Ancient History
"Why?" He hoped the TARDIS could pick up on every inch of what he felt.
"Why here? I asked for somewhere...useful! This isn't useful! This is..."
Bloody terrifying.
"Pointless. Pointless! We can't help. Everyone died! It's Pompeii all over again. It's..." He stopped himself, not even wanting to go into what this place reminded him of. But he walked outside, feeling the crunch under his feet of scorched earth and stone, charred fabrics, kitchenware, china, broken glass. He breathed the thick black atmosphere and struggled to focus through it. The first sign of colour, real colour were the small huddles of people, trailing in listless groups. And her.
She caught his eye straight away. Of course she did. He took one look and knew exactly what he was doing here. Of everyone present, she was the most in need of medical attention.
"Why are there people here?" he asked the security official. Live people, he wanted to ask, but couldn't form the question in any kind of acceptable way. He knew that the eruption of Blimira had killed everyone in a hundred mile radius and pretty much destroyed the entire planet in time. None of these people could survive here for very long. Blimira had faded out of existence...a ghost planet...everlasting monument floating silently...
"They were visiting," the man replied. "Hovering overhead and caught in the crossfire, you might say. Been trapped in their ship ever since. They're insisting on conducting a study...on how the scene may be best preserved." His mouth twisted in a sneer. "We have to move them or we'll all be well preserved!" He glared at the Doctor as if it was his fault.
"They were here to watch the eruption?"
"No! Here to study the remains of Calfridia." When the Doctor's face didn't change, he sighed.
"This was an ancient temple...the first Guardians. Huge historical interest. Now they've got a much bigger ruins to study! Where've you come from anyway?"
"Not far," the Doctor said and before the man could ask anymore, "shall I help you gather them up?"
"Set an example. You shouldn't be here either. Teleport's that way," the official said curtly and signalled to a colleague who was walking slowly toward them. They circled the first group, shouting commands. But the people waved them away. Their faces, streaked with dust and tears, nonetheless, looked set and determined as they pulled instruments from their bags.
The Doctor turned away, still watching her. Unlike the others who were either in pairs or small groups, she was on her own. She had stopped at small square where obviously, in the very beginning, people had tried to bury their dead. She appeared to understand what the small circular structures were and her clasped hands shook as she stopped by each one.
Save someone!
The memories like a suffocating cloak in a place like this.
"Hello." He approached her cautiously, kept his voice low and tried his best to look casual. She barely responded, simply raised her head, a slight acknowledgement. The brief glimpse of her clouded eyes and pale face...he could almost feel what she felt. Or couldn't feel. She wouldn't survive here long at any rate, not like this.
"Come with me. It's really not safe for you here. I have a ship. You can rest there and I can take you home."
He wasn't sure what worried him most, her stumbling steps as she plodded silently beside him, or the fact that she went with him unquestioningly, never querying the fact that she was leaving her group behind, or going off by herself with a complete stranger.
"I'm the Doctor," he told her, extending a hand, and then keeping it under her elbow in case she tripped. But her face was expressionless, as if the effort of merely walking was enough for her at the present time.
As they entered the TARDIS, something flickered in her face. Wariness, but not fear. Awareness, but not interest. She stood still, making no effort to explore or even look around her. He put a hand on hers and the coldness of her skin worried him still further.
"Maybe you should rest," he said gently, "I'll show you to a room." He grabbed a blanket and put it around her shoulders. The TARDIS hummed somewhere at the back of his mind, letting him know that she felt the condition of their new passenger and would accommodate her.
Was it fair taking someone on board like this? Was he doing purely out of concern for her or was there somewhere, selfishness on his part, a desire not to be alone any longer? He collected companions from all sorts of situations, it was perfectly true. But there was always a choice involved. Plucking someone shocked and disorientated, it was almost kidnapping. He could do more harm than good.
On the other hand, maybe it was meant to be. Maybe...
He wrestled silently with his conscience as he made her comfortable in a small room off the console room and sat outside the room, trying to not think of the thoughts she might be trying to shut out, asleep or awake. The devastation, the absolute reality of it.
He had never dared visit Brimira before.
She would have seen it from the ship, wouldn't she? The crew have might argued together about whether or not to help, whether lowering the ship to ground level, even for a second, would kill them. And then, knowing they could do nothing, watched the explosion in silence.
From a safe distance.
He felt the TARDIS breathe as she stirred into life.
"Where are you taking us?"
She responded with a faint sigh, as if slightly annoyed at his wary tone.
"Be fair," he reminded her, "Brimira was your idea."
She emerged almost two hours later, at a run, into the console room. Her eyes were focused now. Very focused. She stared accusingly at him.
"Where the hell am I?"
"My ship," he said quickly.
She didn't look convinced.
"Have we been introduced?"
"Yes! Don't worry...the Doctor, remember? You needed to get out of there. I brought you here."
She didn't reply but this time, he could see the first stirring of fascination in her face.
"Some ship! It seemed smaller from outside...or did it? I don't really remember. Where are we?" She pressed a hand to her forehead and swayed slightly.
