A/N: Before you read, I would suggest opening up youtube and playing Naruto - Sadness and Sorrow. Listening to it was what inspired me to write this oneshot and trust me, without the music it is nowhere near as good a read. This is my first shot at angst as I'm really not keen on all the sad stuff, but I think I done pretty well. Enjoy.
Pain.
How could one emotion so badly tear me apart inside? All thoughts were forgotten when it came down to the one feeling that never ceased to run through me every hour of my waking day. To have everything ripped out from underneath me after having built it up so desperately. Thoughts of nothing but him had run through my mind for the first month after his disappearance. But it was nothing compared to the searing pain that coursed through every bone in my body at the thought of staying in my dreaded home village any longer. Everywhere I turned there was his face, his body. The ghostly figure of him in my memories seemed to step through all of these exquisite places I held so dear, urging me to call out his name in such a blood-curdling scream.
Sasuke.
Revenge is the cause of everyone's downfall. You had only him to prove that. Despite this, the only other thought that would fill my thumping head would be revenge. I wanted to kill, to show that I was worthy of being the ninja I so badly fought for. Nothing mattered. I wanted the enemies' blood on my hands and their head successfully slung from their cold, heartless bodies. As far as I was concerned, everyone around me was responsible. They slept in their beds while the one person that kept me together carelessly walked through the stone gates of the Hidden Leaf walking directly into his death sentence. It disgusted me, made the ache in my heart turn to anger.
Hopeless.
In my distress, I turned passive. As time... years went by, I remained nothing short of emotionless. Slowly, as time consumed me, I began to be feared. Even my own sensei - the Legendary Sannin – could not bear to look into my cold, lifeless eyes. My young classmates grew away from me, even the one boy who had made that desperate promise to bring the meaning to my life back to me. Every action I made would cause yet another close friend to drift away from me. My own family repelled me and pushed me away, announcing I was not the daughter I used to be. Their cherry blossom had withered and dyed, becoming nothing more than a withered grey stump.
Escape.
It was the only option. To travel the same path that he had taken; walk through the same gates his revenge-frenzied body had walked through on that evening. As I tightened my freshly slashed Konoha headband to my head, my gaze wandered to my pale reflection in a nearby window. My pink hair – dulled by lack of happiness – hung lankly around my sullen face. Not so much of a flicker of life echoed in it and I turned away, sadness engulfing my lifeless body. My destiny had changed on that critical day. I took one step out of the gates and focused on the long road ahead of me. The village that sat behind me was no longer called home. The world was my comfort.
Rain.
No one was out to grab my arm. No one to tell me I was the reason they were living. No one even so much as remembered my existence. I was the reason parents would call their kids back into their happy homes before shutting the doors in my face. I was the Unforgotten ANBU. The one shinobi that never failed an assassination. The teenage girl that revelled in the thought of bathing in the enemies' blood. I took a dragged step forwards and blinked when a raindrop fell onto my pale nose. More rain continued to fall and I found myself drowning in my sorrows. Even the weather agreed with my feelings. Rain. Nothing could describe what I felt as much as rain did. Falling from nowhere and no matter where it went, it always hit a wall. Gravity denied its freedom, just as he had denied mine.
Relentless.
Blood. I hungered eternally for the crimson liquid that I had gained an undying addiction to. It seemed my victory would arise an unknown emotion that I had not felt for years. As I stepped down the dusty road, I pondered. Would killing so easily be attained as a rouge? I raised my clenched fists to my slashed band and unconsciously my eyes began to quiver. The young girl I had been all those years ago, happily clutching her headband as she celebrating with her parents. It seemed so long ago that I had wanted that one moment of happiness to last forever. Nothing is meant to last forever, eventually the thing that you treasure most will wither and die.
Genin.
My days as a carefree Genin were nothing but simple blurs to me. The cheerful trips to Ichiraku ramen with Naruto and the raven-haired boy, the shameful D-Rank missions that she would complain about. These were nothing but mere emotional ties that pulled me down. I scuffed my shoes along the ground and held the one treasure in my hand tightly. Emotions, bonds, friendship, love, family. Nothing but a waste of time. My face remained expressionless as I turned around the corner. Back-to-back with him and Naruto while defending themselves against thieves, the Chuunin exams where she so bravely fought of the Sound... Each memory stabbed a deeper hole in her heart, threatening to rip it open. I clenched my fists and halted my footsteps when a familiar figure stood in the dark path ahead of me.
Kakashi.
He said nothing as he approached me and I equalled the gesture. It was clear he was observing the obvious slash on my headband and not even disappointment flooded his face. Over the years I had grown to be almost as tall as my ex-sensei and I stared deeply into his onyx orb, ignoring any emotion that may cross his face. I remained emotionless until the end. He lifted my clenched fist and opened it, revealing the tiny necklace. I did not even bother to hide it and he simply lifted his masked face up to gaze at me.
"Stop pretending."
Naruto.
