AN: Ok I like Edward, big fan of his, but I wanted to further explore his possessive side over Bella. A little inspiration from domestic violence stories in the news and the song "Scenarios" by Chong Nee and Niki Atu. (Good song by the way)
I did this story before but after I published it and got excited about my one review (not being sarcastic this actually made me smile I was so happy) but I went back and read over it and I realized I wrote some of it wrong so I deleted it and re-wrote it.
Read and review please, first time fan fic writing so please bear with me!! Constructive criticism would be awesome, so I can hopefully improve. Not quite sure how to put everything into words and stuff like that, so sometimes stuff won't be clear but it's there because it makes sense to me sorry.
Disclaimer thing: I wish I did own these characters, but I don't, because Stephenie Meyer does. Except I changed their personalities, I wouldn't ever want Edward like this.
Not sure on whose point of views may be in it so I'll let that play by ear. They are vampires all with their respective powers.
BELLA POV
I love Edward with all my soul and I know he feels the same. That's why he married me right? Also why I had his child? I'm not regretting my daughter Renesmee when I think this, but I can't help but think through all these questions when Edward gets like this.
Stop being stupid Bella, he loves you.
How could I keep telling myself that? Was this really all my fault? Is what Edward's doing wrong or am I blowing it all out of proportion? Every time I ask myself these questions I decide against the voices that Edward has put in my head.
No, I can't keep telling myself that he truly loves me, if he did, why would he keep doing this to me?
No, this isn't my fault, I can't let him keep blaming me, and it's not my fault that he's psychotic.
No, I'm not exaggerating a normal argument between a married couple. What he does, how he makes me feel is not good at all, I do deserve better than this.
But could I really leave him? That question has plagued my mind a lot lately. That's when I hear his scary yet velvety voice in my ears.
You are nothing with out me. As if you could live without me. You're lucky I'm still with you.
I try to fight the voices in my head, but I know Edward has worn me down. What would I even do without him? Like the voices say, I am nothing without him, I have to admit that Edward Cullen is my entire life, as well as my daughter, ah Renesmee, another reason why I can't leave. Edward has told me I can't leave, and if I tried there would be no way at all she would come with me.
I realise that if I tried to run away with her, Edward would easily track me down. Doing it the human way through court wouldn't work either, with all of his families' money he would hire the best lawyer he could find.
If I tried to tell anyone about what he does to me, first of all Edward says they wouldn't believe me anyway, Edward could charm anyone, he dazzles people so they will do anything he says. It's practically a special power in itself.
It doesn't help that no-one suspect anything, unlike all the stories on the news where someone was suspicious of the girl's state of health. Nobody would be able to tell if he had hurt me, no bruises or scars exist. Even if I could have bruises and scars it wouldn't matter because the real pain can't be seen by anyone. I wonder if he ever thinks about what he's doing to me. How can he not realize what he's doing to me?
The dazzling doesn't help either. Another talent of that perfect husband of mine, when he wanted to, he could get anyone to do anything for him, I would count it as another special power of his but I think he has enough. After all the times he hurts me, I always say to myself, I'm not taking him back, this is the last time he will hurt me, I deserve better than this. I repeat and rehearse this to myself over and over again. I get myself all worked up and angry at him.
When I see him he gets this I'm-so-sorry-but-I'm-dazzling-you-so-you-will-forgive-me look and before I can say a thing he begins his speech. He takes back what he just yelled at me all in a few minutes. He tells me he didn't mean it when he screamed at me, when he threw the vase holding the new roses he just got for me through the wall. As sincere as he makes himself sound he still likes to point out that I should have known to not get in his way. He still tells me how lucky I am to have him, because even though he leaves, he always comes back for me. He ends up making me feel bad for getting in the way of him before he threw me across the room. I've actually never heard him say 'I'm sorry,' after all these times he's never said it. By the end of his regrets I end up apologising for being in the way when he's in a mood. I can't help but look at the pure beauty of his dazzling features as he talks to me. I get lost in his eyes when he explains I don't really understand how angry he can get but because of the spur of the moment he just snaps. So like a drug his dazzling calms me down into a state where I once again feel like I've done the wrong thing.
