This is my first Avatar story, a crappy oneshot! You can take it the zutarian way, or the not-so-zutarian way, although it was written in the zutarian way. :P
Avatar is not mine ):
Zuko was dreaming, and unfortunately for him, he had no idea. All he knew was that there was a huge Ty Lee with even larger breasts chasing after him as he tried to escape on a female version of Appa. Zuko was afraid. Ty Lee opened her mouth to make some sort of optimistic comment about why Zuko should stop running away but her voice was Azula's. As if that wasn't frightening enough, when Zuko turned back around to steer Fem. Appa, Mai was two feet away from him, literally shooting her daggers out of her eyes at him.
Zuko jumped ship - er, Appa - to avoid being impaled on throwing knives, but landed between Ty Lee's enormous breasts. She giggled and then Fire Lord Ozai - Zuko's fucking FATHER - showed up in a pink tutu. Just when Zuko thought all hope was lost, and he would end up being forced into a Fire Nation incest orgy, a huge wall of water rose up in front of all of them. Azula tried using firbending to turn it to steam, but the water moved fluidly and enveloped the blue fire before it got to the actual wall.
The massive tidal wave smashed down on all of them, and Zuko thought he heard a feminine voice cackling with glee and triumph as the water gracefully and gently carried him out of in between Ty Lee's boobies. Zuko seemed to have found any edie and effortlessly - literally, he didn't need to move a muscle - kept his head above the water as he watched his father's tutu and heard Azula's angry protesting that she was a people person disappear into the distance.
Zuko looked around and realized that the water had made a bed for him. Feeling exhausted from the day's misadventures, he lay down and let the familiar rocking sooth his nerves. He rolled over and came face to face with Momo. Zuko held back his scream because Momo scampered off and he closed his eyes and sighed in relief.
"Now that Momo's innocent eyes aren't watching, take your pants off."
Zuko snapped his golden eyes open and they met icy blue ones. This time, he let his scream echo around where ever the hell he was.
Zuko's eyes snapped open again and he shot up into a sitting position and smacked his forehead on something hard. He fell back clutching his brow and smashed the back of his head on something else hard. He groaned in pain but it was quickly drowned out by another cry.
"Ow, you fucking moron!" He opened his eyes slowly, and again met the icy blue gaze. Only, it was more like a stare. Or piercing glare. And this time, he had no Appa to jump off of.
Katara shuffled backwards holding her hands to her forehead. "You retard!" she yelled at him.
"Katara!" Zuko sat up (more carefully this time) and reached out towards her "Katara, I'm sorry! It was an accident, I had no idea you were there! If it makes you feel any better, I smacked my head twice."
"Yeah, once on my head, asshole." she snapped.
"I'm really sorry..." Zuko didn't know what else to say, although he did feel very guilty. He wasn't making himself any easier to like, was he? "Is there anything I can do to help?"
"You can't waterbend, stupid." Katara hissed. "Your firebending won't help any here."
"I could hold ice you bent to your head, so your hands would be free." Zuko suggested, wincing and trying to ignore the throbbing pain in his head.
"I can do that myself." she said indignantly, taking her hands away from her face but only to put them back on in a different position. "But I wouldn't need to, because I can heal remember?" She proceeded to make her hands glow blue and the lump forming on her forehead disappeared.
Zuko rubbed his own aching forehead. "I know I'm in no position to ask but..."
Katara smirked and an air of superiority came about her. "You want me to heal your forehead. Fine."
"Thanks..." Zuko mumbled resentfully. He still wasn't used to this whole gratitude thing, and didn't like it much. Katara moved closer to him and placed her right hand on his brow. Her left hand was propping her lean body up and she had to arch her back to keep from falling. Zuko found himself face to face with her breasts. He was unhappily reminded of his dream, which actually made him happy very quickly when he became aware that it was only a dream. Then he was brought back to awkward reality and Katara's upper girl parts. He realized that this was probably the closest the had ever been, since that time with the pirates.
"What are you grinning about, pervert?" Katara brought him back to awkward reality again with her icy voice.
"No, I wasn't grinning because of that." Zuko quickly wiped the smile off of his face and floundered around for an answer. "I was just remembering something that-"
"What do my breasts remind you of?" Katara seemed to be secretly enjoying herself. That bitch. Zuko wasn't about to let her have the last laugh.
