Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Ouran High School Host Club featured herein.
Another short Tamaki/Kyouya snippet from me.
Originally this was part of a longer work, but that work has since shifted character focus and tone and so this scene doesn't fit. However, it was one of the first scenes I wrote and I'm quite proud of it so I've changed and added a few things to turn it into a proper stand-alone one-shot that is slightly more angsty than my usual Ouran fare.
Still, I hope everyone enjoys the story.
Skewed Resonance
The blinds covering Kyouya's windows were drawn.
This was not an odd occurrence — Kyouya's family was quite used to his quirks about privacy, not least because his morning temper was enough to frighten even their most trusted and loyal bodyguards into compliance. However, since Tamaki had become a regular visitor for the youngest Ootori, his family had quite gladly given the two boys their privacy on every occasion. Fuyumi was the only one who would smile openly at the obvious and deep bond between the two boys, but sometimes Kyouya imagined the rest of his family approved for reasons beyond the link to the Suoh name. Even the coldest of Ootori hearts melted before Tamaki.
Still, Kyouya was not above exploiting the goodwill of others. Especially not when even Tamaki agreed to the necessity of deception. And so the blinds were drawn on Kyouya's rooms and the boys were left to their own devices as expected.
Breathing heavily and indulging in the contrasting feel of silky rumpled sheets and damp searing skin beneath his bare flesh, Tamaki stopped tracing faint patterns on Kyouya's stomach and drew back up onto his elbows so he could look down at his partner. His gaze wandered over his best friend's face and he couldn't help following the line of muscle down Kyouya's poised neck to his bare chest and further. The button on Kyouya's slacks had torn off and the garment was sitting on Kyouya's hips in such a way that it seemed even more intimate and obscene to catch a glimpse of such a hidden sight than someone witnessing their previous actions. As he took in the sight below him, Tamaki's expression started to change. By the look on his honest face, it had just struck Tamaki then what exactly was going on between the two of them.
"How far are you willing to let me go?" Tamaki's question was posed mildly, but Kyouya knew it was a question concerning a defining moment in their relationship.
"How far do you really want to go?" Kyouya had always been good at deflection.
Tamaki shifted and seemed to draw further back, though his position hovering over Kyouya hadn't really changed. Tamaki wasn't stupid and his insight into the human psyche at times was almost psychic, though possibly completely unconscious on his part. It was why so many people underestimated him. Tamaki knew exactly how to fix a problem with someone the instant he met them. It just took a while for his thought process to catch up with his racing intuitions. It was the most dangerous thing about him and Kyouya never forgot what he was dealing with once he learned of it. Even now he had to question whether he'd subconsciously wanted Tamaki to know his innermost feelings even as he tried desperately to hide them and never indulge.
"How long?"
It was rare that Kyouya would ever lose at anything, but he knew when to cut his losses and there was no way he could escape this. Two words broke all of Kyouya's self-delusion and he gave in.
"I think it is a pre-requisite that upon meeting you everyone instantly falls in love, no matter how hard they try not to or to deny it." Kyouya wanted to close his eyes, but Tamaki was still his best friend — probably one of the few people, if not the only person, who knew him inside-out — and he deserved to know everything about how Kyouya felt and thought about him. Tamaki deserved his respect and honesty. "You truly are a prince. It's not just your charm and charisma. Any one who meets you will never be able to forget you. You benefit everyone around you just by existing."
Kyouya turned his head and broke the sharp gaze of Tamaki's endless sight.
"I wonder if that's your curse."
Tamaki drew in a breath and Kyouya snapped his head back, only to find Tamaki's expression shuttered. Whatever emotions he'd allowed Kyouya to see before were locked away tightly and Kyouya's heart sank.
Tamaki could read Kyouya like a book, no matter what Kyouya did or how he acted. The relationship went both ways though. Kyouya wanted nothing more than to hold onto Tamaki until the other man was breathless and deaf from the apologies and soothing words he whispered in his ear.
Instead, he reached up to caress Tamaki's cheek.
"Sometimes I wonder ..." He frowned and broke off then sighed and let Tamaki see everything. "Are you ever going to be happy?"
"Are you?" Tamaki immediately countered.
"I don't know. I'm not entirely certain I would know what it feels like."
Tamaki almost looked hurt, but they knew each other too well for him to misunderstand Kyouya's words as he would anyone else's. He'd learned not to take offence when it came to Kyouya and his emotions, or seeming lack thereof. Instead of playing the wounded lover, Tamaki rose completely off Kyouya and moved to the side, still not breaking eye-contact.
"Maybe you don't. Maybe that's a back-handed blessing for you in this cursed situation. It's harder to know what you're missing if you've never known it to begin with. Happiness is abstract until you have it and then it's the most wonderful thing ever. To have it ripped from you … It's worse when you know you can never do anything to get that feeling back; you can't even replace it or mend the gaping wound from its loss."
Tamaki shared one long last look with Kyouya, but Kyouya knew he was missing some of the significance behind it. It was only when Tamaki finally tore his eyes away and grabbed his shirt upon rising from the bed that Kyouya understood what he was saying. This was how Tamaki had been feeling for most of his life. And now, with Kyouya …
Watching Tamaki dress and walk away without a backwards glance was like pouring acid down his trachea and feeling it burn from the inside out.
So much for the back-handed blessing of ignorance.