A/N -So this is an idea I have been toying with for well over a year. It's based on one of my favorite songs called "Winter Song" by Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson. It is such a beautiful and haunting song. Something about it always reminded me of Lorelai and Luke and always made me think of the episode in season 7 when Richard has the heart attack and Luke shows up at the hospital.
I always felt that in that moment Lorelai was finally crashing down after everything that had happened. It was all too much for her to take and I think it was a really pivotal moment when Luke showed up. I think it proved that he was always going to love her no matter what and Chris knew that. I think Chris also began to realize it was a lost cause because there was no way Lorelai would ever get over Luke.
I was going to put it in my story "Luke and Lorelai: A Playlist" but I decided to have it be a one shot piece on it's own because I like it enough alone. I am putting the lyrics in in case you haven't heard the song and I strongly suggest you go listen to it on youtube or something. Great song! Hope you enjoy.
Bum bum bum bum bum bum
This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon,
It rolls in from the sea
My voice; a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light,
To carry you to me.
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love
They say that things just cannot grow
Beneath the winter snow,
Or so I have been told.
They say were buried far,
Just like a distant star
I simply cannot hold.
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
'Cause you're not where you belong;
Inside my arms.
Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum
Bum bum bum bum bum bum
I still believe in summer days.
The seasons always change
And life will find a way.
I'll be your harvester of light
And send it out tonight
So we can start again.
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
Is love alive?
This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
'Cause you're not where you belong;
Inside my arms.
This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon
It rolls in from the sea.
My love a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light
To carry you to me.
Is love alive?
Lorelai stood in the hallway of the Hospital in a daze. She had called Christopher a thousand times. Her Father was finally out of surgery. Emily and Rory were on their way to see him. Luke was off somewhere running errands as per her Mother's request. And suddenly the bubble burst. She faintly thought she heard someone calling her name but she pushed the thought aside and dashed down the long hallway.
Bursting through the Hospital doors, she took a deep breath. The cold December air filled her lungs and her eyes began to burn. Stumbling towards the bench out front, she leaned against it, pressed a hand to her stomach and tried to keep from crumbling to the ground. She tried to remind herself how to breathe normally, but it was coming out in quick pants and she felt like her heart was going to burst from her chest.
Everything was spinning. Her head was pounding and for a moment she thought she might be headed to the bed beside her Father in the hospital. If this wasn't a heart attack she wasn't sure what it was. Just as her knees buckled below her, she felt two strong arms wrap around her from behind. She gasped and let whomever it was lead her to the other side of the bench. She assumed it was a stranger, or a nurse, but suddenly the familiar scent hit her.
"Lorelai." The voice said, "You need to breath."
She was shaking as she blinked away the tears, she lifted her head and her blue eyes met his. "Luke."
He lifted his hand and brushed back her hair out of her face, "Breath."
Her hands clung to his arms as she tried to make sense of what was happening, "Luke." She whispered again, it was the only word she could come up with.
His own heart pounded in his chest, her demeanor made him assume the worst, "Oh Lorelai I'm sorry. Is he-"
"No." She burst out quickly, "No. He's-he's-he's fine." She said shaking her head, and then a nervous laugh escaped her lips as she pulled away from him and she rubbed a hand over her face, "Well he's not fine. He's...he's alive though."
Luke let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding. "Oh. Okay. Okay that's good." He rubbed his hands against his thighs and cleared his throat, "Good. That's great."
She licked her lips and started to laugh again. Luke froze as her laughter washed over him. It wasn't her normal laugh. Her happy laugh. It was a laugh he had never heard before but something about it felt wrong. She was always laughing. That's one of the things he loved most about her. But this worried him.
Turning his head slowly he let his eyes glance over her. She looked much different than she had an hour before when he saw her in the hospital. She had looked surprised to see him then and sad about what was going on. But right now she looked manic. She was frantic. She was shaking as the tears fell from her eyes and she continued to laugh. Something more was going on.
He had seen her cry before. He had seen her break down. When she broke down on the park bench before they were dating, when they broke up the first time, when Rory stole the yacht and left. Most recently he had seen it when she stood outside the Diner months ago and begged him to finally commit to her. He had hoped that he would never see that kind of pain on her face again. And yet here they were and she looked worse than he had ever seen her.
