Rights to Once Upon A Time is held by Edward Kitsis and Adam Horowitz. Those to Wonder Woman, Batman, Superman, et al to DC Comics/Warner Bros. Joe 90 is owned by the estate of the late Gerry Anderson, Sylvia Anderson, ITC, etc. Rights to other franchises used are owned by: Marvel Comics; NOW Comics/Moonstone Books; the BBC; JK Rowling; Jim Butcher; Charles Addams; Chelsea Cain; Terrance Dicks; the estates of Ian Fleming, Peter O'Donnell, Malcolm Saville, Enid Blyton, and Anthony Buckeridge; amongst others. This is a non-profit attempt to play with favourite franchises.

Early October 2015: Storybrooke, Maine

In Storybrooke, Emma Swan reflected, there was no such thing as a normal day, at least as generally defined. As Sheriff of Storybrooke, you could be dealing with everything from a legion of winged monkeys to a dragon. In this case, however, it was a somewhat less esoteric, but still unusual, matter at hand.

"You want us to make an unofficial State Visit to the United Kingdom?" she clarified.

"Yes, that is the idea," the British diplomat nodded. "After your help in bringing those wreckers in Trinidad to justice, it was felt that you deserved to be entertained by the British Government. Your friends from Themyscira are also being invited."

"I thought we weren't officially supposed to exist?" Mary Margaret Blanchard commented.

"Hence the unofficial visit, idiot!" Regina Mills snapped.

"Seriously…?" grumbled her former step-daughter. Whilst the relationship between Mary Margaret and Regina was considerably better than that between Snow White and the Evil Queen, neither was ever going to admit to actually liking the other.

"Are you interested?" the diplomat continued. "We can arrange for you to see Her Majesty and Mr Cameron. There could be trade agreements…"

Regina raised an eyebrow. "I would hardly think that Storybrooke is a major producer or consumer!"

"A peace treaty?"

"I think the British people can sleep safely in their beds not worrying about us invading," Emma said. "We couldn't conquer the rest of Maine!"

"Formal balls and banquets?"

"Well, it would be nice to treat Ava like a princess…" Henry Mills chimed in. He had been dating the girl now known as Ava Zimmer and formerly known as Gretel of the Enchanted Forest, for a few months and the two would be engaged as soon as they could purchase the rings. He had already accepted her tentative proposal, following the terrifying events in which they and their close friend, Princess Athena of the Amazons, had nearly been fed into an incinerator by the Society of Wreckers, a Trinidad-based gang that was wrecking warships for SPECTRE.

"You do already, love!" Ava assured him, before leaning in for a quick kiss. "All the same, I've never been to London before. We could go sight-seeing, shopping…"

"Harrods, Hamleys, Selfridges…" Mary Margaret agreed. "All the fashion houses…"

"I believe Hamleys is a toy shop, Grandma," Henry offered.

"Indeed it is!" the diplomat confirmed. "Do you accept?"

"Yes!" Regina replied. "We do!"

Later that day, Regina was lying on a beach on Themyscira. A portal had been established between Storybrooke and the island home of the Amazons. Her close friend Queen Hippolyta was sunbathing beside her. Aside from Regina's engagement ring (Robin Hood had proposed to her in the Caribbean), they were naked, as was customary on the island paradise.

"I've had a couple of previous unofficial diplomatic visits to London," Hippolyta noted, "and we may go to Edinburgh, Cardiff and Belfast afterwards. Other than packing for all weather conditions and probably getting them, there's little to worry about."

A bronzed man, clad in a loincloth and a lion skin entered, carrying soft drinks. "Great Queen, you wanted me Heracles to bring these." Regina had taught Hippolyta her "heart-rip technique", so she could get her long-delayed vengeance against the fellow demi-god who had raped her about 3,500 years before. One of the first things she had done was to make him speak like Tarzan in the old movies. Had he known of this, Lord Greystoke would have been horrified, having taught himself to speak in an articulate upper class English.

"Yes, thank you, slave. Now draw my bath and prepare for your main duty as my personal vibrator." She turned to Regina. "How is Robin?"

"Very well. We plan to marry at Christmas. Henry, Emma and Ava have agreed to be my escort and my bridesmaids. Are you still going to be my Matron of Honour?"

"Of course!"

"Thank you. Now, I do like these opportunities to get an all-over tan…"

In Metropolis, Hippolyta's eldest daughter Diana was just entering her house after a long, hard day at the IADC. Her spouses were awaiting her. Clark Kent and Lois Lane had been her best friends and lovers for more than four years. Since their wedding in Storybrooke nearly six months before, their relationship had continued to flourish, as was evident from the baby bump that Lois was rapidly developing.

