Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don´t own Harry Potter...

So this is my first try at Harry Potter Fanfiction. If you like it please Review. If you don´t review as well and tell me what I can do better :)

~ PansyFlower

Love is for pansies

"Pansy!...Wait let me explain" I heard my mother yelling from somewhere far behind me. But I didn´t stop. How could I forgive her? When I lost my father two years ago – killed by an Acromantula – I had no idea that this meant I would lose my mother as well. I thought that for once she would be a real mother, not only caring about my outward appearance and our family´s reputation but caring about me and how I felt like, losing my father at the age of nine. But instead she let me alone with all my grief and lost herself in the alcohol. I can´t remember a single evening that she was sober. Not until she nearly died, having drunken two full bottles of firewhiskey. That was two months ago. I had made her swear than that if she loved me she would never touch a drop of booze again. Well... judging by her appearance and the half-empty firewhiskey bottle that she clutched with her hand, as if afraid that I might take it from her she had broken her promise.

It was at this moment that I realized that I was alone. I had nowhere to go, no one who cared and nothing to care for. "Pansy Parkisonnn ssstttooppp rigghttt sereee!" The lulling voice of my mother was closer than I had thought but I made it to my room in time and then buried my head in my pillow, the pillow she once made for me, and cried. I sobbed so hard that I didn´t even hear the attempts she made to lure me out of the room, if she made any. Probably she was already back in the living room, sitting on the couch, the whiskey bottle in her hand and drinking to forget the pain.

Anger began to boile inside my veins. She was weak. Pathetic. I was eleven years old and could handle the pain better than her. I had cared for myself for two years now. What kind of mother did this to her child? Furiously I got up, took the pillow in both of my hands and tore it into pieces. Hadn´t I proved I didn´t need her? Well then I sure as hell didn´t need her fucking pillow! I will never become as weak as her, never let my life glide out of my hands. I will stay strong and make my father proud.

When I woke up in the next morning it took a while to figure out why I was covered in feathers. I could feel the anger again, but only a weaker shadow of the one I had experienced yesterday evening. I grit my teeth to shake it away. Today was a good day. One of the best days of my life and definitely the best one in the last two years! I would finally get away from here and go to Hogwarts. As I thought about it something else came into my mind. Maybe that´s why my mother had broken in yesterday. Maybe she had drunk to push the fact aside that she would lose me as well... Still this was no excuse for her weakness. When I walked into the living room to take my robes out of the cupboard and pack them into my trunk, I saw her lying huddled on the sofa, so unlike the self-confident egocentric dragon she had been mere years ago...

I took my robes, turned around and never looked back. Back in my room I pulled the books that were required out of my cupboard. My parents had bought them 4 years ago, wanting to make sure that I exceeded in all my classes. Judging by all the time I was forced to spend with them I was pretty damn sure I would but that didn´t make up for the fact, that thanks to my parents – my mom in particular – I´d never had any friends at all. Another thought strove me. What if all the other students already knew each other. What if they wouldn't accept because I was new? I shrugged. Did I even want to make friends? I wasn´t sure. I´d never had a thing for people. Forming too close ties with someone always meant getting hurt. No I didn´t want friends. I wanted followers. I was Pansy Parkinson - born to be a queen and nothing less.

When I had packed all my things, including some personal stuff, for example the sapphire earrings my grandma had given me, because they fit so well with my raven black hair, and also the diary I had gotten when we had been to Diagon alley to buy all my school stuff, I sighed. This wouldn´t be a break-up forever. I was bound to come back at least in Summer holidays. But since I definitely planned on staying in Hogwarts for the other time I would still be away for nearly one year. I couldn´t suppress a smile. Finally I will learn how to use magic, I won´t have to cook dinner myself and maybe... just maybe I´ll find friends and if not then people who follow me out of fear. Pansy Parkinson will become the Princess of Hogwarts. Judging by my character and my far too obvious fun in commanding other people – maybe so developed because I had to do all by myself before – I was nearly sure I´d end up in Slytherin. I had nothing to say against it. If it had been free pick I would have chosen Slytherin as well. Not only because the Parkinsons were pure-blood – besides my mother maybe who might have more alcohol than blood pumping through her body – but also because due to my isolation I couldn´t be considered a sunshine when it came to dealing with people.