The first voice I had acknowledged in 4 years rung loudly through my ears. I curled my held hand back into a fist. The necklace Naruto had given me 3 days ago had not left my hand. The note he had left with it had etched into my mind, my heart. Come back, Sakura. It had hurt. It had hurt more than any other pain I had felt before. Seeing him for the first time in 3 years only to be told that I had lost myself. That was when I had made my decision. Running. Running was the only way to escape. A touch on my face brought my attention back to my old sensei. He had placed a warm hand onto my sullen cheek. Nothing had felt more unbearably painful then this simple gesture. The first sign or acknowledgment that came from someone other than the target I was supposed to kill.
"Come back, Sakura."
Falling.
Kakashi spoke softly, his own intense eyes showing pure pain. My emotionless mask, held for over 4 years of killing and blood-lust... fell. My head was a raging war between fire and lava, both burning my insides more than the other. My legs caved out, my head suddenly too heavy to be held straight on my tired body. The flames emitting from Naruto's necklace coursed through my entire body, setting alight to nerves and emotions left untouched. Shattered, entangled, broken, distress, grief, misery, torture, agony. So many cooped up feelings being released in one life-crushing moment. I was a failure, a wreck. I was nothing more than a worthless, lovesick teenager.
Comfort.
A pair of warm arms enveloped me and I sobbed into my sensei's shoulder, hot tears flowing down my ill face. Coughs and heavy wracks of breathless cries rung out in the terrible, dead silence as he pulled me close. In one fatal moment, the passive ANBU Sakura had lost her resolve. 4 years of waiting. 4 years of unendurable misery. It had come down to nothing more than pathetic weeping in the arms of a fellow ANBU. A comrade, a friend. Another person I had shoved out of my own world and received nothing but pain in return from it. It was clear why he had found me. He would not have sought me out otherwise. The two words he would utter to me in due time would tear me apart. But not now. I had waited so long to hear it, that it would not even come as a surprise to me anymore.
Forever
Time had stopped. The world had disappeared. Me and Kakashi were all that remained, my dread and pain tipping out of every crack in my body. I had lost everything. My family, my reason to live, my teammates. Not once did I shed a tear since he had left. He was the reason I had been rejected and pushed away... No. I was the reason. A foolish teenager who had dedicated her life to the shinobi due to a crush. That's all it was. One little crush. All the emotions whirred back into my head and as my memories returned, I found my sense had returned with it. Death was the only thing I could bring to people. Fear was the only emotion that followed me. I gripped Kakashi's jacket tighter and held on as though I was about to fall at any moment. I wanted to stay in that dark forest. I wanted to remain in the safety of his arms and the happy memories to overcome my mind.
Return.
Darkness overwhelmed me. I collapsed into my sensei's arms, emotionally drained. The necklace was still resting in my now-open hand and I felt it being slowly removed and then placed around my neck, before I lost consciousness altogether. When I awoke, I was still lying on the floor of the forest on the brink of morning. I felt empty. As though there was nothing to keep suppressed any longer. Sitting up and gazing at the gates of the village I had stepped out of yesterday feeling nothing but pain... it wounded me. It tore me apart to gaze lovingly at the village I had so easily left behind the day before. It was clear why I had been left. I was to make a choice. Run, or stay.
Death
Staggering back to the village. Back home. I had travelled no longer then 60ft away from it and yet it felt like forever since I had been there. I tore the slashed headband from my head and threw it to the ground, heading towards the one place I was certain to find him. Emotions that had not passed through me for 4 years were even more sensitive when they surged through my aching mind. I was on autopilot until I reached his room at the hospital. Opening the door, I felt my familiar mask place itself on my face when I found he was not alone. Kakashi and Naruto sat by the lifeless body, both completely silent. I moved slowly into the room and took a seat in between the both of them, clutching their hands. I felt they had accepted me. Sasuke's pale white face was sleeping peacefully in the hospital bed, his chest frozen. A single tear dropped down my face as I stared at my dead ex-teammate and the cause of all my pain. Agony rushed through me at the thought that Team 7 had been reunited at last under circumstances I wished had not had to be. Kakashi and Naruto followed the shinobi rule and kept their emotions masked. I had done enough of hiding my emotions over the years. Kakashi removed his hand from mine and placed a hand on my bare leg, stroking a thumb across it fleetingly. My swollen throat croaked as I opened my mouth, the first words I had spoken in 4 years expelling themselves and breaking the dreadful silence;
"I'm sorry."
A/N: There you go. I hope you played the music while you were reading it. You may have to restart the song a few times, but it certainly has an effect on you once you begin to read. I thought the worst part was when she walked in and saw Kakashi and Naruto by Sasuke's dead body. I'm aware it's not very romancy, but the subtle gesture Kakashi makes is more then enough for you to understand that she will eventually fall in love with him. I may upload another chapter that covers that part, but only if I get time or find a really sad classical song. Any suggestions are welcome.