A/N: Hi. I know I haven't uploaded a story since January, so, here's one now! This one is kind of sad...or maybe it just makes you kinda...stressed for Austin. anyway...
It's still within the four years, but I've shortened the length that the two haven't talked to each other because four years is too long!
Credits to Laura (AUS10MOON on Twitter) for that idea about the high school reunion, and the sad scene that happens after that!
(skip this paragraph if you're not the "Guest" who reviewed my last story!) Also, sorry to add this here, but if you're the Guest from my blind!Austin story who asked for a third chapter, and you actually click into this story, I just wanted to say that I will not be adding a third chapter (that must have been obvious by the way I haven't come back until now xD), I kind of wanted it to be left up to your own imagination - I mean, how do you think Ally would've managed looking after Austin in his state? I imagined there'd be a few arguments, Austin's insecurities of him burdening her showing up, etc., but I'm worried I'll ruin it and make them break up again or something if I continue (also, I didn't want to ruin what I was already happy with, haha). But thank you for leaving that review on my story, it really made me smile! AHHH :D
oH YEAH, disclaimer: I don't own any recognisable characters mentioned in the story; they belong to their rightful owners.
Anyway, on with the story!
And I wonder if you miss me too
Summary: Austin's thoughts during the "four" years apart from Ally and his reaction when he finally sees her again.
With Austin's worldwide tour and Ally studying at Harvard, they know there'll be barely any time to see each other. At least not physically.
Despite spending that one week celebrating as many holidays and special events as they possibly can, it's not enough. It all went by so quickly, and now they're going to be far apart from each other.
They make promises to keep in contact. Ally, being her organised self, had managed to find the best times for them to contact each other – even with their hectic schedules.
He realises how busy Ally will be with her studies, but they can make things work, can't they? The blond admits that he may be slightly intimidated by the intelligence of those attending the college, but he knows that he can trust her not to fall for some other Harvard guy.
He's not going to let some prestigious college get in the way of their relationship.
For the first two months, they speak for long hours over the phone, even fit in some video messaging, at least three times a week.
He believes that perhaps this time, they'll be able to maintain a long distance relationship – because unlike last time, they were just teens, and they hadn't been one-hundred percent sure about each other's feelings, nor which direction they would be heading.
But they're adults now, they definitely know how they feel about each other, and something like distance cannot separate their hearts, right?
They'll be fine.
Another month goes by, and this is where things start to become messy.
He's still touring in the country, and the night Austin performs in Boston – which as far as he knows, isn't too far from her dorm, maybe only half an hour away – he's excited that he'll finally see her. She'd promised that she'd be able to make it. She's also sending him off at the airport when he leaves Massachusetts, so that's great too.
It's currently lunch time, and Austin's in his hotel room, opening up his laptop to answer a video call from Ally.
"Ally!" He calls excitedly, practically beaming as he sees her, because he hasn't seen her face in what feels like years.
(In fact it's only been three days.)
"Austin!" She smiles through the screen.
They talk animatedly about the usual things they'll talk about during their other calls, before Austin brings up tonight's concert.
"I can't wait to see you tonight! You got the ticket and VIP pass I sent you, yeah?"
He notices her smile falter. Was she upset at something?
"Ally, what is it?"
"Austin, I…can't attend because I have a huge presentation the next morning."
"...oh," his shoulders slump slightly.
He hadn't expected that, but he tries to stay as cheerful as possible, "I guess there are plenty of other times we can see each other, right?" He grins and he tries so hard to hide his disappointment, but Ally can see right through him.
A guilty expression is already plastered on her face. "I'm so sorry, Austin. I wanted to see you, I really thought I could make it! I just really need to do well on this, and it's a difficult topic, and it's in the early morning, and-"
"Ally, it's fine, I get it."
He does, he really does understand Ally's situation. She's attending Harvard, which he's aware is full of competition, and of course, a lot of stress is involved. He understands that she has to do well. He knows how important her grades are to her.
However, he can't help but feel slightly upset that she cares about her grades more than seeing him. They'd planned this for months and it's all ruined because of some stupid assignment she has to do.
But then he immediately shoves that thought to the back of his mind and berates himself for thinking that, because it's selfish and there really will be other times when they can see each other.
She continues to apologise to him profusely, and even though she's attended many of his concerts, it doesn't stop him from feeling a sense of indignation. Not at her, but at their clashing schedules, at their lives right now.
It's all so unfair.
They continue to organise other voice and video calls anyway, and while that satisfies them for a while, it can never substitute for being physically together.
It becomes more difficult over time when Austin begins his tour outside the country, what with annoying time zones, horrible internet ('Really, what type of "5 star hotel" is this?'), and both of them continuing to have conflicting schedules.
(At least she had been able to send him off at the airport in the afternoon, that day after his Boston concert, but other than that, he hadn't seen her since.)
Sometimes he's too exhausted after a concert (and the 'meet & greets') to talk when she's free to call. As much as he wants to stay up and talk with her, given the energy he exerts into his performances, he knows that he needs his rest. He wants to give his fans the best performances, not wanting to disappoint them, and he's also aware that some of them are seeing him for the very first time.
And as for Ally, there are times she's in class or too drained from college activities once he's free to talk. He understands how hard she tries to find the time to talk with him, but more often than not, she falls asleep while they're speaking on the phone.
It becomes increasingly frustrating that they can't see each other, let alone fit in enough time for messaging.
