*Author's Note: I never knew anyone would read my other FanFiction. I just posted it for fun. So thank you all for reading it! Sorry, to everyone who was waiting for this! My computer broke down, so I had to wait for it to be repaired. Thanks to BookwormKali for encouraging me to make it! I thought it would be a cool ending to my "...Snape" story, and I never really thought about making it. Remember: I'm bad at transitions and dialogue!*
On a cloudy casual day, Hermoine and Ron were taking a stroll around Hogwarts. While playing joking around, Ron said abruptly, doing a face palm,"Sorry, Hermoine! I've got to get to Filch's office! Harry and I got detention." He started to run away. Hemoine grabbed his arm. "'For what?" Ron laughed, "Dumbledore gave us detention for making him lose one of his most talented teachers, Snape. You didn't say anything to Tyra, so you didn't get it." Hermoine instantly remembered the day Snape left Hogwarts.
"Farewell, dear children! I will miss you all terribly!" Snape waved as he stepped out of the door. Everyone was miserable. The students were in tears, the teachers were blowing their noses, and Dumbledore was unconscious due to incredible shock. Earlier that day, while in Hogsmeade, the trio happened to find a lady named Tyra Banks looking for models to be on her show America's Next Top Model. "Do you darlings know anyone gorgeous?" she asked them. Harry answered, "Our ex-Potions master now Cosmetics master Severus Snape." She replied in disgust, "Severus. It sounds like the name of a heinous person." They suddenly heard merry footsteps behind them. They turned their heads to see Professor Snape prancing towards them. "Hello, my favorite students! Here, I bought you guys treats from Honeydukes." He shoved a mountain of candy into their arms. Tyra gazed, "Who are you?" Ron exclaimed, "Severus Snape! Our Cosmetics professor!" Tyra shook Snape'shand rapidly, "You're hired! Come to America with me to be on my show!" That was the last time the trio talked to Professor Snape.
"Okay, then! Bye Ron!" Hermoine called as Ron hurriedly dashed away.
The boys found themselves scrubbing old trophies while Filch glared at them. Harry's hands got tired and let them stop to rest. "Hurry up! No stopping!" Filch spat. "The trophies better be spotless when you nefarious neer-do-wells are finished!" Ron whispered nervously to his friend, "Harry, do you remember when Hermoine said we'd do a makeover on Filch after we gave Snape shampoo?" Harry looked up, "Yes." The glanced at the bad-tempered caretaker to make sure he wasn't looking or eavesdropping. "Well, do you think she meant it?" Ron asked. Harry hesitantly answered, "I hope so."
Early the following day, they both caught up with Hermoine to ask that. "So, were you serious?" they questioned. "Why? Do you guys really want to do it?" Hermoine had a curious look on her face. "Please!" the boys pleaded. "Alright, we'll do it on Monday. I have make-up kit in my dormitory. Harry, you're good at the Imperio curse, so do what exactly what you did with Snape." Ron groaned, "Why do we always have to do Imperio?"
The trio woke up early on a drizzly Monday, all holding their materials. "I'm glad Professor- I mean Guru (Snape had asked them to call him this) Snape had taught us Cosmetics. Otherwise Harry and I would've never know what to do!" Ron smiled. "Yeah," Harry agreed, "He also answered many of us boys' ponders." Hermoine laughed, "I don't care if you guys know how to put on make-up or not. Anything will make Filch look better."
"Aye! What are you immature troublemakers doing now?" Filch snarled as they approached him. "Imperio," Harry mummured. Filch suddenly stood straight up and went into a trance. Harry directed him to stay still while they did their work. Alas! They were done! All of them were still blinded by Filch's ugly face and cannot see his new transformed face. It only took about 5 hours, but they were exhausted. The Botox (Filch has a wrinkle problem), the make-up, the hair highlighting (Harry and Hermoine wanted to do streaks of navy blue, but Ron insisted they do hot pink), and the plastic surgery (as Hermoine said before: "Anything will make Filch look better.") was hard work. The three of them collasped and fell asleep. Filch was still under the spell.
"My goodness! What's this?" a shrill voice screamed. The trio awoke instantly to find Dumbledore in front of them. "What have you done to the caretaker?" Hermoine tried to explain in panic, "We, um, we...." Dumbledore's eyes grew wide, "Miss Granger, you and your team are brilliant!" Harry took Filch off the Imperio curse and Filch was startled. "Headmaster!" he bellowed. "Those rotten kids--" Right at that moment, Ron gave him a mirror. Filch was full of delight. "Oh my! I look like myself when I was a teenager!" he squealed happily. "Oh please, I bet you looked just as ugly" Ron mumbled, just to get elbowed by Harry and Hermoine. "That's it! I can't resist you, my new love!" Dumbledore lunged forward, his lips puckered, but the trio held him back.
Ron, Harry, and Hermoine all thought the same thing: one, Dumbledore was gay, and two, we must show off our hard work!
Everywhere they went, students fainted, teachers bowed down, and ghosts gasped. They were speechless at how incredibly awesome Filch was. He was tan, his volumized hair had hot pink highlights, his body was muscular, and his face was wrinkle-free, all thanks to the trio. "I hope I don't lose another beautiful staff member," Dumbledore worried.
Filch became the most popular person at Hogwarts and got anything he desired from Dumbledore: money, food, drinks. He was the most respected and wanted person in the entire castle. The trio sighed at their work.
"What now, Hermoine?" the boys asked. "We make Professor Slughorn go on a diet, obviously!"