Amity in Me: Part 1
Divergent Fanfic by MarlyCat
I guess you could say it all started when I was born. Nothing out of the usual, as they may say, except for who my mother was. She was Johanna; a proud and strong willed women who could calm just about everyone. She was someone I looked up to when I was younger; if not only because there was no one else I could look up to. If you didn't know, everyone in our city was separated into factions. I won't bore you with the details of that, I'm assuming you already know. But just know that where there is safety within your faction family, there is also confusion. There are restless nights of trying to find out who you are and what you are meant to do. Was I solely meant to tend to the farm every day until I die? Was I meant to lead Amity like my mother did; so kind and just? Or do I get to define who I am? All those questions were swimming in my mind as the day of the test grew closer.
I could tell by the way my mother had paraded me around that she wanted me to stay in Amity. It would be a very cushy position; no doubt about that. But I didn't feel like that was me.
"Of course, it is your choice Gwendolyn. I'm only here to let you know what your future can hold." She would say.
And I listened. I seriously considered the option. I was good at farming. Better than most girls my age; even better than some men. It wasn't that I could lift things better. It was that I could go for longer or taking the pain that I might face head on.
"You have patience, my child. That is a rare gift among people, even within Amity. You must use it to take control of the situation and not let it take over you." My mother said.
I smiled when she said that, wiping the sweat off my forehead. It was a nice way of putting it.
The day of the test was one of the most nerve racking day of my life. When it came time for morning chores, I was falling behind. I had to have the other workers double back to keep on schedule.
"Something wrong Gwendolyn?" asked Fredrick, one of my closest friends. He was older than me and had already gone through the ceremony. He stuck to his roots and stayed with Amity. I often wanted to ask him why he did, thinking he was far too smart for farm work, but I know we are not allowed to ask such things.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a bit nervous I guess. I mean, this is a big step and I want to make sure I take it as serious as possible." I answered, dropping more seeds into the ground. He laughed, swinging his hand to hit my back.
"I don't think I've ever seen you not be serious. You're built like a tank. Everything is serious to you" he said jokingly. He steps in front of me and put both hands on my shoulder. He kneeled down to look me in the eye.
"Trust the test Gwen. If you do that, you have nothing to worry about." He said.
The smile on his face put my mind at ease. I took a deep breath and nodded. He was right. I tend to work myself up about the little things. It's time to let the chips fall where they may. It was time for me to trust the test.
When we collected in our appropriate lines, I couldn't help but look at all the other options. I never do get a good chance to take a look. Everyone seemed so normal; I could point out people that reminded me of friends I had in Amity. It's like we are belonged to different dimensions with only a slight knowledge and evidence that the other existed. It felt too surreal to be this close to them.
"Out of your dome for the first time, I see." said an unfamiliar voice.
I turned to see a boy, much taller than me, talking to one of the farmers in my line. I barely even noticed that he crept through to our part of the testing rooms.
"Oh, so you' aren't' going to talk to me? Think you're too good? You know, just because you make food come from the ground doesn't mean-"
"That's enough Candor. Just leave us alone. We are here the same goal here today." I said.
I felt like it was my mother speaking. My voice was calm and non-threatening. I kept gentle eye contact with him, though he seemed offended that I said anything of that nature.
"And here I thought Amity were supposed to be kind and gentle creatures." He mocked, pulling a funny face.
I scoffed, showing him that he would not win this battle.
"And here I thought Candor knew right from wrong." I said.
He rolled his eyes and folded his arms. We stood there for a moment while he collected his thoughts. I couldn't tell what was going through his head; his face didn't give much tell at all.
"You know what? I like you. What's your name?" He asked, stepping closer
"It's Gwendolyn. And you?" I asked, reaching my hand out.
He happily shook it, giving it a firm grip. When I returned the gesture, giving him a quick squeeze, he smiled.
"It's Peter." He said, smirking.
