Disclaimer: "The Pretender" is a protected trademark and I'm Just borrowing
the characters. I promise to give them back once I've used them, hopefully
more or less intact
Title: Educating Ms Parker
Author: Giton
Rating: G
Spoilers: Season 4 Finale, but not necessarily
Keywords: Inner Sense, sequel to Silencing the voices
Summary: Making Ms Parker understand her Inner Sense can be difficult
Educating Ms Parker
By Giton
Sydney's front-room, Friday, early in the evening
"Stop broadcasting so loudly, Parker," said Sydney, letting go of Ms Parker's hands and pressing his own hands to the sides of his head as if that could stop her shouting inside his skull. Well, letting go of her hands had helped a bit. His own Inner Sense worked better while he was in physical contact with a person. Unfortunately it also worked rather well when he was in close proximity.
"Sorry, Sydney, didn't mean to."
"It's not your fault, Parker. I should be teaching you better. Let's leave it for half an hour before we try again, okay?" he was rubbing his temples painfully. Her last "broadcast" had given him a pounding headache.
Some weeks earlier
As he had expected, she had come to him shortly after finding out about her Inner Sense. Asking him the same question her mother had asked him all these years ago. "Help me understand it, Sydney, please! It's driving me insane! I don't know which thoughts are mine and which are other people's."
Of course he had agreed to help her, could he do otherwise? He had not been able to deny her mother, why would it be any different with the daughter?
He had decided that it would be better to have the sessions at his home, away from the prying eyes and ears of the Centre.
Ms Parker had a difficult time trying to understand what was happening to her. Her mother's voice was coming to her unbidden. It was advising her, telling to trust her Inner Sense but she could make no sense of it. There were other voices too. She wasn't sure anymore whether the voices were genuine or her own imagination running riot. Finally she had turned to Sydney, having homed in on his Inner Sense.
"What's happening to me, Syd?" she had asked pleadingly.
"It's your Inner Sense, Ms Parker."
"Yeah, right, that's what my mother's voice is telling me, but I still don't understand what it is and why me?"
"It's the gift. or the curse," he added softly, "that your mother passed down to you. That's the 'Why'. It had lain dormant in you, Parker. I have seen glimpses of it over the years but you had a natural talent, totally unknown to you, to block it. I didn't want to force the issue. Or maybe I had hoped that it wouldn't develop. For the 'What', we have to establish to what extent you have this ability, which direction it is going and than how to help you control it."
"You mean you don't have a straightforward answer what this is?"
"Each individual has it in a different form or sometimes even forms. Some have developed stronger senses some weaker. Some have never known how to tap into it and are blissfully unaware. Some have learned to control it, use it to their own or other people's advantage. And some have let it control them completely and ended insane. No, Ms Parker, there is no straightforward explanation. If it is any consolation, I think yours was triggered when you found out about Ethan."
"Does that make me a freak like Angelo or Ethan," Ms Parker asked softly.
Sydney smiled gently at her and cupped her chin in his hand, staring directly into her eyes, he asked her softly, "Do you really see Angelo or Ethan as freaks? They are different, yes, and had the Centre not twisted their minds you might have passed them in the street and not even known they were special. Am I a freak to you? Or was your mother?"
"Why you, Sydney?" she asked in wonderment
"You know the answer, Parker. Why else did you come to see me about it?"
"I just wanted to know what is happening to me."
"With time, we will find out."
That's when they decided to have the sessions.
Friday-evening
"It is all so frustrating, Sydney," she said when they had settled down, after Sydney had downed a few aspirins to help ease the headache, "We had, what, three sessions now and I still don't know what is wrong with me."
"There is nothing wrong with you, Parker, on the contrary. As I said before, it is an extra sense. To some it's a gift, to some a curse. See it as an extra arm. It can be handy sometimes or very much in the way of doing things. I'm here to help you control it. Once controlled it might act as a gift."
"Why do you keep contradicting it?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you keep saying it is a gift, but than on the other hand that it could also be a curse. Why?"
"Ah, I see what you mean. I meant, if it can be controlled it can be wonderful, to you and others you might be able to help. If it's uncontrollable, when it is intruding rather than helping, it can be a curse. Look at Angelo. He's an empath, He can't control it, he feels other people's emotion very strongly and he can't shut it down. It's driving him to the point of insanity. Ethan only controls it to an extent. Luckily he's faring better now since he's learning to control it.
In the end your mother was finally able to control it. With it she helped many children in the Centre. Unfortunately, the Centre's policies stood in the way."
"What about yours, Sydney?"
"What about mine?" he asked evasively.
"Is it a curse or a gift to you?"
"A bit of both really," he answered truthfully, "Luckily mine did not develop until I was in my teens. I would have gone insane if it had developed when I was still in Dachau. For a while I saw it as a blessing, when I was able to help others with it. But something happened, which made me shut it down for quite some time. I was able to help your mother. And then the Centre's policies." he did not continue. She had no need to fill in the blanks.
"Did Jacob have it?"
"Yes, but his was not as strong as mine, except when we were together. He treated it as fun, as he did with most things in life."
