Spinning Plates
A/N: I am not supposed to be writing FF any more (ha). I definitely don't write J/C any more. But this is for MissyHissy3… because.
Chakotay pressed his thumb to yet another PADD and tossed it onto the stack to his right, his eyes flicking to the undiminished pile on his left. His shift had ended three hours ago and here he was, still at his desk and still no nearer being finished. It had been one of those days where Voyager's first officer felt as if he had accomplished nothing at all. Truth be told, it was a feeling that had been lingering with increasing weight for weeks.
Every day he got up and went through exactly the same motions. He'd eat breakfast in the mess hall. He'd go to the bridge. He'd check on the duty crew. He'd meet with the department heads. He'd meet with the Captain. He'd plough through yet more reports. He'd finish his shift. He'd eat dinner. He'd read. He'd go to bed. And the next morning it would start all over again. Sometimes he had trouble even remembering what the stardate was.
It seemed extraordinary to Chakotay that on a ship this far from home, in a place so liable to volatility, he could find so little that was of use to do. Some days he struggled to name one thing he'd accomplished in the never-ending roll of hours that constituted the ship's day-to-day business.
Here he was, aboard a ship that more closely mirrored the voyages of the first planet-bound explorers than any other to ever carry a Starfleet crew, and yet Chakotay couldn't shake the idea that he was wasting his time. He should be doing… something. Something of worth, something that actually contributed to this journey. Instead he was standing still, spinning plates while everyone else did the real work. Look at B'Elanna, up to her elbows in the guts of the ship every day, trying to squeeze every last bit of every last element she could from Voyager's pushed-to-the-limit systems. Look at Tom, trying every navigational trick in the book to get them just a light year closer to home a millisecond faster. Look at the life those two were managing to build together, right here on this floating platform in the middle of nowhere. And Chakotay? He counted himself on to a winner if he managed to get the Captain to sit down and eat a hot meal once in 48 hours.
He rubbed a hand over his face and picked up another PADD, eyes scanning the contents with bleary determination. If he didn't get through these tonight, by tomorrow morning they'll have multiplied. Voyager's reports seemed to be akin to unwisely-fed Tribbles in this respect. Look away for a moment and there were ten more of them when you looked back.
The door to his office beeped. Chakotay frowned at the interruption. He really didn't need anything else making tonight even longer. He tried not to let his annoyance into his voice as he called, "Come!"
The door slid open to reveal Kathryn Janeway, one hand on her uniformed hip, the other braced against his doorjamb. He could see that she had a PADD in her hand.
"Commander," she acknowledged, her gaze flickering over his desk. Her mouth was unsmiling, set in a line that gave Chakotay a sudden sense of foreboding.
Chakotay stood. "Captain. Is that for me?" He gestured to the PADD that was braced against her hip. Janeway glanced down at it.
"Actually, I wondered if I could talk to you, Commander. I think in my ready room would be best."
The sense of foreboding grew worse. "Of course, Captain."
She nodded and turned, walking away without checking to see if he was following, which of course he was. She didn't speak again until they had crossed the night-quiet bridge and stepped through her door. Janeway went to her desk and clunked the PADD on it before dropping primly into her seat, waving her hand at the chair on the other side.
"Have a seat, Chakotay. I just wanted to go through a few things from today with you."
"Of course, Captain."
She centred the PADD in front of her and clasped her hands together over it without looking at him.
"I saw Neelix earlier. He said something about Ensign Carter," Janeway began. "I understand you talked to her in the mess hall this morning, is that right?"
Chakotay frowned. He'd almost forgotten about that entirely. "Yes, Captain."
"You weren't on duty at the time?"
He paused. "No, Captain. I was getting breakfast. She was in the queue in front of me."
Janeway looked up at him, her blue eyes watching him steadily. "What do you remember about the exchange?"
Chakotay shifted in his seat. "It… wasn't really an exchange, Captain. I overheard her say something to Neelix, that's all. She seemed… unhappy. I asked her to join me for breakfast."
"What was it she'd said?"
He tried to recall the exact words, but couldn't. "It was her younger sister's birthday. She'd been telling Neelix about a family tradition they had that she'd be missing. She's one of nine siblings, I believe. I got the impression she was feeling a little isolated. Hence my invitation."
"So it was just you and Ensign Carter eating breakfast together?"
Chakotay frowned, not entirely sure or comfortable with where this was going. "No, Captain. I'd arranged to meet B'Elanna to go over an engineering concern before our shift. She joined us a few minutes after we'd sat down."
Janeway flicked up an eyebrow. "Ensign Carter's specialism is in biology, isn't it? Didn't she find your conversation with our chief engineer a little tedious?"