It's almost two months later the next time they can see each other physically. It happens to be in Italy, because he had a concert and a few extra days for sight-seeing, and she had been accepted into a brief study trip.
As if fate wanted to be kind to them for once, they end up in the same hotel, his room just one floor above hers.
He knows this is probably the only time they can see each other without any distractions, so they make the most of the free time they have together.
They spend time inside and outside of the hotel, avoiding the paps as much as they can, but not minding stopping to take photos with their fans. But when they're able to have privacy in their rooms, they're embracing each other, hugging, kissing – or well, other things – or just having random chats about their lives.
Their conversations will always lead to what will happen after she finishes college, about her music, his music…even things far into their future, like where they'll get married, or what their kids will look like.
Given their current situation, it's the little moments like these that they cherish.
It's their last night together, before Austin needs to fly off to Switzerland. Ally will still be in the country for another week, but she'll be leaving for another part of the country. She's already packed her bags, and she'll need to get back to her room soon to sleep, but he convinces her to stay with him for a while.
They're laying down on Austin's bed, both facing the ceiling, Austin's arm snaked around Ally's waist as she leans into him.
The blond sighs in content.
He likes this – just them laying there, being in each other's presence.
He wishes they could stay like that forever.
Forget about Harvard, forget about his concerts.
Just let it be the two of them.
But they know that they can't live in blissful happiness forever.
These last months had been hard on them; how would they ever cope during the next few years, knowing they were together, but not together?
It's Ally who decides to bring up the unspeakable topic.
"Austin-"
"Ally-" they speak at the same time.
He chuckles. "You go first."
He senses her shifting up, so he unwraps the arm around her waist, letting her sit up to lean against the bed frame.
She looks down at him in hesitation, as if not wanting to say whatever she's about to say. She gulps uneasily before speaking.
"I think…"
Oh man, now he feels nervous.
"What is it?" And he suddenly feels afraid.
He sits up from the bed, reaching to cup her face with his hand.
"Hey, look at me," he says softly.
He senses her fighting with herself, and for a while, her eyes shift to anywhere but him. But then she sighs and makes eye contact with him. She puts her hand onto his hand that's in contact with her face.
"Austin...let's take a small break." His stomach plummets and he suddenly feels like he's about to throw up. His hand falls from her face in shock.
What was she talking about? How could she- why would she- is she tired of him?
"What? I don't- D-Did I do something wrong?"
She shakes her head frantically. "No, no, I mean, we haven't been able to see each other in these last three months, and it's just…frustrating, you know?"
An uncomfortable silence fills them, as he tries to process her words.
She grabs his hand, squeezing it firmly. "Say something, please…"
How can she expect him to reply immediately to this?
He eventually manages to utter something, moving to grab her other hand with his own free one, "Ally, I don't understand. We can't- We don't need to take a break; we can keep doing what we're doing..."
He knows he sounds desperate, but they don't need to break up. They can't break up.
"It hurts though, knowing you're miles away from me. Please, Austin. Just while you finish touring and while I'm still busy with college. Just let me get used to being away from you."
"I-" He knows that long distance is difficult, but did they really need to break up? He doesn't want to lose her again. He's already almost lost her too many times.
"I don't know what to say, Ally. I thought we would try harder with this. I thought we were going to make this work."
She blinks, and he notices her eyes are slightly watery. Is she sure that she wants this? He certainly doesn't want this...
He can feel his own eyes starting to water.
"You may be handling this well, but I'm not. The opposing schedules, the cancelled reunions because something comes up, just overall not being able to see each other face to face – it's just too much for me.
She sighs, before continuing, "Remember when we thought we'd be free for our three month anniversary, but then Jimmy hit you with that stupid press conference and then you couldn't go? It was our three month anniversary, Austin."
Wait- was she blaming him?
"Ally, I'm sorry I couldn't go. You know I couldn't do anything about it…"
"I didn't mean it in that way, I mean, I missed your birthday event because of that one rescheduled class!"
(He remembers that day, how devastated he was that she couldn't make it. However, he'd convinced himself that it was just one day, which could've been celebrated later any other day. Besides, there were plenty more birthdays in the future.)
She closes her eyes briefly, and as she opens them again, the despair in her orbs are more evident. "I just- urgh, Austin! I can't do this! I know we fit in most of our holidays earlier, but it's just not the same."
"Ally-" he starts, but she interrupts him.
"I know it's hard, but I think this break will be good for us. I'll always love you Austin, you know that, right? It'll only be a short break. Let's just work on our own things in the meantime. I promise we can continue from where we left off soon."
Maybe she's right. Perhaps it'll make their relationship stronger.
He licks his lips, wanting to say more, but decides to just nod. He shouldn't be worried, right? He tries to convince himself that they'll be fine. 'We won't even notice the time going past. We'll be back together before we know it.'
"Hey, we'll be okay," she assures him with a watery smile, putting a hand on his neck and resting her forehead against his, "this isn't goodbye."
They stay like that for a while, until Ally moves away slowly.
"I think I'll get back to my room now," she says almost awkwardly.
He sighs. He has one last request. "Just…give me one last kiss before you go."
And so she kisses him. But then the kiss becomes rougher, deeper, and her hands are tugging his hair, while his hands are sliding underneath her shirt, and they do far more than just kissing.
He rolls over, running his hand across the bed, only to find the other side cold and empty as he opens his eyes.