"What is mine?"
"Well, for one thing we have established you are a receiver," he explained when he saw the questioning frown on her face, "Its evident so far that you can pick up messages from, for want of a better term, ghosts like your mother. We don't know yet if you can receive messages in the telepathic sense. You sensed me, but to what an extent you can receive, needs to be seen.
You must be able to send them, judging by the "loudness" (-he rubbed his temple with one hand and a smile on his face-) but we don't know its range yet. A combination of sending and receiving is not uncommon. You might even be mildly empathic.
As you can see, it is not easy to pinpoint your ability yet. I know it is difficult but you have to have some patience."
He saw that she tried hard to understand, He also saw her impatience bubbling to the surface.
"You want to try again?"
"If you're up to it.
They were sitting opposite each other. As before, Sydney lightly held her hand in his own. Their eyes were closed to help them concentrate. Sydney's soft and gentle voice guided her along, "Okay! Try to relax," he said, keeping his own Inner Sense tightly in control while still monitoring hers, "That's it. Now, try to open up your mind. slowly, don't rush it. Picture something which made you happy."
Although he had been prepared to the way she transmitted, the vibrancy of the colours she was projecting nearly blinded him, "Easy, Parker," he said in a tight voice, "Don't push it too hard."
The colours toned down somewhat, "That's it. It will be less of a strain to yourself and others if you do it gently. Now try and make the picture clearer, as if you are standing away from it."
Her mind grasped the concept quickly this time. The vibrant colours became less vivid and it was as if she was stepping away from it, as Sydney had instructed. The picture became clearer too and showed Mrs Parker holding the younger self of Ms Parker in her arms, softly the song of lullaby could be heard in Sydney's mind and he recognised Catherine Parker's voice. It nearly brought tears to his eyes when he heard her voice. He kept himself under control.
"Okay, Ms Parker, remember the feeling. This is a memory. It will have a distinct difference to the voices when you hear them. It is crucial that you will be able to distinguish between the two."
He took a deep breath and allowed himself to open up more, "Now don't be alarmed but I will try and talk to you in your mind. Ready?" He felt her acquiesce.
His breathing deepened with his concentration, he didn't want to scare her. She felt a prickling sensation at the base of her skull as if someone was watching her. Within a heartbeat he was on her plane of mind. She had chosen to be in her office, strange that she would choose that particular spot as a place of security.
She looked at Sydney in amazement. He looked younger, not by a lot but definitely younger, and he seemed to be lit from within. It had a very calming effect. He smiled at her. His words were gentle, like a caressing breeze, almost hypnotic. "Can you hear me, Ms Parker?" Her mind-self nodded. "Would you like to try and talk to me too? But will you try and be gentle this time? Like you're having a normal conversation. I am close by, so you don't have to speak very loudly. Will you try?"
She opened her mouth and although it was not as loud as earlier sessions she still needed some time to adjust to the skill. "Why do you look different, Sydney?"
"I was not aware of it."
"You look younger, but not by much and you glow!"
"Part of it is what I want you to see and part of it is how you see me. The glow is my life-force. The happier and healthier I am, the stronger the glow."
"Do I look different to you?"
"Yes," he smiled at her, "More gentle than you normally show yourself in real life. It suits you."
She shyly smiled back at him and by doing so a gentle light started to pulse within her. On another level Sydney pitied the lost years that could have changed her into this lovely woman rather than the cold person she projected in the Centre.
"Remember the feeling that comes with talking on this level. Can you feel the difference between a memory and a telepathic contact?" She nodded again.
"Good, we leave it at that for the moment. Next we will try and contact one of your voices," he saw her shudder in anticipation and at the same time nervous at the prospect. "Don't be worried, it will be alright. We just need to give it a bit of time."
She felt him retreat and then he was gone from her mind. It left her with a feeling of emptiness and she opened her eyes. She felt tired as if she had just ran a mile at top speed.
She looked over at Sydney, who had let go of her hand. A sheen of perspiration had appeared on his forehead and she grew alarmed when she saw how tired he looked.
Again he smiled at her, "Don't worry, Ms Parker, I am just a bit rusty in the use of my Inner Sense. Just give me a couple of minutes and I will feel all right. How are you feeling?"
"A bit tired as well. Is that normal, Sydney?"
He nodded, closed his eyes briefly and took a couple of deep breaths, "In the beginning, certainly. It should be getting easier with the practise in the use. You don't feel too strained?"
"No. As a matter of fact it seemed harder when you told me to "talk" to you quietly."
"That is because you were concentrating on controlling it."
"I feel very hungry, though."
He smiled his boyish grin, "It is a minor side-effect."
She smiled mischievously an raised an eyebrow, "Any other side-effects?"
"Only when you concentrate too hard and over an extended period. It might drain you as if the energy is running out of you. You have to be careful not to overextend yourself."
"I promise to be careful. Shall I cook or will you?"
He laughed, "You have many qualities, Ms Parker, but I think I will do the cooking."
She followed him into the kitchen and perched on one of the stools while she watched him cooking their meal.
"Why did you stop using it, Sydney?"