"Actually, they remind me of pebbles, because of their size." Zuko sneered.
Katara glared at him. So, he wanted to play dirty. "Well, they're bigger than your parts, that's for sure."
Zuko saw a perfect opportunity and pounced. "And how would you know, hmm? Maybe you should think before laying the title 'pervert' on people other than yourself?"
Katara blushed in both embarrassment and anger. "I didn't..." Then, like Zuko, she seized the opportunity. "Actually, I have seen your penis."
Zuko recoiled, his face and scar were now the same colour. Maybe she had put to much emphasis on the word 'penis.' "What?!"
"You have a fever and very high temperature. You passed out earlier while training with Aang, and Sokka and Haru brought you to the east wing of the temple where I was forced to look after you because I can heal." Katara made jazz fingers to emphasize her magical healing of love. "You were sweating and soaked through your clothes so I had to change you, that simple."
"...Are you fucking serious." Was all Zuko could manage.
"It's true." Well, most of it anyway. She had made Sokka change Zuko, now that they were BTFFFS (Best Totally Friends Forever for Sure). Her story had silenced Zuko who was now completely red in the face and worrying about what she had seen.
He couldn't remember if it was small after all that anyway. He was starting to sweat again. Katara had seen him. Not even Mai had seen him until weeks into their relationship. Maybe it would have been less boring if they had had more sex. He would Sokka about that later. For now he had to check.
He reached under the bedsheets he was lying on and began to undo his pants.
"WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" Katara screamed, and slapped her hands down on his wrists. "I'M RIGHT NEXT TO YOU, RETARD!"
"SHUT UP, I'M FEELING VERY INFERIOR RIGHT NOW AND I DON'T LIKE IT." Zuko yelled back, and continued pulling his pants down. What did Katara care anyway, if she had seen it already? Besides, he was under the sheets.
Katara's hands were still on Zuko's wrists and she felt what she thought was his man part brush her through the sheets (although it was his really his hand). "Ew, you disgusting bastard!" She let go of his wrists and leaped on him, trying to hold his shoulders down. "Stop!" Zuko didn't really care about checking anymore, now he was just doing this to defy Katara.
"No!" he yelled back, although he did stop and was now trying to wrestle her of of him,
"Stop!" She pinned him to the ground and tried to keep his arms at his sides, but he was a lot stronger than her and he grabbed her shoulders and pinned them to her sides. With her arms of no use, Katara stared kicking. Zuko forced her legs away from his body with his own, where they couldn't reach him. Legs now useless as well, Katara used her teeth. She snapped close to Zuko's face and he did all he could to avoid it. He knew that he was going to get his nose bitten off soon and tried to think of something to stop Katara's crazy mouth. All her had at his disposal was his mouth, but he didn't think that she would react kindly to him kissing her, so he continued to barely dodge what now seemed like fangs to him.
This wasn't working, Katara realized. But she wasn't going to give up to the disgusting Zuko, who she still assumed was trying to look at his own penis. She snapped at him face again, and caught his upper lip between her teeth. Zuko grunted in mild pain, but Katara kept her hold strong. Their jaws muscles were both strong, from talking so much. Just when Katara thought Zuko was going to give up, and just when Zuko was considering doing so...
"Hey, Katara! We heard screaming, how's Zuko...?"
Something clattered to the floor. Katara and Zuko turned their heads very slightly and looked to where Sokka's voice had come from. He was standing with his arms hanging limply at his sides and his space sword on the floor next to him. His mouth was agape as he tried to process what he saw in front of him.
Suki piped up, unable to resist. "Well, from the look of it, Zuko is very good."
Katara and Zuko reexamined what position they were in. Katara was straddling Zuko around the waste with his legs pressed against her thighs and the bed sheet now at his knees. Zuko's strong hands were holding Katara's shoulders and Katara was grasping tightly to Zuko's biceps. Thanks to Katara's violent biting, their faces were pressed against each others and that forced their chests together. They looked at each other with matching mortified expressions.
"K-Ka-Katara..." Aang whimpered. Zuko and Katara were still frozen in shock.
