Title: Your Tears Won't Fall Forever
Author: PNS*
Summary: After Wrecked, Buffy struggles in hopes of trying to find some semblance of self.
We walk the narrow path
Beneath the smoking skies
Sometimes we can barely tell the difference
Between the darkness and the light
Do we have faith in what we believe?
The truest test is when we can not see
Buffy awoke again, as she did every night. Restless with a pounding heart she searched for something that was not there. She muffled the sobs that escaped from her lips, as they did, twisted and pained. Was there more to life? Why was she brought back? These questions haunted her, plaguing her every waking moment, and every dream.
Spike's words clawed at her, leaving small marks on her soul like his fingernails had on her body. She wasn't human. At least not fully. So what was she? What magic held her together, day after day.
I hear the pounding feet
In the streets
And the women cry and children moan
There's something wrong
It's hard to believe that love with prevail
She looked out the window, the crescent moon shedding a surprisingly bright amount of light in the room. A shadow appeared. The window slid open. She heard the cursing voice of her vampire as he hissed at the garlic. She barely noticed the smell anymore.
"What's with the garlic love?" He said hurtfully. She rubbed the tears from her eyes and growled.
"Go away."
"You're crying."
"I stubbed my toe getting out of bed to go to the bathroom. I think I broke it."
"Pain doesn't make you cry. It makes you scream." She could see him lick his lips in the darkness and sneered.
It won't rain all the time
The sky won't fall forever
And though the night seems long
Your tears won't fall forever
"You've given me a daily dose of misery. Go now." Buffy commanded, up out of bed. Spike looked her over, in her flannel pajamas, hungrily.
"You know I have too, or no one would." His smirky grin infuriated her. She stood there, crestfallen, afraid he would penetrate her shield and get under her skin. Pick her heart to pieces.
"Still not sleeping. Still searching." His fingers lit on the bed quilt and stroked it. "I see you gave in."
"No I didn't."
Oh, and when I'm lonely
And I lie awake at night
I wish you were here
I miss you
Tell me, is there more to believe in?
Or is this all there is?
"You aren't Buffy. Whatever you are. And you hate it." She could feel herself stepping closer to him, melting into him. Trying to find completion. His eyes compelled her to him. They held control now, that they couldn't before. The rush of anger came and she punched him before another thought could come to her. He punched back until they were rolling and twisting on the floor.
For a moment she was gone, away from the horrible world, buried in him and his love. But it was marred by his demons and hers. Battling for dominance. She let out a sob and stilled. He tried pulling her and making her move but she was spent, broken. She let the sobs go again, exposing herself.
"What did I do?"
Pounding feet, in the street below
And the window breaks
And a woman falls, there's something wrong
And it's hard to believe love will prevail
He caressed her, as he sat with her on the bed. Both their naked bodies touching. But he wasn't thinking about that. He was worried about her. She was limp and she looked like she didn't care if she lived or died anymore than she cared if he did. He tried saying things that would elicit a response usually but nothing helped.
"It's not worth it. We die in the end, leaving the world without a trace of our existence." Her voice was frail.
"You're the Slayer. What you do matters."
"No. No it doesn't. Buffy Summers is dead. I am merely the Slayer. The soldier. What she did matters. Not me." She turned to him at last. And he could finally see it. What was hidden and obscured behind her eyes. The one thing he hadn't been able to read. And it was horrifying.
It won't rain all the time
The sky won't fall forever
And though the night seems long
Your tears won't fall forever
"You needn't cry anymore." She said biting her lip. "What I was, I will never be again. She's gone. I feel her absence and I am only what she brought to me. What good is a Slayer without a person? Without a personality."
"We'll get her back. She's not gone for good." Spike stroked her hair. "I love you, no matter what."
Last night
I had a dream
You came into my room
You took me into your arms
And whisper in my ear
And tell me to "still believe
And fill the burning seas in which
We sail our darkest days"
Until I felt safe and warm
And fell asleep in your arms
Buffy awoke. The dream had been so real. She clutched her stomach then reached for the pillow to stifle her cries. She wanted to give herself to him, completely. But she was afraid the last bit of sanity she held would go with him, in a blur of love and passion and lust. Then he would leave like the rest. She couldn't afford it.
She got out of bed and put her clothes on. She took a deep breath and dried her eyes. She picked up a couple stakes and pocketed them. The dream was already dissipating. She didn't heed the warning as another tiny piece of Buffy slipped into the ether as she slowly became 100% Slayer.
When I woke I cried again
For you were gone
Can you hear?