He had his back to her but for a moment there was hesitation in his movements and she saw his back tense, "I don't want to talk about that, Ms Parker."
"How can I understand mine if I have no example what it could do, bad or worse?"
He stopped what he was doing but still had his back to her, his body leaning on his arms on the countertop, "I might tell you later, Ms Parker, at the moment I don't think it will further your education if I tell you why. I. don't want to talk about it now. So, no more questions about that, okay?" He sounded harsh but for the moment he had prepared himself to be strong for her. There was no need to burden her with his problems.
Ms Parker scowled. "There he goes again," she thought, "trusting me one minute and keeping secrets from me the next minute. If he's not going to tell me in words and if I really have the abilities he thinks I have, I will find out myself. No more secrets!" Her lips curled into a nasty smile and she was glad Sydney had his back to her.
Sydney had picked up her thoughts or rather the emotions and he wondered if he was creating a monster by helping her understand her abilities. He sighed. He had to keep a tight rein on his thoughts when they were doing sessions together, he could see that. He went back to preparing the food.
After they had finished their meal Ms Parker became impatient again, eager for another try and wanting to learn more, fast. "Let's try again, Sydney."
"We have only just finished eating, Ms Parker!" But he could see the eagerness in her eyes and he knew he couldn't deny her. "Okay, let's clear this away first and then move to the living-room."
When they sat down once more, Sydney told her to relax and to go through the breathing exercises to enable her to open her mind. He held her hand lightly, sitting next to her and doing the same exercises. They would be trying to tap into her ability to talk to her mother while fully aware.
When he entered her plane this time the scenery had changed from her office to a meadow overlooking Blue Cove. He knew the place well. It was beautiful and calming.
She was leaning against a tree. "Why are we here, Sydney?"
"It's your mind, Parker, you should know why. Have you been here before when your mother's voice spoke to you?"
"No, when she spoke to me before it was just her voice and sometimes her face. was floating somehow. I don't know how to explain it. It is only when I am with you that there is a setting."
He realised that she was trying to accommodate him when he was visiting her mind only she had not realised this herself. "You are more in control of yourself than you know, Little One," he said using the endearing term he had used when she was a little girl.
She looked at him sharply. "Why do you call me that?"
"Sorry, I won't do it again if it is upsetting you. Shall we sit down?" Since she had created a setting where this was possible it might make the progress easier too.
They sat next to each other, looking over Blue Cove. "It's quite nice from up here isn't it?"
"Yes," he said, "One couldn't believe that not all is as beautiful as it seems from up here."
He continued when she stayed comfortable just sitting there, "It's time, Ms Parker. Can you call for your mother?"
She looked startled. Hearing her mother's voice was nice, but deliberately calling her. what if this was all in her imagination? Not real! Was she just cracking up?
"Don't be scared, I am here with you. Try, Ms Parker."
It was funny to see that she closed her eyes on this plane as well to concentrate, "Mother," she called softly, feeling a little foolish doing it consciously, "Are you there?"
Nothing happened the first two times and she was just about to give up when her mother's voice broke through to her, "Yes, Monica, I am here."
With a shock Ms Parker opened her eyes, looked at her mother who was standing in front of her and broke contact so fast that Sydney was hurled back into his own mind again.
Both were aware of their surroundings immediately and were gasping for breath. Both had a nasty headache.
"What happened," asked Ms Parker, rubbing her temples in mirror-fashion to Sydney.
"You broke contact abruptly. Probably the shock of "seeing" your mother."
"I'm sorry, Sydney! I didn't."
"Don't worry, it's just a learning curve, "Is she still there with you?"
"I. I don't think so."
"We'll try again next time. I should have prepared you better."
"But why wasn't I startled when you appeared?"
"You knew I was coming. You weren't prepared for your mother. Part of it was that you didn't believe it could happen. We do it gentler next time."
"Why not now?"
"Am I the only one with a headache?"
"Sorry, Syd. But could we try again, please?"
He gave in against his better judgement. Luckily tomorrow was Saturday and he didn't have to go to the Centre. They started the exercise again.
This time she had chosen her old room in her house. "She learns fast," thought Sydney to himself, "In this setting she would expect her mother to come in."
After she had called for a couple of times, her mother did enter the room via the door, "Hello Monica. Hello Sydney." She smiled at both.
Her appearance nearly brought tears to Sydney's eyes. He hadn't seen her for such a long time and his heart ached for her, "Hello, Catherine," he said softly. Ms Parker looked at him. This was her call wasn't it?
"It has been a long time, Sydney. I tried calling to you, but you seemed to have been closed off for such a long time. Why? Didn't you want to talk to me anymore?"
"It had nothing to do with you, Catherine. I had closed myself to all."
"Pity. And how are you, my Little One?" she had turned to Ms Parker.
Ms Parker looked over at Sydney; this was not him speaking was it? He shook his head. He had not realised that he had used the same endearment for her as her mother had.
She turned back to her mother, "I am fine, thank you. How are you?" The minute she said it she knew it sounded silly, an automatic response to the question. Her mother was dead, how would she feel.
"I am fine too."
"Are you really here?"
