Here's a little story I wrote based off a skit I wrote a few days ago for a cosplay contest. I think it's funny, despite how gross it is and had a lot of fun getting up on stage with it. The character I was dressed up as was Tak, thus it's a monologue about Tak. This is my first Invader Zim story I'm posting and was written for your enjoyment and my entertainment.
Please let me know if there's anything that's misspelled or grammatically incorrect.
Warning: Contains too much smelly stuff and is rather gross. I would not recommend this for young children.
Tak vs. The Human Poop Demon
Tak walked down the halls of the elementary school Zim had stationed himself at. She noted how dark the building was. Everything was dreary and crude. All the classroom doors had windows, but those were covered with dull colors and could be considered scary enough for Halloween decorations. As she walked passed by doors, occasionally hearing a scream of fear or a scream of laughter, she stumbled upon a door that had a sign on it. It was the same as the one on Zim's front door.
Curious to see what would be behind a door with with that familiar sign on it, Tak pushed the door to the commonly visited human facility open. The first thing she noticed when she stepped in was the smell. It was a mix of human body excretions, most distinctly sweat, urine and feces, and excess energy from explosions and the like. Poop, surprising as it is to hear, is the second most common ingredient in the human's food supply. The first most common ingredient is corn. Tak was disgusted to hear this, but thought it explained why the creatures on this planet were so stupid – or at least it was a result of their stupidity.
"I wonder what this place is used for...?" Tak said out loud and glance around. "It sure is filthy!" Her voice came out calm and collected, like she was talking about the weather. She gagged at the smell and her eyes watered. Information about the room was logged into her pak for further investigation as she walked deeper in.
She saw that there were scuffed up sinks to her left. A brownish, gray murky substance splattered the surfaces and clogged the holes in the bottom. There looked to be a mix of human hair, dirt and some faded red stuff in it. Curiosity getting the better of her, she reached over and touched her finger into the center of it all.
"Ahhh!" She screeched at the top of her lungs, coming out to sound like nails on a chalk board, and pulled back as quick as she could. Her pak smacked against the opposite wall. A strange gray scuffed, white box was attached to the wall beside her, but it went ignored. She panted for a moment. "These people must live off acid!" Her finger was held close to her chest like it'd broken.
The murky stuff was all over the floor too! She hissed at it.
Moving on quickly, nano-bots being released from her pak to take care of her injured finger and to numb the pain. She turned to look further into the room. Her face twisted in disgust at the sight of the wall straight across from the front door. Her stomach churned in an unnatural way. She didn't usually react this way to exploded guts, but this was just nasty!
On the wall was what looked like the remains of some poor human. There were scorch marks, black petering out to gray in straight, splatter like lines. Mixed in, as if made with a stencil created by their art students, were brown streaks, highlighting it like details of art on display and glistening red at the center where is still moist. As a final touch, as if in effort to create a 3D effect, there were bits of bone, round and splinters, and organs that had been shredded splattered around the scorched wall.
Tak gasped and turned away, covering her human disgusted month with one hand that appeared human, but only had four digits. "That poor creature..."
There were three stalls lined up against each other opposite of the sinks. Tak frowned as she saw they had pictures and words of inferior human ideas. She read first, "I 'heart' POOP!" in big letters spread across the three doors. That made her cringe. In smaller letters there were things like, 'The Letter "M"-loves-Gretchen' and 'Zim and Dib fucked this stall!!!' Such horror! Her frown deepened as she read all the little things on the stalls. It turns out there was quite a number of 'gay' rumors going on about Zim and this Dib human.
Zim must be doing well on this planet to receive so many words on the children's walls for recording history. That must be what these walls are used for, record keeping, why else would they write what happens here, but to keep track of things. Judging by that wall over there it must be their sacrificial room as well...
"What's inside these stalls? More history, maybe?" Tak asked as she stepped forward. She reached out with an arm and pulled the door open. What she saw was pure horror! Nothing could have prepared her for this. "Oh my poor Irken eyes!" She stared with wide, scared eyes, one twitching lightly. Her fake human eyebrows shot up high and nose wrinkled between her eyes. Her jaw dropped and her lips curled in to try to close, in attempt to block out that horrible taste the stench created!
There was brown stuff spattered everywhere. It was all a mix of slim, chunks and oily liquids, splattered on the walls like something out of a blender with no lid. In the bowl attached to the floor there was a large green lump flouting in what appeared to be the same substance as earlier found in the sinks.
Tak gasped and turned. She slammed the door behind her, pressing her back against it. There was a mirror opposite from her and she saw herself panting and more fearful than she ever thought she'd be over a mess from another creature. It was just horrible!
