Batman: the Parody
Disclaimer: Please note that I do not own the first Batman movie, it is legal property of Tim Burton so don't sue me!
Now to the story:
It was just an ordianry night in Gotham city, people were running around, beating the hell out of each other for personal reasons like wanting to rob them stupid or just generally being thugs. A man, a Woman and their precious little boy were so desperate to get a taxi that they had to throw stones at them in order to stop, but the Taxi drivers of Gotham were so ignorant that they just didn't stop for this not-so-important-family-of-three.
"Dammit, can't you get us a god damn Taxi Harold?" the Woman asked. "Shut up woman, I'm trying to get a bloody taxi" Harold retorted as he attempted to stop another Taxi. "Daaaaaaaaaad, you're going the wrong way" said the boy. "Shut up Jimmy, I know what I'm doing" his Dad snapped. "Ah stuff this, let's cut down this seemingly ordinary alley which is infested with thugs that will probaly rob me stupid" said Pathetic Harold. "Dad, if you wanna cut over to seventh, then You should try that way" Jimmy suggested, pointing to a much more safer route. "Shut up, I know what I'm doing" Harold replied smugly.
A prostitute came out of nowhere and was attempting to chat up little Jimmy. "Ewww, get off me lady, I'm only twelve". The Prossy was non-to-pleased when his parents pulled him away and walked over to the seemingly-innocent-alleyway-which-was-properly-infested-with-thugs-that-will-properly-rob-this-poor-unimportant-family-stupid.
As the unsuspecting family were walking down this sinister alleyway, a spotty teenaged Arsehole was demanded money.
"Oi, you Bastard, gimmi some money now" he said in a menacing tone. Harold ignored the Arsehole and pulled his family away. Just as they were about to turn the conrer, another Arsehole appeared out of nowhere, clobbered poor Harold over the head and then pointed a gun at poor little Jimmy and his mother. "Don't scream, bitch" he warned as the spotty Arsehole stole Harold's wallet. After the Arseholes ran off, Harolds stupid wife screamed and ran to her poor Husband.
A few minutes later, the Arseholes were sat on a roof somewhere, admiring the items they had just stole. "Woah, I got a credit card" said the first Arsehole in admirement. "Hey, that's mine" said the second Arsehole snatching the card away.
"I don't like it up here" the first Arsehole complained. "What, you scared of heights or something" the second Arsehole taunted. "I dunno, you remember what happened to Johnny Gobbs?" he asked. "Look, he committed suicide by jumping off a roof" he told the first Arsehole, but the first Arsehole disagreed.
"That's not what I heard, I heard that he got caught...by the Bat". The second Arsehole laughed. "There ain't no bat, you've probaly just imagined it".
As the Arseholes start bickering about what happened to this Johnny Gobbs fella, the silouette of a giant Bat dramaticly drops down from the sky and advances on the unsuspecting Arseholes.
"Look, there isn't no Bat. Now let's cut this money between us". As they began to count the money they stole, the sound of feet walking on gravel can be heard above them. They look up and see a Giant Bat which jumps down and kicks the First Arsehole into a door. The second arsehole attempts to escape, but the giant Bat stops him by wrapping this piece of Rope with a bat symbol at the end around his Ankle. He then gets the Arsehole by the collar and dangles him over the roof. It's a long way down.
"Don't kill me, please don't kill me" begged the Not-so-tough-Arsehole who was starting to cry. "I'm not going to kill you, I want you to tell all you're buds about me" the Giant Bat growled. "Who are you?" the Arsehole sobbed. "I'm Batman" said the Bat.
The Arsehole looked confused then asked
"Really?"
And Batman replied "Really"
"Really?"
"Really"
"Really?"
"Really"
"Really?"
"Really"
"Really?"
"Really"
"Really?"
"Really"
"Really?"
"Really"
"Really?"
"Really"
(Tim Burton gets fed up as this goes on so he decides to add a four hour commercial break which featured The Joker doing the Macarena)
Four long boring hours later
"Really"
"Really?"
"Really"
"Really?"
"Really"
Audience: Get on with it.
Batman gets fed up with the Arsehole, so he throws him back onto the roof and he jumps off. The now wimpy Arsehole looked over the ledge and discovered that the mysterious Bat had mysteriously disapeared. The Arsehole gasped and fainted dramaticly like a girl.