Just for the record: I don't own this show. Wish I did, but Dick Wolf won't return my calls regarding making a purchase. Which is really too bad, because I wouldn't mind taking Goren home with me. The man has an inch shy of two feet on me, so that could be fun.....anyway, while I pause to collect my increasingly bad, bad, thoughts, just let me say that I am not making any money off of this effort.
Enjoy, and if you don't review, I'll.....I'll come up with something, trust me.
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Discussion
Alexandria Eames was sitting in front of her vanity mirror, staring into its glassy surface as though it held the answers to all of he questions. She fiddled nervously with her hair, forgetting momentarily that she had only sat down to remove her earrings so that she could go to bed without the wires poking her in the head or neck. It was clear that she was, in fact, preoccupied with something, as her fingers began to drum on the smooth surface of the table top, faster and louder until she slammed her palms flat out in a motion of exasperation. The words, which she had, hitherto, kept inside her head, bubbled forth, as she began to speak to her reflection in the mirror.
"Why, for the love of God, can I not have a normal partner? Would that really have been so hard?" Her hands motioned in petition as she raised her eyes upward.
"Really, why did I end up with a man with a computer for a brain? Do you have any idea how worthless I feel sometimes? If it weren't for the fact that he's a genuinely decent human being, I might be tempted to strangle the man.... with the aid of a chair."
"Come on, what do I have to do just to get a little credit." Alex was really getting animated now, and her arms were flailing to emphasis her points. "If I have to be the bait one more time because of a "hunch".... it's just that Goren is right too damn much, if he would only screw up once and a while, it would be harder to hate him. It might make him human." She began to ramble, as she peered intensely at her image in the glass.
"I don't know, maybe he is human...take away the quick mind and the nice suits and all you have left is-"
*A guy who would look great in a loin-cloth*
Alex looked around, half expecting to see someone in the room with her. "Who said that?"
*The unconscious part of your mind, dearie. Do you remember your Freud?*
"I do, but what-"
*I house all of your suppressed urges. Especially those urges centered around a certain Detective Goren* The prim voice then let out an unladylike snicker, and Alex felt herself turn red.
*Where do you think all of your hostility is coming from, hum? You want him, have no idea how to get him, and as a consequence, you vent your frustration at Goren.*
"Fine, I'll give you that one-but I haven't actually vented at him, more like, exploded into general rantings when I get home." She stuck her tongue out to punctuate.
The voice sighed impatiently, as though dealing with a slow child. *That as true, but don't you think that your behavior toward him may have, well, changed?"
"Changed how?" Alex was getting suspicious now. "You don't mean to tell me that I'm being obvious, do you? I'm too collected to let that happen."
*Yes, dear, and pigs can fly. You can't look him in the eye anymore, and you blush every time he smiles at you. I would say that hiding your feelings is no longer an option open to you.*
Alex was speechless, knowing that it was all true. That didn't keep her, however, from trying to argue. "Where to you get off telling me how I should run my emotional life? I can live with being miserable, just as long as he doesn't find out and I don't get embarrassed." Her hairbrush flew across the room as she flung her arms in protest. It smacked up against her nightstand and she jumped.
The voice laughed a rather indecorous guffaw. *Seriously, you work with a perceptive genius, and you mean to tell me that you think he doesn't already know? Please, don't make me laugh.*
Alex responded grumpily. "You already did."
*Sorry* Snicker *Self-control problems* Snicker *As your unconscious mind, I should know better, but I'll assume right now that you have no idea just how funny you sound.*
"Okay, if he knows, which I'm not going to admit that he does, why hasn't he said anything?"
*Goren is a gentleman, he probably doesn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. Either that, or he's getting his jollies watching you squirm. Both interpretations work, although-*
This time it was the voice's turn to be cut of by a petulant Alex. "Although if it's the second one, I'm gonna slap him."
*Almost what I was going to suggest, except more violent. Actually, if you relax around him, that might help you open up more.*
"I was thinking that I could just jump him when I pick him up tomorrow morning and end the suspense right there and then. He might be shocked, but you can bet that I would enjoy it." Her face brightened and she grinned impishly at her double in reverse. "What do you think he would do?"
*I cannot be assured of what he would do, but if you "jump him" as you seem so eager to do, I think that you might end up scaring him, and, unless I miss my guess, that is not what you intend to do. Try being friendly and open. Flirt if you feel that you must, but do not do anything rash, as much as you might like to. Getting past the part of him that thinks is going to be hard, but I know you. I have faith.*
"Nice speech-you sound like my mother back when I was in high school, only she would have killed me if I had mentioned "jumping" anyone. I heard that a million times and never listened once. You need to work on your spiel, because I don't think that I can flirt with him without feeling like an ass. I'm going to end up acting all weird around him-"
*Like you do now?*
"Yeah, but about ten times worse, because after this, I'm going to be thinking about what a linguine spine I am. Then he'll ask me what's wrong, and Goren can always tell when anyone is lying. I'd feel awful lying to him anyway. This isn't going to work, and now I want to cry." She crossed her arms on the vanity table and laid her head on them.
*Stop being so dramatic. Just be nice to him. Men like it when women are nice, and in this case, you're not a suspect or anyone else who would have something to potentially gain by sucking up-not that I think you should suck up. Just show the man that you are interested. I don't know how much plainer I can make it. Smile, start making eye contact again. If all else fails, ask him to go to lunch with you.*
"You aren't going to leave me alone, are you?"
*No, I'm not. I, quite frankly, am tired of listening to you mentally lament not having the courage to make a move. You know how to take a direct order, and I am giving you one. Ask him to lunch. I don't care where, but you had better do it, just as long as Deakins is nowhere around.* That made Alex smile, the man would be nonplussed, she was sure. *If you don't, I may have to do it, and you don't want me asking anyone to do anything.* The voice was very matter-of-fact.
"Why not?"
*Remember how I said that I represent all of your suppressed urges?*
"Uh-huh."
*I can see to it that you act on some of the less work appropriate ones.* If Alex hadn't know better, she would have sworn that she could sense a hint of a Cheshire Cat smile.
*On that note, I think that you had better go to bed.*
Alex nodded. *Do I have a promise that you will do talk to him so that I won't have to?*
"Yes, but I'm not going to like it."
*Yes you will, you know you will, and if you don't I shall tease you. It's not very becoming, or mature, but you need a kick in the pants. I'm finished being your therapist for the evening. Now go to bed.* The voice brooked no objection now. *Good night*
"Good night.", Alex muttered as she pulled herself up and climbed into bed. She was going to need her sleep, because tomorrow was going to be one hell of a day.
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