He didn't know what to do, so he reached out a hand placed a hand on her arm, "Lorelai." Her laughing grew louder, "Lorelai, look at me."
She shook her head as the tears fell harder and her body continued to wrack with sobs and laughing, "No." She choked out.
Luke sighed and squeezed her arm, "Lorelai what is going on? You're making me nervous…"
She cringed and lifted her hand to run it through her hair, "Jesus Christ."
He turned his body towards her more, "Do you want me to go get Rory?"
"No." She said as she started bouncing her legs up and down, "No. She can't see me like this."
He sighed and glanced around them. His heart dropped to his stomach but he was so worried about her he didn't think there was much of another choice, "Should I call Ch-"
"How the hell did we get here?" She finally croaked out before he could finish his sentence.
Luke sat up a little straighter, he breathed in deeply and frowned, "I'm not s-"
"How did we get here?" She asked again turning to look at him as she continued to cry, "How? What the hell happened to us? My Dad just had a heart attack and instead of wanting my husband I wanted you because I needed you to fix it. You fix things for me but I couldn't call you. And then you show up and nothing makes sense Luke. I can't take it anymore."
Luke sighed and glanced down at the ground, she suddenly felt ashamed and unable to look her in the eye, "Lorelai…"
She sniffled and shivered, snow began to fall around them as she finally let her walls down, "I loved you."
Her voice sounded so broken and small it tore through him, "Lorelai…" He tried again.
"I never loved anyone until you." She said honestly, "I mean damn it Luke I wanted a life with you. I wanted to be your wife. I wanted to start a family."
Leaning back against the bench he let out a slow breath, "Look I-"
"And then somehow it all blew up." She said throwing her hands in the air, "And now I'm sitting here having a complete nervous breakdown."
He tried to crack a smile to try and ease the tension "Oh is that what this is?"
Her face-hardened slightly and she lifted herself up off the bench, "Fuck you Luke." She growled down at him.
He stared up at her in shock and felt himself try and rewind time, "I'm sorry. I didn't-" He sighed, "You know I don't do well with this kind of crap."
She snorted, "Really? I had no idea." She shook her head sadly and turned to walk towards the hospital again. She didn't know where she was going to go. She wasn't ready to face her Dad or Rory and her Mom yet. But she couldn't stay here beside him. "Go home." She called to him.
Luke sighed and watched her go; he squeezed his knees for a minute trying to figure out if this was all real. None of it made any sense to him. He had no answer to her question because he didn't know how the hell they had gotten to this place either. It was all wrong. It wasn't supposed to be this way. He had waited 8 years to tell her how he really felt because he was afraid. And then he finally had her. They were engaged and he had been ready to start that life with her.
And then April showed up.
And God he was so happy that she found him. He loved his daughter more than he thought was possible after missing 12 years of her life. But his fears and inability to let people in had made it call come crashing down. So now here they were.
She was married to Christopher. He didn't believe she loved him but she was still married to him. He tried to hate her. Tried to pretend she was just another girl but he knew that wasn't the case. Nothing made sense without her. The last few months had been torture. Despite everything that had happened, the moment Babette showed up and told him about Richard nothing else mattered. He came here. He said he didn't know why but he did know why.
He was here because she was it for him. There was no life without Lorelai and no matter what happened he needed her in his life one way or another. But seeing her this broken, this distraught made him wonder if they could ever fix the damage that had been done.
It felt like she was slipping away again and the ache in his chest exploded. Before he knew what he was doing he yelled out to her, "Lorelai!"
She stumbled slightly and had to catch herself before she fell over. Every part of her body was screaming at her to keep walking, to not turn around and look at him again. She knew that if she looked at him she'd crack. She'd be drawn to the old comfort and safety that he represented. Despite all the bad things that had happened between them, deep down she knew that her Luke was still in there somewhere.
She reminded herself to breath as she turned slowly to face him again. Her heart was pounding as her eyes locked onto his. He hadn't moved from his spot on the bench but he had turned to look at her. He looked sad. He looked lost and torn and suddenly she felt her feet moving towards him again. She stopped a few feet away from him and for a few minutes they stood in complete silence.