"Yes, I am always with you. It's nice I can talk to you now. I have been longing to do that for a long time. It is good that Sydney is teaching you. Listen to him; he helped me as well. I can feel the power strong in you. Sorry, I couldn't be with you for long."
Ms Parker had tears in her eyes. She was happy she could see her mother now as well as hear her.
She saw Sydney retreat, "Don't go, Syd!"
"You want to have some time together. I'll be around, don't worry." He disappeared from view.
Ms Parker turned back to her mother.
Sydney had gently broken the contact. He knew Ms Parker needed some private time with her mother and needed to feel at ease doing so. He also sported a headache the seize of Mount Rushmore and this combined with the anxiety of seeing Catherine Parker, might make the whole situation awkward. He knew she would be visiting him soon anyway. He wasn't sure whether he was looking forward to it.
He was tired but he also knew Ms Parker wanted to test her skills and he could do without her probing into his mind as an exercise. He closed his eyes for a moment without the intention of dozing off.
Ms Parker had relished the little time she had with her mother alone. And although she felt the emptiness when her mother had retreated, she knew she was close by and could be tapped into whenever she needed her.
Almost like a little girl with a new toy she wanted more. Play with it. Feel for its boundaries.
She let out her tendrils, the way Sydney had shown her a couple of days ago, and she found him but through inexperience "slammed" into his mind. He woke up with a stabbing pain and in reflex had thrown her out of his brain.
"Ms Parker, what were you doing?" he bent over in pain clutching his head. She fared not much better and was gripping her head as well.
"I just wanted to surprise you by entering your mind. Like you showed me, but I think I did it all wrong, didn't I?"
"You might say that again! Ms Parker, please do not even try to attempt this again until you had more experience, unless you want to give someone else a headache, preferably not me."
"Okay, Sydney," she said demurely. She scolded herself for trying to invade his mind, a more experienced mind who could detect her easily. She had to be more careful next time.
He knew what she had planned to do and had therefore created a security- barrier before resting, just in case he would doze off (which he had done) and she would attempt to invade his mind (which she had done). He had not been prepared for the force she was using to break into his mind and now he had paid the price for it.
When he attempted to sit up the room in front of him seemed to be spinning and made him feel nauseous. Sit quietly for a moment, no use. Although getting up made the spinning of the room more violent, it was either that or throw up in the living room. He staggered quickly out of the room and headed for the toilet. He only just made it.
"What was that all about," thought Ms Parker when she heard the violent retching sound.
When Sydney came back he was as white as a sheet. "What's wrong, Sydney," she asked worriedly.
After scraping his throat a few times, he said hoarsely, "Headache got out of hand. I am not so young anymore, Ms Parker, and I suggest we call it a day. Wouldn't you agree? (-she nodded-) I will turn in now. We can proceed tomorrow but this old man needs his rest. Will you be alright? You know where to find everything? Good, I'll see you in the morning. Goodnight." He all but stumbled out of the room.
She had agreed to stay overnight in the guest bedroom. Both of them not knowing how long the sessions were going to last, nor as Sydney said, would it be wise to drive home after a session. And although she wasn't sleepy yet she could see what he meant and also understood why he had to throw up. Her headache wasn't as bad, but it was borderline.
She opted for reading a book before turning in.
Saturday
The next morning saw her bright and early, although there was no sign of Sydney yet. She made some coffee, partly to kill the time. Sydney rose another hour later. "Slept well, Ms Parker?" he inquired, looking only slightly better than before he went to bed the night before.
"I did, yes, but did you? You look terrible!"
"Thank you for your kind words," he said sarcastically, "but I have to agree it took out more than I expected. Nevertheless, I should be better after we had some breakfast!" He set about preparing it. Ms Parker cringed. She wasn't used to having breakfast, normally a cup of coffee and a cigarette would do her in the morning. She ate the breakfast anyway.
"Sydney, I am really sorry about last night."
"I know. You just wanted to test your newfound skills. I'm not blaming you. And perhaps trying to find more about what makes me tick?" he added in afterthought.
"Well, sort of," she admitted.
"I will tell you everything you want to know, eventually. But I want to keep some things to myself. Not because I don't want you to know but because I am not ready to share them with you yet. Some of the memories are still painful to me and I have to deal with them first. Okay? I tell you what, when you have more experience you are allowed to probe my mind to your heart's content. No more secrets, I promise. 'Till then you will not try to do it again. Promise?"
She nodded, feeling a bit like a small girl who was told off. "No more secrets?"
"No more secrets!"
"Okay, I can live with that!" She cheered up immediately, "Can we try again today?"
"Yes, we will. Although I have the feeling we are moving too fast," he lightened the mood when he saw her disappointment, "You shouldn't forget I am an old man and need my rest as well. So, how about taking in some fresh air? (-she frowned-) You know, the matter you find outside a building, does not come in a package and is not circulated by the Centre's air-vents? You should try it sometimes, it is really good."
She could almost hear Jarod speaking. No second guesses where the Labrat had picked up such an abominable sense of humour. She looked at his face and saw it smile, not just the curve of his mouth but his whole face, wrinkles, eyes and all. How could she refuse?
