A/N: This is my first time ever making a fan-fic! I'm so excited!! -- insert happy-go-lucky smile here -- So, please, when you reveiw...be harsh. I'd like to know if I'm doing anything wrong. Flames (GENTLE criticism, not make-you-cry insults) are somewhat welcome. This A/N was somewhat copied from someone I know. Why did I copy it? I want to be as good as her at writing, and her A/Ns are funny.
Anyway R&R (read and reveiw), then go get some R&R (rest and relaxation).
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Chapter One
Naruto looked carefully into the portal. The creepy ninja-dude had jumped in, but...
"Naruto, you bonehead! Get away before that thing pulls you in!" Sakura shouted.
"But ninja-guy went in here!" Naruto protested.
"Naruto, I really don't think it's a good idea to - " Sasuke started.
"Get back here DUNCE!" Kakashi ordered. When he saw Naruto had no intention of obeying, he slapped his forehead.
Suddenly, a hand reached out of the portal. "Get in here, orange jacket! Our fight isn't finished yet!"
Naruto felt himself pulled backwards. "What the - "
"Aaaaahhhhh!"
"Naruto!"
"You stupid - "
Before long, Naruto found himself in a swirling void. The ninja they had been battling earlier glared at Naruto. He practically seethed hatred. "You little brat..."
"I'm no brat," Naruto roared. "I'm a ninja!!!" he pulled some shuriken from his belt, threw them...and suddenly, everything turned blood-red...the world around him seemed to fade into a vividly real crimson, then turn to black...
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"Yoh! Get over here!!"
"Huh? Who's this nut job?"
"I have no idea. Must be a cosplayer..."
"There's a comic convention around here?"
"Look at the sign, Yoh..."
Naruto's eyes slowly opened. He looked up to see a short, large-headed boy with ruffled brown-blonde hair. His clothes were rather mature and sensible, especially for Konohakagure. What was he, some Ninja Registration Official? Kind of short...and he was just a kid!
Then there was the tall boy with dark brown hair. He wore a white button-up shirt, but it had been left open. He had on a necklace, on which was strung a set of bear claws (not the donut, the actual claw). He wore black jeans which he had rolled to his knees, and had on typical sandals.
Naruto sat up, groaning. "Where am I?"
"Whoa, buddy," the short one said. "Have you been drinking?"
"No...master Kakashi won't let me."
"Kakashi?"
"Yeah...have you seen him?"
The tall boy laughed. "Nope. Look, my name's Yoh Asakura, and this here's Manta Oyamada."
"Yoh and Manta? Can you tell me where I am?"
"You're in Tokyo, buddy!"
"Tokyo?" Naruto questioned. Suddenly, he noticed the buildings around him. Why did everything seem so...different? Why did it seem like...
...he was in the future?
"AAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!"
"Heheheh...must've saw Anna's face," Manta whispered to Yoh.
"Hey, Manta were you two talking about me behind my back?" Anna asked in a dark evil tone.
"Why, yes we were talking about how fashionable you are..." Manta said in a very nervous tone.
"Liar," Anna said right after stringing him up with her beads so that she could drag him away and torture him for a little while.
"YOH! SAVE ME! YYYOOOHHHH!!!" Manta screamed in despair.
"Who's the nutcase gir-" Naruto began.
"HEY! Do you want the same torture...I-I-I mean training as him?" Yoh questioned. He blinked a couple times. "So...are you lost or something?"
"Yeah, no w-wait uhhh...I don't know, umm tell me where the portal is, now!"
Yoh and the others - including Naruto - all headed back to the house so that they could talk understand what's going on, get to know each other a little better...but Naruto hadn't met Amidamaru...ah, well he'd meet him sooner or later.
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The next morning Naruto woke up to see Yoh playing GameBoy Advanced.
"WWOOWWW! What's that?" Naruto asked very inquisitively.
"Well, this is called a GameBoy Advanced and right now I am playing Mario World 3," after that Yoh just did his best to explain the objectives and things. Naruto peered at the gadget in frustration. Yoh sighed. "You...don't get it, do you? Fine, jump on the bad guy's heads and you press B when you have a flower."