He checks the time on his phone: 10:13am. He knows she's already left the hotel by then.
He thinks back to last night, groaning at his situation. He's still deeply upset that she chose to end it, berating himself for not fighting harder to maintain their relationship.
They could've made things work, they could've found a way.
But then he tries to think about the positives.
Technically they weren't really over. It'll be a small break, not permanent, until Austin's tour schedule isn't too busy and Ally settles into college. Ally had promised that they'd be okay, that whenever she was ready, she'd contact him again.
He decides that he'll work on just focusing on all his performances, though he'll be mentally counting the days until he'll see her again.
But he already misses her.
Hmm.
Somehow that "break" had turned from weeks, to months, and now he realises that it's been almost five months since he'd last heard from her.
Ally must have become much busier after that day, because apparently she had no time to contact him. It was like Ally Dawson had disappeared from the face of the earth. He would have believed it if it weren't for the news still buzzing about her.
He's slightly frustrated because she never called him and she'd never replied to any of the messages he'd sent. Two months after their separation in Italy – which he'd believed was long enough for the break to be considered 'short' – he'd sent her long messages, short messages, and even funny photos with puns he knew she'd enjoy, only to receive the same result: no reply.
He can't even attempt to visit her at her dorm because he's still outside the country.
Asking her closest friend hadn't helped. Trish had been vague about Ally's whereabouts, claiming that she hadn't talked with Ally much either, that she hadn't had time to catch up with her.
(He'll soon look back and ask himself why hadn't sensed something off when Trish had reassured him that Ally was just fully immersed in her studies and would contact him soon.)
So even though it makes him seem desperate – maybe he really is – he continues to call her, message her, hoping that she'll finally contact him.
She'll respond eventually. She's just extremely busy, that's all.
A month later, while he's lying in bed after his latest concert in Sydney, he gets a call. His eyes the phone lazily on the table, reaching out to grab it. He almost hits the ignore button, until he sees her name on the oncoming call screen and his eyes widen, answering her immediately before he sits up.
"…Ally?" He speaks softly, not sure whether this may be just a dream.
"Austin!"
It's her, it's really her!
"Oh Ally, it's really you!"
"Haha, yes Austin, I'm sorry I've been so caught up with Harvard! Oh, and sorry for calling at this time, I know it's late over there."
"It's okay, all that matters is that we can talk now. I've missed you so much! How have you been? How's college? When's your break? Are you visiting Miami anytime soon? I mean, maybe we can meet up later? And will we-"
Her giggles cut him off, the sound warming his heart. "Whoa, Austin, one question at a time."
He smiles sheepishly behind the phone. "Hehe, sorry..."
He's just ecstatic to finally hear her voice after all these months, that's all.
They talk about what's happened in the last six months without each other, and soon, Austin decides to bring up the topic of the two ending their little "break".
That is, until he hears a voice in the background – specifically, a guy's voice.
"Hey, babe, when are you leaving?"
"Give me a few minutes," she replies back, and he finds himself becoming suspicious.
"Who's that?"
"Oh, just a friend. He's-"
"Why'd he call you 'babe'?"
"He's not-"
For some reason, his jealousy suddenly gets the best of him. Maybe it's because he's missed her so much. Maybe it's because he's tired. Maybe it's his insecurities surfacing after not having had any contact with her for so long. Whatever it is makes him spit out words he knows he'll regret later.
"You…found someone else, didn't you? You finally found some Harvard guy to replace me, didn't you?"
There's silence through the phone, before she speaks up, voice filled with confusion. "What? I thought we discussed this a long time ago. I'll always love you-"
"But that was over 10 months ago. A lot can happen in that time." There's an underlying bitterness in his tone.
"Austin, there's nothing-"
"This is why you never talked to me, isn't it? You found someone else better."
"Austin, I don't-"
"You have, haven't you? Tell me, Ally-"
"Well, what about you then?" he's taken aback as she begins to raise her voice, "don't you have girls hanging off your arm during your tours? I'm sure you found one of them to replace me."
"Of course not, don't you trust me?"
"I…I can't believe you, Austin. You're the one who doesn't seem to trust me. You just asked me if I'd moved on."
"What the fuck- what the fuck- Austin, stop, abort mission!" his conscience screams at him, knowing that he should stop before it's too late, but he's not listening.
"Well, have you?"
"Are you serious right now? If you're gonna be like that, then we should stop talking to each other."
That seems to snap him out of his jealous state. "W-What?"
She sighs, "I've had a lot of time to think about everything during these months, and I thought we could finally figure things out, but look at what the distance is doing to us. I love you Austin, I always will, but I can't handle this right now. Let's just e-end this, before it becomes too painful."
"Ally-"
"No, I…," he hears her voice shake, "we're d-done. Good bye, Austin."
"Ally, wait-"
He hears the beep tone, signalling the end of their call.
"No."
He tries to call her back.
"Come on Ally, pick up."
She doesn't answer, and after multiple attempts, she must've turned off her phone, because his calls go straight to voicemail. "No. No, no, no!"
He pulls his knees to his chest, putting his head in his hands helplessly. He buries his fingers in his hair, pulling at the locks almost painfully.
"What have I done?"
A week passes by, and she still won't talk to him. And it's all his fault. How could he have reacted like that?
'You're so stupid', he scolds himself.
He finds out the truth from Trish. He'd misunderstood, the guy who called her 'babe' hadn't been interested in Ally – he wasn't even interested in girls.
