DISCLAIMER: All Joss', I'm poor.
Remember that look Spike and Xander shared in Season 7 when someone asked who else had slept with whom amongst the Scoobies? Here's why.
It all was the construction guys' fault.
Xander was eighteen, he wasn't supposed to drink, let alone drink that much. But it had been his first adult strictly guys only outing, and most of them were well over twenty one. They'd thought they had been doing Xander a favor, buying him round after round of beer.
The vodka shots had probably been too much.
On the other hand, it was all Spike's fault. It was Xander's (parents') basement, he should be effing grateful he wasn't out on his pasty white ass burning under the sun. No, instead, Spike didn't shut up about how shitty it all was, especially his chair.
Xander thought it was a perfectly comfortable chair. He had fallen asleep on that chair many times. Why Spike would forgo it for Xander's bed, he couldn't understand.
It had all been the little wanker's fault.
He was a child, barely more than, and in this stupid country, children like him weren't allowed a proper drink (get married, vote, go to war- that, they were old enough for), so in addition of being a little wanker, he was also a lightweight, getting drunk from a few rounds of piss poor american beer and a couple shots of watered down vodka.
And it was a logical thing- a perfectly logical thing- to expect that if he was out 'till all hours, his bed would get some use. Why would anybody on their right mind sleep in a sodding chair- a CHAIR- when there was a perfectly comfy empty bed right next to it?
The logical thing would be throw out the bed snatcher the moment he came home, right?
But the little wanker had problems with logic.
It was the first time in weeks Spike had woken up on a bed. It was a nice bed, he thought, his eyes still closed. Comfy bed. Warm bed.
Wait, warm? Was this like that time in Prague he'd fallen asleep far too close to the radiator?
No, he realized. It was a body. An alive body. Heart beating, breathing, warm, live body.
Spike's mind, for some inexplicable reason, went straight to the Slayer. Her blonde hair, her perky little breasts, her warm body writhing beneath his one of those times he'd managed to get on top of her.
Spike burrowed on the bed, and that was when he felt it. Something hard poking his lower back.
'HARRIS!' he growled, the demon's fa ade manifesting, and they both jumped out of the bed, the little wanker terrified, yelping like a little girl.
'Spike!' he responded, fear palpable on his face, and then relaxed. 'The chip! You can't hurt me.'
'Believe me, I'm gonna find a way' he growled again. 'You were forking me!'
At least he had the decency to look a little green.
'I wasn't!'he said, looking down at his crotch. Spike averted his eyes as Xander's hands rushed to cover the very obvious tent on his pants. 'It's-it's-it's morning, it's-'
'I know what it is! Why the bleeding hells did you get into bed with me at all?'
'It's MY bed! What were you doing in it?!'
'You were out! It was late! You were supposed to throw me out of it, not get in with me!'
'I didn't!' he swore, looking greener. 'I must've been too, too-'
He turned around, his hands on his mouth, and he rushed to the sink, where he promptly turned out the entire contents of his stomach.
'My sentiments exactly' Spike said when Xander was done gagging.
'...too drunk' Xander finished his sentence.
'Yeah, I gathered. You know I would've twisted your head off for this, if it wasn't for the chip, right?'
Xander threw up some more. Once had been reassuring, but now Spike was starting to feel insulted.
'No one' Xander said weakly, still bent over sink. 'can ever hear about this.'
'What, you think I'm barmy? Never ever' Spike swore.
'Never ever ever' Xander insisted. 'I don't care what happens. I don't care if you lose the chip, if you go extra evil or if you get a soul.'
'Like that would ever happen' Spike snorted.
'We will never say a word' Xander turned the water on to wash his mouth.
'This never even happened' Spike said, sitting down on his chair. 'I'm repressing right now.'
'Never happened' Xander agreed.
'You ever say a word and I kill you' Spike added, for good measure.
'You ever say a word and I stake you' Xander said, and his eyes went big and round immediately after. 'I mean stake you with wood!'
Spike lifted an eyebrow.
'In the heart! With one of this!' Xander looked for a stake and couldn't see any. 'I swear I had one in my pants!'
Xander looked so horrified at his own words, there was only one thing Spike could do.
He burst out laughing.
Thank you for reading.