"Why would I want some dumb flower?" Naruto questioned. "Do I look like some girly-girl?"
Yoh laughed. "No, on the game they let you shoot fire balls."
"Cool! Show me the flower shop!" Naruto ordered.
"HAHAHAH! No, you have to hit the bottom of those boxes by jumping!" Yoh chuckled. "How about you just get yourself some breakfast."
"Ooh...DO YOU HAVE RAMEN???!!!" Naruto asked very eagerly.
"Um, well that's for lunch. We have Pop Tarts," Yoh said.
"Well, I'll give them a try," Naruto answered. He shuffled over to the kitchen and stared in shock as a small brownish rectangle pooped out of a black box. "Aaaahhhh! It's attacking me!" he hollered.
"Hey, not so loud! You might wake Anna up!" Yoh said in a loud whisper.
Naruto blinked. "So..?"
"Observe. The brown rectangle here..." Yoh split it in half and munched one part. "...is food."
Naruto took the other half and bit some off. His eyes widened. "THESE ARE GREAT!!! Do you have RAMEN flavored?"
"I told you, keep it dow - "
Just then Anna slammed open the door and smashed Naruto into the wall.
"Who just asked if they wanted to die!?" Anna yelled.
Just then Manta walked out and she 'accidentally' stomped him into the ground.
"Best not have been you again shrimp," Anna said in a convinced sort of voice. "Okay I have decided...MANTA!!!"
"NO! It wasn't me I just woke up! My door is right across from yours so..." Manta continued to try and stop himself from tortures.
Meanwhile...
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'What the heck have you gotten yourself into this time, dunce?' Sasuke asked in his mind.
"Even thought I really hate him I hope he's okay," Sakura said suddenly.
"As do we all!" Kakashi added.
They walked on, but soon stopped upon finding a towering man with blonde hair and dark circles beneath his tired eyes. His lips were a harrowing shade of death-blue. They never noticed he had a dog behind him.
"Have you seen a short kid with a funny looking face?" Kakashi asked him.
"Hmm? Oh you mean Manta?" the man asked, turning around.
"Who are - " the man stopped and scratched the back of his head, smiling politely. "Wait, I'm sorry...it is rude not to give one's own name first. I am Faust VIII, at your service."
Sakura smiled...then she saw his dog. Her eyes went wide with horror...or perhaps disgust. It was nothing more than a skeleton frame, though at one time it must have been a very big living dog. "EEEEEEK!!! Get it away from me!!!"
"Don't worry...she's just a big chicken. It's not your fault. That's quite an interesting pet you have," Sasuke said in a surprised tone. He wasn't scared by the undead creature, he was fascinated by it. He reached out a hand to stroke the bones that made up the creature's shaky frame...
Kakashi stared for a moment, then went back to more important matters. "Mister...um, Faust. Have you seen a short, funny looking kid with an orange jacket?" Kakashi asked.
"Well, I've never seen Manta wear an orange jacket..."
"His name's not Manta, it's Naruto."
"In that case, no," Faust replied, bowing his head in apology.
"CRAP! Naruto, you dick, what've you gotten into this time?" Sasuke growled.
Kakashi held his forehead in his hand. "I should have expected it. This is a big city, and there's a lot of people...I'm sorry to be so impulsive, but we are worried about him."
"Not at all," Faust said, waving the matter away. He noticed his dog's odd behavior around Sasuke. The poor creature seemed afraid of him. "Come here, Frankensteiny."
"Well...I hate to ask it of you...but could you please help us find our stupid friend?" Kakashi asked.
"I'm sorry, but right now I'm looking for someone myself. His name is Yoh Asakura. Rather short...um, actually, that's compared to me. He's about as tall as that dark-haired companion of yours. He has deep brown hair, and his headphones seem permanently attached to his ears, I have to thank him for something he helped with on my leg. Have you seen him?" Faust questioned.
"Ask the brain," Sasuke grumbled, pointing at Sakura.