And he learns other things from Trish.
"She was stressed during those five months, perhaps even before you two decided to have that break. She was doubting her abilities in college, she wasn't sure of her future – not just with you. I know I wasn't supposed to say anything, but she was…struggling, Austin. And knowing you couldn't be there wasn't helping either."
Why hadn't Ally said anything?
"All the more reason for her to contact me, Trish. I could've helped her through it."
"But she didn't want to depend on you, not when you couldn't be near her physically. She'd feared the jealousy, the distrust…the accusations. And when she finally called, her fear came true."
A frustrated sigh escapes him. "I've made things worse, haven't I?"
Trish had called him an idiot that day – rightfully so – but had tried to get Ally to talk to him anyway.
However, it seems Trish's help was futile ("She can see why you misunderstood her, but she's not ready to talk to you just yet.").
Yet, huh? That gives him some hope.
Maybe she just needed time to sort through her thoughts. Yes, that's it.
They'll be fine, right?
It's two weeks later and she continues to refuse to answer him, but he has hopes that she'll come around eventually.
He checks his personal emails, finding a message from Kimmy, that energetic cheerleader from high school. Apparently a reunion has been organised, and at the perfect time too, because he's got a few days of rest from his tour which he'd wanted to spend with his family.
He's not sure if he wants to go.
Of course he was somewhat interested with what his former classmates were doing, and catching up with Dez and Trish would be great. And of course, Ally loved school, so he definitely expects her to be there.
But in that moment, his insecurities hit him. He doesn't know what will happen between him and Ally if he attends.
Their last conversation hadn't ended on the friendliest note. Would he have the courage to face her? What would he say to her?
Would she even want to talk to him that day?
What if she avoids him?
But then he shakes those ridiculous thoughts out of his head.
There's still hope for them, he knows it. They're Austin and Ally – they always manage to work things out.
Don't they?
Maybe now they were ready to get back together, and they could just pretend that the break never happened, just leave the previous argument behind them. Maybe they could find a better way to manage their long distance problem.
So with that reasoning, he convinces himself to go to the reunion and win back the love of his life.
The day of the reunion, he'd made sure to look his best. He'd picked out his best set of shirt and trousers, with colours he knew Ally would love on him, and of course added a wallet chain. Oh, and a nice jacket. He'd applied his organic moisturiser (which he'd only recently started using) twice – okay, maybe more like, nine times – just to make sure his face looked radiant and so he could impress her.
A feeling of euphoria runs through his veins as he gets into his car – he's going to do it. He's going to convince her to get back together with him.
He'll finally get to see her, he'll finally be able to feel her, to hug her, to kiss those soft lips again, and- urgh, he just wants to see her now.
He's so positive that they'll get back together. She'll say yes to taking him back, because he knows they love each other and that they're meant to be. Their argument had been silly, but all they need is a few words, and he knows they should be alright, because they always end up alright.
He checks himself in the front mirror, making sure his hair looks good, before taking off towards the school.
He can't wait to see her again. He's gonna get her back. He's finally getting her back!
A wide grin is on his face during the whole journey.
Austin turns up at the school, in such an enthusiastic manner, you'd never guess that he hated school. He's arrived early at the gymnasium, and that must have been the earliest he'd ever arrived for something school-related.
He greets his former peers, and while chatting with them, he'll glance at the door to see if she comes by. He's surprised she isn't here yet - because Ally's never late - but she'll eventually arrive, right?
No one else he's talked to has seen her, and he continues checking for the familiar chestnut locks – still no sign of her.
Dez arrives fifteen minutes later, and he greets him – doing their signature handshake – and catches up with everything that's been happening in their lives.
Then he sees Trish walk through the door, and he becomes nervous because he assumes she would have come with her. However, he still can't spot her. Trish nods her head at him in greeting, and they hug.
His manager looks at him, smiling sheepishly. He's about to ask her about Ally, but she speaks first.
"Hey, Austin," she almost says timidly, before she turns to look at Dez, "um, Dez, can I talk to you?"
Dez rolls his eyes. "Yeah, I mean, I'm here. Go ahead."
"Alone," she glares at the redhead, grabbing his hand and pulling him away.
They walk off a few metres away from him and begin talking in hushed voices.
His gaze shifts towards the door again, waiting for Ally to come through, but he still can't see her.
Where is she?
Trish and Dez come back, and not noticing their anxious grins, he asks them where Ally is.
"Hey, do you two know when Ally's getting here? We really need to talk," he winks at them, "you know, so I can get her back."
"Uhh, buddy, she…," Dez starts, but stops short when Trish nudges him.
The blond averts his attention to Trish. "I thought she would've come with you."
Her eyes dart around nervously, refusing to make contact with Austin's, and he's about to question it, before Trish speaks up softly. He's left confused with what she says.
"Austin, she...she's not coming."
"Wait, what? Why?" He furrows his eyebrows. Ally never misses a school event! Maybe she was sick?
"She's not here because she doesn't want-," Trish struggles to get the words out as she finally looks up at him, "she doesn't want to see you. She didn't want to risk the chance of seeing you again."
His heart sinks at her words.
He can't believe it.
"I tried to get her to come here, bu-" He doesn't process the rest.
Ally doesn't want to see him.
The girl he loves doesn't want to see him.
