Silver: Hello, I know I should be working on my other stories, but who actually has time for that. Not me apparently, but that's not the point.
Pansy: When is that ever the point?
Silver: ¬_¬ When was it not the point?
Pansy: It's never the point. Anyway, this is Silver's first Transformers fic so be nice.
Silver: But still te—
Pansy: She doesn't own Transformers or any of its characters.
Silver: Didn't even let me say thanks to aquayzar777 for beta'ing this.
The Decepticons were evil. The Autobots were good. These were two undisputable facts that had been true to surface scrutiny since the war began, and as all opposites do, they were bound to clash until one (or maybe even both if they were unlucky) was utterly destroyed. But just because that was inevitability, didn't mean it would happen overnight.
There were things to be done, places to be that didn't involve the other and internal conflict to be dealt with (mostly on the Decepticon side of things), not to mention that most projects take time to create and plan and execute.
Needless to say, no one expected the war to end anytime soon, and in the meanwhile, a routine of sorts had appeared among Decepticon ranks. Considering most if not all of the Decepticons that truly mattered had found lodgings on the Nemesis, it was only natural a sort of silent hierarchy had presented itself.
For example, the eradicons were almost always at the bottom of the metaphorical (though sometimes literal) food chain, and for the most part, they seemed to accept that. There were however, the particularly dense ones, and on occasion, the new recruit, and so somewhere down the road, a sort of rule book had been constructed for the common good and survival of the eradicons.
It was never determined exactly when it had come into existence, or whom it was created by, but for as long as anyone cared to remember, there had always been an easily accessible data pad continually displaying the rules by which those at the bottom were advised to live. It even managed to point out what should have been obvious common sense, just in case.
Of course though, there will always be that one. That one Eradicon that somehow manages to break all the rules (intentionally or no) and still make it to the end of the day (if only slightly damaged).
1. Don't be Steve
Steve the Vehicon decidedly had the worst luck anyone on board had ever seen (barring higher officers, they didn't really care). His time on board hadn't started out so terribly, but the first time he got assigned to bridge duty really should have been the first sign.
Soundwave had been at his post as per usual and Megatron had gone to lead some conflict against the Autobots, leaving Starscream in charge as his position commanded that he be. Unfortunately, Starscream in charge meant only one thing, and when Soundwave finally got fed up (not that anyone could really tell) with Starscream's ranting and traitorous thoughts, well, the Space Bridge that opened right under his feet couldn't have possibly been the fault of the ever stoic, still working Communications Officer.
As he fell, Starscream reflexively grabbed the closest thing to his position in an attempt to not fall through to Primus knows where. Unfortunately for a certain Vehicon, he happened to be that one thing. Using Steve as leverage, Starscream managed to keep from falling into the Bridge, sending Steve spiraling down in his place. It wasn't until several metacycles later that Steve reappeared for duty. He didn't talk about where he'd gone, nor did anyone ask.
The second time Steve's uncanny ability to attract misfortune came about wasn't until sometime later. They had arrived on Earth and had captured a human ally of the Autobots. Why they would want the assistance of such small, weak creatures was beyond most in the crew, but at least it made for a rather large opening in their defenses.
Steve had been assigned to guard the upper deck in preparation for the Autobots coming to rescue their Fleshy because apparently Soundwave was infinitely more paranoid than even Starscream (or maybe he just didn't underestimate their enemies as much).
Truthfully, Steve hadn't really expected anything to happen, but being cannon fodder among cannon fodder, the Universe just loved to prove him wrong, and so when the large green Autobot managed to scale the side of the Nemesis onto the upper deck, Steve was flying over the edge before he even had a chance to fire his first shot.
Thankfully, he was able to transform into a jet before he fell into oblivion, but the subsequent pounding he received from the very same Autobot was, needless to say, less than pleasant. It took several Earth weeks to complete repairs, and by that point it was an unspoken understanding that the Universe hated Steve.
2. If rule one is ignored, avoid ranked officers at all costs
That one particular thing, unfortunately, turned out to be very hard to accomplish. Of course, it was a known fact that Soundwave was in charge of just about everything that had to do with Eradicons (or Decepticons in general really), and Steve, being the highly versatile mech that he was, rotated around between duties, rather than being able to stick to one he was best at.
Bridge duty was always the worst, considering he almost always managed to get the jobs that included Autobots or an irritated Starscream (sometimes both).
One such encounter included him, along with several other eradicons, leaving the ship with Makeshift in order to distract the Autobot Wheeljack until he could be apprehended and Space Bridged back to the Nemesis. It didn't seem to matter that Wheeljack was a Wrecker of all kinds of Autobots (not that any kind was particularly beneficial to his continued existence), but no one dared argue with Soundwave's decision (the last one to do so had been lost in a "mysterious" Space Bridge explosion), so Steve had swallowed his apprehension and gone without a single voiced complaint.
No one had really expected any different, but it would still have been nice if the Autobot hadn't felt the need to offline them all. Every Eradicon in company with the exception of Steve had been terminated too quickly for comfort and the only reason Steve was still kicking was because though he'd been hit, it was only a moderate wound.