"Ummmm...no, that name does not come to mind," Sakura said.
"Well, good luck with your search!" Kakashi said.
"You too!" Faust replied.
They walked about two miles asking, "Have you seen Naruto?" to everyone they crossed. They even did their best to explain what he looked like, his personality, everything...but no one had a clue.
Kakashi looked back to Sakura to ask her a question, but he suddenly stopped. He'd just received quite a shock...Sakura's shirt had wet spots here and there. She had been crying for a while. Sasuke noticed his sensei's face, and when he looked back, he was startled, too.
"Uh...hey, Sakura. W-why are you c-c-crying?" Sasuke asked, starting to feel sad too.
"B-b-b-because!" she choked. "Well I...I have only ever liked five people in my life. Those people were my brother, some kid, and you three. You see, my brother was really nice to me, and my parents neglected me. My brother could do anything that my parents wanted, and because I was so clumsy they never even let me see a knife. While peeling an apple for my mom, my brother slipped and cut his thumb halfway off. They never even thought of it as clumsiness...they just saw the agony he was going through. After that my brother was suffering...so no one even thought I was important. The only one that even talked to me was some kid whose name began with 'n'...and...he looked a lot like Naruto. He always sat on his favorite swing in the village...I really liked him...in fact I liked him that way...well...you know what I mean. It was crazy...I liked him even more than I like Sasuke. But then we just lost contact with each other. I've lost everyone I love in this world..." She realized that didn't quite fit. "I mean the other world. Our world. But anyway, enough with my sob story. Let's try and find Naruto!" Sakura finished, wiping away her tears.
"Finally!" Sasuke said under his breath. "LET'S GO!!!" Sasuke suddenly blurted out...quite loudly...
"Yeah," Kakashi grunted, trying to regain his hearing.
They walked on through the graveyard just in case he was in there. Suddenly they came across Yoh, completely forgetting Faust's description. Hardly willing to give up, they asked him the same question they asked everyone.
Yoh, being Yoh, completely forgot about Naruto.
"No, sorry," Yoh said apologetically.
"Thanks anyway..." Kakashi said sadly, walking away with Sakura and Sasuke.
Suddenly, Yoh remembered the off-beat boy who was living with him. He turned to call the three ninjas...but it was too late.
"Aw well, they'll find him sooner or later...waitaminnit...they seemed really desperate. Maybe...I should...aw, what the heck.. I'll go catch up and tell them," Yoh said to himself.
Yoh ran as fast as he could and finally caught up with them. "Hey! Hey, hey, wait up! You asked about the kid with the orange jacket! I'll take you to him!" Yoh gasped, leaning on his knees for support.
"Y-you know Naruto?!!" Sakura gasped.
"That's him! That's his name!"
"YES!" she shrieked, jumping up.
"Sakura, calm down," Kakashi chuckled.
"About time we learned where that bonehead shacked up," Sasuke grumbled good-naturedly.
They walked on to Yoh's home...and they saw Naruto swinging in a hammock.
"NARUTO!!!" Sakura screamed loud enough to wake the dead.
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Everyone had gone inside. They all sat around the table, and all eyes were fixed on Naruto. Yoh asked, "So, Naruto can you tell us a little about your childhood?"
"Well...it's kind of...painful," Naruto replied.
"Come on, dunce," Kakashi whispered through gritted teeth. "You're some lame freeloader who's been taking advantage of their hospitality. The least you could do is tell them about your past!"
"Fine...but don't say I didn't warn you," Naruto said reluctantly. He explained about the fox demon, about his dream to one day become Hokage, and all manner of things he remembered. Then...as low as he could be...the Ninja Centerfold!
He only got to the name of his diabolical ninja technique, and then Manta cocked his head to one side and asked, "Hey, can you show us the Ninja Centerfold?"
"Yeah! Even I haven't seen it," Sakura said.
Naruto looked around at the circle of people. His sensei, his best friends, and the people who had taken him in. Not a good combo of people to show them the Ninja Centerfold.
