Hey all, still kinda mad because yesterday I spent 3 hours working on this thing and then boom. Gone. I got so mad and frustrated I went to bed; I was pissed. So, instead of retyping before draft, I grabbed an empty journal I use for writing and jotted it down on paper. This one is in my journal and is a bit shorter/ a lot shorter.
Based off of this song - watch?v=2OojsE4fFtE
('Good morning day...') is a song called 'Drown' - watch?v=b13OC7eqllw
Anywho, enjoy! :)
...
'Give me a reason to stay here...'
Luigi
'Good morning day, I'm sorry I'm not there. All my favorite friends, vansihed in the air...Once I had this world, now I've lost it all...'
It was dusk and then sun was just starting to rise. I looked out my windowbut to only see fog covering the meadow that over looks a valley. Mario and I recently had a fight-no- just had an fight. We were pretty much flicking each other off, and stormed off to bed. For years Mario and I shared a room and we still do. I still live with him (he doesn't mind), because he can't trust me with inanimate objects anymore. Should I be moved out? Yes. Mainly has to do with past events, all of this. My bed on one side and his on the other, it has worked like this during our childhood years too. Not going to get into all my past events now. Mario is 21 but I'm only 19. Even though I'm 19 I still cry a , we ended our fight with the usual 'I hate you!'. Brotherly love for ya. Isn't that nice?
I dragged myself out of my bed and went past a sleeping Mario. I walked past him silently closing the door behind me. I was up so early because of everything on my mind. Around 7-ish I think. Does it really matter? No. I decided to start my day anyway, but in this case Mondays are never fun. My body still thinks I go to school at 8 so it wakes me up natrually at this time anyways. I settled on watching t.v for a good two hours. I threw myself on the couch and tossed a blanket over me. I watched whatever is on at 7 in the morning. Spongebob. Do I watch it? Of course I do, becuase I'm bad ass like that. Lol... A few hours later I woke up to Mario shaking me,
"Didn't know you slept out here last night, heh." He says, I sat up and yawned
"What time is it?" I asked getting up.
"11."
"Ah." That my friends is as good as it will ever get during a conversation between us after a recent fight. Without murdering one another. I walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I am not one for harsh critisism. Especially when it's about me and my family. I become very defensive and all Mario says is 'It's just people taking thier emotions out on you.' Bull. Crap. I once read comments about me and yeah, everyone else agreed with them. And of course just then the same comments came fluttering into my mind; 'I hope he knows he's anonymous. No one cares.' 'Why is he there? Idk.' , 'He's been living in his brother's shadow for too long. His life is dragging him down, has he looked in a mirror lately?', and the worst, 'disgrace.' Etc. Yeah, words hurt. I stared myself down, they were right. My face was in a straight line, my eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep, and my dark brown hair which I believe is overly long, is now down to my neck. My back is hunched over too. I leaned against the sink, my hands on the edges, I looked through the mirror to see nothing but me. I sighed and walked away, I opened the door to find Mario just about to knockon the door. Instead of the look of murder on his face, like yesterday, I saw calmness, relaxation, and sierenity. His eyes gave away apology, the same blue eyes I have. But mine were overly tired. Then he spoke,
"He-hey bro, I'm sorry about yesterday." I stared at him, tears threatened to blur my vision. I said,
"Me too, all of the tngs I said I didn't mean them at all." I turned away from him, tears now blurring my vision. All of those comments popped back into my head. My mind was racing but the only thing that came filtering through was this little melody/song:
'Bring on a fire. Bring on the hell. That eveything a blaze so that no trace remains...' And it just keeps repeating. Depressing right?
"Lugi, are you okay?" He asks setting a hand on my shoulder, I didn't say anything. Isn't that nice? Nein (German for no). "Bro come into the kitchen." He finshes. I followed him there and to realize my usual morning coffee was ready but I didn't pay any attetnion to it. Mario handed it to me, "What's bugging you?" I am not going to to tell him now. I never did tell him because he's never home. Would he care if I just...left? Mario still had calm eyes. I knew that he wasn't up for a fight today.
"Nothing." I mutter taking a sip.
'cause I don't wanna live in fear?' I really don't okay? I don't thkn you do either.
"Luigi? Answer me." His voice was worried but had a tinge of hardness. But his eyes stayed calm and actually had sympathy in them. Mario sat across from me in the opposite chair. "You're crying, did something happen?" I let him keep guessing. My throat ached from holding back tears, they started to stream down my face.
"I said it was nothing!" I yelled. Mario got up out of his seat and stood next to me worry filtered in his eyes. But his face was straight; per usual.
"Luigi, I am not going to or try to fight with you at 11 in the morning," My body felt weak and old, my eyes can barely stay open. I felt useless and jaded these days.
"I am sorry to hear that!"
"Why are you yelling!?"
"Oh. Whatever. Sorry." I muttered, but it's just those words that haunt me. Tears poured down my face.
"Bro?"
"What?"
"What's wrong?" I thought about that question hard. What is wrong?
"No. No more." I said weakly, or was it even audible? Had I said it aloud? My voice was rusty and breaking.
"No? No more what?"
"No more anything! I just can't take it anymore!"
"Lugi I-
"I am sick and tired of peole intrupting! You want to know what's wrong? Everything is!"
"Everything?"
"Everything! My grades, my family, my life! It all just puts pressure on me! People comment and critisize everything I do or say! Some say I don't belong, right up to being a disgrace! They're right, I just don't see a reason to be here anymore! I've tried sp much but I am still anonymous! No one cares! My friends hate me Mario, they hate me! Not because I did something they just don't like me!"
"Luigi ca-calm down!" I guess I am going to tell him what's bothering me after all...
"No! The reason why I never tell you anything is because you're never around! I talk to myself but all it does is make it worse! That's why I don't smile and laugh like I used to! I just want a friend who doesn't shut me out!"
'I'd never thought I'd feel this; guilty and I'm broken down inside, living with myself, nothing but lies...' "The worst part is looking back and knowing that I was wrong! I'll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can't live without!"
Mario
"I'll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can't live without!" He screamed/sobbed. I've seen Luigi cry a lot; to a point where it's just annoying. But I've NEVER EVER seen him cry this much or this hard in my whole life. I really had no idea what pain he was in. God, I feel awful.
"Woah, woah, Luigi, calm down! I'm so sorry about all of that! You're NOT a mistake, you're my little brother! My best friend! People pick on others because they have nothing better to do with their lives. You're right the names they called you are hurtful and not necessary and un-called for. But you're none of those things. Is that why you always skip lunch?" I hugged him tightly as he sobbed into my shoulder, he nodded. At this point I really didn't care how dirty my shirt gets. I actually started to tear up a bit too but I held them back.
"Luigi, I know you're wounded but I'm always here for you."
"I'd rather feel pain." he whispered,
"I know it's hard to understand and take in but I'm here to save you. You'll be fine."
-End.
Thanks for reading! This was my first fan fic on FF! There's plenty more stories to come that aren't as depressing and dark. Sorry about that... The stories I write about is what's pissing me off. I find it easier to write about what's pissing me off anyways. Do me a favor? Can you review it not by the depressing dialogue but how you liked it? Or not. Thanks!
~Jax :)