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CHAPTER #1

IT'S NIGHT

Squee was just getting ready for bed. He had brushed his teeth, and put on his pajamas.

"Shmee, where are you, Shmee?" He looked around and found the worn but loved teddy bear lying behind a toy truck. "Ah, there you are!" he hugged his friend.

After all, he was the only friend he had who truly loved him.

"What's that you're saying, Shmee?" Squee asked his friend. "No, Johnny hasn't come back for a while. He hasn't even written me! But don't worry Shmee..." It was at that exact moment Squee felt some sort of eerie presence.

"I-...'m, sure he won't be back for some time..." Squee held Shmee just a little bit tighter.

"BAM!" a loud noise came from the kitchen. Squee jumped. "w-what was that?!" he asked Shmee. Shmee said nothing-as far

as you all know, anyways. "w-hat if it's Johnny?" He wondered. "C'mon Shmee...we better go and see...if it is, we don't want him hitting Daddy in the head with anything again..."

Squee walked down the stairs, all the way to the door of the kitchen. He ducked behind it, and waited a moment before peeping

in the room. It was...normal...aside from the refridgerator door being wide open, and a broken jar of pickles being strewn about the floor. "Wha?" Squee carefully tip-toed into the room, trying to avoid the broken glass. "Daddy doesn't like it when people leave the 'fridgerator door open,. He says it wastes energy..." Squee hesitated before shutting the door, his one souce of dim lighting in the otherwise pitch dark room. The light stopped. The comforting hum of the refridgerator stopped. It was quiet...

Dead Quiet.

He knew, somehow he knew, that Nny had come back... "H-hello?" he barely whispered. quiet manical laughter followed, but

grew louder over time. Squee's eyes widened in fear. He started backing up, slowly. "...J-J-JJ-J-" he backed into something...

Cold.

He looked up at the looming figure. Teeth flashed a sadistical smile. A sole inhale of breath could be heard from the child.

The sillouhette cackled.

"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEE!" Squee shrieked.

"Heheheheh..." Nny chuckled.

"Oh, Johnny..." Squee nearly fainted.

"What's the matter Squee? You don't look too happy to see me. I've been gone almost four months now! You do realize that's most of this winter? Your pickle jar is very slippery, by the way." Now if Squee was you or I, or you or I were Squee, we probably would less than kindly remind Johnny that he had only too recently scared the living shit out of us. But of course, Squee is not you, and Squee is not I. Squee is the kind of person that never complains, never points out peoples flaws, and never ever NEVER says no. He is the type of person You and I aspire to be, but cannot, because we, as I recently pointed out, are not Squee. There are very few Squees in this world. #1, because it is a most unusual name, and #2, because Squee is what some people call "Kind-Hearted". And although we need many more "Kind-Hearted" folks in this world, we sadly do not. The world is made up of about 27% You and I's, about 13% Kind-Heartedness,59% douchebags, and 1% Johnny's. It is with this fun fact, that I leave you to enjoy the rest of the story.

Squee said nothing, and merely stared up at Johnny with his big, round eyes. "I was the one who broke the jar, by the way." Johnny announced.

"It's ok, I can clean it up." Squee said. He got out a broom, and handed a dustpan to Johnny.

"You should just throw a rug over it." Johnny advised. Squee shook his head, probably because he knew better than to take housekeeping tips from Johnny.

"No, somebody could get hurt that way." he told him.

"...exactly?" Johnny just shrugged and held the dustpan.

After the mess was cleaned up, Squee put the broom and dustpan away. "So why did you come back?"

"Well, I figured that I had a long enough holiday and it was time to make my return...also, I crashed my car into a gas tank and everything exploded." He smiled a creepy sort of smile. Squee fidgeted. "Say, you got anything to eat around here? I was gonna eat the pickles, but..." Johnny shrugged sheepishly.

"Umm, I don't know, let me check..."

Since Squee's father worked almost all the time, (and when he wasn't working he was complaining about how miserable his life

was) and his mother was on drugs almost all the time (and when she wasn't in an almost vegative state she was busy trying to

"accidentally" lose Squee in large malls and supermarkets.) he usually had to prepare his own meals, thus, he knew where all of

the food was in his house. He made Johnny a grilled cheese sandwich, which he gobbled down greatfully.

"Thanks. I haven't eaten in about a month." He told Squee.

"Why? Didn't you have any money?"

"No, I just was too busy."

"Busy doing what?" Squee asked nervously.

"Oh, nothing..." Johnny glanced behind his shoulder briefly. He knew Squee didn't exactly like it when he talked about killing people.