Continued
Title: Educating Ms Parker
Author: Giton
Rating: G
Spoilers: Season 4 Finale, but not necessarily
Keywords: Inner Sense, sequel to Silencing the voices
Summary: Making Ms Parker understand her Inner Sense can be difficult
Educating Ms Parker
By Giton
Sydney's front-room, Friday, early in the evening
"Stop broadcasting so loudly, Parker," said Sydney, letting go of Ms Parker's hands and pressing his own hands to the sides of his head as if that could stop her shouting inside his skull. Well, letting go of her hands had helped a bit. His own Inner Sense worked better while he was in physical contact with a person. Unfortunately it also worked rather well when he was in close proximity.
"Sorry, Sydney, didn't mean to."
"It's not your fault, Parker. I should be teaching you better. Let's leave it for half an hour before we try again, okay?" he was rubbing his temples painfully. Her last "broadcast" had given him a pounding headache.
Some weeks earlier
As he had expected, she had come to him shortly after finding out about her Inner Sense. Asking him the same question her mother had asked him all these years ago. "Help me understand it, Sydney, please! It's driving me insane! I don't know which thoughts are mine and which are other people's."
Of course he had agreed to help her, could he do otherwise? He had not been able to deny her mother, why would it be any different with the daughter?
He had decided that it would be better to have the sessions at his home, away from the prying eyes and ears of the Centre.
Ms Parker had a difficult time trying to understand what was happening to her. Her mother's voice was coming to her unbidden. It was advising her, telling to trust her Inner Sense but she could make no sense of it. There were other voices too. She wasn't sure anymore whether the voices were genuine or her own imagination running riot. Finally she had turned to Sydney, having homed in on his Inner Sense.
"What's happening to me, Syd?" she had asked pleadingly.
"It's your Inner Sense, Ms Parker."
"Yeah, right, that's what my mother's voice is telling me, but I still don't understand what it is and why me?"
"It's the gift. or the curse," he added softly, "that your mother passed down to you. That's the 'Why'. It had lain dormant in you, Parker. I have seen glimpses of it over the years but you had a natural talent, totally unknown to you, to block it. I didn't want to force the issue. Or maybe I had hoped that it wouldn't develop. For the 'What', we have to establish to what extent you have this ability, which direction it is going and than how to help you control it."
"You mean you don't have a straightforward answer what this is?"
"Each individual has it in a different form or sometimes even forms. Some have developed stronger senses some weaker. Some have never known how to tap into it and are blissfully unaware. Some have learned to control it, use it to their own or other people's advantage. And some have let it control them completely and ended insane. No, Ms Parker, there is no straightforward explanation. If it is any consolation, I think yours was triggered when you found out about Ethan."
"Does that make me a freak like Angelo or Ethan," Ms Parker asked softly.
Sydney smiled gently at her and cupped her chin in his hand, staring directly into her eyes, he asked her softly, "Do you really see Angelo or Ethan as freaks? They are different, yes, and had the Centre not twisted their minds you might have passed them in the street and not even known they were special. Am I a freak to you? Or was your mother?"
"Why you, Sydney?" she asked in wonderment
"You know the answer, Parker. Why else did you come to see me about it?"
"I just wanted to know what is happening to me."
"With time, we will find out."
That's when they decided to have the sessions.
Friday-evening
"It is all so frustrating, Sydney," she said when they had settled down, after Sydney had downed a few aspirins to help ease the headache, "We had, what, three sessions now and I still don't know what is wrong with me."
"There is nothing wrong with you, Parker, on the contrary. As I said before, it is an extra sense. To some it's a gift, to some a curse. See it as an extra arm. It can be handy sometimes or very much in the way of doing things. I'm here to help you control it. Once controlled it might act as a gift."
"Why do you keep contradicting it?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you keep saying it is a gift, but than on the other hand that it could also be a curse. Why?"
"Ah, I see what you mean. I meant, if it can be controlled it can be wonderful, to you and others you might be able to help. If it's uncontrollable, when it is intruding rather than helping, it can be a curse. Look at Angelo. He's an empath, He can't control it, he feels other people's emotion very strongly and he can't shut it down. It's driving him to the point of insanity. Ethan only controls it to an extent. Luckily he's faring better now since he's learning to control it.
In the end your mother was finally able to control it. With it she helped many children in the Centre. Unfortunately, the Centre's policies stood in the way."
"What about yours, Sydney?"
"What about mine?" he asked evasively.
"Is it a curse or a gift to you?"
"A bit of both really," he answered truthfully, "Luckily mine did not develop until I was in my teens. I would have gone insane if it had developed when I was still in Dachau. For a while I saw it as a blessing, when I was able to help others with it. But something happened, which made me shut it down for quite some time. I was able to help your mother. And then the Centre's policies." he did not continue. She had no need to fill in the blanks.
"Did Jacob have it?"
"Yes, but his was not as strong as mine, except when we were together. He treated it as fun, as he did with most things in life."
"What is mine?"