"How are you two feeling today, Lois?" she asked, before fondling the bump whilst kissing her wife.

"Fine, thank you, Diana!" Lois replied after their kiss had ended.

Diana smiled happily, before kissing Clark. She felt a familiar sensation in her forehead. "Mother's calling us!"

They went upstairs to the master bedroom. Flicking a switch concealed in the doorway to the en suite opened a secret door into a small room where Clark's spare Superman costumes, a number of items that would reveal who Clark and Diana really are and a mirror were kept. Diana quickly span herself into Wonder Woman and pressed the star on her tiara. Hippolyta's face appeared in the mirror.

"Diana, Clark, Lois, I am glad to see you all. Delegations from Storybrooke and Themyscira have been invited to the UK for an unofficial state visit. I would like the three of you to attend."

"Well, mother," Lois commented, "You will have the best two-person security detail around."

"As you know from experience, Lois!"

"Can it, Smallville! I don't have a fetish about getting into danger."

"Then the fact we get rewarded with great sex after rescuing you is immaterial?"

"That goes for you too, Themyscira!"

"We'll come, mother!" Diana assured Hippolyta.

"Thank you all. Oh, and I know about Diana and Clark's skill as protectors, Lois. Who wouldn't want Superman protecting her? What a shame the cape covers his…"

"Thank you, Mother! That perfect butt is mine and Lois' only!"

"You can't stop me looking, Diana!"

"Look, but don't touch, Mother!"

The house in Culver Bay was a hive of activity. Joseph McClaine was home-schooled these days, so a next-door neighbour was currently one of a three-person team instructing him in the sciences. The dark-haired lady with the slightly masculine cut to her clothing was one of the best chemists of her generation, as the tall, somewhat lanky, blonde man was one of the best physicists and the short, stocky red-head one of the finest biologists.

"Thanks for the lesson, Auntie George, Uncle Jon, Uncle Jigger. I'm really getting the best in the business to teach me!"

"Well, your other activities make home-schooling you imperative," Jigger Johnson told him. "There are only so many times you can tell your school that you have come down with a serious illness, whilst actually toppling a rogue regime!

"Besides, how many schools have access to top scientists, journalists, archaeologists, adventurers, linguists and even a concert pianist?"

"Very few," Jon Warrender agreed, pushing his spectacles back up his nose, before trying to straighten his perpetually messy blonde hair. His hair makes Harry Potter's seem neat! Joe thought.

"Not in the state sector," George Kirrin agreed. You still called her Georgina at considerable peril! "You would struggle to find a public school with equivalent staff too!

"Fancy a trip to Kirrin Island, Joe? The three of us were sent a sample of something to examine by MI5."

"Sure, Auntie George!"

Following a short speedboat ride from Culver Bay to Kirrin Island, Joe found himself in a purpose built modern building that formed one of the headquarters of the Paranormal Investigations Bureau they ran. He smiled. Like many British children, he had grown up on the exploits of the Famous Five and the Lone Pine Club, so working with George and Jon respectively was a dream come true. The comic misadventures of the boys of Sheldrake Grammar School were essential reading too, so knowing Jigger was also a highlight. Maybe one day, Joe 90 would be mentioned in the same breath as his own idols?

"What is it?" he asked bemused. It seemed to be some carcass of a waterfowl, but one that appeared to have been partly eaten.

"One of a number of fish and waterfowl carcasses that appear to have been through the digestive system of a tiger shark," Jigger announced grimly. "In the Thames!"

"Since when have tiger sharks been found in British waters?" Joe asked perplexed.

"They haven't!" Jon explained. "MI5 are worried that someone may be importing large exotic fish for some nefarious purpose. They wanted us to look into the matter, just to make sure there are no powers from beyond involved." He checked some instruments. "No radiation, a total absence of sulphur and not a trace of ectoplasm. There's no evidence of demonic, spectral or extra-terrestrial activity. I assume our smugglers are human enough!"

"I'll keep Mac and Sam informed," George told Joe. "The W.I.N. may be interested."

"So I may be going fishing? Cool!"

Two weeks later, Hippolyta, Athena and her best friend Sappho came through the portal. As Sappho was Grace Jefferson's girlfriend, it wasn't too long before the pair were locked together at the lips. Athena was embracing Henry and Ava and Hippolyta Regina.

"Our flight leaves tomorrow morning from Portland International Jetport," Regina told her friend. "It will be a long flight to London Heathrow."

"Where's Chloe?" Henry asked Athena, referring to a younger Amazon friend.

"She took a portal to Culver Bay earlier today," the Amazon princess replied. "Joe is taking her for a picnic date on a nearby island tomorrow lunchtime, before meeting us at the airport outside London in the evening." The two 12-year-olds had started dating in the Caribbean.