"Well you need to eat more, Johnny, you're gonna die if you don't!"

Squee protested. Johnny smiled and patted his head.

"Small little Squee, you shouldn't worry your perfect little mind over me. After all, my mind's practically deteriorated by now!"

Johnny glanced at the clock on the stove. "But it is getting late, and little minds such as your should be in a temporal dormant type of state in these such hours."

"...you mean I need to be asleep?"

"Yes, little Squee. And I have taken it upon myself to make sure that your mind does not turn out like mine..." he squinted in hatred at Todd's parent's door. "Since some people around here don't give a FLYIN' FUCK!"

"Shhh! Not so loud! You'll wake them!" Squee warned as they climbed the stairs.

"Scoff, and other such noises! If the chainsaws and the screaming burglars and falling pickle jars didn't wake them up, then I don't know what the fuck will!"

"burglars?!" Squee squealed.

"Don't worry, I have them safely tucked away in my little-tunnel..." Johnny giggled a little.

He lifted Squee up and tucked him into bed. "Wait! Where's Shmee?!" Squee asked, concerned. Johnny's eyes narrowed.

"That bear," he growled "is probably off whispering LIES into somebody's ears'ss"

Squee's bottom lip quivered. "But..." his eyes brimming with tears.

"Sigh, and other such exsasperrated sounds. I will find him...though if I were you, I would not be sharing my bed with that psychopathic stuffing-bag." Said he. Nny rummaged through the house until at last, in a chair in the kitchen, he found Shmee. "Hello BEAR." he sneered. The bear said nothing. or at least, as far as YOU know, Johnny stared at the bear for a long time. "Whuzzat? Oh...OH! I see! Well guess what?!" He grabbed the bear by it's neck. "You better be glad Squee finds something attractive about your shitty behavior! Otherwise, I'd take this knife, and I'd fucking-" his rant was interrupted by the turning on of the kitchen light. Squee's dad stood in the doorway.

"Wha...who the hell are yo-" He never got to finish his sentence, as Johnny had grabbed a frying pan and hit him square in the jaw. He fell to the floor, unconscious.

"You also better be glad you're inanimate. Otherwise, You'd fucking be helping be drag this lard back up to it's miserable den"

He drug Squee's father up the stairs by his arms, Shmee riding comfortably on 'Dad's' stomach.

After Johnny closed the door to Squee's parents' bedroom, he returned to Squee's room. "Shmee!" Squee hugged the bear.

"There, are you happy now?" Johnny asked.

"Yes." Squee replied.

"Good, I'm...glad to hear that." Johnny slowly got up to leave.

"Johnny?"

"Yes, Squee?"

"Are you going to kill any more people?" Johnny stopped and thought about this for a minute. " ...Now that I am no longer a slave the The Wall, the mad rampages I have a tendacy to have will most likely subside..." He paused for a moment and grinned, his

back turned to the small boy.

Take mental notes of the pretences of the words I just used.

He thought to himself madly.

Squee looked a little less uncomfortable. "O-ok...I'll try not to annoy you, then. That's why you kill, right? Cuz' people get on your nerves?" Johnny stood there, looking almost ashamed (almost).

"...I better be leaving. Goodnight, little Squee." and with that, Johnny turned the lights off and closed the door behind him as he

went out. "I am glad he's using the basement tunnel now, it's just a little less creepier..." Squee whispered to Shmee.

No sooner did he say this, than the window suddenly slid open.

Squee jumped. A spindley long leg thrust it's way through, followed by the rest of Johnny's body. "Oh yeah! I almost forgot! Since I wasn't here for the holidays, I got you a little something." He shoved a piece of paper into Squee's hands. It looked like

childrens' scribbles.

"Oh, a card! Thanks John-"

"What?! That's no card! Read it! READ IT I SAY!" Johnny turned on the lights in Squees bedroom. "Y'see? It's a life-long free

subscription to Happy Noodle Boy!"

"Ohhhhh...even better? Thanks!" Squee managed a smile.

"That there-is an ingeniously devised work of art." Johnny beamed with pride. "Anyways, that's all I wanted to share with you. Goodnight!" He climbed back out the window. Squee settled back down.

Then Johnny climbed back in.

"Oops! Idiotic me, I forgot to turn off the " Johnny rushed over to the light switch and flicked it off. "G'night!" He slid over to the window, but tripped and crashed into the wall, teetering out the window as it shut on him. All of him was hanging out of the window, except his foot, which remained trapped in the window. "SQEEEEE! SQUEEE! MAH FOOOOOT!"

THUD!

"There goes Johnny..." Squee thought.