The snow was beginning to fall down heavy around them and it was getting colder. It was so quiet Lorelai felt like for this moment they were the only two people left in the Universe. She could hear her heart beating; it was like it was in her ears. Her hands started shaking and she wasn't sure if it was because of the cold or her fears.
As the time dragged on, Luke finally came to his senses. He pushed himself up off the bench and took a few nervous steps towards her. He rubbed his hands together, looked down at the ground because he was too afraid to look at her. He felt like he had failed her and she had failed him. They had messed up so badly and yet deep down he didn't think he could continue on this way.
He could hear her move slowly, "Luke?"
Sighing heavily, he lifted the hideous black hat off of his head and ran a hand through his thinning hair, "I'm sorry. That was rude. I just-" His breath caught in his throat, he shook his head and looked up at her, "I don't know Lorelai. I don't know how we wound up here. None of it makes any sense to me."
She swallowed hard and wrapped her arms around herself, "It all feels like a bad nightmare."
He caught her eye and nodded, "Exactly. I keep thinking I'll wake up and things will be as they were before."
She cocked her head to the side and looked at him curiously, "Before when?"
He shrugged, "I don't even know...I don't know if I can pinpoint an exact moment when it all went wrong."
Biting her lip she turned her face away from him, unable to face him as she whispered, "Maybe it was wrong from the beginning."
On instinct, he reached out and put his hand on her arm. "That's not true."
The spot where he touched her burned, she looked down at his hand and she shivered, "Luke-"
"It wasn't wrong from the beginning. It was right. It was so right." He said honestly, "You know it was. I know you felt it too." The tears started to well up in her eyes again and he pushed on, "Nothing had ever felt like that until our first kiss. You can't deny that."
She shrugged, "Maybe we were just supposed to be friends. If we had stayed friends none of this would have happened."
Luke frowned and squeezed her arm, "We wouldn't be here no but we wouldn't have had all those amazing times together either."
The sob grew in her chest and escaped her lips, "Maybe not but at least it wouldn't hurt this damn much."
Luke sighed and pulled his hand away before admitting, "We fucked up."
She laughed again and wiped away a tear in the corner of her eyes, "Royally."
He smiled sadly and kicked at the ground, "That's one thing we can both agree on."
The silence filled the space between them again and another shiver racked through her body. She tried to read him but he looked just as confused and scared as she felt. Sighing, she looked back towards the hospital, "I should really go-"
"Don't go." Luke said softly, so softly in fact she wasn't sure she had heard him right.
Every warning signal she had ever felt was going off. She was pretty sure someone was sending smoke signals somewhere in the world to warn her to back away. And yet she stood still.
"What?" She asked in barely a whisper.
He lifted his head and revealed how sad and broken he looked, "Please don't go."
Her lip trembled and she looked down at her left hand, "Luke I married Christopher."
Despite already knowing that what she said was true, it felt like a knife to the stomach again, "I know."
She whimpered and lifted her hand to look at the band on her finger, "I married him and the whole time I wanted it to be you."
He cringed and shook his head, "Don't-"
"I don't know what you want from me." She said sadly, "I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I feel like I've been living in a haze for the last six months." She let out a sad laugh, "Hell the last year!"
As much as he wanted to pretend that wasn't true, he knew things even before their breakup had not been good for her, "I know."
She shrugged her shoulders and whispered, "How did we get here Luke?"
He sighed and shook his head. He hated Hospitals. They made him say and do things out of character but maybe this time it would lead to something good. Sighing he turned back to her and spoke from his heart, "Do you remember the first time your Dad had a heart attack?"
She was caught off by his words. It wasn't what she had expected to hear from him, "What?"
"Years ago." He said forcing himself to push forward, "You had gotten into a fight with your Mom and Rory went to the Christmas party at your parents house alone. You were upset and you came to the Diner. You wanted something festive and I made-"
"You made me a Santa Burger." She said, the corner of her lip curved up slightly, "The most disgusting yet sweet gesture anyone had done for me up until that point."
He blushed slightly, "So you remember?"
She shivered in the cold and wrapped her arms around herself again, "Of course I remember Luke."
He nodded once, "I drove you here and you tried to find a way to avoid your Dad."
"But you made me go talk to him." She said softly, then she smirked, "I told you that you looked good."
He smiled back, "And I asked good how?"