"Well, for one thing we have established you are a receiver," he explained when he saw the questioning frown on her face, "Its evident so far that you can pick up messages from, for want of a better term, ghosts like your mother. We don't know yet if you can receive messages in the telepathic sense. You sensed me, but to what an extent you can receive, needs to be seen.
You must be able to send them, judging by the "loudness" (-he rubbed his temple with one hand and a smile on his face-) but we don't know its range yet. A combination of sending and receiving is not uncommon. You might even be mildly empathic.
As you can see, it is not easy to pinpoint your ability yet. I know it is difficult but you have to have some patience."
He saw that she tried hard to understand, He also saw her impatience bubbling to the surface.
"You want to try again?"
"If you're up to it.
They were sitting opposite each other. As before, Sydney lightly held her hand in his own. Their eyes were closed to help them concentrate. Sydney's soft and gentle voice guided her along, "Okay! Try to relax," he said, keeping his own Inner Sense tightly in control while still monitoring hers, "That's it. Now, try to open up your mind. slowly, don't rush it. Picture something which made you happy."
Although he had been prepared to the way she transmitted, the vibrancy of the colours she was projecting nearly blinded him, "Easy, Parker," he said in a tight voice, "Don't push it too hard."
The colours toned down somewhat, "That's it. It will be less of a strain to yourself and others if you do it gently. Now try and make the picture clearer, as if you are standing away from it."
Her mind grasped the concept quickly this time. The vibrant colours became less vivid and it was as if she was stepping away from it, as Sydney had instructed. The picture became clearer too and showed Mrs Parker holding the younger self of Ms Parker in her arms, softly the song of lullaby could be heard in Sydney's mind and he recognised Catherine Parker's voice. It nearly brought tears to his eyes when he heard her voice. He kept himself under control.
"Okay, Ms Parker, remember the feeling. This is a memory. It will have a distinct difference to the voices when you hear them. It is crucial that you will be able to distinguish between the two."
He took a deep breath and allowed himself to open up more, "Now don't be alarmed but I will try and talk to you in your mind. Ready?" He felt her acquiesce.
His breathing deepened with his concentration, he didn't want to scare her. She felt a prickling sensation at the base of her skull as if someone was watching her. Within a heartbeat he was on her plane of mind. She had chosen to be in her office, strange that she would choose that particular spot as a place of security.
She looked at Sydney in amazement. He looked younger, not by a lot but definitely younger, and he seemed to be lit from within. It had a very calming effect. He smiled at her. His words were gentle, like a caressing breeze, almost hypnotic. "Can you hear me, Ms Parker?" Her mind-self nodded. "Would you like to try and talk to me too? But will you try and be gentle this time? Like you're having a normal conversation. I am close by, so you don't have to speak very loudly. Will you try?"
She opened her mouth and although it was not as loud as earlier sessions she still needed some time to adjust to the skill. "Why do you look different, Sydney?"
"I was not aware of it."
"You look younger, but not by much and you glow!"
"Part of it is what I want you to see and part of it is how you see me. The glow is my life-force. The happier and healthier I am, the stronger the glow."
"Do I look different to you?"
"Yes," he smiled at her, "More gentle than you normally show yourself in real life. It suits you."
She shyly smiled back at him and by doing so a gentle light started to pulse within her. On another level Sydney pitied the lost years that could have changed her into this lovely woman rather than the cold person she projected in the Centre.
"Remember the feeling that comes with talking on this level. Can you feel the difference between a memory and a telepathic contact?" She nodded again.
"Good, we leave it at that for the moment. Next we will try and contact one of your voices," he saw her shudder in anticipation and at the same time nervous at the prospect. "Don't be worried, it will be alright. We just need to give it a bit of time."
She felt him retreat and then he was gone from her mind. It left her with a feeling of emptiness and she opened her eyes. She felt tired as if she had just ran a mile at top speed.
She looked over at Sydney, who had let go of her hand. A sheen of perspiration had appeared on his forehead and she grew alarmed when she saw how tired he looked.
Again he smiled at her, "Don't worry, Ms Parker, I am just a bit rusty in the use of my Inner Sense. Just give me a couple of minutes and I will feel all right. How are you feeling?"
"A bit tired as well. Is that normal, Sydney?"
He nodded, closed his eyes briefly and took a couple of deep breaths, "In the beginning, certainly. It should be getting easier with the practise in the use. You don't feel too strained?"
"No. As a matter of fact it seemed harder when you told me to "talk" to you quietly."
"That is because you were concentrating on controlling it."
"I feel very hungry, though."
He smiled his boyish grin, "It is a minor side-effect."
She smiled mischievously an raised an eyebrow, "Any other side-effects?"
"Only when you concentrate too hard and over an extended period. It might drain you as if the energy is running out of you. You have to be careful not to overextend yourself."
"I promise to be careful. Shall I cook or will you?"
He laughed, "You have many qualities, Ms Parker, but I think I will do the cooking."
She followed him into the kitchen and perched on one of the stools while she watched him cooking their meal.
"Why did you stop using it, Sydney?"
He had his back to her but for a moment there was hesitation in his movements and she saw his back tense, "I don't want to talk about that, Ms Parker."