Then Johnny climbed back in.

"Forgot my shoe." He mumbled as he grabbed his long, black leather boot and climbed back out the window, this time a bit more

cautiously. "goodnight." he shut the window. Squee lay there in bed for awhile,thinking about everything that had just happened.

"Johnnys...*yawn* back..." his eyelids slowly shut...

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK!"

Johnny's scream could be heard throughout the neighborhood. Squee, however, was so tired, that he didn't even hear him climb back through the window.

"Oh Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...Squeeeeeeee?...HEY SQUEE!"

Squee practically dived off his bed. "w-wha?"

"Sorry, were you sleeping? Guess not since you're awake. Anyways, COME AND LOOK AT THIS!" Johnny pulled Squee to the

window,and pointed.

Johnny's house was gone.

In its place, stood a brand new "well-managed" house. Two stories, white, brick and wood combination, nothing fancy. It

basically just looked like every other house in the neighborhood.

"MY HOUSE! THEY'VE KIDNAPPED MY HOUSE!" Johnny was screaming at the top of his lungs.

"Shhh! you'll wake everybody up!" Squee warned. "How come I...never noticed this before?"

"HOW CAN YOU NOT NOTICE WHEN MY WHOLE FUCKING HOUSE IS MISSING?!" Johnny raved on. "I MEAN, WHO COULD HAVE POSSIBLY-" he froze, his eyes widened. "Aliens...yes...YES! THAT'S IT! THAT'S FUCKING IT! THE ALIENS! AND TO THINK I ONCE WELCOMED THEM INTO MY HOME!" he paused his rant and furrowed his brow. "Perhaps they misunderstood the wordings on my doormat of, "Welcome?'" He shrugged his shoulders. "I MEAN, I WOULDN'T EVEN BE TOO UPSET IF THEY HAD JUST TAKEN THE HOUSE! AFTER ALL, MOST OF MY STUFF IS IN MY LABYRINTH,BUT-BUT THEY PUT THIS-HIDIOUS BUILDING IN ITS PLACE!" Johnny made a motion to the new house sitting on his land.

"I...don't know how I never noticed it was missing." Squee was indeed genuinely confused.

"This-makes-me-so-irritated..." Johnny growled. Squee instantly saw where this was going to go.

"Well, you WERE gone, Johnny. Maybe they just didn't know?" Squee suggested. Johnny eyeballed him.

"OH?! WELL I SEE PEOPLE GOING ON VACATIONS AND LEAVING THEIR HOUSES ALL THE TIME! FUNNY THING

HOW THEIR HOUSES ARE ALL STILL THERE!" Johnny stopped ranting. He was breathing heavily now. He reached into his

backpack and got out a bomb.

"OH MY GOD JOHNNY! NO!" Squee screeched.

"And do you have any reason as to WHY THE FUCK NOT?! IT'S MY HOUSE SQUEE, MY HOOOOUUUUUUUSE!" that familiar crazy twinkle in his eye made Squee remember who he was dealing with:

And that, my dear readers, would be a fucking psychopath named Johnny C.

"Johnny, listen to me..." Squee's voice quivered. "There is an innocent person living on the property of your old house. You can't just explode them to smithereens! Think about it! I mean, what if someone sold you something, lets say, a taco, but later on some person comes up and says, "Hey! That was my taco! The guy you bought it from stole it from me! I'm going to kill you now" then that would be pretty unfair, wouldn't it?"

"Hmmm..." Johnny's voice and thoughts trailed off. "...It would irritate me. I would rip the guys' bowels out, I think."

"Johnny!" Squee squeaked in exasperation.

"What?" Johnny asked innocently.

"Well, you should at least try to figure out what happened. Go ask whoever lives there who they bought the house from." Johnny thought for a moment.

"THEN can I rip their bowels out?"

"JOHNNY!"

"Ok ok ok, I'll go, but in the morning. In the meantime, I'll just crash here, I think." Johnny announced.

"O-ok..." Squee wasn't so sure about this idea. Johnny pulled a chair out of the corner and sat in it.

"By the way, I don't actually sleep that much- actually, never-heheh, insomnia and all that, so I'll just sit here for the rest of the night. Don't let me disrupt your sleeping or whatever." Johnny just stared at Squee. Squee, uncomfortably turned so that his back was facing Johnny, and said a silent prayer to God to keep him safe tonight from, "the scary neighbor man." He slowly, drifted off to sleep.

First chapter! It's excruciatingly long, no? Anyway, I think I captured Johnny's personality great, but maybe that's just me. If you think otherwise, then please let me know. Please…Johnny hates OOC.