"Well Peter, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the line has moved a significant amount since our meeting. So I think it's best if we get back to them." I mentioned, pointing to the obvious gap.
He looks over at it, pursing his lips and nodding. Without another word, we waves to me as he hurries away to catch up
"You sure have a way with words Gwen." Said Jenna.
Jenna was a peer of mine. I've seen her working in the kitchen; always with a smile on her face. It's hard not to smile with her near. I nod, smirking a bit.
"You just need to learn how to use yours Jenna." I said, patting her shoulder.
She laughed, pulling me in front of her in line, despite the fact that I was well behind her. I looked to see the others reactions, but was shocked to find none. If anything, they seemed a bit happy to see me; a few of them even waved. I sighed and looked ahead.
"You're scared too, aren't you?" she asked.
Her voice was soft and mousy, as if she couldn't tell if she wanted to think it or say it. My hand tensed up a bit, trying to work through the emotions. I could hear myself telling me to be strong for her. I had to set a good example. But what I really wanted to do was scream; to step out of line and walk away as calmly as possible. And when I was far enough away, run back to the dome; run like I never have and hope that no passerby's saw me. Because I knew that I would be crying.
"Gwen? The line is moving."
"What? Oh, right. Sorry about that. What was the question?" I asked, walking forward.
"Are you scared?" She asked.
I nodded slightly, closing my eyes.
"I'm scared because I don't know. I'm scared because I don't want to be told that I don't belong in Amity anymore. I mean, it's all I know. I'm scared I'm going to be an anomaly and have to make a decision. I want…I just…" I stated, flustered.
I massaged my forehead with my fingers, looking down. I could tell she felt bad about asking; she baked up a bit in the middle of my answer.
"I just want to get it over with, you know?" I said.
She nodded, looking into my eyes. She was trying to smile; I could tell. Her lips moved like clockwork, but her eye looked unstable. She looked like she was holding back tears. I patted her on the shoulder again, giving her a smile instead.
"Everything will be okay. Fredrick told me this morning to trust the test. So that is what we are going to do, okay?" I said.
She lit up a bit back to her old said laughed. She breathed deeply with her eyes closed before looking up.
"Right." She cheered; loud enough for everyone to hear.
In the distance, I could see the line clad in Dark colors like red and black shift their gaze to us.
"Yeah! Right!" Some of them hollered, starting a wave of cheering and jumping among them.
I let my gaze stay on them. They looked like a group of very fit and energetic people. I had seen them jump out of a train earlier.
"I could never do that." I whispered to myself.
There was this burning desire to watch them in cluster together in line, talking and laughing. They looked like they have fun. The kind you experience when you are young; scrapping you knees with a smile on your face. They were in charge of our protection; from what is beyond and from what goes on inside. They are the police force, the army, and the hero. I had never seen them in action; I guess you could consider that a good thing. Though I rarely get to come out of the dome area.
The entrance to the testing building was right in front of me. Every hair on the back of my neck began to stand, sending chills down my spine. I felt a gentle hand on my arm. When I looked to see who it was, the grip grew tighter. I put my free hand on top of it and looked down. Jenna was staring blank faced.
"Trust in the test, Jenna. Nothing to be worried about. I'll be waiting for you afterwards, okay?" I assured.
The tester had appeared through the door and motioned for me to follow him. I look to Jenna and smiled. She slowly let go of my arm and watched me step through the door.
Before I go further, I want to say a few things. I wish I had known what was going to happen next. If I did, maybe I could have ducked out the test all together and just go to the ceremony uneducated. I know they would have found me soon enough, but I would have hopped it wouldn't be until after the ceremony. That way, they couldn't do anything then. I could come up with some bullshit lie to get them off my back. I wish I could have been like everyone else. Like Jenna, who was so relieved after her test that she made a batch of her favorite bread. She got Amity and was very excited to hear about it. She said she was happy to stay where she was, with me. And that tore me up inside. It killed me because:
I was DIVERGENT