But he wasn't a prankster for no reason. "Well...if you honestly want me to!" he said. "But don't say I didn't warn you!"
"We can withstand any level of disgust!" Yoh said.
"NINJA CENTERFOLD!" Naruto said triumphantly.
Then he turned into the beautiful, naked girl, blew a kiss, then turned back.
"Well...um...that's it. Sorry..." Naruto said, embarrassed. His humiliation grew as he looked at the faces of the crowd. "No, really! I'm sorry!
"Okay, THAT exceeds the disgusting-limit!" Manta yelled.
"Compared to that I'm totally flat chested," Anna complained. "Perv."
Naruto was nearly positive they were going to beat him into a pulp... but without warning, Faust stormed into the living room. "YOH ASAKURA!!! I have come to thank you for that little fracture you set upon my leg!" he growled. "If you will...follow me to the graveyard!"
They walked outside, weaving their way towards the graveyard. They finally arrived, near a crowded area of street. "What's with all the people, Faust?" Yoh demanded.
"I want an audience when I kill you."
"That's just great. I'll beat you so bad, you'll -" Yoh started to approach, his eyes set with determination, but Naruto shoved him to one side. "Naruto, what the heck are you up to?" Yoh demanded.
"Leave this to me..." Naruto seethed. "..........and shield your eyes. I'll tell you when you can open them." He placed his hands together in the fabled sign and shouted loudly, "Ninja Centerfold!"
"Oh, no!" everyone except Naruto the (and the people who didn't know what it was) groaned.
Then...he changed.
"That's...that's even sicker than my zombies!" Faust said, disgusted.
"Now...I change back!" Naruto yelled.
Nothing happened.
"CHANGE BACK!!!" Naruto yelled louder. "DANGIT, CHANGE BACK! BACK! BAAAAACK!!!!!!"
At that instant Naruto's companions knew. Huh. Guess the first time, he was just lucky, eh? It had been ages since Naruto had done his technique. He was stuck...stuck as a beautiful, clothing-less girl.
Suddenly, a crowd of teenage boys gathered around Naruto.
"Ooooh..."
"Look at her!"
"You got guts, girl!"
"What a body!"
"A-A-A-A-AAAAAAHHHHHH! DISGUSTING!!!" Anna screamed.
"Uggh...Naruto couldn't you at least have put underwear on her?" Kakashi said.
"Well, what are you waiting for?! Get me some clothes, Yoh!" Naruto yapped, humiliated. "And stop staring at me, ya' perverts!!"
"Our house is three blocks away!" Yoh yelled back.
"At least cover their eyes!!!" Naruto begged.
"Watch out, all!" came a confident voice.
Everyone spun around to see a blue-haired boy with a monster-sized snowboard. A tiny, black-haired girl was perched on his shoulder. "How about you stop staring at my buddy's buddy and go the heck away!"
Yoh smiled. "Horo-Horo!"
Horo-Horo made quick work of knocking out all the boys with his snowboard. By then, all the others had left.
"Who are you?" Horo-Horo asked gazing at Naruto. "Yoh-kun, exactly what were you planning with this hottie here?" Naruto felt sick...he wished Horo-Horo hadn't said that.
It wasn't that his form hadn't been made to cause trouble. It was just that hearing a boy call him a hottie wasn't exactly something he wanted...
"Tsk, tsk! You shouldn't gaze!" Yoh said.
"You...ack! You're a perv too!" Anna yelled. She then proceded to whack Horo-Horo on the head with a baseball bat.
Faust's annoyance, meanwhile, had been steadily growing. "Yes, well, anyway...I CAME TO FIGHT!!!" he yelled angrily.
"Jeez, will ya' wait a second?" Yoh snapped.
"I have been waiting...for 12 minutes and 27 seconds!" Faust said, checking his watch.
"Fine let's fight already! Let's-" Yoh started, but he was cut off.
"For shame. Attacking a man who is not prepared for battle. Have you no honor, Yoh Asakura?" Faust asked. A skeleton climbed it's way up from the ground, and Faust grinned wildly. He grabbed the arms, ripped them off, and wedged them into his own joint.