She sighed and shook her head, "Luke where are you going with this?"
"I took Rory home that night. Made sure she was settled in so you could figure things out with your parents." He stepped closer to her, "And then a few days later you came to the Diner to give me a gift."
Her eyes lifted to the black hat on his head, "I gave you the blue hat."
His eyes looked up even though he couldn't' see his hat, "I wore that hat everyday after that. I cleaned it. Made sure to keep it in good condition because I didn't want it to fall apart."
She frowned, "Why?"
"Because it was from you." He said with a shrug, "Because you gave it to me."
She swallowed hard and felt her heartbeat speed up, "Luke I don't-"
"I loved you then." He said honestly, "And all these years later despite everything we have been through…" He let out a shaky breath and tried to smile, "I still love you."
Her breath caught in her throat, her eyes widened, "Luke-"
"I still love you and I've tried to pretend that I don't. But I'm starting to realize that there is nothing that could happen to make me change how I feel." His voice was low and laced with emotion and passion.
She lifted her hand slowly and whispered her words from just moments before, "I married Christopher."
He nodded once and looked down at her hand, "Yeah...you married Christopher."
The ache grew in her chest, "I'm sorry."
She had said it so quietly he wasn't sure she had actually said it, "It's life."
She laughed sadly, "Yeah...my life. My crazy messed up life. I mean really Luke who else do you know who would do something as stupid as this?"
Luke chuckled and looked back up at her, "Um...you mean other than me?" She smiled slightly, "I married a woman I barely even liked on a cruise ship because I thought I'd never get a chance with you. We're both morons."
She laughed again and wiped at her tears, "Two total screw ups."
He nodded and shrugged one shoulder, "Maybe that's why we work so well together."
She narrowed her eyes at him, "I don't know what you want me to say here Luke." When he didn't say anything she sighed and glanced back at the hospital door, "I should go back inside and see if-"
"Do you love him?" Luke asked suddenly before he had the time to process his thoughts.
She stumbled slightly and had to reach out to grab the wall beside her, "What?"
"Do you love him?" He asked again, "Christopher. Do you love him enough to stay married to him? Do you want to build an actual life with him or are you just playing house because you thought we were done?"
Her voice got stuck in her throat for a moment. She was feeling so many emotions and was still surprised that they were standing here having this conversation after all this time. She stuttered for a moment before finally finding the right words, "I never loved Christopher Luke."
He let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding, "Never?"
She shook her head and answered honestly, "Luke I meant what I said before. You are the only man I have ever loved. I know that now. No one has meant more to me than you and quite honestly no one ever will." She sniffled and shrugged, "Even if this is it for us...even if this moment is all we have you will always be the man that I wanted."
The emotion of her words ran through him and every nerve ending in his body began to tingle, "Wow."
She smiled sadly, "Yeah wow." Letting out a soft groan she ran a hand through her hair, "Look I don't know what this was...maybe it was just the closure we needed. Thank you…" Her voice cracked, "For coming here to check on my Dad...for what you did for my Mom." She whimpered and reached for his hand, she gave it a gentle squeeze, "You're an amazing man Luke and I really do hope that someday you find the woman you deserve."
When he felt her begin to pull away, he held her hand tighter, "Why is it so much easier for you to just say this stuff? Why can't I do it?"
She sighed and felt a sadness towards him, "It's just not in your nature Luke and it's okay. You are who you are and I am who I am. It just didn't work."
"If I had said yes and run off with you that night...what would have happened?" He asked sadly.
She frowned and thought about it for a moment before answering, "I don't have an answer for that Luke. I mean even if we had gotten married I'm not sure it would have fixed anything for us. We would have still had those issues to face when we went back to reality. So maybe it was better this way."
"It's not better this way." He said shaking his head, "Whatever this is-" He said motioning his hands between them, "is torture."
"So it's sucked for you too?" She said suddenly feeling nervous, she wasn't sure what was about to happen but it felt like something big.
He looked at her with an exasperated expression, "Lorelai please...I'm really trying here."
"Sorry." She said softly, she cleared her throat and sighed, "But I mean it Luke I don't know what would have happened. I know what I wanted to happen but I'm not sure it was realistic."