"How can I understand mine if I have no example what it could do, bad or worse?"
He stopped what he was doing but still had his back to her, his body leaning on his arms on the countertop, "I might tell you later, Ms Parker, at the moment I don't think it will further your education if I tell you why. I. don't want to talk about it now. So, no more questions about that, okay?" He sounded harsh but for the moment he had prepared himself to be strong for her. There was no need to burden her with his problems.
Ms Parker scowled. "There he goes again," she thought, "trusting me one minute and keeping secrets from me the next minute. If he's not going to tell me in words and if I really have the abilities he thinks I have, I will find out myself. No more secrets!" Her lips curled into a nasty smile and she was glad Sydney had his back to her.
Sydney had picked up her thoughts or rather the emotions and he wondered if he was creating a monster by helping her understand her abilities. He sighed. He had to keep a tight rein on his thoughts when they were doing sessions together, he could see that. He went back to preparing the food.
After they had finished their meal Ms Parker became impatient again, eager for another try and wanting to learn more, fast. "Let's try again, Sydney."
"We have only just finished eating, Ms Parker!" But he could see the eagerness in her eyes and he knew he couldn't deny her. "Okay, let's clear this away first and then move to the living-room."
When they sat down once more, Sydney told her to relax and to go through the breathing exercises to enable her to open her mind. He held her hand lightly, sitting next to her and doing the same exercises. They would be trying to tap into her ability to talk to her mother while fully aware.
When he entered her plane this time the scenery had changed from her office to a meadow overlooking Blue Cove. He knew the place well. It was beautiful and calming.
She was leaning against a tree. "Why are we here, Sydney?"
"It's your mind, Parker, you should know why. Have you been here before when your mother's voice spoke to you?"
"No, when she spoke to me before it was just her voice and sometimes her face. was floating somehow. I don't know how to explain it. It is only when I am with you that there is a setting."
He realised that she was trying to accommodate him when he was visiting her mind only she had not realised this herself. "You are more in control of yourself than you know, Little One," he said using the endearing term he had used when she was a little girl.
She looked at him sharply. "Why do you call me that?"
"Sorry, I won't do it again if it is upsetting you. Shall we sit down?" Since she had created a setting where this was possible it might make the progress easier too.
They sat next to each other, looking over Blue Cove. "It's quite nice from up here isn't it?"
"Yes," he said, "One couldn't believe that not all is as beautiful as it seems from up here."
He continued when she stayed comfortable just sitting there, "It's time, Ms Parker. Can you call for your mother?"
She looked startled. Hearing her mother's voice was nice, but deliberately calling her. what if this was all in her imagination? Not real! Was she just cracking up?
"Don't be scared, I am here with you. Try, Ms Parker."
It was funny to see that she closed her eyes on this plane as well to concentrate, "Mother," she called softly, feeling a little foolish doing it consciously, "Are you there?"
Nothing happened the first two times and she was just about to give up when her mother's voice broke through to her, "Yes, Monica, I am here."
With a shock Ms Parker opened her eyes, looked at her mother who was standing in front of her and broke contact so fast that Sydney was hurled back into his own mind again.
Both were aware of their surroundings immediately and were gasping for breath. Both had a nasty headache.
"What happened," asked Ms Parker, rubbing her temples in mirror-fashion to Sydney.
"You broke contact abruptly. Probably the shock of "seeing" your mother."
"I'm sorry, Sydney! I didn't."
"Don't worry, it's just a learning curve, "Is she still there with you?"
"I. I don't think so."
"We'll try again next time. I should have prepared you better."
"But why wasn't I startled when you appeared?"
"You knew I was coming. You weren't prepared for your mother. Part of it was that you didn't believe it could happen. We do it gentler next time."
"Why not now?"
"Am I the only one with a headache?"
"Sorry, Syd. But could we try again, please?"
He gave in against his better judgement. Luckily tomorrow was Saturday and he didn't have to go to the Centre. They started the exercise again.
This time she had chosen her old room in her house. "She learns fast," thought Sydney to himself, "In this setting she would expect her mother to come in."
After she had called for a couple of times, her mother did enter the room via the door, "Hello Monica. Hello Sydney." She smiled at both.
Her appearance nearly brought tears to Sydney's eyes. He hadn't seen her for such a long time and his heart ached for her, "Hello, Catherine," he said softly. Ms Parker looked at him. This was her call wasn't it?
"It has been a long time, Sydney. I tried calling to you, but you seemed to have been closed off for such a long time. Why? Didn't you want to talk to me anymore?"
"It had nothing to do with you, Catherine. I had closed myself to all."
"Pity. And how are you, my Little One?" she had turned to Ms Parker.
Ms Parker looked over at Sydney; this was not him speaking was it? He shook his head. He had not realised that he had used the same endearment for her as her mother had.
She turned back to her mother, "I am fine, thank you. How are you?" The minute she said it she knew it sounded silly, an automatic response to the question. Her mother was dead, how would she feel.
"I am fine too."
"Are you really here?"