I stopped myself. I had no time to think about that now or I´d miss the train and it would surely not contribute to the reputation I planned on to be brought there by my mother when she had recovered just because I wasn´t even able to catch a train. I picked up my luggage, mumbled goodbye to my mom – no reaction – and went over to the fireplace. I grabbed into the pot with floopowder and took a handful. I stepped right into the flames and said "King´s cross station."

When I arrived there I hurried out of the little room, that hid the fireplace from the muggles and watched out for platform 9. Of course I knew exactly where I had to go, everyone in my family had had nothing else in mind than preparing me for Hogwarts. After I had entered platfor checked a clock and calmed down a little. I still had 10 minutes and as far as I could see not even half the students had arrived so far. Better for me. After I had made through the crowd and reached one entrance of the train I lifted my heavy suitcase inside – too proud to ask any of the older students to help. Trying to suppress my heavy breathing I searched for an empty compartment. I walked past a compartment in which a girl with fair blonde uncombed hair and an odd pair of glasses sat looking around as if searching the room for something. I heard her mumble something about nargles... Weirdo. I also passed a red-haired boy on the corridor, who had dirt in his face, apparently also looking for a compartment. He smiled at me but I just shot him a death glare. He looked like the typical loser type that would probably end up in Hufflepuff. Pathetic. Then I spotted an empty space and hastily pushed my suitcase through the door. I slammed the door shut behind me and hoisted my suitcase into the shelf. I let myself fall into a seat but hastily assumed a more elegant and strong position. One boy who had a toad on his arm attempted to enter my compartment once but hastily retreated after I had shot him a death glare. Pathetic.

The train finally began to move and since I lacked a good-night´s sleep I snuggled into my seat and tried to fall asleep. Just as I finally managed to blend out all the noises from the nearby compartments I heard the door sliding open. As I looked up furiously I saw a very good-looking boy with an arrogant smirk on his face and two fat stupid-looking acolytes entering my compartment. "Sorry to disturb you princess. Come in Crabbe. Goyle what are you waiting for?" Faster than he could follow I had taken out my wand and fired a wobbly-knees curse at the fattie who was nearest. I smirked as he collapsed on the floor, his knees twisting in spasms. The grin faded from the blonde boys face. Instead he looked pretty impressed but not afraid. "Not bad princess. So what´s next? Are you going to turn my hair blue?"Damn I couldn´t risk anything else before even getting to Hogwarts. Asshole. I tried it with shooting him a death glare but he just smirked as if he had expected me to give in. "Well you´re definitely a wild one. I´m Draco Malfoy." I glared at him. Of course I had heard of the Malfoys – if my mother had taught me one thing than it was the name of potential pure-blood husbands – and I knew he expected that his name would make an impression on me. But I could play this game." Pansy Parkinson", I answered smirking viciously. He looked appreciatively. I decided to taunt him a little more. "Would you mind letting your two bodyguards outside or are you too much afraid of me." "Don´t get ahead of yourself Parkinson.", he snapped angrily. I chuckled but stayed silent. After several minutes I asked "So what house are you planning on?" "Please", he snorted," you´re even more stupid than you look if you have to ask. Slytherin. You?" "Hufflepuff. Of course Slytherin you little bastard." " Hey bitch shut your mouth or I´ll have your little ass kicked right out of here." Before I could retort the compartment door opened and a red-haired boy with a prefect badge came inside. Apparently he had already acquainted Draco since he asked, " Ohoh Malfoy did you just call that girl a bitch. You know that I´ll take points from you as soon as you are sorted for that. He did insult you didn´t he darling?" He had turned to me. But although I hated that arrogant Malfoy guy I was no one to tell on others. So instead of taking revenge I just said innocently " Oh no. That must be a misunderstanding. Dear Draco just said that his throat was itching and that he needs something to drink. I was just about to give him something." I smirked as I handed him a bottle that I had pulled out of my trunk. Draco just looked incredulously but took the bottle. "Yeah thanks Pansy." He sipped from the bottle and I was sure it took all he got to keep his expression neutral since the bottle as I knew contained a very hot spice that I had taken accidently because I had used it for yesterday´s dinner and it had fallen into my bag. The prefect exited grumbling and as soon as he was gone Draco whimpered in pain and glared daggers at me. But behind his angriness was something else. Something that gave me the feeling that I had passed an initation test without even knowing it existed. But I felt sure that he wouldn´t underestimate me again. After that I used a spell to remove the results of my joke and after he had recovered he was able to smirk at me. " You´re pretty good at that... Not as good as me of course but not bad either." Something had changed between us and I thought maybe... just maybe I could make an exception from my no-friends policy for him. Well I´d see how things went. "Thanks. Well honestly I had a lot of time to practice... My parents... Protecting the family´s honour and all..." But I didn´t want to seem weak although I knew he had probably gone through the same so I added, "But yeah I´m pretty good. Better than you I´d say." He just smirked and said "We´ll see."