"Well what did you want to happen?" Luke asked shifting anxiously, "Tell me."
She laughed a nervous laugh and shrugged, "I guess I wanted to get married and come home and start our life together. I wanted you to move into the house completely instead of you spending nights at the apartment and asking your place or mine. I wanted you and Anna to let me get to know April. I wanted a real life with you."
Luke stared at her for a moment and then frowned, "I wish I could say that would have happened."
She smiled sadly, "Me too. But I think we both know we probably would have gone home and you would have panicked and I would have kept my mouth shut until I broke again. So really it would have made things worse. So maybe I should be thanking you for letting me walk away." She tried to tease.
He groaned, "Lorelai…" He said in a warning tone.
She cringed, "Sorry. That came out wrong. I just-"
"I know what you meant by it." He said in a soft voice, "And I also know that you are right. I got really mixed up and I'm sorry for that."
"You already apologized Luke. It's fine let's just-" She started to pull away again but he squeezed her hand again, "Luke-"
"I meant what I said that day at your house. It's like, it's not even real to me, it's like my life isn't even real to me unless you're there and you're in it and I'm sharing it with you...all of that is true." He said searching her eyes.
A flicker of something ignited in her chest but she couldn't decide if it was hope or acceptance, "Luke-"
"There have been so many times in the last few months when I wanted to just come over or pick up the phone to tell you something. To share something with you. Even just to hear you voice. It's all been so quiet. To quiet." He said with a sad smile.
Lorelai laughed, "That's because you're a mute and I talked enough for the both of us."
He chuckled, "I can't argue with that." He sighed and looked down at their joined hands again, "When Anna wanted to take April away from me it felt like the last straw. I didn't have you and then I was going to lose my daughter too. I couldn't take it and I wanted to see you. I needed to see you so you could talk me through it all."
"Luke you figured it out." She whispered feeling the familiar burn in the back of her eyes, "I always knew you had it in you."
"I came to you that day at the Inn for help because you're the only one I've ever been able to turn too. There was no one else. There's never been anyone else." He said shaking his head, "And then when the court made the decision I had to call you. I had to share it with you. I have to share everything with you."
She swallowed hard, "Christopher found the letter I wrote for you." The words tumbled from her mouth before she could stop them.
Luke froze, "What?"
She looked down, "That's why he isn't here right now. He found the first draft of the letter I wrote and he knew…"
He watched her carefully trying to look for any clue of what this all meant. His heart was racing, he thought he knew what she was referring too but he had to know for sure. He had to know that there was still a chance.
"He knew what?" He asked finally, he couldn't take the silence any longer.
Looking up again she caught his eye, "He knew that I was never going to be over you."
The tension seemed to leave his body when her words sunk in, "Oh."
She nodded once and laughed, she looked up as the snow began to pick up again. She was freezing and the snow was beginning to soak her clothes but at the moment she couldn't care less. This was the longest stretch of time they had spent together since it all fell apart and despite the fear and pain she didn't want it to end.
She fidgeted slightly, "Look it doesn't mean that I'm expecting anything I just wanted you to know-"
"Well I'm never going to be over you either." He said matter of factly.
Lorelai stood up straighter and felt a rush of emotion coarse through her, "Oh."
He laughed when she had the same response as he had had, "See? We have a lot more in common than we think."
She smiled, "Luke this isn't a joke…"
He shook his head, "No. It isn't. You're right about that. This is real life and we seem to have gotten yourself into a real pickle here."
"You hate pickles." She said with a laughing as the tears welled up in her eyes again.
He smiled, "That's right I do. You're the only one who seems to remember that."
She wiped at her eyes and shook her head, "This insane. We're both insane."
"We haven't made any decisions…" Luke said walking towards her.
She raised an eyebrow and shrugged, "Haven't we?"
Luke looked down at the ground, "I suppose we have."
Lifting his head, he stepped into her and searched her eyes. She bit her lip and tried to keep from falling over. One hand went to her cheek, caressing her face gently. Her eyes fluttered close and she leaned into his touch. Just as Luke was about to lean in to kiss her, a figure approached from behind.
He instantly froze and his hands fell to his sides. He took a step back and Lorelai's eyes snapped open. She searched his face for an answer but all she saw was regret and shame. She was about to say something but she heard something from behind her. Turning, she saw what had stopped Luke.