He manages a smile, but the look of pity on his friends' faces makes it clear that he can't hide the hurt expression on his face. Dez opens his mouth to say something, but the blond holds his hand up.
"It's fine, really. Look guys, I'm sorry, I don't think I'm really in a party mood. It was nice catching up with you all though. We can talk over video-chat sometime soon. But I h-have to go now."
He leaves the venue, ignoring his friends' calls.
He gets back to his house, realising that his parents are still out.
He stomps to his room – which hasn't changed since he left for his tour – and flops onto his bed on his stomach, burying his face in his pillow. He screams into the pillow in frustration, before slowly sitting up and taking out something from his jacket's pocket – Ally's songbook.
He opens it, flicking through the pages. He hates reading books, but this is the one book that he'd read endlessly.
He'd laughed, cringed, maybe even teared up while reading her entries. There are at least 4 years' worth of Ally Dawson's thoughts in there, and he had never grown tired of them.
His favourite entries are the ones about him. Her thoughts when she first had a crush on him – the little moments when they were just best friends that she'd appreciated and had thought important enough to be scribbled down – to when she was certain that she had fallen for him, all of them had made him burst with happiness. And of course there were all the songs she'd written for him.
He stops at an all-too-familiar song.
"'I think about you', huh?" he murmurs.
How relatable.
He closes the book, choosing to lie back on his bed, resting his arms behind his head.
He sighs sadly as he stares up at the ceiling.
What does Ally even think of him now?
The front door slams shut, and his mother's cheerful voice rings in his ear. Of course she asks him the dreaded question.
"Austin? How was the reunion? Did you see Ally?"
He chooses not to reply.
"Austin, sweetie? Are you okay?"
No, he's not okay, but he wishes she'd just leave him alone in his misery.
After a while, his mom knocks on the door. She opens it anyway, not even waiting for him to reply.
"Austin..."
He might as well tell her. "She wasn't there, mom." He mumbles.
The mattress dips slightly, and his mother places a hand over his leg.
"Austin, I'm so sorry. Maybe she had a good reason?"
"Trish said she couldn't come because she didn't want to see me." He moves to a sitting position, shifting so that he's sitting beside his mother. He'd already previously told her about the argument between himself and Ally.
"She loves school, I don't understand. Was what I did so unforgivable that she'd rather stay away from me?"
"Trust me. She loves you. There must have been something else keeping her from going."
"Then why did she never call? Why did she never reply?"
Mimi sighs. "...I don't know, Austin."
He sits there for a while, until it finally hits him that this is it.
They're over.
This is the end of Austin and Ally.
His mother seems to know what he's thinking. "If she doesn't want to see you, you'll just…have to move on from her."
"I can't. You have no idea how hard it is to stop thinking about her!"
In that moment, he finds himself questioning everything about his relationship with Ally.
Why couldn't they have handled the long distance?
Why did they have to head in different directions?
Had he loved Ally? (He knows the answer to that.)
Had Ally really loved him?
Wait, had she been truly happy with him?
He tries to recall anything he'd done that may have upset her. Besides that argument, and clashing with her schedules –which isn't his fault anyway – he can't think of anything else he's done since he'd left for his tour.
What happened to "I'll always love you for you," huh? If their love is so strong, why had it all fallen apart?
His mother interrupts his thoughts, "It'll take time, but you'll just have to try."
She pulls him into a hug, and pecks his forehead.
It's a few seconds later when he breaks.
He grips at his mother's back as he sobs into her chest.
"I love her s-so much, mom. Why does it have to b-be this way?"
She combs her fingers through his hair, trying to reassure him, "Honey, if you and Ally are meant to be, you'll find each other again."
They've been through their fair share of hardships, but they'd always bounced back from them. He's not so sure about this time though.
His mother continues whispering soothing words to him, until he falls asleep, the tear stains evident on his face.
Well, perhaps they just weren't meant to be.
(Looks like they won't be fine after all.)
A few days later, he once again tries to contact her – if only to at least apologise to her – but realises that her number is no longer in use.
Had she wanted to avoid him this badly?
She'd also apparently deleted her Tweeter account.
He finds this out after receiving multiple notifications from confused fans asking what had happened between him and Ally.
He doesn't know what to say to them, so he pretends not to see the posts.
He knows fans would've have started speculating their breakup, but he refuses to say anything. He loves his fans, but he cannot bear to share with them this one part of his life.
(He also asks Jimmy if he can prevent journalists from throwing him questions about his relationship with Ally in his future conferences. Or anything that involves Ally.)
That night, at his first concert since the day of his high school reunion, if anyone had been standing close enough to the blond, maybe they would have noticed the despair in his eyes as he smiled at his audience.
He tries so hard to move on. He really does.
His one-year tour's nearly over; he's back in the U.S for his last few concerts.
He's met many women during his tour, but there's never anything that keeps him interested in them. They're nice, but he just can't seem to form any connections.
(And none of them are Ally.)
He even bumps into Cassidy during his week in L.A. Given his previous feelings for the blonde, he tries to pursue her, believing that he can forget about her. If he liked Cassidy at one time, what's to say he won't come to like her again?
Cassidy, knowing about his relationship with Ally hesitates, but eventually gives in to his advances, and even drags him to a club, which he's perfectly okay with it, because he can drown away his feelings for a certain brunette who continues to invade his mind.
He'd slept with Cassidy.
What the fuck was he thinking?
He still loves her.
