A/N: Hi, this is Sandra (onlywordswithoutsense) and I'm going to post my submission for the fourth day of Angst Week 2015 (sorry for being a bit late -.-). Although I always write in Spanish, this is the first time I write something in English by myself, so I apologize for the mistakes I have surely made. I would like to thank my beloved friends and betas Sara (worshiperofunknownstories), Marta (mavis-118) and Silvia (myentropicmess), who are always by my side making me do my best. And I also want to dedicate this to them, but specially to Sara, because I know how much she suffered when she knew what was going to happen in this story.

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Disclaimer: We don't own Fairy Tail Universe or its characters, they belong to Mashima-sensei.

Levy's diary

Another day in Hell

I have been thinking a lot for a few days, and maybe this is the right moment to put it all out from myself. I've been crying alone for a long time and I know that the only thing that makes me feel better is writing, so here we are, my diary and I, preparing to share what really happened that day. Surely no one is going to read this, but it is the only way I have to make those feelings get out of my mind just for a little while. Although I've never wrote anything about my personal dark abyss, I know I need to do it. I need to explain myself why I am broken.

I saw Hell once and since that day, the memories are haunting me without any compassion. I can remember every minute as if I was there again. And after all, I can feel the pain. Tears slide down my cheeks every day and I can't do anything but try to move on while my heart is hurting even more and the fear is increasing. However, I know I'm never going to move forward. When something like this happens to you, when you lose all the things and people you love, nothing seems to be okay and anything is the same as it was before. I'm surely tied to the past. But most of all, I'm bound to him. Even if all my friends are gone except Lucy, I have to say that the person I miss the most is that stupid and adorable iron dragon slayer. I never told him the truth, but I'm going to tell it now although no one can hear it: I loved you, Gajeel, and I'm still in love with you. I'm sorry for not telling you when we had the chance, because now it is too late for us.

Too late. Those words make me feel devastated and that's curious, because they were the ones I told you when you came to rescue me. I was lost in the middle of a burning city, surrounded by dust, rocks and the growls of that frightening, impressive dragons who had appeared through that door, and the only thing I could think about was that probably I wouldn't be able to see you, Lily and all my friends ever again. Tears had begun to fill my eyes and even if I screamed, no one was close to hear me, but you came yelling my name and becoming my last hope.

I remember I whispered your name while trying to convince myself that you were there. I know how strong I embraced you, Gajeel, when you came by my side and caressed my left cheek. I remember every expression you made, all the words you said and the movements of your body. But the worst thing is that we couldn't even imagine what was going to happen a few minutes later. I could only think about you being by my side, holding my body and telling me that everything was going to be okay. However, nothing was okay and neither you or me knew the gravity of the situation.

I can still hear your voice when you told me that we needed to get out of there. You didn't let me answer because, when I was going to open my mouth, you had already taken me into your arms and, while running, you were searching for a safe place. I didn't know where Lily or our friends were, but I could finally breathe because you were by my side.

"Those damn dragons are not going to defeat us!" you said full of a rage that I could feel in the bottom of my heart.

But then, a scream crossed the air. It was a woman's cry and I recognized from who was coming as soon as I heard it, because I had gotten to know that girl pretty well. My heart shrank into my chest at the same time I was screaming her name. For a while, the only thing I could say was Lucy over and over again, so to calm me down you told me that I should breathe quietly and you changed our escape path just to run towards where she seemed to be. Crying in silence, I begged that Lu-chan wasn't hurt, but my feelings were so strong that I couldn't handle them by myself. Even then you were still serene, pretending not to be worried while your hand, put under my left arm because you were holding me, was pressing my skin as a sign of comfort.

"We're coming!" you screamed. "Don't cry anymore, shrimp!"

For a few seconds, I felt like nothing in the world could hurt us. Being there, between your arms, made me feel safe and, as you kept running, I hid my face in your neck feeling your warmth and your fast breathing. I remember that I grabbed your jacket so strong that I could have torn it. Right now I can even feel the drops of sweat soaking my face as well as the rhythm of your heart getting faster, and I would give my entire life for just another second being with you and grabbing your clothes with such a strength.

At that time, I drenched your shoulder with teardrops, but you didn't say anything. And then, when I was trying to calm down, you said, "Look, shorty! Lucy is right there with Salamander!"

