Disclaimer: I own Nothing! Nothing I tell you!
Summary: this has no plot. It is random and stupid and pointless. I am on a sugar high. Does that tell you all you need to know?
Who killed Lord Vetinari?
Lord Vetinari sat in his office and twiddled his thumbs. He was dead. But no one had told him. Suddenly the auditors appeared.
Why is he still moving, said one.
Maybe he is a ghost, said another.
I think he's too solid to be a ghost, said a third.
You said I, said the second one.
Oh- damn, said the third and disappeared.
"Excuse me!" said Vetinari. "but would you –er, gentleman please tell me what is going on. AND WHAT YOU ARE DOING IN MY OFFICE!?" he bellowed.
That is none of your business, said an auditor and they all left, by changing reality so they were somewhere else, or possibly nowhere at all. Only they know that.
Suddenly, Voldemort, Hermione, Draco, Neville, Cimorene, Shiara, Telemain, Artemis, Juliet, Foaly, Holly, and Death were in his office. Hermione screamed. Then Harry said "what are we doing here?"
King Kazul appeared. You are all here because I want you here. She said. She too could change reality so that she had spoken or rather change the story so that she had spoken because she was the author.
"Why do you want us here?" Hermione asked nervously.
King Kazul roared with evil laughter. "so that I can arrest you all." She said evilly. "that is my evil plot to overthrow the world, one character at a time. Now the charges. Let's see. Lord Vetinari you are under arrest for being dead. The jury?" two birds, a rabbit, six deer, fourteen cats, two dogs and seven squirrels appear. The room is filled with noise. "The...jury...has...proclaimed...you...guilty" King Kazul managed above the noise. "take him away!" two men in uniform appeared and dragged Vetinari away, kicking and screaming. Everyone else was arrested, Hermione for being an insufferable know-it-all, Draco for being incredibly hot, Voldemort for being evil, Cimorene for being a queen and not telling anyone (actually everyone), Neville for being an idiot, Shiara for being a useless fire-witch and rude as well, Telemain because nobody understood what he said in his defense, Artemis for being a naughty, naughty little boy, Juliet for attacking King Kazul when her back was turned, Holly for possession of an illegal weapon, Foaly for having four legs, and Death for being too skinny.