He realises whatever he'd felt for Cassidy had faded away a long time ago, and no one could replace that hole in his heart.
Guilt builds up in him, even though he knows he doesn't need to.
It just feels so…wrong.
After asking Cassidy to leave his room – not before apologising to her for getting her involved in the mess that is his life right now – and shutting the door behind her, he breaks.
Anger. Hurt. Disappointment. Loneliness. Every single negative emotion he's felt during these months flicker through his body all at once, and a strangled yell escapes his lips as he punches the wall beside the door.
He doesn't care that he's ruined it.
Whatever, he has enough money to pay for the damages anyway.
He feels absolutely hopeless. Why can't he just move on already and forget about her? Why does he continue to think about her every single day, knowing that she no longer wants to have anything to do with him?
He falls to his knees, the dam he's tried so hard to build up collapsing as his body racks with his sobs.
And this time there's no one here to comfort him.
He misses his parents. He misses his friends. But most of all, he misses Ally.
If pursuing his dreams means not having her in his life, then maybe he'd rather not continue this "dream".
He'd sacrifice his career for her all over again, if it allowed him to stay with her.
He's back in Miami at the recording studio now that his tour is over.
He decides he'd rather just spend time fully immersed in his music, he can get back in the dating game later – after all, he's only 20.
Besides, he doesn't want to fall in love with another girl, only to leave her for another tour.
More importantly, a particular doe-eyed girl continues to stay in his mind. He wonders what she's up to now.
He has no clue what's going on with her. He hardly ever talks to Trish either, unless it's about business-related matters and it hurts to ask about Ally, so he chooses not to ever mention her.
Does Ally ever think about him these days?
Perhaps she's already moved on. Maybe she's finally dating some brainy Harvard guy.
Anger always courses through his veins at the thought of someone else holding Ally the way he did, kissing her, touching her like he did.
However, a moment later, it'll dissipate into sadness. He has no right to feel that way – she's not his anymore.
But no matter how hard he tries to move on, his thoughts always lead to her. Everything reminded him of her, the clouds, the pickles in his cheeseburgers, even baskets reminded him of her.
Of course it doesn't help that he still has her songbook. He keeps it with him at all times, making sure no one else except him can touch it. He's not afraid to admit to himself that he misses her terribly, he just wants to keep this one thing of hers – no matter how unhealthy it appears to others.
He doesn't know what to do with the songs she'd written for him before leaving for college, knowing it'd be too painful performing them, so he leaves them untouched.
He also stays off Tweeter, and eventually decides to delete it too. His public crew can manage his website. Whatever, he doesn't care anymore.
(But he does.)
(And he's lying if he says he doesn't obsessively search up "Ally Dawson boyfriend" or "Ally Dawson dating" on the Internet every now and then.)
His crew can see how this all takes a toll on him. Jimmy even expresses his concern, but the blond always brushes it off. He's fine, he just needs more time.
Or maybe he just needs to let her go. Let her graduate Harvard, let her follow her dreams. Like his mother had told him, if they're meant to be, then they'll meet again. Even though he's uncertain that they'll ever cross paths again, he makes a promise to himself that he'll wait for her.
He'll always wait for her.
It's over two years later since he'd last spoken to her, and the wound in his heart hasn't quite healed yet, but he's coping.
(Sort of.)
He still secretly wishes that he could see her again, but unfortunately he hasn't heard about her in a long time. She must've maintained her private life well.
His third tour is proving useful as a distraction, even though it'll be over in about three months.
Currently he's in Boston, where he's having a press conference about his latest album, before he has a concert that night. So far it's all going well, no one has asked him any uncomfortable questions, and no one has asked him about her.
A journalist asks him a question about his future plans and he goes to answer it, trying to spread his eye contact with the crowd.
"After the last concert in Miami, I'll-" he stops in mid-sentence when his eyes land on someone near the back of the crowd.
A hood covers their head, and sunglasses shield their eyes, but he'd recognise this person anywhere. Is he seeing things? How is she here? Why had she stopped by, when she should be in Massachusetts? Does this mean she still cares abou-
"Austin?" He snaps out of it, averting his attention to the journalist.
"Right, umm…" he smiles sheepishly, continuing to answer the rest of her question.
He stares into the crowd at the same place again, only to find that the person isn't there anymore.
Throughout the whole session, the sight of her standing among the crowd swirls in his mind, and he has to constantly force himself to focus on the journalists' questions.
(Unfortunately, this isn't the first time this has happened.)
The press conference had concluded without any problems (except for the suspicious whispers amongst a few people in the crowd after his awkward pause) and he's about to be taken back to his hotel, but he asks if he can stop at the convenience store just a block away. His security men hesitate, until he promises that he'll only take a few minutes.
And besides, it's only 4:20pm, his concert doesn't even start until 7 anyway.
He exits the store, soda can in his hand, accidentally bumping into someone on the way out. The blond instinctively grabs onto the person's shoulder with his free hand to break their fall.
"Whoa, sorry, I-" he starts to apologise as the person looks up, but the rest of the words are stuck in his throat as he registers who he's bumped into. They're wearing the same hoodie and glasses he'd seen earlier.
His eyes widen, just as hers do. "Ally!"
"A-Austin…" she whispers.
She suddenly pushes herself out of his grip, scrambling away from him, and takes off to who knows where.
He stands there in shock until he realises that she's getting away. He needs to go after her.