"Okay, why the heck did you just do that?" Yoh asked, sickened.
"Hahahahah...you seem to not understand. When I put on these arms I can reach two times the length I normally would. It goes against most every anatomical beleif, but through necromancy, it's possible. Besides, morphine eliminates the pain. Now I can reach you without you touching me!" Faust chuckled.
'Dang...he's right...I can't reach him with just a sword. And even without that, he's got his skeleton army,' Yoh thought bitterly.
Just then Anna grabbed the tallest skeleton in sight, ripped off his arms, and gave them to Yoh. "Well, as long as you're going to cheat like that...why don't you do that too, Yoh!"
"Maybe because I'm not doped up on pain killers like he is!!" Yoh replied.
"Gimme a break..." Anna sighed. "No, maybe I should give you one."
"Anna...be nice..."
"Here!" Anna said, moving towards his arms with a devilish look.
"In case you forgot, he does it because he's a necromancer! I can't!"
"Good point..." Anna said, frowning. "That is SO not fair."
Faust snorted. "Pathetic. Hey, Manta hasn't said too to think of it, where is he?" Faust asked.
"He's scared of you, idiot! You sliced him like a biology frog! He's at home," Yoh countered.
"Aha! So that's why he avoids me! All I wanted to do is investigate why he's so small...it's so cowardly of you, interfering with my scientific research!" Faust said nonchalantly. "Then again, both of you screamed like little girls..."
"Ex-CUSE me?!" Anna snarled. "Little girls?!!"
"Anna, leave it," Yoh snarled, glaring at Faust. "Listen, you...Manta has been my best...my only living friend for a very, very long time! If you ever even say anything like that again, I WILL kill you," Yoh said angrily.
"Overreacting brat. Pests like you deserve to be punished, and I'll gladly deal your penalty!" Faust yelled, his eyes bright with the desire for vengance.
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Naruto had snuck away to get to Yoh's house. "Dangit, I am so lost...wait a minute! I recognize this building. Yoh's house isn't too far." S/he went around a fence. There was a sign, he couldn't read it.
It said 'Okunashi School for Boys.'
"Okay, I'll just sneak around the back of this place, count to five, and sprint like all crap to get to Yoh's house. All right. One...two...three...four...GO!" Naruto said to himself.
But at that moment...
"All right boys keep up and don't fall behind!" said the cute gym instructor, leading the gym class around their daily laps.
"All right, let's stay just a couple feet behind so that we can at least look at her butt!" some boys whispered to each other.
"You back there! Stop talking, and keep up!" she ordered.
"Yes Ms. Ochitaka!" one replied, his eyes fixed on her backside.
"Shut up, Tetsaru! Quit being such a goody-goody!" someone else yelled at him.
Just then, Naruto stumbled from the bushes, right onto the track. Right in front of a boy...who crashed into Naruto...and knocked him to the ground. And everyone stared in shock.
"I am in so much trouble..." Naruto whimpered.
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A/N: End of chapter one.
So, what does everyone think? In the next chapter,we meet someone who would actually fall for Naruto's lies ( How pathetic...).
Here's a spoiler...a small one, but nevertheless a spoiler.
"YES BUT I...I guess your right...I'm sorry. YEAH RIGHT! In all my life, I have never been so humiliated as to be beaten by some worthless BRAT!!!" Faust growled.
"Pah-lease, I can do better than that. What a-"
"There you go again making me sound like some infant!" Faust complained.
"As I said, what a fool..."
"Come on give up now idiot!" Sasuke and Naruto said in symmetry.
"Come on, you couldn't beat Yoh even if ya' had a million years!" Naruto yelled.
"He's right you big asshole!!!" Sasuke said.
Justwhat is Naruto going to do trapped in the Ninja Centerfold anyway (besides run around naked, trying to solve his problem)? Is Narutogoing to STAYa girl? What happened to Ms. Ochitaka, his possible rescuer (or maybe she's not...you'll see!) Find all this out in the next chapter.