"Chris." She breathed his name out quickly, her own shame coursed through her body.
She heard Luke step away and she felt torn. Her head turned quickly to look back at his retreating form, she took a step towards him but something sparkly caught her attention. She looked down and caught the diamond staring up at her. She swallowed hard and turned back to Christopher who was standing still by the entrance.
"Hi." He whispered, "Rory told me you were out here."
She felt her stomach roll, she felt nauseous, "Chris." She said his name again because at the moment she couldn't think of anything else to say.
She saw the lump form in his throat as he stepped towards her, "Lorelai."
The wall cracked again and she looked down at shame, "I'm so sorry…"
Chris looked past her and then walked all the way up to her, "I'm sorry too." She lifted her head to look at him and he smiled, "Because I think I knew from the start that this is what would happen."
"Chris I-" She reached for him and he took her hand in his, they both looked down and Lorelai instantly felt the difference between his touch and Luke's.
Holding Luke's hand she felt safe. Holding his hand she felt a spark. She felt love and passion and the need to be with him. Holding Christopher's hand felt like holding hands with an old friend. She cared for him and always would. He was the father of her child and they had been through so much together, even before Rory was born. But there was never the type of passionate love between them that they tried to force from time to time. It wasn't real.
"I knew you loved him and I pushed for us to get married and I'm sorry for that." He said in a sad voice, "I was angry when I found the letter but I wasn't angry at you or him. I was angry at myself."
The sob escaped her lips, "I never wanted to hurt you Chris. And I need you to know that you're the one I want to want." She sniffled, "But I think I finally realize I wanted you for the wrong reasons."
He nodded, "We both did. We wanted to fix it for Rory. We wanted to give her what we didn't have growing up but…" He shrugged, "Just because we had a child together doesn't mean we're supposed to be together forever."
She sighed, "You may not be angry at me but I'm sure as hell angry at myself. I hurt you and Luke and I just-"
"What about you?" Chris asked moving his hand to her elbow, "When are you going to finally look out for yourself?"
She swallowed hard and looked up at him feeling confused, "What?"
"You spent the last 22 years taking care of Rory and everyone one else around you. You've never let yourself be happy. So when's it your turn?" He asked with a shrug.
Shifting in her spot she lifted her hand to brush away the wet hair now sticking to her cold face, "I don't know."
Chris looked past her again and for a moment, a flash of pain and regret washed over his features, "Do me a favor and work it out with him. Otherwise it will only make me feel worse knowing that I ruined your last chance."
"What are you-" She turned as she spoke and froze when she saw that Luke hadn't left. He was sitting on the bench she had broken down on before, "Luke."
Chris squeezed her shoulder, "I'm going to check on your Mom and Rory. And then I'm going to leave." She turned back towards him and he smiled sadly, "Let me know when a good time to get my stuff is and we'll…" He shrugged, "We'll figure the rest out later."
She reached for him again and looked deep in his eyes, "I really never meant-"
"I know." He assured her, "Neither did I." He looked back at Luke, "And I don't think he did either…" He smiled sadly, "You're a hard woman to forget Gilmore. He and I have one thing in common...we were lucky enough to cross paths with you."
She laughed, "I think you're both probably very unlucky."
He smiled and leaned forward to kiss the side of her face, "Don't underestimate yourself Lorelai. You always did."
When he pulled away, Lorelai watched him walk back towards the front entrance. So many emotions ran through her body. She felt frozen and was pretty sure she'd probably get pneumonia but at the moment it didn't really matter. This was it. Something about it felt final. Like if she didn't right her wrongs or at least try there would never be another chance. She wasn't sure if it was smart to jump again but she knew that she'd regret it forever if she didn't at least try.
Turning slowly, she walked on wobbly legs towards Luke. He sat slumped over on the bench, his elbows resting on his knees as his head hung low and he looked defeated. She stopped just behind the bench and closed her eyes, trying to pull it together. Then she stepped forward and sat beside him. He jumped when he who it was and his eyes instantly locked with hers.
"Luke." She whispered softly, the same way he had said her name when he met her here earlier.
He let out a puff of air, "Lorelai."