"Ally, wait!"
He rushes towards the direction she's gone, the soda can now abandoned on the ground.
The blond's heart races as he speeds after her, zigzagging his way through people, ignoring their surprised expressions. He spots her approximately sixty metres in front of him. Who knew she could run like this? He's catching up though, and he knows that she'll be tired soon.
"Ally, please, stop!"
He's so close to her, maybe twenty metres now, and he catches a glimpse of her panicked expression as she turns around briefly.
Almost there, he thinks, as he gazes intensely into her eyes. Just let me catch you, Ally.
But suddenly, a man runs out from the restaurant he's going past, crashing into him. A groan escapes him as he falls to the ground, but he quickly picks himself up, not bothering to reply to the man's apology. He runs into the direction he'd last seen Ally, but she's now nowhere in sight.
Looking around the street, he refuses to believe that she'd disappeared.
No, she was there. He knows he saw her. He may not have seen her in over a year, but there's no mistaking it was her.
His security men manage to find him, asking him to come back to his limo.
"No, I have to find Ally!"
Tom, one of the men, sighs. "Austin, please, we were supposed to have already left. There's no sight of her now, maybe she was…just your imagination."
He clenches his fists. "No, that's impossible. She was there. I know she was there. I know I saw her. She was not just a figment of my imagination. I felt her. Why won't you believe me?"
"Look, Austin, you might have seen her, but she's not there anymore," the other security guy, Patrick, tells him.
"But-"
Tom interrupts him, "What can you do anyway? Even if she was there, she's gone too far for you to catch up to her."
He sighs, hanging his head. He's right.
He lets them escort him back to his limo, but he's still adamant that he'd seen her. She wasn't just a hallucination, right?
He's experienced a few hallucinations over these years, but if this had also been one, then this is his worst one yet. He may have only grabbed onto her shoulders for a brief moment, but it had felt so real – it couldn't have been just an illusion.
He had seen her twice today. If she'd stopped by to listen to him at his press conference, then that means there's a chance that she still cares about him, right? But then why had she run away from him just a few minutes ago?
It just doesn't make sense to him.
But either way, he can't really do anything about it now. Life goes on, he has to try his best to move on.
(But he's pretty sure that wound in his heart has just reopened again.)
He's back in his hometown for the last show of the tour. During his free time, he'd been working on his new album, though he's not so sure it's to his usual standard. He'd refused to resort to the songs she had written for him in the songbook (which he still keeps).
Being in Miami, he's afraid of seeing her. From what she had told him – before they, you know, broke up - she's probably finished college by now.
He doesn't know what he'll do if he bumps into her, because there's no way he's ready to see her again.
(Maybe he'll be the one to run away if he ever bumps into her again.)
The Friday before his last concert, he's going on the Helen Show, which he's looking forward to, because he remembers it as one of the starting points of his career. He's thankful that Trish had managed to convince Helen to let him on, considering what happened last time he appeared…with Ally.
Nonetheless, he decides to carry her songbook with him to the show. After all, she was there with him the last time he'd been on the show – maybe this would somehow bring him good luck.
So he slips the book into his pocket, hoping for the best.
He doesn't understand what Dez is referring to when he says not to be nervous, but he just shrugs it off as one of his friend's antics. The stage director signals for him to walk out from behind the curtains, and okay, maybe he's starting to feel slightly nervous. This is one of his first appearances on a talk show in years, so he's not sure what the reception will be like.
He takes a deep breath, before jumping out in a suave pose, his back facing the audience before spinning around and throwing a wave to the audience.
But then he hears Ellen's announcement – at least the end of it.
"…Austin Moon and Ally Dawson!"
The grin on his face disappears and his eyes widen. All there's left is confusion as he turns his head, facing the girl whom he still hasn't quite gotten over yet. Her expression mirrors his.
He tugs nervously on his jacket, and feels his hands becoming clammy. They shift uncomfortably to his pants and oh my god- he's going to kill Dez. Oh, and Trish too.
Then he realises that he's on live TV, so he flashes a small, shy smile and waves at the audience once again. The audience continues to clap, most likely amused at their expressions.
He slowly makes his way to the couch, eyeing Ally through his peripheral vision and his stomach drops when he realises that there's only one couch for the two of them. He sits down first, and as he watches Ally sit down, as far as possible from him, his heart shatters all over again. He'd expected it, yet it doesn't stop him from being upset.
"It's so great to have you here!" Helen begins, and he looks into the audience, willing himself to ignore the girl sitting next to him and just focus on Helen and her viewers.
No one else but Ally and him, seem to notice the tension in the room building up. He bites his cheek, as he tries to figure out what he's going to do to Dez once he gets off the stage.
As Helen makes her way to her own couch, the blond sees Ally look at him through his peripheral vision, and he turns his head to look at her, unfortunately just as she looks away.
Well, at least there's that.
He turns his head back to Helen.
The host starts off with possibly the worst question ever.
"Why did you two break up?"
"We just..." he looks down at his lap in frustration. They don't even know how to start. Why did they break up? Jealousy couldn't have been the only factor. He wants to ask her why.
He keeps a calm composure as Helen begins to ask them about ridiculous rumours involving pickles and a million dollars, and so far it seems that Helen assumed that he was the one who broke up with Ally.
Well, they both know the truth.
