It hadn't been done...so I had to make one. Here is the so-called "story" of Oliver Wood and Nymphoria (sp?)...well, Tonks. One-shot. The only reason I'm doing this is b/c it's very late, and I'm very bored, and feel like writing...but no slash. Three words: Just Plain Nasty. Sometimes, though, they can be funny to read...lol. Here it is. I don't own HP. (This was my disclaimer, btw, so FF.net can't come and put me in cuffs now. Haha.)

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As the rain came down in a soft drizzle around the grey outdoor world, {haha, all my stories begin with rain! Er..sorry. Just had to get that out of my system. Alrighty.} Oliver wood stared out the window in the Gryffindor common room.

"Damnit!"

"Rain again, Oliver?"

"No Lee, snow. Honestly, your stupidity never fails to amaze me...." he made to grab his broom, then had his hand grabbed violently by Jordan. He stared at his friend like he'd gone mad.

"Oh, damn, just let go! What's with you today? Why so jumpy?"

{awkwardly}"You can't ...um, practice Quidditch...today. Too much rain...not sure your broom can handle it..."

"How long have I been playing, Lee? Let's hear it?...that's right. And in worse conditions than this...WAIT! WAIT JUST ONE BLOODY MINUTE!! You want my broom!" Lee fingered his hat {don't even ask where it came from, let's assume he pulled it out of thin air, okay people??!!}nervously. Oliver was staring at him with that penetrating look of someone trying to figure him out...then he hit it, and a sly grin spread over his face.

"You're trying to impress someone, must be, Lee? Right?! I know it. What other explanation is there? You think if they see you fly they'll all be lining up for your picture...So who's the unfortunate lady who's been branded with your secret obsessatory {we'll call that a word} feelings?"

"No...no one! Just never the hell mind!"

"Well fine, you can come watch me practice, at least..." They headed outside, where it was still raining. {Obviously it was still raining, I mean, it isn't like they live in Cleveland or someplace... ;)}

Lee sat down on the damp lawn and watched his friend circle around the field several times on his Comet 2-60. {I don't remember what kind he has, but I know it isn't very good, not like Harry's anyway, so he's stuck with the Comet.} After awhile, he grew tired of waiting, and jumped up when he checked his watch-

"Don't pretend, you airhead. You haven't got a watch on."

"Have too!"

"Have not!"

"Too!"

"Not!"

"TOO!"

"NOT!"

"HAVE...FRICKING...TOO!!"

"HAVE...FUCKING...NOT!!"{Sorry for the language there, people, they probably wouldn't talk that way really...but there's a reason (amongst others) this has above a G-rating. Back to the quarrell now.}

Lee paused, and caught a glimpse of something flying high above the treetops. It looked like a very beat-up broom, carrying a single passenger, along with some luggage. A spot of hot pink could be seen on what looked like the head of a passenger. But wait-pink hair? {thought Olive-y....}

"Who.The.Bloody.Hell." said he, in a sort of tuned-out/wasted voice. He remained frozen to the spot, while his friend licked both hands and smoothed his hair, running his fingers all through it. Oliver turned to him.

"You're fighting a losing battle there, dear..." {Yep, took that quote from Book Three...pretty sad I can remember almost every line...considering I've read it obsessively...it's also highly doubt-able Oliver would call another guy 'dear', so...} As the pink-haired rider drew nearer, {wonder who it is?! -sarcasm-} Oliver squinted, to get a better look, while Lee ran up to greet her.

"Here, I'll carry those, Tonks..."

"OUCH!! Crap, Lee, you're no better than me with holding onto things....I'll get em'." She grabbed her bags off her now-swelling foor. Lee blushed-{no, wait. Turned redder than Ron Weasley. Now there's a metaphor...is THAT what you call them?} Now that the woman had dismounted the broom, Oliver could tell why Lee was making such an effort to impress. She was beautiful, with spiky pink hair, {etc, etc...I'm getting dreadful tired, so I'm gonna have to cut the details short. You know Tonks, anyway. So.} Tonks turned to see Wood. Their eyes met, and a beautiful, beautiful thing happened....they found love, they found each other. Lee gestured toward Oliver.

"Tonks, meet Oliver....Oliver, Tonks. She's going to be-"

"For goodness' sake, Lee, I think I can introduce myself...here, you CAN carry these now..." she shoved her luggage at him ungratefully. Lee looked rather taken aback, and made a rude gesture to Wood behind the lady's back. Wood ignored it, and listened to Tonks.

"I'll be teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts." {Why the hell did I capitalize that? I'm tired!!!}

"That's very...great. We could use someone capable around here..." Not quite sure what he meant by 'capable', and growing suspicious of his friend, Lee dropped the luggage and came to Tonks's rescue.

"Tonks here is a very good teacher for DADA...she is an Auror...."

"Damnit boy, I thought I asked you to carry my luggage!"

"Right, I'll get on it..."

"'Better, or else I'll get on your record...remember, your grades will be in MY hands now...." She turned back to Oliver and they picked up conversation, though Lee was too absorbed in muttering to himself to listen to them.

'Tonks was never like this before....I was her friend...why's she treating me like she's my evil stepmum?' {Had to throw in Cinderella there. Dunno why.} Then he found the answer-it hit him SMACK! in the forehead! Literally, it did....on his way back up to the castle, while escorting the lovely Tonks, Oliver 'accidently' let go of a branch, leaving it swinging behind him, as well as a large purple lump on Lee's head.

'Bloody bastard....it's him! All his fault! He'll pay....we'll see.....MUAHAHAHAHAHA!' - A/N. Yeah. Well there you go. It was just bugging me that no one took the time to write a fic about these two, and other than that, I have no idea how this came to me. Oh well. What will Lee do to Wood? And what will Wood and Tonks do?? I've really no particular idea yet, so their fate rests in your hands-or reviews, rather. So do so, please. Tell me what to do with these people...and I promise to update it on some other weekend when I'm too frickin' awake at this hour to make sense of anything...point being, review. But not the story, I mean...b/c I know it sucks, like I said, I've done better....one shot....but I will continue the story, if so you all choose. Lemme know! Thanks a lot. :) Also, I know Oliver isn't in school now, but we'll say he is for the time being. And it doesn't necessarily have to be Tonks/Wood, so...REVIEW!!