So this was inspired by a video on YouTube called "The Last" by Wongfu Productions. I watched it again a couple of days ago and afterwards my mind wandered to thoughts of Carlos and Logan and then this happened. You don't have to watch the video to understand this, it speaks for itself. The video is 100x better but hey, I had to let my Cargan feelings out somehow.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything. The rights of the original video belong to Wongfu Productions. The idea of this also belongs to them.
I do not own Big Time Rush. Wish I did though, the show itself surely wouldn't be on Nickelodeon.
They are lying in each other's arms, regaining consciousness from their slumber from the previous night. Logan is gently treading his fingers through Carlos' short locks, the Latino finding content in the sweet gesture. Carlos hums to himself as he buries his face deeper into the crook of Logan's neck, pressing his lips softly onto the skin. Logan smiles down at him before placing a sweet and chaste kiss to Carlos' forehead. Carlos' eyes flicker up to lock with Logan's and he smiles shyly. As Logan is gazing into Carlos' brown orbs, his mind can't help but contemplate on a thought that's been wandering in his mind for a while.
"Carlos?" Logan voices.
"Mhmm?" Carlos responds, toying with the fabric of Logan's plain white tee.
"How many people were before me?" Logan questions.
"What?" Calos inquires, his focus shifting to Logan.
There's a slight tone of insecurity laced in his voice before Logan says, "You know.. how many people did you love before me?"
Carlos tilts his head to the side, eyeing Logan with wonder. He leans his body back and rests his head back atop the pillow. He folds his hands over his stomach when a small smile forms on his lips.
"Five." he finally answers.
Silence. Then finally, "Oh."
Carlos doesn't miss the sullen expression on Logan's face. He sits in an upright position and pulls Logan with him so they're both face-to-face, sitting cross legged on their bed.
"So," Logan says. "You loved five people before me?" Upon seeing Carlos nod, Logan braces himself before asking "What were their names?"
Carlos is silent for a beat as he readies himself to recall each tale.
Answering to Logan's question, Carlos responds with five simple terms.
Who. What. When. Where. Why.
Logan is a bit puzzled, but nods his head nonetheless as curiosity gets the better or him.
"Can you tell me about them?"
"Who I loved," Carlos started, "was a guy I met in college."
Carlos wasn't all those close to the fellow student, but there were still many interactions between the two. It's the classic cliche of a nobody falling for a somebody, Carlos thinks. A similar situation would be a lone freshman in high school fawning over the senior quarterback. The guy was in his third year of school, a junior frat boy and yeah, Carlos admits that he was an infatuated freshman who was utterly smitten over the older student. The more they spent time together out of the classroom, whether it was studying for an upcoming test or hanging out with friends watching the big football game, it allowed Carlos to see a different side of the older boy. Who he became in Carlos' head was more than the reality. Just a normal, down to earth kind of guy with a bright spirit. The kind of guy with much more beneath the surface than the typical status quo of a jock.
The only problem was, every other guy saw that quality as well.
While he had turned Carlos down nicely, saying that he only saw Carlos as a little brother and that he didn't want to risk their friendship, there were times when Carlos swore that it seemed like the popular fraternity guy might have felt something more for the average, ordinary freshman.
"What I loved, was an old friend."
He was more than just a friend though. Well, a best friend, that is. They had met early on in college and had clicked right away. They watched as the other grew through their experiences, changed for the greater, and went through relationships. He was the guy that was there for Carlos after a heartbreak and ache, as Carlos was for him. Mutual friends of theirs would playfully joke that the pair would look lovely together, with matching personalities and contagious laughter. They were each other's shoulders to lean on. They were close to perfect.
The only thing that wasn't perfect was the timing.
Neither were single long enough for the only to actually make a move. They both were in relationships at the same time. What they loved about each other was never quite enough to leave their significant other. They soon realized this, but had to face the consequence of never knowing what could have been. They only thing they could do for each other was be there like a good friend would.
"When I loved, it was with was my first boyfriend in high school."
