I own none of these great characters. Janet owns everything.

Disclaimer: I know this idea was already written by Abbi Grant called "Something to Talk About" (if you haven't read it, you should. It's frickin hilarious, though sadly incomplete) but I always wanted the scene in LMT where Steph and Lula blow up the house to finish differently. This month's challenge on another board was 'Something found in a pocket', so I figured ah, well, screw it. I want to write my own version. This starts with Ranger and Steph getting back to her apartment on page 105 hardback. I also took the liberty of making it slightly later in the day. Some of you will find this funny…some won't. 

Night Off-Part one

2:30 pm

We walked in the door of my apartment. I still had one handcuff on my wrist in case, according to Ranger, I got frisky again. I think he was just turned on by it. As for me, I was thoroughly enjoying my buzz. I hadn't done this in years.

"Why don't you go take a shower, Babe. You smell like a big pot leaf. I'll make some sandwiches."

I sighed. Just call him Buzz Kill Ranger. I presented him with my wrist to remove the handcuffs. He brushed up against me as he did so. He looked down.

"What's in your pocket, Babe?"

"I don't know. It feels like a big lump."

Ranger watched as I shoved my hand in my pocket and drew out the offending object. We both froze and Ranger broke out in a big grin

"Stockpiling?"

It was a huge pot bud.

"Oh my gosh! I have no idea how that got in there!" Ranger's grin widened. "No really! The last thing I remember about being in the house was Lula stuffing her pockets." I stood there holding the pot. I didn't know what to do with it. Ranger held out his hand.

"I'll go flush it."

I was frozen, staring at the pot. I couldn't seem to make my body work. If I wasn't still stoned, things might have gone differently. I would have handed it over and we would have gone about our day. But today was a happy day. And suddenly, I was feeling extremely protective of my newly found treasure. In fact, it was calling to me. Steeeephaniiiieeee. Smoke me! Just a little bit!

I snatched my hand away from Ranger. "Yeah, I don't think so. I think I'll hang on to this a little while. You never know."

"Babe, what are you doing?" I was staring at the pot. I'm not sure what I was doing at the moment, but I suddenly knew what I would be doing. I was going to smoke it. And then I was going to order pizza. And then I was going to smoke a little more of it. Come to think of it, this was the greatest day ever!

Ranger was smiling openly at me. He shook his head. Damn, he was hot. He was just so uptight. Way too uptight. He looked like he could use a night off. In fact, he should smoke this with me. We could eat pizza and hang out. Have some laughs.

I grinned at him as I thought this and Ranger started looking wary. He looked from the pot to me. The only thing in my mind is that, beyond a shadow of a doubt, no matter what else happened today, Ranger HAD to smoke pot with me. It was essential. I just wasn't sure what it was essential to.

"So what are you doing today?" I was going for casual.

"I have a meeting in 30 minutes."

"And after that?"

Ranger was looking more wary. "I have paperwork and then I was going to work on the Zabar case. Why?"

"How important is your meeting?"

"Medium. What's up, Steph?"

"Call and cancel your meeting. I have the greatest idea in the entire world. I mean, you don't understand how good this idea is. It's like, fate has delivered this idea to us and we will be smited if we don't do this."

Ranger was smiling. He had a little worry crease in between his eyes. "Alright, let's hear it before you burst something."

"Ranger." I extended my arms toward him for effect. "You are going to stay here and……get stoned with me!" Somewhere in my sentence I had started jumping up and down.

He exhaled with a quiet "huh!"

"No."

"I knew you were going to say that. Ranger, you HAVE to do this. Come on, this is the best day ever! Please!!! Please please please please!" I had wrapped myself around him and was holding on for dear life. I concentrated as intensely as I could to bend Ranger to my will.

"Are you serious? You are really going to sit here and smoke pot all day?"

"I was going to eat, too."

Ranger barked out a laugh and pulled away. "Stephanie, I haven't done this in ten years."

"I know. Maybe it will make you so smart you'll figure out all your cases. You know, like a superpower. Except you already have one. Ranger! You have got to tell me your superpower!"

"Babe. It doesn't exactly work that way. I can't just take the night off. I have several cases that need my attention. And besides, you don't have any of the necessary paraphernalia to make this work."

Suddenly, I knew the answer to this problem. I ran and put my little precious doobage in a baggie and then I ran to my bedroom closet. Ranger followed slowly. I was already up on a chair trying to drag a box down from my top shelf when he walked in.

"Are you trying to tempt me with sex toys?"

"Will it work?"

"Maybe."

"That will be my last resort. I know he's in here somewhere."

"What are you trying to find?"

"Billy."

I was digging with earnest. Every fiber of my being attuned to my mission. At last I found it and pulled the colored glass out for Ranger.

"Billy Bong! Oh, Billy, I haven't seen you since college!" I was starting to get choked up.

Ranger was simply looking at me. He looked incredulous and tender at the same time. I knew I had him.

"Please Ranger? We could have so much fun! Your cases will still be here tomorrow."

He kept looking at me and the incredulous was fading. He shook his head and I think I heard him mutter "fuck" as he pulled out his phone.

"Santos, can you handle the 3:00 meeting with Piriano? Good. I'll be offline for the rest of the night. I don't want to hear from you." He looked at me as he said the last part. I was laughing and bouncing up and down. Billy bounced with me.

"Look Ranger! Billy's excited!"

"Babe, I will do this under two conditions. One, you tell no one. Two, you do not refer to your bong as being alive. Now go take a shower. I'll get us set up."

"You will still be here when I get out, right?"

"Yes. I can't believe it, but I will."

"Are you sure? I would be so sad if you left!"

"Babe!"

In the end I made him sit outside the bathroom and talk to me because I was convinced he was going to bolt. Even then I kept sticking my head out to make sure he was still there. When I got out, he had everything set up. He'd taken off his jacket and kicked off his shoes.

"Okay, Steph. You asked for it."

TBC…