Looking down, she reached out and took his hand in hers, "The thing is...what you said works both ways. It's like, it's not even real to me, it's like my life isn't even real to me unless you're there and you're in it and I'm sharing it with you." She felt him squeeze her hand, "Nothing has felt right in a really long time."
"No it hasn't." He agreed squeezing her hand in his, "Everything's been put on hold. I don't want that."
"Me either." She said looking out at the parking lot.
"You must be freezing." Luke whispered looking at her wet clothes, "You're gonna get sick."
She laughed, "So are you." She shrugged and tilted her head backwards, "Good thing we're near a hospital."
He chuckled and then his face sobered, he watched her carefully to try and read her reaction, "What are we going to do?"
She swallowed back her tears and told herself that she had to be strong. She had to tell him what she wanted. What she needed. "What do you want to do? Because I think our only answer is to figure this cluster fuck out."
Luke started to laugh again as he threw his head back, "It is a bit of a cluster fuck isn't it?"
She lifted her hand and held her pointer finger and thumb apart just slightly, "Just a bit yeah…"
He scooted closer to her, "What about Chris?"
She frowned and leaned in further to him; afraid he would run away again, "He knows...he's always known."
Luke nodded, "In a weird way I understand it."
She looked back towards him with a confused expression, "What do you mean?"
"I would do anything to have another chance with you just like he did. You don't know how incredible you are Lorelai." He said in a choked voice.
A tear slid down her cheek and she bit her lip, "I'm only incredible when I'm with you. When we're good we're good Luke. We're so good."
He nodded, "So then let's figure it out and find a way back to that place again."
She turned so she was facing him, "Can you ever forgive me?"
He lifted his hand and caressed her cheek just as he had done before Chris interrupted them, "I forgave you a long time ago Lorelai. I just wasn't sure if I could forgive myself." He ran his thumb under her lower lip, "Can you forgive me?"
She nodded slowly, "Yes. I forgave you a long time ago too. I wasn't ready to forgive myself until now. Do you love me enough to make this work?"
He nodded, "I do."
Leaning forward, she rested her forehead against his, "Thank you for coming here tonight. I don't think I would have made it through another day without you."
Luke closed his eyes and breathed her in, "This is it. No more going back."
She pulled away just enough to look at his face, "I don't want to go back Luke."
He leaned in until their lips were just inches apart, "Good. Me either."
The moment his lips touched hers it was like life had been breathed back into her again. Her hands reached out and grabbed onto his forearms. Even though she was sitting she felt week in the knees, just as she had the first time he kissed her at the Dragonfly almost three years earlier. She melted into him and he poured every inch of his passion and love into that kiss, the thing she had been craving before it all fell apart.
When they finally pulled away for air, she rested her forehead against his again unable to be too far away, "Luke?"
His thumbs rubbed circles against her frozen cheeks, "Hm?"
She sighed and let his scent wash over her, "Please tell me you still have the blue hat. This black one sucks."
Luke's eyes fluttered open as the laughter filled his lungs and escaped his lips. His laugh was deep, heartfelt and deeply contagious. Her lips turned up at the corners and she began to laugh along with them. It was completely unlike her laughter when he had found her on this bench earlier. It was real and full of life and Luke finally saw that the pieces of their lives and broken hearts were finally being put back together.
"You're insane." He said leaning into kiss her again, "Certifiable. Someone needs to lock you up."
She pulled at his wet army jacket, "I'm not going anywhere without you this time Mister. So if I'm crazy so are you."
"No doubt in that." He said pulling her all the way against him, to give her a proper kiss.
Lorelai smiled against his lips and let her arms circle his waist. There was still so much to figure out. Many decisions to be made. Things would be said in anger and pain but in this moment they both knew there really was no going back. This was it. Their last chance and neither one of them were willing to let it slip by again.
Their love was still alive and it was time to start living again...
So there it is. Hope you liked it. I worked on it for awhile and really enjoy this one. Sorry if there are errors. I do have dyslexia and sometimes things go unnoticed. Just thought I'd put that in there because I do get comments about errors, I'm well aware! Don't worry. I just write these stories to the best of my ability and as a stress reliever. Thanks for the continued support. I will update "If You Ever Want To Fall In Love" very soon.
Can't wait to be inspired by the Revival for more stories too :) We are so close!