Title: "Catharsis"
Spoilers: Revenge of the Sith
Summary: What went on in Anakin's mind immediately after his operation, and what were Darth Sidious' thoughts as well? Set just prior to the end of Revenge of the Sith.
Author's Notes: I'm always trying to get into character's heads, especially during dramatic or emotional moments. I've seen Episode III twice now and already it's given me a few story ideas, especially this one where I wondered what went on in Anakin's charred head when he became Darth Vader. It still sent a shiver down my spine when the mask came down and we hear the infamous breathing begin.
Dedication: To my friends Grace and Alice, whose stories in a galaxy far, far away keep some of us fiction writers going.
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Anakin Skywalker numbly gazed up at the ebon mask as it slowly lowered over his face. His breath wheezed in and out since the attending medical droids had disconnected the external breathing apparatus in preparation for the unit being built into him. Although his body – what was left of it – had been pumped full of drugs, the feeling of being flayed alive by the smoldering lava still lay in the forefront of Anakin's mind. Even that close to death, two things had kept him from succumbing: his undying love of Padme, and his all-consuming hatred of his former master, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
The mask slipped on, enclosing his head and creating an air-tight seal, with the armored helmet attaching a few moments after. Anakin winced slightly as he could feel his ruined lungs being forced to work. The helmet's eye sockets lit up, giving him a form of heads-up display on the 'health' of his body as well as the systems keeping him alive. Although not in his visual sight, Anakin could sense his new master, Darth Sidious, standing nearby.
The operating bed rotated slowly towards the vertical. When it clicked in place, Anakin just stood there, still somewhat dazed at his transformation. He could dimly feel his new limbs, what with the rapidity that they were attached to his ruined stumps. His breathing, as steady as it was mechanical, echoed through the operating room. Peripherally, Anakin caught sight of his master leaning in.
"Lord Vader," the Emperor asked. "Can you hear me?"
Even with Anakin's ears ruined in the immolating fire, his helmet's microphones caught and amplified the soft voice. Charred and cracked lips twitched and moved.
"Yes, Master." Anakin started at the dark voice emanating from his helmet. Had he changed so much? It didn't matter. As long as he still lived, as long as he could learn from the dark side and use his new powers to save…
Anakin moved his head uncertainly a little to look around, but all he could see was his master looking steadily back at him.
"Where is Padme?" he asked. "Is she safe? Is she alright?"
"It seems," Lord Sidious started evenly, "in your anger…you killed her."
A cold, bottomless pit formed in Anakin's gut and his world narrowed until it fully encompassed those last three simple words. Had it not been for the restraints holding him to the table, Anakin would have sunk to his knees in shocked surprise. Had it not been for the technology that kept his lungs and heart working, both would have ceased to function from the blow of the announcement. He closed his eyes and both his new hands clenched into fists, their servomotors whining in protest.
"I – I couldn't have…she was alive – I felt it!" Anakin growled. His mind, surging in anger, despair and confusion, reached out at anything and everything around him.
The entire operating theater rumbled and shook uncontrollably. Medical droids were gripped and either flung about like leaves in a fierce wind or crushed as if made of paper. Instruments and vials containing vital fluids were bent and smashed, their sharp remains thrown turbulently about. Support struts collapsed under the weight of an irresistible force.
Lord Sidious, untouched by the cyclopean fury erupting all around him, merely stood there…and smiled.
Anakin ripped one arm away from a restraint and then another, staggering forward erratically in his new body. He moaned and gagged as the absolute horror of what he had done hit him fully down to what was left of his soul.
Everything he had accomplished, everything he had sacrificed - all of it for his Padme, for his unborn child; all of it for nothing!
Anakin reared his head back…and screamed.
He raged at the loss of the one woman he had truly loved, the one woman who – besides his mother – had filled his life with some measure of joy. He raged at the Jedi who, in their own sanctimonious ways, were as much to blame for the death of Padme as they were for the death of his mother. The former since the only counsel he'd been given was to 'let go' of his fear of losing Padme and the latter since he had been held back from rescuing his mother only long enough for her to die in his arms.
He cursed Obi-Wan for making him into what he was now: barely human and needing machinery to live. Anakin could still see the pathetic look on his former master's grief-stricken face when he had claimed to love him just before turning around and leaving him at the edge of the lava.
And lastly, Anakin damned himself to no end for not being strong enough to save those he cared for, and for having acted as stupidly as he had. After slaughtering all the Separatist leaders at the behest of Lord Sidious, he had still showed a shadow of doubt by shedding a tear afterward for what he had done. He had been weak and a not too small part of him now began to whisper in his mind that this was his punishment – that he deserved his fate. Anakin had allowed his love and humanity to cloud his judgment.
No more.
No longer would he ever feel mercy or compassion or any of the other frail, disgusting attributes that marked a Jedi. Anakin Skywalker had done the best he could – and had been found wanting. The fires of Mustafar had, in their own horrific way, burned that man away. He was all that remained, and there was still much to be done.
Even after Order 66 had been executed, there was the chance that Jedi had escaped the ambushes and were out there in the galaxy. It might take years, but any that survived would be hunted down and destroyed. Every death would be another step for the 'chosen one' to bring true balance to the Force, and every death would be one step closer when he would be ready to face his old master. Obi-Wan Kenobi was a resourceful man, so there was very little doubt that he would survive the coming changes to the galaxy.
Darth Vader was still a learner, but there was time enough for him to master the teachings of the Sith so as to be ready for the eventual meeting with his old teacher.
Off to one side, Lord Sidious had been keenly watching his new protégé. It had taken the barest touch of the Force to feel the emotional torrent roiling in the other's mind. Finally, after the whirlwind of grief had died down, a steady thread of vengeful purpose encompassed his pupil's mind
His apprentice was ready.
"Lord Vader?" Sidious prompted once more. The other finally straightened up and faced him. He continued, "There is still much to do, my young apprentice, still much preparation to be done. There is a project, recently started, that I have need of you to oversee. Are you ready?"
Before Vader could acknowledge, a quick, fleeting image came to his mind: a beautiful woman, laughing and running in the fields of a lush, green planet. With an inward snarl, the memory was stifled, ripped apart, and scattered to the four winds. No, that past – that man – had neither connection nor meaning for him any longer.
The barest of pauses passed before he answered, "Yes, my Master."
The Emperor's eyes narrowed for a moment, as if catching the slight hesitation in his apprentice. His new pupil had embraced the dark side and discarded his former life, but even he could see the barest flicker of something that stubbornly remained. He would have to keep a close eye on Lord Vader for some time. True, his apprentice was important to him, but, as the record showed, he was not irreplaceable.
Darth Sidious was not above discarding him if, say, a better, stronger candidate showed up years down the road. He smiled inwardly. As if any apprentice of his would ever truly succeed him. Now that he had triumphed after a thousand years of the Sith hiding behind the scenes, the old rules didn't apply anymore, did they?
Emperor Palpatine nodded once, beckoned, and the two members of the Lords of the Sith walked out and towards the waiting shuttle.
FIN