAZAM!!
- Ginny's spell succeeds in stopping the Death Eaters, but creates a tidal wave of glass -
Ginny: Hm. That didn't work out quite as I planned it.
Ron and Luna: Oh.. Pretty..
Harry: Yeah it's pretty, but it's going to kill us if we don't move like right now.
The Kids: -flee-
Door: Run through me! I lead to safety!
The Kids: -run through the door and fall to a seemingly bottomless pit-
The Door: Ha! Suckers!
Ron: OMFG, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!
Something Magicalish: -stops them before they hit the floor-
Ron: Jeeze..They could've let us know this place was mysterious..
Archway: Hey, I'm safe too!
Harry: I hear dead people...
Luna: Me too..
Hermione: No you don't! It's just a trick of your subconscious minds!
Harry and Luna: ...
Hermione: We SHOULD be using the little time we have left constructively, like - oh I don't know - FINDING A WAY OUT, PERCHANCE?
Harry and Luna: ...
Hermione: Or we could just sit here and let them come kill us.
Death Eaters: We chose that one!
Harry: All 5 of you get behind me! I'll save you all by using my body as a protective shield!
Death Eaters: -swipes everyone but Harry into the shadows-
Harry: Damn.. Didn't think that through..
Malfoy: So it's either the glass thing or your friends.
Ron: YOU BETTER NOT LET ME DIE, HARRY!
Neville: Protect your dignity! Die with honor!
Harry: Screw that, it's just a glass thing anyway, how important can it be?
Mr. Malfoy: VICTORY!!
The Order: Not quite.
- Just in the nick of time, members of the Order appear in bursts of shiny symbolism -
Tonks: Psh. My appearance is too good for this movie.
- The Order commences in a full blown battle with the Death Eaters while all of the kids scamper to safety. Lucious is a clumsy fool and smashes the Prophecy -
Lucious: Curses!
Harry: I want to fight with my godfather!
Sirius: Oh why not, it may be the last time we fight together. -winkwink-
Mr. Malfoy: DIE!
Sirius: No way!
Harry: Hooray!
Bellatrix: Time for me to kill the happiness!
Sirius: Oh dash it all, in my moment of glory too. -dies-
David Yates: No, the sound isn't broken, the creative team decided depressing music was better fitting for this moment in Potter history.
- Harry cries for Sirius and runs off to wreak his revenge on Bellatrix -
Bellatrix: Him?! Psh, yeah right.
Harry: I KEEL YOU DEAD, WOMAN!
Voldemort: Do it, do it, do it! You know you want to!
Harry: Gah! -twitch- I don't take well to peer pressure!
Voldemort: Dooooooooo itttttttttttttt...
Harry: I won't give in!
Voldemort: Here I thought you were smarter than that.
Dumbledore: That's what I thought.
Voldemort: Ack! You! Die!
Dumbledore: Bite me.
Voldemort: I'll hold you to that.
- Dumbledore and Voldemort show of their stuff in a cornucopia of fantastic CGI -
Dumbledore: -zippidyzap-
Voldemort: -cracklesnap-
Bellatrix: That's my cue to skedaddle.
Dumbledore: Magical tug-of-war! Whoever doesn't die wins!
Harry: I really should run, but this piece of floor is just so darn comfy.
Voldemort: It's electrifying what I can do to walls!
Harry: -is almost zapped-
Dumbledore: That's cheating!
Voldemort: Yeah, but this is an accident. -breaths fiery snake of doom-
Harry: Dude, breath mint?
Fire snake: Do you want your Dumbledore medium or well done?
Dumbledore: Sorry, vegan here. -slashkill-
Voldemort: -seethingglare-
Dumbledore: -encloses Voldemort in a nifty ball of water-
Harry: Awesome! Lemme try!
Dumbledore: Get back, you fool!
Voldemort: -escapes the ball o' water while Dumbledore's distracted and batters him down with black smoke-
Dumbledore: Not to worry! I've got everything COMPLETELY under control!
Voldemort: HEAR ME ROAR!!
- Voldemort's scream is so high pitched that it breaks the glass lanterns hanging around them -
Fudge's portrait: -is torn to shreds-
Harry: There's symbolism in that somewhere..
Voldemort: -creates a tidal wave of glass-
Harry: OH SHI -!
Dumbledore: -creates a shield that turns the glass into dust-
Voldemort: This displeases me.