It's a funny thing, because Carlos feels that this person embodies all the qualities of who and what. High school was a time of pure innocence and discovering where you want to go. Discovering yourself. Carlos and the one he loved discovered this together. They were both on the hockey team, young and free. One day they had confided in one another that they weren't sure of their sexuality, which led to an experimental first kiss. The first kiss then became a first date, and soon enough it became a relationship. A sweet love, like any young love. They were both new to the feeling, the feeling of adventure in something called love. Dates to watch the latest movie, driving around exploring the city, scrolling through the park or hanging by the beach, these were the adventures they embarked upon.
Their adventure of love, however, can only be a distant memory.
They had to go their separate ways, for they pursued different dreams. Their memories together are preserved, buried deep within their minds and can't be touched nor faltered with. The times of innocence and discovery are now in the past. Carlos knows that even though he and his boyfriend were young and naive, only still kids growing up into the real world, he can't deny that in that moment, they were in love.
"Where I loved, was the boy I met in Boston."
After graduating high school, Carlos decided to take a some time off before heading off to college. He had traveled to many different cities, and finally took an internship at the Boston Conservatory, a performing arts school. Aside from being an all-star in hockey, Carlos was also apart of his school's drama club, and would often have a role in a production. The guy he met was an aspiring singer, hoping to be on Broadway someday. Being away from his comfort zone at home, the guy helped Carlos to grow not only as a person, but someone who loved. He had helped Carlos become independent upon himself. Carlos had always wanted to prove to his family and friends that he could mature as an adult - ready to take on what the world threw his way. The guy provided Carlos with wisdom and encouragement, something that Carlos appreciated and would always be thankful for.
Unfortunately, time catches up and Carlos eventually had to return to Minnesota for school. He and the one he loved bid a mutual goodbye, an unspoken "Good luck with the future" upon them. And if you asked Carlos his favorite city, he'd say Boston. The city where he loved.
"Why I loved was because of a friend of mine who passed away."
Carlos remembers the words that were spoken to him like it was yesterday. After his friend was diagnosed, he had confided in Carlos that death wasn't what saddened him the most. He was full of grief over a simple thing. A simple thing called love. He had never truly fallen in love. Carlos remembers him repaying over the fact that he would never get the opportunity to feel all the emotions that came with love. From anguish and hurt, to euphoria and bliss. Before he had passed, his last words would forever echo in Carlos' head. He told Carlos to strive for love and to never let a broken heart keep him from searching. If you are capable of having such feelings for another person, you were a lucky one.
Carlos learned from him that the best thing about in love is the rush of having so many emotions at once. It's how you surprise yourself when you care so much for someone and you can't begin to fathom a life without them.
Logan looks at him differently, but it's with the same eyes that Carlos fell in love with.
"I understand now." Logan says, still absorbing the story Carlos had told him.
Carlos smiles slightly, tilting his head. "You're the sixth."
"The sixth," Logan thinks a moment, then intertwines Carlos' hands with his. "Which one and I then?"
"All of them."
Logan's eyes well with unexpected tears as he lets out a laugh that sounds like a cry.
"You're who I love," Carlos says, his gaze never leaving Logan's. "You're the guy that I thought could do so much better than me, but you chose me. You're what I love because you continue to bring out the best in me. When you look at me, I fall in love all over again because you're extraordinary. Why I love you is because you give me feelings that I've never felt before. I never truly understood the power of how strong emotions could really be. You have the ability to make me happy and want to cry all at once. I'd cross the globe with you, I'll go anywhere with you. I know that together we'll create so many more memories. I can't wait for them to come. So you, my dearest Logan, are the sixth. The last."
Logan lets out a muffled sob, overwhelmed by Carlos' love and if there wasn't a lump in his throat he'd express his love for Carlos as well. He places a hand on Carlos' cheek, caressing the skin gently.
"I love you," he says, connecting his lips to Carlos'. "So," kiss "much," kiss.
Logan all but tackles Carlos on the bed so they are now laying down, with Logan shifting to lay on his left side and stealing kisses from Carlos every so often. His body is pressed firmly to Carlos' figure, with his right leg in between Carlos' own legs to seek warmth. Carlos just chuckles at him before saying, "So," he raises a brow playfully at Logan. "Who did you love before me?"
Logan contemplates and smiles knowingly at Carlos, who is smiling in return.
"Who, what, when, where, why."