How it was supposed to be.
Disclaimer: No I don't own Veronica Mars. I'm just about lucky enough to own the box sets! Sorry.
Authors Note: So hey. This is my first story like ever. It's an idea that's been in my head for like a week now, so I figured I'd write it down. Or type it I suppose really. It might be like really, really, so if it is I'm sorry!! I don't have a beta I edited it all or whatever myself. Also I'm English so something's might sound and look a bit different cos where I'm from we have a funny accent and a weird way of speaking anyway. Sorry again! Anyways enjoy and please review!
Veronica sat in her car outside her apartment, having just come home from the scrap yard. Weevil's parting words ringing in her ears.
"You're going soft Mars!"
She hadn't answered him. What was there to say? She couldn't deny it. She couldn't even believe it herself. In high school, the place where Madison had been at her worst to Veronica, she would have done almost anything for the chance to have her car cubed. Now, not even a year later, she was turning that down. Why? Maybe I'm finally growing up and becoming a mature adult.
Pff. Mature adult. A small voice in the back of her head sang. I don't think so. A mature adult would have accepted what Logan said. He didn't do it to hurt you and he does love you. A mature adult would have accepted that and forgiven him. You however walked out and told him you couldn't get over this. Hardly what a mature adult would do, don't ya think?
Veronica growled. She hated that voice. The voice that always forced its way through whenever anything with Logan was happening. Told her to forgive him, learn to trust him and love him. Veronica refused to listen to it though. She learned long ago not to trust, love or forgive people. The only person she did that for now was her dad. He was the only one who really deserved it. "And maybe Wallace and Mac too." She thought. "And Logan of course" the voice sang again. Veronica sighed and ran her hand through her hair as she looked in the mirror. She had decided years ago that it was easier to survive if you were hard and cynical. The moment she had snipped off her long blonde locks in a fit of rage was when she had determined that she was not going to let anyone in. If you didn't let anyone in, no one could hurt you. That was her theory and it had worked. For a while anyway. She had gone back to school, two weeks later and fought back, for the first time in her life. Lilly would have been proud. For a whole year she managed to keep it up. Never let anyone in. Until of course she went and got herself kidnapped – well sort of - and Logan had come to her rescue and from there everything had gone wrong. Though she and Logan had been getting on…better before 'that day', she was still closed off and untouchable. Then they'd kissed. And the voice had arrived. And from that day on, no matter how hard she tried she couldn't get rid of it.
Logically she knew that she didn't want to get rid of it. Deep down she understood that the only time the voice would really go was if he did too. Not go, as in go on holiday. Go, as in gone forever. And no matter what she had said or would go on to say that wasn't something she ever wanted. Not even now after he had done…this. In her heart Veronica knew she loved him. Knew she trusted him and didn't want to lose him. But then again when did ever let herself acknowledge her heart existed, let alone allow herself to think with it. She got out of her car and shut the door before leaning her head on the cool pane of glass.
No matter how strong any of her feelings had been in any of the times they had tried a relationship she had never let herself think with her heart. Turning to walk towards her door she thought to herself the reason why.
Easy answer. I don't love him.
True answer. I'm scared to love him. Or scared to admit it or show it at least.
In the past whenever Veronica loved someone, they left. Lilly, her mom, Duncan – the first time -. She had never shown Logan that she really loved him. But he had never left. It was a stupid way of reasoning and she knew it, but surely, he was still here so in a way it was kind of working.
Yeah, course its working. He may not of left, but he's not with you is he. And you're still hurting. So is he. Do you really want to lose him over Madison Sinclair?
Veronica stopped in front of her front door and stared at herself in the reflection. She looked awful. Her hair was messy. Her eyes were tired. She looked miserable. And she felt it to. As she went inside her dad was washing up. He looked over at her and immediately put down the cloth and plate.
"Oh, honey, you look terrible. Are you ok?"
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes.
"Dad, do you think it's bad to be scared of loving someone?"
"This is about Logan isn't it?"
She stared up at him, not knowing what to say.