With the mind reading, super human strength and speed, not to mention his impeccable beauty, if anyone saw us together I'm sure they would think I was the luckiest girl in the world. That's just what everyone thinks, according to Edward; he tells me all too often about how lucky I am to have him.
Still thinking to myself in the corner of our little cottage, Edward wouldn't be back for a while. He would be out gorging himself with whatever he would come across. Then he would be back to make me repeat the rules again, as he said I needed to realise that his rules for the better. The top rule of that list – No La Push at all. It was off bounds to me and Nessie couldn't go either. Sometimes, with Edward playing chaperone she was allowed to go see Jacob, because Nessie was Edwards little baby girl he couldn't see her unhappy, and Jacob was able to come see her if Edward was at the house. Even if Edward didn't let her go, she still would because she was determined, and held her self high. I wish I could be as strong as my daughter; it shamed me that I had such a pathetic wish. No, my real wish was for Edward to just suddenly wake up and see what he's doing to me isn't right.
I think he tries to justify himself by thinking 'it doesn't really matter because I'm not going to kill her'. Just because I can heal myself all back together doesn't make it right, it still hurts. I try not to scream out in pain when he gets so mad he tears me apart, and I try to tell myself I need to get away from him. Except I can't, as he explained to me soon after we met, I'm his own brand of heroin. Now he's my brand of heroin, the worst bit is that he warned me to stay away from him. He even left me so as to protect me from himself. I didn't listen to him and so now I guess I've learnt my lesson, but the consequences of my stubbornness will never go away.
Things with Edward are so full on and tense all time; I wish I could just sleep it off, just to stop thinking, to dream again, to escape my eternity for a moment. Instead I turn to my little mp3 player and surrounded myself with the inspiration I needed. This song always calmed me.
6 before dawn.
He walks in with a different smile.
She's sitting there crying.
Rehearsing how to let him go.
Telling him she's leaving.
Before she says a word,
One knee is on the floor.
He reasons with excuses and sweet talking and it hurts.
She's heard it all before.
She's sick of all the lying and the cheating but she can't let go.
Why, why tell me why.
You don't have to cry no more
You don't have to hurt no more
Baby tell me why why why
You don't have to stay no more
You don't have to hurt no more
Tell me why
Woke up this morning.
Finally all alone.
Got to rest my head and think about all this pain
Till you come back home.
And you know boy.
All these things that you do to me.
Makes me wonder and realize.
There's no doubt about.
Satisfactory is the word despise to you.
Why do we do the things we do?
Because we don't know better sometimes.
Why do we say the things we say?
Never meant to hurt nobody.
Baby, baby, baby.
Why do we do the things we do.
Cause I don't want to cry no more.
You know that love is here to stay.
Love is here to stay,
Love is here to stay babe.
Why, why tell me why.
You don't have to cry no more
You don't have to hurt no more
Baby tell me why why why
You don't have to stay no more
You don't have to hurt no more
Tell me why
Why, why tell me why.
You don't have to cry no more
You don't have to hurt no more
Baby tell me why why why
You don't have to stay no more
You don't have to hurt no more
Tell me why
I listened to this song over and over, I sang along all choked up, with my invisible tears. I was so comfortable; I could have sat curled up in the corner for the long time, my ears perked up at the sound of footsteps echoing from outside the cottage.
Ok I hope this is going ok so far, reviews would be awesome, and if I will do my best to update soon, I think I like where this is going, if you do or don't then you should tell me and then I'll know to keep my story to myself. I've read some that say oh I need this many reviews or I wont continue the story, but I think that's kind of sad and diva-ish. In other words – pathetic, no offence or anything. I'm not sure if this was too long or too short, if it's good or bad, should I stop or should I keep going, so that's why I would love reviews to keep me on track!! Yeah and the song clip bit is the chorus of "scenarios" by Chong Nee & Niki Atu. This is not what I think Edward would be like, because I love Edward Cullen, I'm fully not a twilight and Edward Cullen hater!! I think he is awesome! New Zealand just has heaps of stories on the news about domestic abuse and I realised that Edward is slightly stalkerish and freaky, so I decided to make a play on his obsessive side. More description is coming next chapter. I think this was kind of like a hook, even to me weird aye? And yeah unless you haven't guessed I tend to ramble, if you don't like it then go read something else!