He really wants this show to end now, but then Helen mentions their first appearance on her show eight years ago and begins to play a clip. The two glance at each other awkwardly before looking away just as quickly, and he feels his palms become clammy again. He puts them between his legs and runs them together because he's so anxious. 'Can this be over already?'
This clip, it brings back memories. This is how it all started: he'd stolen her song, she'd agreed to write him another one.
Back then, fourteen-year-old Austin hadn't realised the impact the shy girl would have on his life. Sure, he'd known that she could gain him recognition in the music industry with her incredible song-writing skills, but he'd never expected he'd get this far with her. He'd never expected to fall in love with her.
The clip finishes and he nods awkwardly, not sure what to say as Helen begins to speak.
"I doubt anyone will ever see a talk show appearance more uncomfortable than that."
"Today's pretty close," he hears Ally mumble, and he wholeheartedly agrees with her.
As Helen talks on, he purses his lips and continues to nod most of the time, occasionally shifting his gaze to Ally, noticing how she'll also glance at him. She then throws them another difficult question.
"How hard is it for you to see each other right now? Is it awful?"
Before one of them can answer, Helen's music plays and Dez comes out. He's confused, but relieved. He can't answer such a question and he notices Ally looking more uncomfortable than ever (though he's curious about what Ally would've said).
Then Dez pushes Austin to the side, and when he turns slightly to Ally, he notices just how close they are, so he flicks his head back and shifts his knee a bit, making sure they don't touch knees.
"She wrote, he rocked. They loved."
Dez's clip brings back more memories. Their exchanges of 'I love you's, he remembers them all. He wonders if Ally still means them. After all, the last time he'd had a full conversation with her, she'd said that she still loves him.
So how does she feel about him now?
It's just before the commercial break that Ellen announces that Ally will perform a new song, and he honestly can't wait to hear what she's written. He's sure she's created something brilliant though.
However, at this point, he feels terribly uncomfortable, what with how close they are, yet how so very far they are. He considers just walking off stage when Ally suddenly stands up.
"I'm sorry, I can't do this," and she runs out, everyone freezing in shock. To his surprise, he finds himself calling out to her and standing up.
What just happened?
He shrugs hopelessly at Helen, whose confused expression mirrors everyone else in close proximity.
While Dez and Helen are occupied, he decides to run backstage to find Ally. He can't believe he's going after her.
It doesn't take too long for him to spot her talking to Trish.
"I wrote a bunch of other songs too, but they're all about me and Austin...and there's no way I can go out there and sing it on TV now; especially not in front of him..."
As he processes her words, he realises she's just as much of a mess as he's been in the last few years.
"You can't just leave. You have to sing something. I mean, the luggage song wasn't that bad."
The luggage song? He cringes internally.
He sees the upset expression on her face, and if not for the whole break up thing, he'd have tried to comfort her. He doesn't like the sight of her being upset.
But he understands how she feels right now. He hadn't wanted them to meet like this.
Of course, deep down he wanted to see her again. He wanted things to go back to normal again.
Like he's realised previously, his singing, his dancing, everything he does – they're all better when he's with her. It's always been like that – and he's always felt like nothing is impossible when he's with her.
He knows he's always gonna need her, and judging by this "luggage" song Trish had mentioned, perhaps she's better with him too?
Sure, there was a lot of talking to do, but maybe they could work things out. Maybe they were ready to start over.
Maybe things could be the same again.
But even if it doesn't work out (hopefully it doesn't come to that), he knows they deserve some closure.
So making sure his voice doesn't waver, he utters a sentence to get their attention, "Ally, we need to talk."
They turn towards him, and Ally hesitates briefly before speaking up, "Uh, yeah, probably should." She's looking down at the ground, trying to avoid his eyes.
When Trish finally gives them the space they need, a sigh escapes him and he smiles nervously at her, wringing his hands, trying to think of how to fill the awkward silence.
She speaks first, "This isn't exactly how I pictured seeing you again."
"Me neither."
He sighs again, hands starting to become sweaty again, and he rubs them on his jeans. He's finally having a conversation with her again, but he can't help but fear that it'll end badly.
They stand in front of the dressing room's vanity table, their eyes meeting in the mirror, and in that short span of time, the world seems to stop around him. He takes in the sight of the girl in front of him. Her hair is straightened, her makeup is slightly different, and she looks gorgeous in the blue dress.
It's been a long time, and she have altered her style, but she still looks like the same Ally. The same Ally he had fallen in love with.
A few exchanges of words later, he thinks that so far their conversation sounds amicable, and he'd at least made her smile talking about his moisturiser – maybe there's still a chance that she'd still held feelings for him.
She turns around to face him, and they stare at each other for what feels like eternity.
He's had plenty of time to clear his thoughts during these years, but he comes to the conclusion that he's still in love with her. The passion, the desire, it's all there, still as strong as ever – waiting to burst if he allows it – especially since he'd seen her those few months earlier.
He's still in love with Ally Dawson, and that will never change.
He decides that he just has to let out his feelings. Even if she decides that she never wants to speak to him again, he wants to have no regrets.
This is it.
Here goes nothing.
"I miss you."
He hears the words tumble out of their mouths at the same time, and that's all it takes to assure him that they'll be alright.
A/N: Yeah, I wasn't sure how to end it D: I kept rewriting that last part so many times...I was initially going to end it at the "You look pretty scene", but decided it didn't make sense...
But yeah. I hope it was okay! Reviews are nice (thanks in advance if I do get any, haha) :))