"What a horrible monstrosity!"
She stayed there to catch her breath and retain enough self control to leave the room without making a fool of herself. Her eyes lingered to the floor. Out of the top corner of her eyes she saw it just before she felt it.
Slam!
Something behind the door she leaned against rushed against it making her bounce off it for a moment and come back down hard. A large drop of brown slush fell on her shoulder and ran down her front. "Eww!" She scowled at it. Her skin sizzled a little.
"No!" Tak screamed, strength she felt so common to having laced her voice giving her confidence that she needed. "You can't have my Squeedly Spooch!" A bit of anger came out. She braced herself against the door, hands pressed against the spray painted door and head turned as though she were talking to someone behind her. She glared at the door. Her feet slid against the floor dangerously, threatening to let her slip into the water below her. Standard issue invader boots were supposed to prevent that sort of thing! Damnit. She gritted her teeth and tried hard to not buckle under the pressure.
Creak...!
It pushed back against the door again, harder this time. Tak bounced against the door and hit her pak against a dent. There was no way the weight of her strength only could hold the door against the demon. As she bounced against the door again she spun around and pushed against it as best as she could. Her feet attempting to work for her, sliding and stepping up to keep up with her again and again even though she wasn't going anywhere as she pushed her body into a 45 degree angle with the door. Why couldn't she be taller!
The door busted off the hings and hit Tak in the face. Her disguise fizzed and stuttered, but stayed in place. She stumbled back, bumping into the sink. Her half healed finger, along with the rest of that hand and her other one, rubbed into the filthy water. Gasping in surprise Tak pulled back her pained hands and thrust them up in front of her face and chest for protection against the demon from inside the stall. Her eyes squinted shut waiting for impact.
Impact came - in the form of poop and slushy water. It splattered against her arm and burned through her disguised invader uniform. Excess mess slopped off on her and plopped to the floor with a sick slapping sound. The monstrous creature roared and stood there waving it's arms around in front of Tak, stupidly trying to attack her, but failing miserably. Chunks flew this way and that way.
Tak yelped at the pain and steeled her nerves enough to look at the creature. She'd never seen anything like it! It looked like mix of poop and slug. She saw a small green thing waving around on the top of the creature, attached by a thin string. There were little red bloody spots where it's eyes were supposed to be. There didn't appear to be any distinct shape or mold to it, but had extensions like arms and a head. It just held it's blob-like self together by sheer will. A hole under it's broken eyes opened, dripping brown stuff from it's upper lip to itself and the floor. A horrible screech worse than nails on a chalk board came out. Tak gasped and clamped her hands over her antennae. "Argh! It's a human poop demon!"
Tak watched for a moment between her arms as the thing flailed around. Deciding to take the shot, she reached behind her pulled out a lazer gun. Arm extended, body turning slightly to brace herself she shot at the creature three times. Each shot hit her mark and more poop sprayed around the place, even hitting the ceiling. Tak hissed as it landed on her shoulders and face. Her free hand reached up and brushed it off in disgust.
"Ugh..."
The creature didn't die. It slowed down and stared. Tak could see it was angry, even though she didn't understand how. There were no facial features to express such things! It continued to come after her, but this time it wasn't so blind. It's arm reached out to grab her.
Tak raised to her spider legs, lifting five feet into the air. "Have a taste of my spider legs, you horrible poop demon! Take that!" She shifted and one spider leg jumped forward and landed itself in the poop demon's head, coming through the back and hitting the stall behind it. Another shift and another spider leg came from the side, slicing though the creature's middle. Tak's hands made fists at her side and she grinned evilly at her victory.
Seconds later the poop monster melted into a puddle on the floor. It bubbled and popped. Chunks of harder poop floated to the surface. Human poop oils excreted around the rims. Gases escaped into the air making an even bigger smell of the place.
"Not so sloppy now, are you?" Tak gagged at the sight and smell. She walked her spider legs around the mess and let herself down by the front door. "Well, that was a horrible misadventure with a human poop monster..." She said in false cheerfulness. Stepping toward the door, her hand grabbed the door nob. "Just one more species on the Irken's dangerous species list. I'll send out a warning for other Irkens to prepare a fight against these horrible poop demons. At least I know how to kill them now." As she pulled the door open she stopped half way. A sloshy sound came from behind her.
Turning around, Tak saw the thing wasn't dead. Her eyes widened in horror and face drained of color. She didn't have time to react as it reached up and slapped her down to the ground. It sat on her. Her gurgled screams and thrashing only lasted a few seconds.