I raised my head and looked around searching for our friends, and when I finally saw them, I contained a scream. They were surrounded by blood and the fire dragon slayer seemed to be helping her, who was lying on the ground with her head on Natsu's lap. I remember that I saw them, but then it all became dark when you suddenly stopped, kneeled on the ground and hug me. In that moment my thoughts could only focus on you, Gajeel, embracing me just to protect me from whatever was going on, because even today I don't know what really happened that day. But I know I felt the warmth and the strength with which you were holding me, just as if you wanted to tell me with your body that no mattered what, you were going to save me. And yes, you did it, despite the cost was so big that I'm still feeling guilty about it.

While you were embracing me, I could only hear your voice when you told me, "Don't get away from me! I don't want you to…"

However, you couldn't even finish the phrase because a strong noise that reminded me a storm surrounded us. After that, I don't remember anything but darkness, and with it came the silence. I don't know how much I stayed on the ground, unconscious, but when I finally was able to open my eyes, the only thing I could see was fire and more destruction through my blurry eyes. Knowing where you were was what worried me the most, but when I tried to get up, there you were: I saw your arm placed over my belly. Yet, my forehead had been wounded and the injury was hurting like hell as it was bleeding without stop, so it was difficult to me to keep my eyes open.

Although I was completely in pain, I attempted to look at your face and what I saw made me freeze. Your eyes were closed, your face was filled with agony and some blood was coming out of your mouth. I shouted your name twice, but you didn't answer me and, as worried as I was, I didn't care about myself, Lucy or Natsu anymore. It didn't matter the pain, the blood that was going out of my wound or how my eyes were blurry because the only thing I could think about was that you were hurt.

I took your hand and I kneeled on the ground, being unstable, just to realize that there was something worse in that situation: you had some sharp and cutting pieces of wood stuck in the back. One of them was very big and it seemed not to be any way of getting it out. I was afraid that the wood had harmed some vital points and, very nervous, I tried to take a look while I was telling myself that everything was alright, that you were going to get up and stare at me with your big smile.

However, you didn't get up. And I didn't know yet, but you would never stand on your feet again.

"Put that shit out of me," you whispered holding my hand. "At least, I want to challenge the sky…"

I couldn't do it because it was too dangerous, but you continued with your speech.

"You, little..." you coughed. "It has gone through my lung…"

Then you coughed again, and that time more blood came out of your mouth. I didn't even know which one was mine or yours, because our blood was mixing onto the ground like if it were only one. I was shocked. I couldn't do anything to save you even though we were part of a magic guild, although I was desperately trying to stop the blood loss after I had released the hand you were holding.

You were dying in my hands, Gajeel, and I was feeling useless and stupid. Even though I had realized that there wasn't nothing we could do, my heart was breaking in pieces facing the imminent loss of the one I loved.

"Let me… look... " you said with a muted voice.

And I did it. While teardrops were sliding down my cheeks, I pulled up the piece of wood forcing you to yell. Inside my heart I was screaming too, but being there, beside you, I wasn't able to say a single word. I didn't have a voice to put all the pain I was feeling into words. I just wished to be dreaming and wake up as soon as it was possible.

I helped you to turn over and after that I kneeled next to you, completely devastated. I hold your hand tightly as long as my fear was increasing.

"Metalicana…" you said. "What a pity… Gihi..."

You smiled quite a bit and my heart broke even more, if that was possible because I was losing all of it.

"And you… shrimp…" you added, coughing more blood. "Don't you ever think... of crying… Levy…"

You said my name and then, before I could even realize, I heard your last whisper while my tears were soaking your black and torn clothes. Your hand started to get cold and slipped from my own, so I knew I couldn't see your open eyes again. My shout crossed the air because I was completely broken. I remember that I kissed your cold lips, that I filled your face with kisses while I was still crying and that I hug your motionless body full of despair. After that, I fainted, and it seems that Natsu was the one who saved me from death.

Today, I can't hold you, kiss you or touch your skin, so I'm totally lost. I'm always telling myself how much I miss you and I'm always crying because we never had a chance due to those damn dragons. I really hate them, Gajeel. And I really miss you. You're always with me, and I'm always thinking of you because without your smile, your look and your embrace, my heart is always crying and bleeding out.

And one last thing: I love you and will always do so, Gajeel.