When we arrived in Hogwarts and the fat, hairy gamekeeper told us to separate into groups of four to get into the boats it went without saying that I got into a boat with him. When we drove over the lake I noticed the others for the first time. I found that a lot of girls stared in my direction. Some with fear clearly written in their eyes. Obviously the ones that had encountered me or were filled in by their friends. But others just glanced longingly. I couldn´t make sense of that. Why would they long to be here with me. But then I followed their glances a little further and noticed that they all looked at Draco... In the twilight his beauty struck me more than it had in the badly lit wagon. I smirked at their awing expressions. Pathetic.

The Sorting Ceremony was about to begin. I was as nervous as I had ever been. What if I wasn't sorted into Slytherin. What if I ended up as a lousy Hufflepuff? No. I tried hard to control my thoughts. Hufflepuffs weren´t evil and if there was someone evil on this planet it was me... and Draco Malfoy. Maybe that´s why we got along. I watched around checking out the others. The boys weren´t particularly interesting except of course for Harry Potter the celebrity. How could I have forgotten him. Well my thoughts were pretty preoccupied and honestly I wasn´t the type of girl to befriend with someone just because he´s famous. No I would leave this to the girls swarming around him. I had made my choice. I would rather go alone... with one exception. I looked for potential acolytes under the girls. A corpulent mean-looking girl – the female Crabbe – caught my gaze. She seemed to be alone and there was nothing better to win people over than to make them feel they were worth something. I had spotted this so often with my mother and for the first time I really used something she taught me. I walked over to the girl, introduce myself and let her feel my superiority. My judgement was correct. Millicent Bullstrode, that´s her name, was the typical follower. She knew nobody here except for her cat but agreed with me that the girls were mostly girly little princesses not even worth my attention. "Parkinson.", I heard someone hiss in the crowd. I turned around to see Draco smirking at me. "Making some friends, I see." I rolled my eyes at him, of course in a way that Millicent couldn´t see it." What about you and your throng of admirers?" This time it was his turn to roll his eyes. "Maybe you could spread some of your charm. That would surely help getting rid of them." I growled and retorted, "I thought your boring personality could achieve that on its own." One girl who had followed Draco looked at me in shock. I playfully shot her a glare but it was enough to make her walk away wincing. "Pathetic", I mumbled.

"Well see you in the commons I guess..." I turned around and went away. Behind me I heard Draco talking to somebody else and I went back to Millicent.

Draco POV:

"Well see you in the commons I guess...". With that she turned away and went back to her recruitee. That girl was something special. He was sure they´d end up in Slytherin together and he decided to have an eye on her. She might... no he didn´t want friends. And most certainly no female friends. But he couldn´t deny that she was different from those girlies who seemed to like him.

Well he certainly didn´t like them. As if to pronounce the difference a tall slender girl who undoubtedly looked good, but no more interesting than his new Defence against the Dark Arts book approached him giggled and then said: " Hey Draco. I´m Astoria. Can we be friends?" He hardly managed not to laugh out loud before he said, " No". Tears came into her eyes, but before he had to witness a human breakdown he rather turned away and faced Professor McGonagall who had suddenly reappeared.