"Sweetheart, sit down. Now I know the two of you, have had more than your fair share of problems and lord knows what the boy has done now. But he clearly loves you and I know you love him. Even if you find it hard to admit that. I don't think it's bad to be scared of loving someone. I think at one time we're all scared to love someone. It such as a big thing. But sweetheart. If you went through life being scared to do things you'd get nowhere. And I know you're not a get nowhere kind of girl. Personally, whilst I've never really liked Logan and thought him an appalling choice of boyfriend, I cannot doubt how much he really loves you and the lengths he'd go to for you. I saw that the night you were drugged. He was so scared. What I'm trying to say Veronica, is that whilst I accept that Logan has probably hurt you, I doubt he did it intentionally. He would never do that. And I know that you're scared of getting hurt, but are you really willing to risk never being with Logan if order to keep your fears from happening. Just think about it dear. I'm going to bed. If you go out, lock the door and leave a note."
With that Keith kissed her forehead and walked to his room with a knowing smile on his face.
Veronica sank back on the sofa cushions, thinking over what her dad had said. She knew he was right. She did love Logan and he would never hurt her intentionally. Thoughts of Madison filled her head. Thoughts of her on top of Logan, underneath Logan. Veronica took a deep breath. Thinking sensibly she knew that Logan had not slept with Madison to make her upset. She understood the reason he hadn't told her. She wouldn't have taken it well. She remembered conversations with him back in high school. He had hated her almost as much as she had. Then why had he done it? Maybe he was drunk and didn't realise. Yes! That was it. It had to be. Logan had mentioned when she asked about Aspen, that he had spent the entire time in an alcoholic induced haze. That was it. He was drunk and Madison took of advantage when he didn't realise. So if he was drunk and unwilling that could also mean that it had not in any way been like she had been imagining in her head. At least I hope not. With a more positive idea in her head Veronica stood her mind made up. Her dad was right he hadn't done this to hurt her and she wasn't going to let Madison Sinclair stand in the way of her being happy.
Grabbing her car keys she rushed out of the door.
Veronica stood in front of the door to the Presidential Suite biting her lip. On the way here, the nerves had kicked in and now she was debating whether or not it was actually a good idea. As she raised her hand to knock for the fifth time, a large man stumbled into her and knocked her down as the stranger fell on top of her. Veronica began to struggle feeling trapped and slightly claustrophobic under the large weight.
"Get off, you stupid idiot."
"Alright, Jesus Christ calm down!"
"Dick?" "Ronnie." Oh dear god.
"What are you doing here Veronica? What more can you possibly do. He's already sad enough. Just leave him alone!" The words were slurred and Veronica realised he was drunk. They finally untangled themselves and stood and Veronica went to knock again.
"Do you really think that's a good idea?" Dick sounded surprisingly sincere.
"Maybe. Maybe not. But I need to have this conversation. I can't go on like this." Might as well be brutally honest. It's not as if he'll remember in the morning.
"Fine. But I'd just use your card. He won't bother to come to the door.
With that Dick wandered off in another direction evidently not keen to be around at this particular time. She slipped her key card out of her bag and into the slit. It clicked open automatically. She stepped cautiously inside and put her bag gently on the table next to the door. It was quiet and no one seemed to be around. She headed straight to Logan's bedroom door, knowing that was where he would be. She opened the door quietly and slipped her head in. He was lying on the bed. Flat on his back, staring silently up at the ceiling. Glancing around, Veronica could see countless bottles of vodka, whisky, rum and had to refrain herself from sighing. She was surprised to find she was not frustrated at him for turning to alcohol but with herself for being such a bitch that she was forcing him to do just that. See if it isn't mature to admit that. I don't know what is.
"Logan" she whispered. His head snapped towards her immediately and she heard his sharp intake of breath.
"Veronica?" she could tell he was having trouble deciding whether or not she was real or a hallucination. She wasn't surprised with the amount of drink he'd had.
Instead of answering she walked to the bed and sat next to him, taking his hand.
"We need to talk"
"We already broke up remember. You don't really need to say that. I get the general idea." The bitterness in his voice was easily recognizable and she instantly felt bad.
"I know, but how about we talk when I'm not being a hysterical, cynical, harsh bitch!"
He looked at her with a questioning look in his eye.
"Logan, I have to know what happened that night in Aspen. What really happened. I know it's stupid and weird but to get over it I need to know. And I want to get over it. I need to get over it, I have to know. I have to know it's not what I made in out in my head. I have to stop this constant slideshow of scenes in my mind. Please?"
He looked down and opened his mouth but not sound came out. Veronica had a feeling she knew why.
"Logan. I know its going to hurt. But I'm ok. Really I just have to know. Please. Just tell me" He nodded slowly and turned to face her.