Poor Sokka's brain was about to explode as he fumbled with words. "Zuko!" he finally exclaimed "You had better have not gotten my sister sick with your fever!" Although that was the least of his problems.
Zuko finally got ahold of himself and pried Katara's teeth of his upper lip. "It's not what you think," he started "We were arguing and it got-"
"Sexual?" Toph smirked.
"No, violent!" Zuko didn't appreciate her teasing, especially since she probably knew he wasn't lying.
"What's going on?"
"Gah, no! DON'T LOOK, THE DUKE!" Suki shrieked and tackled him to the ground.
"BY MY MOUSTACHE, I SWEAR I HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH VULGAR BEHAVIOR! HOW DARE YOU VIOLATE KATARA, ZUKO!" Zuko didn't need to look to know that Haru also had the wrong idea. He wished Katara would snap out of her trance and help.
She did. "WE WERE NOT DOING THAT, YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!" her help was a little louder than Zuko needed, especially with her mouth inches from his ear. "AND EVEN IF WE WERE - WHICH WE WEREN'T - WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU ALL STILL BE HERE?!"
"She's right," Zuko said "You must all know deep down that it's not what it looks like, or else you wouldn't all still be here. Except for Haru, because I'm willing to bet that he's a pervert."
"I resent that!" Haru shouted, although his voice wavered and his face turned bright red. He fingered his moustache out of nervous habit and it fell off.
With everyone distracted by Haru's false facial hair, Katara and Zuko used this opportunity to get off of one an other and they stood up. "Look, we really didn't do... anything." Zuko said, walking over.
"Toph, is this true?" Aang asked tentatively.
Toph was silent for an exaggerated moment. She stroked her chin in mock deep thought. "I'm not sure. Zuko has always been a good lier, and Katara is too angry to read." Katara hadn't actually been angry a second ago, although Toph's obvious teasing had pissed her off.
"HOLY SHIT, TOPH!" she shrieked "CAN'T YOU PASS UP ONE OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE MY LIFE A LIVING HELL?!"
"Nope," Toph answered, grinning.
Katara threw her arms up in frustration and stormed away. Zuko looked at Toph angrily. He grabbed her arm and led her a little way a way from the others.
"Can you actually not tell that we're telling the truth?" he hissed.
"Actually, you're the worst lier on the planet and Katara's feelings are crystal clear." she smiled charmingly. "I know you didn't do it, but I'll never tell." She walked back to the others.
Zuko snorted angrily. They had to believe him. "I'm serious, nothing happened."
Suki looked up from where she was doing her best to keep the Duke from seeing and realized there was nothing to hide him from and so pushed his helmet back up onto his head properly. She looked at Zuko's face. Zuko saw her looking at him. She didn't think he was lying, but saw where Toph had had fun and so said "Geez, Zuko. If you and Katara are an item, you don't need to keep it from us." Zuko's horrified face pushed her to continue. "You make such a cute couple, you and Katara and me and Sokka could go out for a couples' night out sometime. Although, I think it's a little early to be sexually active."
"What?" the Duke asked.
"I mean um..." Suki had forgotten about the Duke very quickly. "Don't look!" she yelled and clapped her hands over his ears.
"Why won't any of you believe me?" Zuko yelled in frustration. He glared at Suki and Toph as he stalked out of the room. The one thing that made him feel better was Aang's weird expression. He looked like a lion-squirrel caught in the act of stealing a watermelon or something. It was very odd and so Zuko stared at him the longest.
He passed Katara in the hall. "I hate you." He snapped at her.
"I hate you more." she snarled.
Zuko wished he could curl up in a hole and die. Too bad Sokka had seen that. It might hurt their bromance. And Aang, too. What if he wouldn't let Zuko be his friebending teacher anymore? Damn that bitch Katara to hell.
Katara hated Zuko more than ever. Toph was on her top ten list after Zuko, too. What was wrong with them? She decided that they would die by her hand. Die a slow and very painful death. That asshole, Zuko was going to hell.
Too bad they saw each other again in hell.
Here are some bandaids for your bleeding eyes. It seems my storytelling abilities have DIED. WHATEVS JUST REVIEW KTHX. (please don't flame - shitty old story written at 2am is exactly what it is).