My name is Bell Black. Make no mistake, because I never do. Yes, that's Bell like the Liberty Bell, and Black as in Nate and Caitlyn Black. My parents have been dubbed People Magazines' Most Romantic Couple of All Time, twice, which is kinda impossible since it's supposed to be ALL TIME. I've been famous since the day I was born, beating out Shiloh for cutest, and Suri for best dressed. People tell me all the time that I'm a chip off the old block, and one day, I'll be destined for greatness just like my parents.
And yes, my whole life has been destined for success. I'm going to be the best ballroom dancer in the world. This year, I'm going to master Latin dancing, like the rumba or salsa. This year, my partner Maksim and I are headed to nationals. I love everything about dance. I love the glittery outfits and I love the way they swish around when I'm dancing. I love the beat of the music. I love the intensity and passion in every move. Dancing is my passion, just like producing is my mom's passion and singing is my dad's. Naturally, I have rhythm in every bone of my body because of my parents.
My family makes these weird goals. My mom's is to lose 5 pounds, even though my dad constantly tells her she's beautiful. And she is. She has curly brown hair naturally, but she likes it straight. But since she's a pushover for my dad, she curls it cause her "Natey" likes it. Blech. I think I just puked a bit in my mouth. My mom is not the glam Marilyn Monroe or Angelina Jolie beautiful. She has the kind of beauty where it is so overwhelming you have to step back and enjoy the view. You have to look a while before it finally hits you. According to my dad, that's the best kind of beautiful.
My mom is pretty crazy, that's where I get my spontaneity from I guess. She used to wear lime green shirts, I'm not joking, I swear. I have the pictures to prove it. Of course these days, she doesn't wear skin tight neon clothing anymore (She's 36, for God's sake). Thank the lord and any other divine being. But the eternal style icon Caitlyn Black still lives. My mom is a trendsetter, who makes a statement in everything she does.
My dad is a lot more mellow than my mom. They balance each other well. They're like peanut butter and jelly. The result is a yummy sandwich, or a Bell! Both my parents are retired and haven't "been in the business" for a long time. They quit before I was born. Instead, my mom stays at home, and my dad teaches music classes to underprivileged kids at the local community center. I think that's a bit of an oxymoron, because there are no underprivileged kids in Bel-Air, just rich ones whose divorced plastic-surgery addicted moms want to meet the legendary and "super-hot" Nate Black. Once again, blech.
My dad is so laid back he could be mistaken for a stoner or a really tired dude. When he does raise his voice, it's because I did something stupid or someone else did. Usually me. Ha. Of course, my parents love me, because they love each other. They met at this Camp Rock they both went to at the turn of the century. It was a camp for musically talented people. They glanced at each other over smores and the rest was history. At least that's what they tell me.
Every year, they urge me to go. They're like "Bell! That's where we met! Magic happens there! And you're soooo talented. I'm sure Maksim will let you skip practice for a month". First of all, magic doesn't happen, horny teenagers do. Second of all, since I'm so talented, why do I have to go? And lastly, Camp Rock is a camp for music, not dancing. There's a difference. Dancing is a way of life. It's an interpretation of music.
Anyway, I'll stop talking about my lovey-dovey parents, whom still at 36, act like teenagers. They treat me like a baby, as if they were any more mature. My aunt Mitchie says it's cause I'm the only child. But I don't think my aunt Mitchie is qualified to say anything on the topic of children because she doesn't have any.
Now onto the fame aspect of my life. It's been 15 years since my parents were at the top of the A-list, in the height of the action. Because of me, they don't really do anything celebrity like except go to a few awards shows a year. But my parents aren't D-listers, like Hulk Hogan, who is STILL alive. They're more of quiet A-listers. They were very smart on how to retire. They went out with a bang, so they seem legendary. Other stupid old celebrities left with a scandal, like Miley Cyrus, who is seen as a skank bitch ho. My mother's words, not mine. My mom's not a fan of Miley Cyrus, because she used to go out with my dad.
The occasional paparazzi hang around our house, hoping that if they harass us enough, my parents will go back to recording. They have 15 Grammys between them. It's in the Fame room of our house. That's where all the magazine covers, trophies, and articles are organized. My mom obviously has nothing to do with her life but organize.
But most magazines have learned to lay off on me. My parents will turn into pit vipers if they write anything about me. They feel the need to protect me, whatever. Unlike Suri and Shiloh, I am not an attention whore. I like my dainty life as it is with my best friend, Evelyn. Evelyn's parents work behind the scenes of celebs, so she gets it without really getting it.
I love my life, however crazy it is. I love my crazy lovey-dovey parents. I 've almost learned to love the daily stalkers outside my house. Who else is there to prank with Eve? I'm Bell Black and my life is perfect, for now.