She guided them into the hall and I could see nearly everyone making disgusting noises expressing their delight. Everyone except for Pansy as he once again noticed. Draco couldn´t help but get a little nervous. Of course- he was made for Slytherin but what if the sorting head decided to put him to that losers in Huffelpuff? What would his father say? His father that made home a place he was so eager to leave that he had counted the days till his depart for nearly 1 year. A father that hit him with everything he could lay hands on. A father that had stolen him a happy childhood in order too help him "get a thicker skin". But Draco fought against the sadness. He was in Hogwarts now. The place he had always wanted to be. Here he would be king not servant. And he certainly wouldn´t share this place with this wannabe Potter. Wow he had defeated the dark lord but he had been a baby by then goddammit. He was no better than any other dirty halfblood. Wait that wasn´t his thinking. That was what his father always said about anyone who didn´t please him. The reason for him was always their blood... Sounded odd to him...

The sorting hat had begun his song and Draco forced himself to listen, silently preying for Slytherin.

The sorting ceremony began with Hannah Abott a scared-looking girl who was made a Hufflepuff. Draco let out a snort. It continued, and from time to time people stood out of the crowd. There was a girl with particularly bushy hair named Gringer or something who was made a Gryffindor, twins that were sorted into different houses and finally a very arrogant looking Scottish boy, who ended up in Hufflepuff. "Draco Malfoy". He strode to the stage confidently, feeling all looks on his back. He felt his hands sweating as the hat was placed on his hat. But he didn´t even have time to renew his prayer since mere seconds later he heard the word "Slytherin" booming through the hall. Immediately after him was Pansy´s turn. He couldn´t help but hope for her to become a Slytherin as well. And yes, although the hat took slightly longer than with him she finally was made a Slytherin and joined him at the house-table. They congratulated each other and while they ate he scanned the table for faces he knew. The girl Pansy had talked to before the ceremony had ended up with them as well as Astoria, who had asked them whether he wanted to be friends. He also spotted a very handsome boy. Still he didn´t have his charisma. The boy seemed to check out the girls and Draco noticed that his gaze lingered with Pansy longer than with the others. He looked at her that way for the first time so her beauty hit him unexpectedly. He nearly choked on his piece of meat. She had long hair, black as ebony, that framed her face in slight curls. She had pale skin and green eyes with long lashes. To him she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

His staring was interrupted by her saying " Don´t you know staring is considered rude Draco?" "Sorry just daydreaming." Maybe one little friend – and little she was – wasn´t too bad...

Pansy POV:

As I woke up the next morning I couldn´t believe where I was at first. But than it hit me. I was at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry and – most important – I was late for my first class. Cursing under my breath I took a look at my timetable, snatched my bag from the floor and dashed towards the corridors. I arrived there, panting heavily, just in time before Professor Snape appeared put of a dark corridor. He led us – Slytherins and Griffindors – into a dungeon. When it came to finding a seat I spotted Draco sitting in the front row and quickly slipped into the seat next to him. He smirked at me, clearly having noticed my condition. "Done some morning exercise haven´t you Parkinson?" I rolled my eyes at him, still too exhausted for a witty remark. Snape began with a dry speech about things I already knew and then ordered us to brew a simple potion. I was halfway through with mine when I saw Draco had completely messed up his. He looked desperate, perspiration running down his forehead. When I was sure Snape looked in another direction I took out my wand and cleared his kettle. At first he looked furious but then he understood. I gave him half of my potion and then hissed "Step 22 you can thank me later." When she looked into his grateful eyes she knew that she had gained Draco Malfoy´s trust, something that not even Crabbe and Goyle had reached. Snape honoured both our potions with 10 points for Slytherin each and after he dismissed us Draco caught up with me and said " Friends?" "Who says I´d want to be friends with you?" I smirked. His face darkened so I quickly said "Fine, Draco. Let´s see were it takes us." He grinned.