Hey, look, a new story!

But, if you've read my other stories, you know they revolve around romance mainly. Not this one.

This one is HUMOR!!!

And, Jasper is the main character.

=) Hope you enjoy =)

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It was a dark, stormy night when I went with my idiot foster brother to go hunting. Now, it is usually dark and rainy in Forks, Washington, but tonight was especially windy. Emmett, being the over-excited vampire he is, immediately ran off to go catch a Grizzly. I sighed and slowly followed along; I could just catch something along the way. I didn't really feel up to hunting tonight, the air had an odd eerie depressing feel and everything I saw spelled trouble—the tough visibility, icy rain, howling wind, and groaning trees all pointed to some sort of trouble.

I smelled the faint scent of a human, and I became more alert, the scent wasn't welcoming; but it still drew me in like a moth to flame. I sprinted, vampire-speed, towards the scent. An old, frail woman dressed in an earthy brown cloak, drenched and sticking to her skinny form; I walked over to her and gently shook her shoulder.

"Ma'am?" I asked softly, a bit of my Southern accent came out, "Are you alright?"

Suddenly the woman screamed out, throwing her bony hands out and sending my flying with an invisible force.

"I… I know what you are!" The woman screamed, one bloodshot eye glared at me—the other glazed over and cloudy, obviously blind. I looked at her, my own eyes wide. A crack of thunder sounded and a hot, white light engulfed me. When I awoke, the storm had passed, and a few rays of sun peeked out through the leafy canopy.

I pondered on about last night—the creepy old woman, and the intense light, what was all of that? I stood up, but I was much, much shorter than I remembered. And I was standing on four legs. I looked around—this couldn't be normal. I started walking, a little wobbly at first, but I got used to the four-legs pretty quickly. I looked down as I walked; and let out a cry of surprise. When I moved either of my front feet, a paw, a PAW stepped out in front of my eyes. My small jaw fell open.

This.

Can't.

Be.

Right.

I ran—apparently I had kept my vampire powers—until I found the familiar clearing where the Cullen mansion was built. I jumped up to the back door, and stared up at the knob. How was I going to open the door? I'm barely a foot tall standing on all fours, and not even three feet on my back paws! Giving up on trying to open the door myself, I went as low as it scratching on the wood and giving out an yowl to plead for help. The door flew open, and I saw a pair of pink pumps. It was Alice, oh sweet Alice, my savior. I purred and rubbed my head affectionately on her legs, my tail—my TAIL—trailing behind me and tickling her shins.

"Aw… A kitty!" Alice exclaimed, her icy hands wrapping around me and pulling me up to her chest, keeping me in the crook of her elbow and pressed up against her.

A KITTY?! Does this mean I'm…? I'm… I'm a… A... CAT?! I stared at Alice intently, and she stared back. I tried to sigh, but only an annoyed meow escaped my throat; Alice grinned.

"Jazz?" She asked; my head snapped up, my large eyes met hers. Thank God, she realized it was me. I nodded a little, and she gathered me up in her arms and spun around. "Awwww! You're a kitty, Jazz, a kitty!" She cried, rubbing her cheek fondly against my furry head. I swear my eye twitched at that comment; am I seriously a cat? I heard multiple pairs of footsteps coming down the stairs at the sound of commotion. Everyone was present—even Bella. Hmm, she must have been with Edward.

"Alice what is—where did you get that cat?" Carlisle started to ask one question, but cut himself off. Oh jeez, I'm a cat—how are they going to handle that? I think I already know Emmett's reaction… I felt my ears move down as a mental picture of Emmett, booming with laughter and trying to tease me about being a cat. I looked over at my family, Edward, obviously reading my thoughts, looked amused, but a little worried. Alice cleared her throat to tell them just who this mysterious cat was.

"It's not a cat, Carlisle, it's Jasper." She said, I'm utterly shocked she kept a straight face while saying that. I doubt I could have pulled it off, and I'm the one that controls emotions. Emmett, of course, burst out into hooting, hysterical laughter; Rosalie glared at her immature husband but released a few giggles herself. Edward chuckled a little and Bella looked very worried—along with Carlisle and Esme.

"Now, Alice, that isn't Jasper. Jasper is a vampire, not a cat." Carlisle said calmly, but as if he was speaking to a young child. I tried to sigh again, but another annoyed meow sounded from my mouth. I suddenly felt two cold fingers poking me. I yowled and turned to hiss at whoever was bugging me—it was Emmett. I hissed harshly at him and sent one clawed paw straight at his face, ready to scratch him.

"It is too Jasper! Ask Edward!" Alice exclaimed; all eyes adverted to the bronze haired vampire.

"I can hear his thoughts. He is indeed Jasper." Edward stated, combing his fingers through his hair and letting an amused breath leave his lips. I growled a little but cuddled closer to Alice; so far she's the only one that's been nice to me in my new cat form. Alice stroked my fur and gently scratched behind my ears absently as my family—and I telepathically through Edward—discussed about just what we were going to do to turn me back into my normal vampire form.

"So how did you become a… Cat, Jasper?" Esme asked curiously.

Well, I thought, I was following Emmett slower than usual on our last hunting trip, I smelled an unusual human scent and went to check it out. An old woman was in the woods, and when I asked if she was okay, she somehow sent me flying. A white light flashed before my eyes and when I woke up… Boom, I was a cat.

Edward said what I thought aloud as I thought it; it's going to get a little annoying having to think everything I want to say, only to have Edward repeat it so everyone else can hear. I curled up on Alice's lap, pulling my tail around me and tucking it under my chin. I yawned. …I think it's time for a little cat nap…

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So, what do you think so far?

I know, not too funny yet, but it will be…

So, if you have any requests on what you want Jasper The Cat to do in his next adventure, just add it in your reviews.

Anonymous reviews from non-users ARE accepted.

As are reviews from users, as always.

=) Please Review =)