"Why didn't you take that portal? It would be closer to London."

"According to Joe, it takes about twenty minutes in the Jet Air Car's flight mode," Athena agreed, "although it couldn't carry all of us. It would be about two-and-a-half-hours by a stopping service on the train. The fast services don't stop at Culver Bay."

"That's still quicker than a plane from Portland!"

"Yes, but I won't be with you and Ava, not to mention Grandmother, Sappho and your Moms. Auntie Diana, Auntie Donna, Uncle Clark and Auntie Lois are taking the Invisible Jet from Metropolis tonight. Roy will be flying in from Star City and should arrive the day after us."

"Cool! Now, you and your grandmother will be staying with me and my brunette Mom tonight, while Grace is staying at the Jeffersons."

"So what happens on this visit?" Ava asked.

Athena shrugged. "If it's anything like the last one, we'll be asked to attend small private functions with those who know about the places, things and peoples who don't exist officially. There may be a ball or two, plenty of shopping and a few lessons so we don't get too far behind. Particularly for you, with an education that isn't based on pankration, Hellenistic culture and dancing and statecraft!"

Ava laughed. "I guess that is essential for Amazon royalty! Henry and I get extra-curricular training in nobility, dancing and martial arts, as well as math, science, history and so on. Nobility lessons can be fun, as they often end with Henry's brunette Mom and Grandma arguing fiercely! Martial arts lessons are good, with Mr Kato being an excellent teacher."

"One of the best fighters in the business," Athena agreed.

Later, when Henry and Athena had retired to bed, Regina, Robin and Hippolyta were enjoying a rich red wine and some sparkling conversation.

"You aren't bringing Heracles?" Regina asked.

"I might go and fetch him before we leave tomorrow," Hippolyta admitted. "I can go without him for a few days, though, and a short spell in the Palace dungeon might do him some more good."

Regina smiled. "He's a good workout, but great sex is no substitute to making love to your True Love! Sharing one quick kiss with Robin is ten times better than two hours with your demi-god sex toy!"

"Really?" Hippolyta asked, as her friends exchanged a far from quick kiss.

"Truly! What can I say? I'm a Fairy Tale Girl at heart!"

"How do you know…?" Robin asked. "Wait, when you said Hippolyta lent you her vibrator…"

"Exactly!"

"We really must discuss 'forsaking all others' before the wedding!"

"He's nothing but a sex toy. You weren't there, my vibrator was broken…"

"OK, I get it! Just don't do it again!"

Joe took Chloe on a boat trip to Kirrin Island. George greeted them and led them to the building where Jon and Jigger were waiting.

"Have you heard any more about that tiger shark or sharks in the Thames?" Joe asked.

"The carcasses left behind aren't showing up in such great numbers," Jigger told him. "We're not sure why."

"Now, weren't you here for a romantic picnic?" George reminded Joe. "There's lashings of ginger beer available…"

The two children enjoyed their picnic, listening spellbound to the tale of another confrontation between the Lone Pine Club and that clever forger Miss Ballinger.

"That must have been scary, with Penny abducted by that evil woman and her niece," Chloe commented. "What happened to her?"

"I married her!"

"I think she means Miss Ballinger, not Penny!" Joe informed him.

"She reformed after being imprisoned following our next adventure involving her. She died some time back. Her niece Valerie married their old accomplice Thomas Seymour, aka Slinky Grandon, after his recovery from a road accident. Not to mention their stays in prison too!"

The contingents from Storybrooke and Themyscira left baggage reclaim at Heathrow Airport, to be greeted by Joe, Chloe, Professor Ian "Mac" McClaine (Joe's adoptive father) and Sam Loover, Mac's best friend and Joe's W.I.N. handler. Diana, Clark, Lois and Donna Troy, Diana's youngest sister, were also present, after arriving some hours earlier in Wonder Woman's Invisible Jet. That would be landing at W.I.N.'s London headquarters.

"What's the plan for tonight?" Regina asked.

"To get you to the hotel for dinner and to get settled in for the night. There will be some receptions for you all tomorrow, plus some free time for shopping. We can go shopping first, if you require new clothes."

"Thank you, Mac. I wouldn't say no to a new dress!

"With us all here, I'm glad we left Belle in charge of Storybrooke."

"I notice she didn't get the "don't do anything too idiotic" speech," Mary Margaret grumbled, lifting Neil higher into her arms.

"You Charmings are idiots! Belle, despite her lousy taste in men, is not."

"Will Scarlet's OK!" Robin protested.

"I think she means the Crocodile, matey!" Killian Jones offered.