Dumbledore: What now, punk?
Voldemort: You are so mean, I'm gonna go home and cry under the covers! -vanish-
Harry: Hooray! We -
Dumbledore: Voldemort doesn't cry, he's up to something.
Harry: Hey professor, wanna see my worm?
Dumbledore: That bastard!
Harry: Hey fans, you'll love this part - BEHOLD a collogue of my more depressing moments in all five of the movies!
Fans: Wait.. So he's dying?
Harry: ACK! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE! WHAT HAS HE DONE TO MY BEAUTIFUL FACE?!
Voldemort: What?! Are you crazy? My face is flawless!
The kids: We heard a ruckus.
Harry: You all stayed!
The kids: Dur, we weren't going to let you have all the fun.
Harry: You all make me so darn happy that I think I'll treat the audience to another collogue - this time of my happier moments!
Fans: YAY!!
Harry: Suck it, Voldy, I have friends and you don't!
Voldemort: Whatever, I don't need friends.
The Ministry: We heard a ruckus too.
Voldemort: Oop, time to go!
Fudge: Eek! It seems I have made a small miscalculation.
Audience: DUR!!
- An array of newspaper pictures and headlines show Harry and Dumbledore getting their good names back, Fudge and Umbridge getting the sack, and finally the announcement of Voldemort's return -
Audience: Well it's about bloody time!
Harry: It's the end of the movie and I'm still brooding.
Dumbledore: I feel your pain, bro.
Harry: Oh shut up.
Dumbledore: Before I do, let me put all the blame on me for your unhappiness.
Harry: Aw, you're too sweet.
Dumbledore: You do know that in the final climax of the 8th movie, you have to either kill or be killed right?
Harry: What?
Dumbledore: Welcome to the jungle, kiddo.
Harry: Wait.. 8 movies?
Dumbledore: Yeah, the scriptwriters decided the 7th book is too long for 1 movie.
Harry: Eh, I don't mind, I'm getting paid to do this job.
Fans: -REJOICE-
Halls of Hogwarts
- Hogwarts has been turned back into it's warty self and the color pink has been banned from all areas of the castle -
Filtch: -glowerglowerglare-
Harry: I must say, the news of an extra movie has distinguished my brooding temporarily.
Luna: I have so many good friends! They play hide and seek with my stuff!
Harry: -blankstare-
Luna: It's going to take a lot of pudding to find them all though.
Harry: Want some help from the local hero?
Luna: Nah, I'm a big girl now, I can do things by myself. I'm sorry that your godfather got sucked into that silver arch thing by the way. Took me a while to understand he died.
First-timers: Wait, he died?!
Harry: Aw, that's what I've wanted to hear all along.
Luna: I'm actually really mature when you get to know me.
Harry: So mature that you can hold my hand without repercussions?
Luna: Pretty much.
Harry: This is the part where I'm supposed to take "pity" on you, but I don't think that's what the writers were going for.
Luna: No, they're trying to let the audience know that we've come to a mutual understanding of each other, while connecting my lost shoes to things you can't quite see until you're really looking.
Harry: Like pudding?
Luna: PUDDING!!
Harry: She may be an oddball, but I really like her.
Girl fans: Ugh, WONDERFUL, now we have to worry about her too?!
Harry: Don't worry, JK says I end up with Ginny for sure.
Girl Fans: DAMMIT!!
The Hogwarts Express
Ron: How cool are we to have a train IN the woods?
Harry: So what's everyone's goals for next year? I'll strive to not be as bitterly depressed as I was this year!
Hermione: I'll try to get a boyfriend! -nudgenudge-
Hr/R Shippers: YAY!!
Ron: I'll officially learn how to snog!
Malfoy: I'll have more lines!
Ginny: I'll be too sexy to resist.
Neville: I'll try growing up a little bit more!
Luna: I'm gonna try to get off of pudding, but for some reason I think it's going to be a running joke.
Harry: All in all, we've got some good times to look forward to, and -
Hermione: Oh save it, 99.9 of the audience has read the books, they know we win in the end.
Harry: Yeah, you're right. Lets just be best buds and walk happily on the train.
David Yates: I shall win the academy award!!
JKR: What do you think this is, Lord of the Rings?
Fans: Yay! It's over! Let's go see it in IMAX!
Harry: Pst! I hear December Boys is playing in theater 2 if you wanna make a pit-stop!
- FIN -