"Earth. 21st century. Be careful. You're still weak." He walked toward her but she stepped backwards, almost crashing into the controls.
"What?" The slight colour in her face was fading fast.
"It's ok," he said, "really. I didn't know where home was for you so my ship brought us here. Quiet year, honest. Interesting time." He opened the door, allowing her a glimpse of a quiet, suburban street with a small row of shops in the distance.
"Everything changes later on this century," he said softly.
She took a tentative step forward and looked outside.
"They don't know that," she replied, her voice breaking slightly on the last word.
"It's not like that," he said gently, "it's more of a gradual process here and it's nothing like...what you've witnessed. In some ways, it's the beginning of an empire like you couldn't imagine. Well, obviously you can. It's all happened by your time. But to be here at the beginning..."
Stop it, he reminded himself. She's still in no fit state to choose.
Her eyes narrowed as she gazed outside.
"You're a time-traveller?" It sounded like an accusation.
"Yes." When she didn't respond, he opened the door wider.
"Got a problem with time travellers?"
"I've got a problem with time agents."
"Me too! There you go, we have something in common already!"
She took another step toward the door.
"Can we go outside?"
"Absolutely!" He followed her out, pulling the door closed behind them. She stared around her, finally turning to him with a smile.
"I've studied these things, this life! 21st century. Promise me this isn't a weird trick?"
"I don't do weird tricks. Well, I say that but...no, this isn't one of them!"
"Can you go..."
"Anywhere I like! Anytime I fancy! Literally, any time!"
Stop it!
She stood for a minute, her back to him, staring at the small street. Outside one house, two children kicked a football around a small square of beautifully trimmed hedges. Their voices carried on the cold air. It felt like morning air...winter morning air. The house next to it sparkled faintly on the inside.
"January," he said softly, "those quiet days after New Years...everyone shaping their new year...making lists, paying bills, looking forward to brighter days..."
"Not those people," she said and he realised she was back in the ruins of Brimira, her shoulders shaking with barely suppressed sobs. He reached over and placed a hand on her shoulder, willing the warmth and solidity of it to ground her.
"You think you'll never forget what you saw," he said in almost a whisper, "and then you'll think you shouldn't, that somehow it's a crime for you to take interest in anything ever again, to forget it for a second. And in a way, you're right. You'll never forget and you will always see it. But you'll see other things too. Someday the memories won't hurt or frighten you anymore because they're part of you, part of your life, just one part amongst all the others."
She turned to him, breathing shakily.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For not saying that time heals."
He gave a laugh that sounded bitter to his ears. She looked at him curiously.
"You seem to know..."
"I should take you home," he said quickly, turning back to the TARDIS door. "Should have let you go with your own people. It was wrong to take you off like this. You need your friends around you."
"They weren't really friends," she said slowly, "and in the end..." He saw her begin to shiver slightly again and took off his coat to wrap it around her.
"It was such an honour being chosen for the expedition," she said, her words rushed, as if she was pushing against them to get them out. He waited.
"Going there to study the temple, their traditions, their descendents. And instead, we watched them burn. We didn't know what to do. Three of us...we wanted to fly lower, see if we could help some of them. And the others...they restrained us. They would have shot us without a thought. We were choked with smoke. Even keeping the ship functional, trying to keep away from the fumes. We didn't know what we were doing and all we could see was smoke and cloud. I thought we were going to die anyway...I should have..." She trailed off, lost in the memory.
"There's no should have's in those situations," he told her. "Fear transforms people. It's hard to think. You did what you could, saved those you could by helping with the ship. There's nothing more you could possibly do."
She nodded jerkily, then straightened slightly, pushing hair out of her eyes.
"Sorry," she said, "I don't know what you must think of me. Normally, believe it or not, I'm quite capable! But I'd never...seen...or experienced anything..." She trailed off.
"You are strong," the Doctor told her, "your fellow passengers detached themselves from it...understandable too, of course. They wanted a way to make it useful, to study it. You walked around that place and faced it. I watched you."
"You've seen this happen before." It was half a question, half a statement. She was watching him carefully.
When he didn't reply, she nodded again. In the morning mist, they regarded each other. Slowly she came forward and put her arms around him. He rubbed her back, feeling the shaking ease slowly as her breathing became easier.
"Come on," he said again, "we need to get you home."
She started to follow him, then turned back again to survey the scene in front of them. He watched her.
"Doctor?"
"Yes?"
"If you're a time-traveller, do you...do you know me? I mean, have you met me before? In the future?"
"Why do you ask?"
"Because..." She placed a hand on the side of the TARDIS. "You've been so kind. And somehow, I feel we know each other."
He smiled and shook his head, "it doesn't work that way."
"No. I suppose not. It would have been a nice thought though."
"Why?"
"Because then I'd know that we're going to meet again."
"Well, we can always exchange phone numbers, can't we?"
She was standing so close to him he could see the blue of his ship reflected in her eyes.
He bent to kiss her cheek gently, then pushed the door open and gestured to her to enter.
"Thank you," she said again, holding him in her gaze for a moment before walking slowly inside.
"Anytime, River," he said softly.