The silence was the first thing I noticed.
The very first thing.
Silence. Pressing down on my eardrums. Pressing down on me.
I scream, fumble through my drawers for my iPod. I find it, pull it out. Hastily throw in the earphones. I choose the first song that I find, anything to get rid of the silence…
I find myself falling to my knees, the words washing around in my head, a broken lullaby. I'm in an ocean of pain. Can't find the surface….where's the surface?
"Where's the surface?!" I scream.
There's no answer.
Only silence.
I clamp my hands over my mouth, trying to stifle the screeching noises coming from it, but I can't stop the cries from coming.
I turn the volume up all the way, cranking it till my eardrums threaten upsurge.
His smile. His eyes. His hands. His hair. His everything, its everywhere, and I can't breathe…I can't breathe…
The screams won't stop coming and I'm rocking back in forth, tears streaming down my cheeks. Blindly, I throw open my drawer, throwing out articles of clothing that I wouldn't be able to tell anyone the name of had they asked. I fumble around in the drawer, unable to see; the tears cloak my vision.
A lance of pain through my fingertips—I've found it. My hand closes around it, so tight it cuts through the skin on my palm. Without a moments hesitation, riding the end of an ear-splitting scream, right at the climax of the song, the blade makes contact with my wrist.
And again.
And again.
Slowly, the screams dwindle in volume, and finally stop.
Slowly, slowly.
The blood…its running down my arms…it's everywhere…
"It's everywhere," I whisper, the tears cutting blurred paths down my cheeks.
It's everywhere….