"Yes, I am always with you. It's nice I can talk to you now. I have been longing to do that for a long time. It is good that Sydney is teaching you. Listen to him; he helped me as well. I can feel the power strong in you. Sorry, I couldn't be with you for long."
Ms Parker had tears in her eyes. She was happy she could see her mother now as well as hear her.
She saw Sydney retreat, "Don't go, Syd!"
"You want to have some time together. I'll be around, don't worry." He disappeared from view.
Ms Parker turned back to her mother.
Sydney had gently broken the contact. He knew Ms Parker needed some private time with her mother and needed to feel at ease doing so. He also sported a headache the seize of Mount Rushmore and this combined with the anxiety of seeing Catherine Parker, might make the whole situation awkward. He knew she would be visiting him soon anyway. He wasn't sure whether he was looking forward to it.
He was tired but he also knew Ms Parker wanted to test her skills and he could do without her probing into his mind as an exercise. He closed his eyes for a moment without the intention of dozing off.
Ms Parker had relished the little time she had with her mother alone. And although she felt the emptiness when her mother had retreated, she knew she was close by and could be tapped into whenever she needed her.
Almost like a little girl with a new toy she wanted more. Play with it. Feel for its boundaries.
She let out her tendrils, the way Sydney had shown her a couple of days ago, and she found him but through inexperience "slammed" into his mind. He woke up with a stabbing pain and in reflex had thrown her out of his brain.
"Ms Parker, what were you doing?" he bent over in pain clutching his head. She fared not much better and was gripping her head as well.
"I just wanted to surprise you by entering your mind. Like you showed me, but I think I did it all wrong, didn't I?"
"You might say that again! Ms Parker, please do not even try to attempt this again until you had more experience, unless you want to give someone else a headache, preferably not me."
"Okay, Sydney," she said demurely. She scolded herself for trying to invade his mind, a more experienced mind who could detect her easily. She had to be more careful next time.
He knew what she had planned to do and had therefore created a security- barrier before resting, just in case he would doze off (which he had done) and she would attempt to invade his mind (which she had done). He had not been prepared for the force she was using to break into his mind and now he had paid the price for it.
When he attempted to sit up the room in front of him seemed to be spinning and made him feel nauseous. Sit quietly for a moment, no use. Although getting up made the spinning of the room more violent, it was either that or throw up in the living room. He staggered quickly out of the room and headed for the toilet. He only just made it.
"What was that all about," thought Ms Parker when she heard the violent retching sound.
When Sydney came back he was as white as a sheet. "What's wrong, Sydney," she asked worriedly.
After scraping his throat a few times, he said hoarsely, "Headache got out of hand. I am not so young anymore, Ms Parker, and I suggest we call it a day. Wouldn't you agree? (-she nodded-) I will turn in now. We can proceed tomorrow but this old man needs his rest. Will you be alright? You know where to find everything? Good, I'll see you in the morning. Goodnight." He all but stumbled out of the room.
She had agreed to stay overnight in the guest bedroom. Both of them not knowing how long the sessions were going to last, nor as Sydney said, would it be wise to drive home after a session. And although she wasn't sleepy yet she could see what he meant and also understood why he had to throw up. Her headache wasn't as bad, but it was borderline.
She opted for reading a book before turning in.
Saturday
The next morning saw her bright and early, although there was no sign of Sydney yet. She made some coffee, partly to kill the time. Sydney rose another hour later. "Slept well, Ms Parker?" he inquired, looking only slightly better than before he went to bed the night before.
"I did, yes, but did you? You look terrible!"
"Thank you for your kind words," he said sarcastically, "but I have to agree it took out more than I expected. Nevertheless, I should be better after we had some breakfast!" He set about preparing it. Ms Parker cringed. She wasn't used to having breakfast, normally a cup of coffee and a cigarette would do her in the morning. She ate the breakfast anyway.
"Sydney, I am really sorry about last night."
"I know. You just wanted to test your newfound skills. I'm not blaming you. And perhaps trying to find more about what makes me tick?" he added in afterthought.
"Well, sort of," she admitted.
"I will tell you everything you want to know, eventually. But I want to keep some things to myself. Not because I don't want you to know but because I am not ready to share them with you yet. Some of the memories are still painful to me and I have to deal with them first. Okay? I tell you what, when you have more experience you are allowed to probe my mind to your heart's content. No more secrets, I promise. 'Till then you will not try to do it again. Promise?"
She nodded, feeling a bit like a small girl who was told off. "No more secrets?"
"No more secrets!"
"Okay, I can live with that!" She cheered up immediately, "Can we try again today?"
"Yes, we will. Although I have the feeling we are moving too fast," he lightened the mood when he saw her disappointment, "You shouldn't forget I am an old man and need my rest as well. So, how about taking in some fresh air? (-she frowned-) You know, the matter you find outside a building, does not come in a package and is not circulated by the Centre's air-vents? You should try it sometimes, it is really good."
She could almost hear Jarod speaking. No second guesses where the Labrat had picked up such an abominable sense of humour. She looked at his face and saw it smile, not just the curve of his mouth but his whole face, wrinkles, eyes and all. How could she refuse?
Continued