I do not own Inuyasha

Special thanks to The Life Of A Girl for editing. ^^

A/N: I have a feeling that many people don't like Kikyou and it made me want to write this piece. If taking a look at her pov, she's not so bad. Personally I love her character for being independent and strong.

He was mine! Even when I closed my eyes to join the dead, even when I pinned him to the tree to eternal sleep, he was mine. Even in the chaos, when I was hurt, with one foot in death's door, I still loved him. Why else would he have only been sealed when I could have easily killed him?

Inuyasha was mine. I wasn't a possessive person, but I was with him. I never asked for anything and performed my duty with my life, never asking for anything in return.

I masked my weaknesses – threw away all my greed and stood alone, aloft… I never trusted anyone or show any weakness.

How lonely I was.

Because I knew I was responsible for more than just my neck. If I were to die or fail to protect the jewel of the four souls and let it fall into the wrong hand, many, many others would perish and the blood would be on my hands.

Yet I gave up everything for him, including my long time duty, just so I could be with him.

Inuyasha… he was the first man I had come to trust and love and allowed my hard shell to go soft.

Vulnerable.

I had come to love him – whether he was a man, a demon, or a half-demon, he was important enough to me to make all of my selflessness be overridden. I could be normal – be a woman. For the first time in my life… I wanted to be just a normal woman.

For him.

He's the first person I wanted to call mine. Even when my vision dimmed to black and my heart came to a stop, I still believed he was mine.

But I was wrong – he betrayed me!

He chose that girl, Kagome. How could he?

I know it has been fifty years since I died but then he was as good as dead as well – he was sealed to a tree. Yet as soon as he opened his eyes, he changed his mind. He easily fell in love with the girl next to him in only a few months of being with her.

That's just proved how weak his feelings were for me!

That's what hurt me the most. No, what hurt me more than anything was the fact that I still love him, and only him.

Funny how he would always avoided Kagome's eyes after seeing me but he never shows any guilt towards me – even though he had totally betrayed my love. He was my lover and now he loved another girl. He is always with her; day and night, yet he never once considered how I would feel.

He rejected me when he chose Kagome and that was enough. I gave up trying, for I knew he no longer wanted me.

I know my body isn't made of fresh and blood, but so what? If I were in his shoes I would still wanted to be with him – as long as it was him. I would follow him to hell just to be with him!

Why else would I choose to die after I sealed him? But what did he do?

He never even chased after me. Instead, he stayed with his new girl like the good little puppy he was. He was so wishy-washy he couldn't even choose between us and that's exactly what I hated about him.

Kagome too!

The girl acted like she was going to died and "SITs" Inuyasha like crazy just because he saw me! Abused the power she had for personal reason just because she could. I never disrespect Inuyasha like that.

Kagome had no idea how much I wished I could trace place with her. I knew she felt uneasy, but so what? He was hers anyway; she'd gotten what she wanted. He was hers, always – always at her sides and would come running at her call.

All I could do was watching the man I loved, and always would, who had had the change of heart. Each time I saw him, he was drifting father and father away, both physically and emotionally. We never talked anything, but business.

If she were to be in my shoes, I wonder what she would do, being a living doll without a real fresh and blood body. The only man I have ever loved was in love with another woman. All I could do was watch from darkness; not even daring to get close to him and hope that he might still wanted to be with me.

I did not want to know that he had loved another girl.

Kagome was having a normal life; an ordinary girl who could laugh or cry at will without restriction or consequences. She did not have to hide her weakness because there were no enemies who watched her like a hawk, awaiting her mistakes.

She grew up in a warm family and lived a carefree life. She had everything – a body, power, a future and most of all, she had Inuyasha's heart.

Being the girl who went teary and commanded Inuyasha to 'sit' just because he saw me for a brief moment… I wonder what she would do were she in my shoes.

I am a strong person. No, I wasn't strong. Tears were just not my thing. I did not allow myself to cry even when I was killed by Inuyasha, (the fake Inuyasha) the man I loved.

I wasn't strong, but I had always buried my weaknesses. I didn't want to be rejected outright when I already know who Inuyasha had chosen. I would not humiliate myself by begging for the lover who no longer loved me.

Being pitied.

Yes, pride. The only thing I had left that would make me looked strong. Of course I wasn't strong, but I did not have a choice. What choice did a dead girl have?

I put all my strength into defeating Naraku, the true enemy who had ruined my life.

I acted as tough as I could and hid my true feelings. Every time I met Inuyasha, I never stayed long and would quickly leave him – leave him before my weak heart would betray me and I would wind up begging for his love and attention, confessing my true feelings, let loose the restriction of my heart and tell him how much I still loved and wanted to be with him. The sight of him alone made my heart ache.

But I would never tell a soul.

The knowledge that he now loved another girl was like a blade.

"I know Inuyasha can never forget Kikyo and I accept that as a part of him," Kagome said.

Don't be too cruel!

You have everything including his heart. All left of him for me is his memory. Don't take that away too. Don't make me disappear from him like I was never a part of his life. Let him keep that part that was ours, the time when his heart beat for me and me alone. The part that's mine.

Mine.

Don't you dare take that away…

.

"You have come for me and that's enough," I told him before I died the second time. It wasn't a lie for I already knew this day would come.

Our departure.

But deep down I still wanted every part of him for myself, even though I knew I could not have him. I loved him, just seeing his sad face was enough to make me want to stay. Even if I was not made out of fresh and blood but bone and soils, even if I was cold instead of warm, I still wanted to be by his side.

I loved him enough to leave him behind. The same love that saved his life the first time I died. I wanted him to have a happy family – a family I could never have with him. Even if it was with another woman I wanted him to be happy.

"Don't cry," he heard my voice as my body floated up and turned into dust.

What he did not heard was my silent heart pleading to him, begging him,

"Don't forget me."

J, Thanks for the review. Since you reviewed as a guest, there's no way for me to pm you back so I am answering you here. First of all, sorry about the grammars. And thanks for pointing them out. I now have The Life Of A Girl fixed it :D

I mean to say Independent, not indecent. I have the habit of writing at night and updates right before going to bed. :) I fixed it

You have many good points here. But love often made people act childish. Also Kikyou has always been living as an adult and not given the chance to be childish or selfish. she is very strong, but i think she has weakness too. She just never showed them.

I think people are looking at the story from Kagome Pov so we don't feel Kikyou's side of the story as much. Since Kagome is the first to be introducing to us, win our hearts, when Kikyou appears, she makes people feel like she is the third wheel.

"I know Inuyasha can never forget Kikyo and I accept that as a part of him," it's not the exact line because I don't know where exactly the line is. I just remember she say something like that and I think it's okay since it has the same meaning. Sorry for those who want the specific line.

I am glad that you concluded that you liked the story. ^_^ That means a lot to me. Once again, thanks for pointing out the flaws.

(published Nov, 6, 2012, Edited, Jan 28, 2013)