Thankfully, Makeshift had incapacitated the Wrecker quickly and efficiently, and had taken his place on the battle field after kicking the Autobot through the requested Space Bridge. Some friendly banter had been exchanged between the Decepticon shape shifter and the newly arrived Autobots, and then the blue and pink femme had stated one Eradicon had been missed. Steve had been mercilessly put out of his misery with a shot to the head, and had almost cursed his existence when he onlined in the med bay.
Another example of Steve's fantastic luck had presented itself on what should have been an ordinary mining expedition. Honestly, it's not often something goes horribly wrong with a mining expedition, but several of the ranked officers had been present, one of them being Starscream only making it worse.
The Energon Harvester, while obviously perfectly functional (all of these artifacts seemed to be in impeccable condition), just had to be used on an actual, living Cybertronian to prove Starscream's superiority once again. While Knockout and Breakdown had the common sense to move out of the way of the beam, Steve didn't even have a chance to see it coming, and in the most unpleasant way possible, discovered what mass Energon loss felt like.
3. Stay away from Laserbeak
Laserbeak was essentially Soundwave's eyes and ears when he couldn't be somewhere himself. That automatically placed her in the top ten list of things to avoid if you valued your life. She was an excellent spy, smaller than most Cybertronians and therefore able to access more hiding places, not to mention unwaveringly loyal to her master, a mech who didn't hesitate to use any acquired blackmail to keep another in line (and in the case of Starscream, keep within the good graces of Megatron).
She was fierce on the battlefield, frustratingly hard to hit, and well within the favor of the Decepticon leader, both for being herself and for being Soundwave's. Despite the many clear reasons it was a good idea to avoid her at all costs, the one unspoken detail of her immunity to ridicule, injury, and death, was something that many were hard pressed to wrap their processors around but heeded all the same.
Soundwave was protective of Laserbeak to the point where he'd brutally smash an offender to pieces for harming her, but not before letting them writhe in the agony of some ruthless virus he was sure to have concocted just for the occasion.
It was common belief that Soundwave was ever stoic, emotionless and unlikely to even be more than a drone, so technically, his behavior when it came to Laserbeak was illogical and impossible, but no one wanted to believe that the mech who was in charge of the whole of them was bipolar with a good chance of insanity.
4. Stay off the Bridge when Starscream starts ranting
Starscream's rants about one thing or another almost always happened when Megatron was too far away to have any chance of hearing him. Most took place on the bridge and were generally about how he would one day be the leader of the Decepticons.
Not exactly the best thing to be talking about in the presence of Soundwave, who wasn't so much loyal to the Decepticons as he was to Megatron, but meh, if Starscream refused to learn after having the tar kicked out of him more times than could be counted, no one felt the need to explain it to him.
It took a lot to make Soundwave angry (it was tried and proven by some now very dead eradicons) but somehow Starscream managed to push Soundwave over each and every rant. It happened so often it wasn't even worth watching now, but generally, Soundwave simply Space Bridged Starscream somewhere it would take an obnoxious amount of time to return from, but not so much it hindered the Cause when they actually needed him.
There were times however, when not even Soundwave could keep working through a tirade, and simply beat the tar out of Starscream himself. That was how the crew learned Soundwave was actually very strong for a Communications Officer, and that despite the consequences later, it's always a good idea to get out of the way when Soundwave decides Starscream needs to learn how to keep his mouth shut.
The first time it had happened, no one had been expecting it, and so the damage that ensued was great and unnecessary. Several eradicons on bridge duty that day had been swept up or caught in Soundwave's war path, becoming little more than unrecognizable piles of scrap in the wake of the CO's wrath. Starscream had undoubtedly drawn the short stick, and many of the surviving eradicons from Bridge duty that day were almost certain it would have been better if he'd just died to end his own misery.
5. Never Question Megatron's Rule
Starscream broke this rule on a regular basis, and while he always did manage to survive, he'd been doing almost since he joined the Decepticons, and so didn't really count for much. The first time this rule was really implemented was when Megatron had left to face Unicron, leaving Airachnid in charge (though as usual Soundwave was unofficially looking after everything).
Airachnid was new though, and apparently no one had thought to inform her that despite officially being only Third in Command, Soundwave technically out ranked everyone but Megatron himself. She'd attempted to usurp control of the Nemesis and her crew as soon as it looked like Megatron may not come back and had the gall to assume Soundwave would simply go along with it.
Despite facing no opposition from the eradicons or even Knockout and Breakdown, Soundwave had left his post at the main control panel, silently refusing to change course but also challenging Airachnid's authority. It seemed that someone also failed to mention to her that Soundwave was a lot stronger than his post implied, and after a short skirmish, Soundwave had trapped her underfoot before easily returning to his post and keeping steady course.
The original order had been restored, the new Second in Command had been completely humiliated, and Soundwave's place in the crew had been reconfirmed all in the span of a few minutes. No one but Starscream ever tried to overthrow Megatron again; Soundwave was always watching.
Silver:Well there you have it. Review if you liked it, review if you didn't, I don't really care, I just like reading reviews whether there positive or not.