"No, Captain. Actually it sounded as if she had some interesting theoretical insights regarding Voyager's gel packs. When I left she and B'Elanna were arranging to meet again discuss her ideas further."
Janeway nodded. "Did you follow up on that? Or log a report?"
Chakotay frowned again. "No. I didn't think it necessary. It was just something she and B'Elanna were going to discuss over lunch, that's all. Captain – has Ensign Carter made a complaint of some sort? I left the two of them there talking this morning, and she seemed perfectly happy."
Kathryn looked at him. "'Perfectly happy?' But only a few minutes before you said she'd seemed isolated and lonely."
Chaoktay thought back. He clearly remembered seeing Carter smiling up at him as he'd got up to leave the table. Yes, she'd seemed happy. "Talking to B'Elanna obviously helped her, Captain," he said. "Or it was probably more about B'Elanna listening to her, actually. I guess what she needed was to feel… useful. Included."
Janeway nodded, dabbing a finger on the PADD. "I got this from B'Elanna before she went off shift. It's a model suggesting a way of increasing the efficiency of the gel packs by 15 per cent. It includes a report co-written by B'Elanna and Ensign Carter."
Chakotay was surprised. "Looks as if their lunchtime chat yielded some promising results, then."
The Captain smiled slightly. "It does, doesn't it? In fact, I think it deserves a toast, don't you?"
Chakotay watched, perplexed, as she retrieved a small crystal bottle of a viscous amber liquid and two tiny carved glasses. She unstoppered the bottle and poured them both a measure, glancing at him as she did so.
"You haven't seen this, Commander. This bottle does not exist. Understand?"
"Yes… Captain."
She passed him a glass and raised hers in salute. "Cheers."
He paused, turning the glass in his hand. "I'm sorry, Captain, but I'm not entirely sure what's going on. Or indeed, what's been going on for most of the last fifteen minutes."
Janeway pushed herself back in her chair. "We're celebrating a 15 per cent boost in the efficiency of our gel packs, Chakotay. As far as I'm concerned, that's quite an achievement for something that started out as an off-duty act of kindness from a man whose schedule is so cluttered that he's still struggling to leave his desk at…" she checked her chronograph, "22.00 hours."
Chakotay opened his mouth and then shut it again. The Captain watched him carefully.
"Sometimes accomplishment cannot be measured in terms of a single act. Sometimes it cannot even be measured by what we do, but rather by what we enable others to do for themselves," Janeway observed, dropping her gaze to watch her drink swirl around the glass in her hand. "And often those small gestures, pivotal though they are, are lost beneath the bigger ones that are easier to quantify. Wouldn't you agree, Commander?"
She looked up. Their eyes met and held. He was suddenly overcome by the urge to smile, and he did. He took a mouthful of his drink and grinned around the burn that was spreading slowly through his chest.
"Something amusing, Chakotay?"
He shook his head, still smiling. "You, Captain, are an exceptionally clever woman."
She arched an offended eyebrow at him, but below it he could see the twinkle of humour gleaming in her eyes. "And you're just now figuring that out?"
"No," he told her, slowly. "No, I think I'd realised that within the first five seconds of meeting you, Kathryn. But I enjoy seeing the proof of the theory in action, even if it's at my expense."
Janeway let the smile show then, and it lit her face like a star going supernova, so brilliantly that he found himself catching his breath. He'd never get tired of seeing that. Not even if he were to be lucky enough to see it every day for the rest of his life.
"You are essential to me, Chakotay," she said, then, her eyes still holding onto his. The rasp of her voice was so quiet against Voyager's latent hum that he wondered for a moment if they were one and the same. "You are essential to this ship, and to every single member of this crew. What you accomplish every day without even consciously setting out to do so keeps Voyager moving forward. Don't ever forget that. Even if the crew and I sometimes fail to tell you that outright. It will always be true."
Chakotay smiled again. "Thank you, Captain."
"No," she said, softly. "Thank you, Chakotay. Now, I think it's about time you clocked off for the night."
"I've still got-"
"That's an order, Commander. Take a night off. Eat something. Put your feet up. Relax. Start again tomorrow. It'll all still be here in the morning."
Chakotay nodded. "Aye, Captain." He downed the last of his drink and placed his glass on the desk as he stood up. He was half way to the door when he turned back. "Care to join me for something to eat?"
Kathryn glanced down at her desk, where a pile of PADDs similar to the ones she'd made him abandon stood.
"They'll still be there tomorrow," he told her. "Or so someone very smart told me, anyway."
Janeway laughed as she stood. "Touché, Commander. Touché."
[END]