"Me and Dick were down in Aspen with a bunch of the guys from high school and I think Dick said she was down here with her family or something. I dunno, I didn't pay her much attention. I spent most of my time getting drunk and wishing I was with you. One night I got majorly pissed and Luke told me to go back to my room so I went. She got in the same elevator as me and I just ignored her. When I went to get out she started talking to me and followed me back to my room. I opened the door and told her in no polite way to get lost but I dunno, she must have stopped the door or something cos when I turned around like a minute later she was standing there. I just ignored her and grabbed another bottle of vodka. All I remember after that is collapsing on the bed and puking in the toilet. I don't even remember seeing her again until the next morning, and to be honest I'm not entirely sure how I managed to even, uh, well you know, get it up. Anyways when I woke up the next morning she was laying next to me. She started cuddling up to me and kissing me so I told her to fuck off. She turned around and said that 'you didn't say that last night', cliché I know. She claimed we had sex for hours and how amazing it was. But seeing as I know I left the bar after 4 and it was only 7 and it must have been at least an hour before I passed out, if it did happen it can't have gone on for that long. Anyway I chucked her out and spent the rest of the morning throwing up. We weren't s'posed to leave for another week, but I flew home the next day. I couldn't stand being there knowing I had done that." He said his entire speech in a monotone, staring at his hands as they pulled at the sleeves of his pyjama top. As she sat in silence now, he looked nervous, waiting for her reaction.
Gently she took his hand. "Logan I'm sorry" his head shot first to their hands intertwined to her face a hopeful but guarded expression gracing his features.
"Veronica? Why are you sorry? I'm sorry. So sorry. Really I am I shouldn't have-"
"-Gotten drunk. That's hardly a crime. I don't blame you Logan. Not anymore. I'm sorry I ever did." She held up her hand when he tried to interrupt indicating she had something she wanted to say. "I'm sorry I act like such a bitch and am such a horrible girlfriend. It wasn't until today that I realised I even did act this way. And it's not an excuse, but I think I know why. Everyone I admit to loving and needing leaves me. And I don't want the same to happen with you. But I don't think it will. Everyone else was always so worried about themselves, but you don't. You do stupid things and act irrationally cos you worry about me and no one but my dad has done that before. I know I'm really hard on you and make you feel like you need to measure up to something that's nearly impossible. But I don't want you to. I want you to be you. I know you're gonna mess up, cos everyone does, even me and I'm ok with that. As long as you're ok with the fact that I'm probably still gonna be a bitch occasionally." She took a deep breath and looked at his face. It was lit up with happiness and love. She smiled at him and he full on beamed back.
"Are you kidding? Your bitchiness is something I love about you. Always have. Always will. And Veronica, I promise I'll try harder. I'll do better. I just love you so much, I can't even think straight sometimes!"
"I know. You don't have to try any harder. You're amazing as you are now. I think I'm the problem."
"No, no, no, no, no. Your not. I get all your reasons for being closed off, even if it does annoy me sometimes. We both cause problems. I know I'm too overprotective. I just can't stand to think off anything happening to you. You're my everything, you're all I really have" she could see tears in his eyes and knew that she was no different. She wrapped her arms around him. Burying her head in his shoulder. Inhaling his scent. It was so delicious.
"I love you" He pulled back immediately shock evident on his face. She gently held his chin in her hand and looked him straight in the eye.
"I love you. More than anything. I know I haven't said it before and I should have. But I do. You mean everything to me to. I'm sorry for everything and I forgive you for everything and I want us to be together. Probably. No hiding things, no running off. No nothing. You and me. For real!"
He stared at her for a full minute, before finally shaking his head to indicate he didn't know what to say and pulled her towards him. They began to kiss like there was no tomorrow and it quickly turned more and more passion filled by the second. Though it had been only days, it felt like longer and both were desperate to really feel each. Clothes quickly fell off and onto the floor, the whole time their lips never leaving one another. Their lovemaking was long and slow with each getting to know the other as if it had been years. When both of them were finally too exhausted to carry on, they fell back onto the bed. Veronica instinctively cuddled into Logan's side. His smile was small but full of love as he stared down at her and cradled her protectively to his body. Before long they were both asleep. Bodies entwined together, the two lovers slept peacefully with happy, relaxed dreams for the first time in a while.
So there it is my first official story. Please review. Please, please, please…..please!
Lol. Thanks for reading.
Umm. I don't know whether or not I want to continue this story or leave it as a oneshot. I'd like to know what everyone thinks so if you could let me know if you think I should continue it or leave it as it is that would be great! Please…again!
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