It won't rain all the time
The sky won't fall forever
And though the night seems long
Your tears won't fall forever
Author: PNS*
Summary: After Wrecked, Buffy struggles in hopes of trying to find some semblance of self.
We walk the narrow path
Beneath the smoking skies
Sometimes we can barely tell the difference
Between the darkness and the light
Do we have faith in what we believe?
The truest test is when we can not see
Buffy awoke again, as she did every night. Restless with a pounding heart she searched for something that was not there. She muffled the sobs that escaped from her lips, as they did, twisted and pained. Was there more to life? Why was she brought back? These questions haunted her, plaguing her every waking moment, and every dream.
Spike's words clawed at her, leaving small marks on her soul like his fingernails had on her body. She wasn't human. At least not fully. So what was she? What magic held her together, day after day.
I hear the pounding feet
In the streets
And the women cry and children moan
There's something wrong
It's hard to believe that love with prevail
She looked out the window, the crescent moon shedding a surprisingly bright amount of light in the room. A shadow appeared. The window slid open. She heard the cursing voice of her vampire as he hissed at the garlic. She barely noticed the smell anymore.
"What's with the garlic love?" He said hurtfully. She rubbed the tears from her eyes and growled.
"Go away."
"You're crying."
"I stubbed my toe getting out of bed to go to the bathroom. I think I broke it."
"Pain doesn't make you cry. It makes you scream." She could see him lick his lips in the darkness and sneered.
It won't rain all the time
The sky won't fall forever
And though the night seems long
Your tears won't fall forever
"You've given me a daily dose of misery. Go now." Buffy commanded, up out of bed. Spike looked her over, in her flannel pajamas, hungrily.
"You know I have too, or no one would." His smirky grin infuriated her. She stood there, crestfallen, afraid he would penetrate her shield and get under her skin. Pick her heart to pieces.
"Still not sleeping. Still searching." His fingers lit on the bed quilt and stroked it. "I see you gave in."
"No I didn't."
Oh, and when I'm lonely
And I lie awake at night
I wish you were here
I miss you
Tell me, is there more to believe in?
Or is this all there is?
"You aren't Buffy. Whatever you are. And you hate it." She could feel herself stepping closer to him, melting into him. Trying to find completion. His eyes compelled her to him. They held control now, that they couldn't before. The rush of anger came and she punched him before another thought could come to her. He punched back until they were rolling and twisting on the floor.
For a moment she was gone, away from the horrible world, buried in him and his love. But it was marred by his demons and hers. Battling for dominance. She let out a sob and stilled. He tried pulling her and making her move but she was spent, broken. She let the sobs go again, exposing herself.
"What did I do?"
Pounding feet, in the street below
And the window breaks
And a woman falls, there's something wrong
And it's hard to believe love will prevail
He caressed her, as he sat with her on the bed. Both their naked bodies touching. But he wasn't thinking about that. He was worried about her. She was limp and she looked like she didn't care if she lived or died anymore than she cared if he did. He tried saying things that would elicit a response usually but nothing helped.
"It's not worth it. We die in the end, leaving the world without a trace of our existence." Her voice was frail.
"You're the Slayer. What you do matters."
"No. No it doesn't. Buffy Summers is dead. I am merely the Slayer. The soldier. What she did matters. Not me." She turned to him at last. And he could finally see it. What was hidden and obscured behind her eyes. The one thing he hadn't been able to read. And it was horrifying.
It won't rain all the time
The sky won't fall forever
And though the night seems long
Your tears won't fall forever
"You needn't cry anymore." She said biting her lip. "What I was, I will never be again. She's gone. I feel her absence and I am only what she brought to me. What good is a Slayer without a person? Without a personality."
"We'll get her back. She's not gone for good." Spike stroked her hair. "I love you, no matter what."
Last night
I had a dream
You came into my room
You took me into your arms
And whisper in my ear
And tell me to "still believe
And fill the burning seas in which
We sail our darkest days"
Until I felt safe and warm
And fell asleep in your arms
Buffy awoke. The dream had been so real. She clutched her stomach then reached for the pillow to stifle her cries. She wanted to give herself to him, completely. But she was afraid the last bit of sanity she held would go with him, in a blur of love and passion and lust. Then he would leave like the rest. She couldn't afford it.
She got out of bed and put her clothes on. She took a deep breath and dried her eyes. She picked up a couple stakes and pocketed them. The dream was already dissipating. She didn't heed the warning as another tiny piece of Buffy slipped into the ether as she slowly became 100% Slayer.
When I woke I cried again
For you were gone
Can you hear?
It won't rain all the time
The sky won't fall forever
And though the night seems long
Your tears won't fall forever